Chapter Nine: No Voice To Be Heard.
We made it home safely that night and we settled into my house that morning with heavy eyelids. We knew we had to stay away all day today to make up for the jet lag but it was going to be a struggle. Old reruns of Sportsbeat and Sports Center made it a little easier for us to cope with being up for almost a day and a half but nothing really seemed to help the sick feeling we both had floating in our stomachs most of the day.
Geno stopped by later that day to drop off Mischa and she happily ran to Sidney and scaled his jeans like nothing. Curling up with us, she seemed a perfect fit into our day and she kept us amused most of the rest of the day, chasing her tail and doing crazy dives off the arm of the love seat. For the most part we stayed together, only leaving each others’ side for a few minutes to make some more coffee. Sometime that night, I’m not exactly sure when, we fell asleep on the couch.
I woke up early the next morning to a note from Sidney and a warm fleece blanket tossed over me. Mischa was sleeping soundly on the arm of the couch and she stayed still as I sat up, though I saw her peaking through one eye at me. She was an all around good faker. I patted her head as my eyes adjusted to the ever changing light that was shining brightly through the window next to the couch. Finally I was awake enough to read the note and I held it back from my face so that I could make out the scribbles that were Sidney’s handwriting.
‘I went home for a little while. I have to go to practice later so I’ll see you there, babe. Love You ♥. -Sidney. P.S. My parents called this morning. They want to know if we’ll come to Halifax this weekend. I said I’d run it by you since that’d be… Tomorrow. Taylor says it doesn’t matter what day it is, everyday’s a weekend in the summer. Talk to you soon.’
I read the note again and sighed as Mischa rose from her early grave and jumped eagerly over to greet me, licking at my hands and face. I picture her up and held her in one hand, watching those blue eyes tracing me over without a care in the world. She was defiantly a beautiful cat. Grey like a normal Russian with those piercing blue eyes that seemed to see into your soul with the strange exception that her paws were white. All of them. Like she was wearing small pairs of fluffy white socks.
“What do you think, Mischa? You think we should go see Sidney’s parents?” I asked, sitting her down in my lap and petting her while she purred loud as thunder in a desolate valley. She looked up at me and her tail began to swish back and forth. It sort of reminded me of a coo-coo clock my gram had in her kitchen. “Think about it Mischa. You’d get to see his family and meet his little sister. And you’d get to up show his dog.”
“MEEEEWWWW!” she mewed in a sharp tone which I took to mean something along the lines of ick. I smiled and kissed her head.
“I think we should go. We can stop by Thunder Bay on the way back and maybe take that trip to Calgary. Sound good?” I asked, and again she mewed in what seemed to be protest as she chewed my hand. “Oh stop, Mischa. You can come this time.” And then she stopped. I put her down on the couch and headed back to my room. I got some fresh clothes and a shower before coming back and feeding her. Checking the time I saw that it was now almost ten. I had to be at practice around ten thirty.
I drove there quietly and made it in record time as the streets today seemed to be particularly desolate. I saw Sid’s car beside Max, Marc and Jordan’s but they seemed to be the only ones here. Not surprising. Summer practice was more along the lines of the guys screwing around on ice together. Whoever showed up showed up.
I walked inside and caught the guys on their way to get some sodas from the machine. Jordan ran over and hugged me, picking me up and kissing my cheek.
“Easy there, Jordy. I missed you too.” I said as he sat me down and smiled widely at me. I saw Sidney roll his eyes as he got a Gatorade out of the soda machine. Marc and Max had already joined Jordan in greeting me and I gave them each a kiss on the cheek and a warm hug.
“How was LA, petite bijou?” Max asked, opening his Dr. Pepper. I smiled and took a quick glance down towards my right hand, seeing the shimmering rings on my finger before answering.
“It was good. We won the game, Sid got an award. Pretty well if I say so myself.” I told them as we walked into the locker room. I saw that their stuff was already put away and knew they had to have been just done with playing.
“I heard you got a job offer. Glad you’re staying though.” Jordan said, offering me a seat on his lap. I turned to Sidney and punched his shoulder lightly.
“Do you tell them everything about my life?” I asked, watching a smile creep onto his face.
“Well not everything. Just the important stuff.” he answered easily, sitting down on the bench opposite to Jordan’s. I wrinkled my nose at him and took a seat next to Marc.
“Well, Jordy, I’m glad I’m staying too. I’d miss you guys.” I said quietly, looking over at Jordan’s shining eyes. His face almost split in two.
“So are you planning on spending any of your time away from Wonder Boy or don’t we get a chance to see you on our vacation?” Max asked, taking a drink of his soda with a wry smile in his eyes.
“I’d love to have movie night again sometime.” Marc threw in, giggling as he drank his Gatorade. I looked between Marc, Max and Jordan and the look was the same on all of their faces. I knew I’d been neglecting them. But Sidney was my boyfriend. Then again, that was no reason to forget my friends.
“Sure. We can make some plans to go out and stuff. Maybe a little later though, I’m trying to figure out what the next few weeks holds..” I trailed off, glancing over at Sidney, who perked up immediately.
“You read my note?” he asked, taking a drink.
“Yeah. I dunno, I’m still a little nervous.” I told him, “And I had an idea. I have my tickets to Calgary and I was suppose to go see Marc so why don’t we go see my family first and then you can go home early and see your family for a while and I can go visit the farm. I’ll meet up with you in Halifax.” I proposed, watching the gears in his head begin turning. He smiled at me eventually and nodded.
“God, more plans with Sidney? At this rate we’ll be missing out on so much we won’t be able to catch up.” Jordan complained. Sidney laughed heartily watching the confused look on Jordan’s face as he did so. “What?”
“Didn’t you listen to her at all?” Sid asked through his high pitched laughing voice. I smiled. Jordan was always pretty oblivious.
“I was listening! I pay attention!” Jordan protested, thinking back over what I’d just said with a blank expression. “Wait… who’s farm are you going to?”
“Yours, Silly!” I said, hitting him in the arm. I ruffled his hair and he smiled, obviously excited.
“Seriously!! Oh that’s great! I have to go back so I’m there when you get there!!! This is gonna be so much fun!” he squealed like a little girl before her first sleep over. I sat my right hand on his and he held it excitedly.
“Why does Jordy’s family get you and we don’t?” Max asked, hurt. I wasn’t really listening though, I was busy paying attention to Jordan, who had just discovered my rings. He twisted them around on my finger gently and looked up at me, curious. I didn’t say anything, I just glanced over to Sidney who was slightly pink now.
“Anniversary gifts?” Jordan asked quietly, looking back over at me with a raised eyebrow. I nodded gently and he smiled. “Beautiful.”
“Let me see, bijou!!!” Max squealed in a girly voice. I laughed as he looked down at the rings that were now being twisted in Jordan’s fingers. He squeaked happily and kissed my cheek, sitting down between Marc and I; leaving Sidney completely alone across the locker room. And finally in the comical tension that loomed in the air Marc finally said what we were thinking.
“Why don’t you buy us nice stuff like that?” he whined girlishly, leading to a chorus of howling laughter. I shook my head and stood up after it died out and they began to get ready to leave; walking to Sidney and kissing his lips lightly. He held me there for a minute, trailing the kiss on and
on before letting me go.
“Where’re you going?” he asked, knowing that he wouldn’t get a kiss unless I was leaving. It was uncanny how easily he could read my mind now.
“Home for a little while and maybe out to lunch. I owe Geno.” I said, “Call me later?”
“Definitely. Have fun.” he answered, kissing me again before I turned to leave, waving gently to everyone else and earning a group goodbye.
><><><Sid’s POV><><><
I watched Bernie leave with a strange pulling in my chest. Every time she left my side I felt strange, like a part of me was missing. I didn’t remember ever feeling that way before we’d gotten together but now it was almost a daily thing. I didn’t realize however that I’d been staring after her, though.
“Are you lost in the twilight zone or what?” Max asked, watching me quietly.
“Huhn….? Oh, no, just thinking is all.” I said, attempting to write off my drifting stare. It was a failed attempt.
“Thinking about what, mon ame?” Marc asked more than said, looking up at me as he finished packing up his hockey stuff.
“I dunno…….” I told him gently. It was the only real reply I had. I didn’t really know what else to tell him. I couldn’t explain the pull in my chest and I surely couldn’t expect them to understand or explain it to me.
“Oh come on. You have to know what you’re thinking!” Jordan exclaimed through laughter. I turned to him and stared, not at him but sort of threw him, not focusing really.
“I just……. I dunno….. I’ve got the strangest most amazing feeling.” I replied in semi-answer to his exclamation.
“What?” Max asked, slightly confused by my statement. I don’t blame him. I was more confused than he was and I was the one talking. I ran my hands through my hair and stared towards the ground thoughtfully, listening to the silent tension building as they waited for me to speak.
“What do you do when you’re in love?” I asked quietly in a half whisper, “How does it feel?”
“What do you mean how does it feel? Haven’t you ever been in love before?” Max asked, taking a swig of his Gatorade and staring at me like I was a mad man. He was the one that was mad. Mad as a damned hatter.
“I’ve dated people and had crushes but I don’t ever think I’ve been in love…” I trailed off, thinking back as far as I could with the girls I’d dated. I’d never felt anything like this before.
“Whatever, dude. You’ll figure it out. Come on, Jordan, we gotta make sure we meet Kris on time. Later guys.” Max said, waving to us. I waved back feebly and was left alone with Marc, who took a seat next to me. Maybe now I’d get some answers.
“Love…. Love feels like butterflies. It’s that warm feeling you get when you do something good for someone else. It’s a chill that makes you catch fire…… It’s wonderful.” Marc’s voice was almost comforting in the quiet. I’d been wrestling with what I was feeling for the last few days, unsure of myself in unknown territory. I’d always known what I was doing; what I was getting myself into. Not this time. I hadn’t a clue.
“But I feel like…. I dunno. I feel like every time she leaves something’s missing. Like something’s been taken away. Everything’s…….. I don’t know. I’m so confused. There’s a pull in my heart like I shouldn’t ever let her leave me.”
“That’s love, mon ame. That’s what love feels like.” Marc said, patting my back, “And the only thing you can do now is make sure that feeling doesn’t go away.”
“Yeah…….. Thanks Marc. I’m gonna go see if I can’t catch up with her and Geno and get some lunch.” I said, standing up and grabbing my bag before Marc put a hand on my wrist gently.
“As much as you should keep her around and be in love you have to let her go too. She’s not going to run from you, Sidney. She loves you just as much. Maybe more. Come get lunch with me today.” he said easily. I pondered what he’d said for a moment and ultimately agreed that he was right. And so I waited until he was done getting ready to go out to lunch with him.
We headed out to this little French restaurant outside of town and were enjoying our meal when Marc rolled his eyes at something or someone that was behind me.
“What?” I asked, continuing to enjoy my sandwich.
“One of Bernie’s ex’s is here. I never liked him. Gave me the creeps.” Marc said between bites of his noodles. I raised an eyebrow, not bothering to look behind me. It didn’t matter who she’d dated before. She was with me now. That’s all I cared about.
“Who?” I asked nonchalantly, not really caring about or needed an answer from him; though he seemed apt and ready to give me one.
“Zachary Borodon.” Marc said with a sour tone. I felt the hairs on my neck prickle at that name. Zachary. The boy that had given Bernie nightmares for weeks. The man who’d shot such terror into her heart that she quivered in my arms at night and refused to let me sleep at home for a month. He made me sick and I’d never even met him. I turned around and shot a glance around the café, looking for someone who seemed odd or out of place.
“What’s he look like anyway, Marc?” I asked, turning back to him. He made a sick face and shot a glance behind me.
“He’s wearing a Fox hoodie, black shirt and light jeans. Sandy hair. He’s not that far away from us, actually.” Marc answered, obviously relishing every moment he had to look at him. He looked back to his food and tried to maintain his happy demeanor. I turned back around and found him immediately with another boy that looked much like him.
“Who’s that with him?” I said more than asked, eating more of my food to look nonchalant.
“His brother Jeremy. They’re not that close but from what I’ve gathered Jeremy’s a good kid. He and Bernzie are still friends.” he said quietly, “Why? You’re not thinking of bothering with them, are you Sid?”
“I dunno. He really scares her, Marc.” I told him, “She was a mess after she saw him at the movies. She had nightmares for so long. I think she still does; just keeps them from me.”
“Nightmares?” Marc asked in semi-disbelief, “He’s not that big a creeper.”
“I dunno. Maybe she just gets really freaked by him. I’ll leave him alone, though. It’s nice to know what he looks like so I know to avoid him if I see him. Come on, I gotta go give Sammy a bath.”
“Your dog come home with you this time around?” Marc asked through a mouthful of noodles.
“Yeah. Mom and Dad said she was getting depressed so I brought her in for a while. Taylor thought it’d give me a reason to come home.” I said, standing up and leaving money and a generous tip on the table.
“I don’t think Mischa will like that.” he joked as we walked away. I had the insane feeling that someone was watching me, boring holes in the back of my head with their gaze, but I avoided turning at all costs.
“She’ll learn to deal with it cause I’m not planning on giving up Bernie or Sammy.” I said sarcastically as we walked towards our cars, “I’ll catch up with you later, Marc.”
“Alright, later Sid.” Marc called over from his car. I felt better knowing that Marc knew what I was feeling for Bernie. I felt better knowing that he could explain this all to me. He’d had a girlfriend since before I could ever remember knowing him. He and Vero had been on each other’s arms for what seemed like forever. I kind of almost hoped that Bernie and I would end up like them. Talk about a dream come true.
><><><>Bernie’s POV<><><><>
I sat at home around five hours after I’d left the rink. Geno had been here and gone, having to go and visit with his girlfriend and have dinner. And so I was left with Mischa, a comfy couch and some sweats. I’d put in a movie, House of a 1000 Corpses and was enjoying the shrill cries of a girl getting murdered by Odis, a main character, when I heard the front door open. I didn’t bother looking away from the screen. Personally I didn’t think I had enough strength to move. I was really tired today.
“Babe?” Sid’s voice cut the air that was being filled by screams.
“Yeassss?” I replied, looking down at Mischa, who was laying beside me on the couch enjoying the movie. I heard Sidney come around the corner but didn’t bother looking over. I pulled my legs in closer to me so that he could sit down and I felt the couch shifting as he did just that.
“Movie day? What, did Geno cancel on you?” he asked quietly, one hand on my lower leg. I finally met his eyes and they shimmered in the light, almost smiling at me.
“Nah. He was here. He just had to go out with Oksana so I decided to watch a movie.” I explained, sitting up to Mischa’s displeasure. She didn’t look at me for too long though, watching the movie with ever growing eyes.
“I see.” he half whispered, putting his arm around me as I leaned into him. “What movie’s this?”
“What movie’s this?!” I asked in surprise, “You’ve never seen House of a 1000 Corpses!?”
“Nope. Never even heard of it.” he answered gently, cuddling up to me.
“It’s a Rob Zombie film.” I said, praying that would jog a memory somewhere.
“That explains it. I don’t listen to much metal.” he said as easily as he could, as if telling me a dark secret. My eyes got wide.
“Will you stay and watch it with me? It’s really good. Classic Horror.” I tempted him, watching his ever flickering eyes as they traced over the scenes passing on the screen. He was just as enchanted as Mischa was for a moment.
“Sure. A good movie with my girlfriend is not something I’ll pass up too easily.” He replied, kissing my head. I smiled and pressed the menu button, starting the movie over again. Mischa whined but soon fell asleep as the movie played over. Eventually somewhere around the last few scenes I fell asleep in Sidney’s arms, too tired to keep watching. I woke up the next morning in bed with Sidney beside me, snoring softly with his hair tussled about his face.
“Sid?” I asked, shaking him a little bit. It was ten o’ clock after all, “Sidneyyy.”
“Hmmm?” he whined, still half asleep. A wicked smile crossed my face and I kissed his shoulder lightly, followed by his neck and his lips.
“Wake up.” I whispered softly, watching his eyes flutter open and look me over.
“Mmm… baby, you are the most beautiful sight to open my eyes to in the morning.” he said in just as soft a voice. I smiled as he kissed my lips, eyes still half closed.
“You keep telling me.” I said gently, looking away from him as he ran his fingers through my messy hair.
“But it’s true. I’ve never felt this love for anyone else. You’re a beautiful, wonderful person.” his voice was sincere and it made my face flush pink. “You’re a lovely, loving person. You’re graceful and intelligent and generous and….”
“And that’s where I’m going to make you stop.” I requested, putting my hand on his mid way through it’s journey through my hair. “I know you see all that in me but I don’t always see myself that way. I’m not as perfect as you make me out to be.”
“I don’t see what could possibly be wrong with you.” he whispered, “I’ve been around you long enough to know that you’re not a bad person.”
“I’m…….. definitely not as wonderful as you think.” I answered, now wrestling with personal demons that had been flying around inside me for what felt like, and possibly could have been, years.
Sidney sat up on one arm and looked down at me, seeming a little concerned, “What’s wrong? What’d I say?” he asked, obviously feeling the vibes I was throwing off.
“I just………. I have a lot of things I have to deal with.” I said, trying my best to avoid falling into a rage or worse into tears.
“Well… let me help. I promise I won’t say anything until you’re done. I just want to help you.” he whispered, taking my hand, “You just…….. You’re face is so pale and you’re eyes are dull and I can’t say as I’m not worried.”
“I…… I can’t.” I said, pulling back and rolling over, not wanting him to watch me if I started crying. I’d always been touchy about my feelings. But he didn’t give in, even this early in the morning, and his arm pulled me back towards him. I tried to pull away but he was definitely stronger than me and he kept me in one place. Finally, after wrestling with everything I’d bottled up inside I began to cry. I quivered in Sidney’s arms and he loosened his hold on me, rolling me back over towards him easily now with no resistance.
“Babe….. Aw baby don’t cry………” he whispered, kissing my tears away, “I didn’t want to make you cry…….”
“It…….. I-it’s not you……” I said through my shaking, “It’s…….. I’m just…….. I kept everything inside…………. And it hurts……..”
“What hurts? What could you have done to make you hurt so badly?” he asked, “You’re not a bad person.”
I felt a sharp stab to my heart. “I’m not a bad person? I’m not a bad person?” I questioned through a rough voice, “Well then tell me why it hurts so bad. Explain it to me because I don’t understand.”
“Baby that’s not what I meant. You have to explain this all to me. I don’t know what’s hurting you.” he said, sitting up and pulling me along with him.
“Where should I start……..” I said, voice barely above a whisper now.
“From wherever the pain hurts worst.” he answered, treading on thin water with his word choice. I almost laughed.
“There isn’t enough time in the day.” I said sharply, almost cutting. He didn’t flinch back as most everyone else had and it stopped me in my tracks. That was my only defense against other people. I didn’t let them in, I iced them out. It was the only defense I’d ever needed. No one had tried to get passed it. Sidney, however, seemed ready to scale the icy mountain and get to the warm meadow.
“I’ve got weeks. Months if it takes that long. I’ve got no where else that’s more important to me than right here.” he said quickly, catching me obviously off guard. And suddenly everything behind the floodgate rushed out and I fell into things I hadn’t thought about for years.
“When I was ten I broke Colby and his girlfriend up because she had an attitude problem. Riley still doesn’t know that I stole his fuzzy socks after Christmas because I was really cold in the basement. When I was fourteen I dated a guy that was at least nineteen and told my parents he wasn’t. I took a vacation to California with my ex and didn’t tell anyone about it. I’ve told off people I didn’t even know because they made me angry. I have a serious vengeance problem. I can’t help but get revenge on people who treat others rotten. I hated it when Colby and Melissa got together and tried to break them up once. I’m insecure about my hockey skills because Riley once told me that my shots were pathetic. Colby tormented me constantly with his friends when I used to sing in my room. I can’t listen to my mom and dad talking about when I was six because I was a rotten brat all that year…” I burst out. Sidney laughed a little and I pulled out of his arms, shocked at him. I’d confided some of the things I’d never said to anyone else and he was laughing. He stopped immediately and kissed me, distracting me from everything I’d been thinking.
“Just because you did those things…….. That doesn’t make you bad. That makes you human.” he whispered, “That’s one of the things I love about you. You’re my species.”
“That’s not what hurts. Those are things I’ve been holding in…” I stammered, “When I was seventeen I had a dog. And I loved him so much. He was the cutest thing. A puggle. And I took him everywhere with me and we got along so well. One day I went to the store to buy him food and I left him in the car. I thought I cracked the door and I hadn’t and when I came back he was dead.”
“It was an accident.” Sidney assured me, holding me tight, “You didn’t know you hadn’t left the window down.”
“But I could’ve checked! I could’ve made sure!” I screamed into his chest with a feeble voice. He kept hold of me, running his fingers through my hair.
“This isn’t what the problem is, is it?” he asked gently, staring into my teary eyes. His were firm and understanding, peering into the deepest part of my soul and poking my inner self. He knew there was more there and for that I commended him. No one else had ever known. And from then on something clicked in my mind. I realized all in a second that he really did care as much as he said and he believed everything he’d ever said about me one hundred percent. He didn’t care about anything that had happened if it didn’t bother me but he took whole hearted interest in making sure that things that did bother me were taken care of. I realized that I could talk to him about anything. It was a huge relief.
“No…..” I answered, tears still falling down. His eyes softened and he kissed my head.
“You can tell me, honey. I won’t tell anyone. I just don’t want to see you like this.” he whispered, running a hand over the back of my head and down my back.
“You’re not going to……… You’re going to think less of me……….. I know….” I said through tears that had multiplied some how.
“No I won’t. You have my word.” he said firmly, taking my hand, “It’s okay.”
“I was the reason Luc died…..” I said, finally jumping the last canyon of fear in my mind. I felt Sid tense and then loosen up again.
“No you aren‘t. He crashed his bike. There was nothing anyone could have done.” he told me. I stopped him though, pushing him away from me.
“No, Sidney! You don’t understand! Colby, Riley and I were with Kris and Luc at Luc’s house. He’d asked me to airbrush his bike. I was painting it and I bumped something and I heard something moving in the mechanics of it. I told him but he said it was nothing and that something must’ve moved in the garage. And he didn’t have it out of the garage for a few days and the last time he rode was…………” I trailed off, crying harder than I’d ever cried before. I was quivering like a leaf in a hurricane. I felt Sidney’s arms wrap me up and for once, though I wished he was far away from me, I took solace in being wrapped up in his protective arms.
“You did not kill Luc. He was in an accident with someone else. It was not your fault.” he whispered in a calm tone, though I could feel him shaking, “It was not you. You are not someone capable of killing anyone, accidentally or not.”
“But Sidney…..” I said, unable to complete a sentence. He held me for a long time until my tears seemed to dry up where they fell.
“You are not a bad person no matter what you say. All those little things that hurt you, they don’t mean a thing now. Look at you. You’re a successful, beautiful woman who’s working a job that she loves. You have a wonderful family and great friends and you’re not in a bad situation. You’re not those things. They don’t make you less of a person. They make you who you are. Everyone does things they’re not proud of, things they keep inside. But you have to understand that none of that matters now. That’s your past. You aren’t living there. You’re living in the present. You’re living in a time when those things matter but they don’t mean much. It’s just things that made you you. Those are memories of times when you may have done bad things. But you’re not doing those things now. You’re not stealing your brother’s socks. You’re not going to just go out and kill animals for fun. And you’re not going to kill one of your closest friends on a whim. You are, as much as you’re going to deny it, a wonderful person. And no matter what you say or think about yourself I will always hold that to be the truth because the side of you I’m seeing and that I’ve seen tells me it’s true.” he explained as I began to stop shaking. I sat with him for a long time, feeling him gently rocking me back and forth and holding me tight to his chest. And finally after a long silence, I wrapped my arms around him, holding him gently to me.
“How did this happen……” I questioned, not realized I’d said it until Sidney spoke up.
“How did what happen?” he asked, not letting go.
“How did I find someone so understanding?” I replied under my breath, looking up at him. His eyes traced over my tear stained face and he seemed to feel some sort of deep rooted pain. It shot through his eyes like a rocket. “You have so much faith that I’m a good person. You believe in me so much. You don’t take anything I’ve done like it was bad. You’re so…….”
He cut me off, kissing me lightly. I felt my thoughts leave me for a minute as he pulled away. “You aren’t the lucky one here. I am lucky to have become friends with your brother. And I do believe it because it’s true. You’re as human as me and you’ve made mistakes…” he trailed off, leaning his head on mine, “And I can’t help but feel special for being the one you shared your feelings with.”
“I love you so much..” I whispered, watching a smile cross his face.
“I love you too. And I’m really glad you trust me.” he answered, staring into my eyes gently, “Come on. We’ve got things to do. Time to move on.” I smiled and nodded as he pulled away from me, laughing while I made faces at myself in the mirror that sat on my desk.
“Ewwwhh.” I whined, picking through my make up.
“What? I think you’re beautiful.” he said, looking down into he mirror and meeting the reflection of my eyes. I laughed half heartedly and picked up some foundation.
“I think you’re crazy. Get outta here.” I said, shoving him playfully away. He headed toward the bathroom and I knew then that the next few weeks would be interesting to say the least.
We stayed around Pittsburgh for a few days, hanging out with Marc, Max and Eric and occasionally hitting a movie with Geno. Maddie’s hockey tournament served very amusing for us and a fun few days with her took up most of our time. More than once Max or Marc joined us when we went to go and visit her. I continued to coach my hockey team but the assistant coach agreed to take over for a while so that I could enjoy my summer with the cup.
Around a week after our seven month we decided to take the trip to Calgary together. We made the journey and crashed in the hotel early the first day, sight seeing then visiting my parents and brothers the next day. All in all we spent around four days in Calgary with my family before we departed for our various destinations. Saying goodbye to Sidney at the airport felt a little odd and Mischa had a few things to say about it but I paid her no mind as I boarded my plane to Thunder Bay, Ontario.
I felt a little strange being alone but it was sort of nice to have time to myself and as I landed I knew that no one knew I was coming. Well, no one except Jordan, who had agreed to not say anything to anyone else. He didn’t know what day I was coming after all. It was only after I landed and got into my rental car that I realized what day it was at all. It was August third. Sidney’s birthday was in three days. I couldn’t believe I’d almost forgotten. I’d have to get Jordan to help me with a present. But for now I just had to get to their farm.
“Where are you headed off to, Bernie?” the woman who met me with my rental car asked. It startled me for a moment that she knew my name but then again my team had won the Stanley cup. We’d been immortalized forever. No surprise she knew who I was.
“Well I’m looking to visit the Staal’s.” I said easily, putting my stuff in the back of the trunk. She smiled.
“You interested in the Staal boys, aye?” she asked, getting into the driver’s seat. I laughed and got in beside her. She seemed very very well mannered and I enjoyed her company as she started the car. I could hear Mischa complaining from my purse as she popped her head out, causing the woman to laugh. “And who’s this?”
“This is Mischa.” I answered, “I got her from Geno on my birthday. She’s a cutie.” I said, scratching her behind the ears.
“She is.” the woman answered, “I’m Angela by the way.”
“Nice to meet you. You already know me.” I said jokingly as she pulled out of the airport.
“So, the Staal boys.” she started, “They’re quite the bunch.”
“Oh yes. I know that for sure.” I laughed, smiling as she got a giggle out of it too.
“Are you…?” she trailed off, unsure if she was pushing it or not.
“No no. Jordan’s family knows mine fairly well. We’re close friends but Sidney’s my boy.” I answered gently, seeing her visibly tense at my words as she turned to where I knew the rent a car place was.
“Sidney? As in Sidney Crosby? Captain Sidney Crosby?” she asked. Apparently she knew who I was but hadn’t paid too much attention to the news. Either that or Canada had failed to been notified that we were dating.
“Yeah. Siddy’s my baby. I love him.” I said, looking over at her completely stunned face.
“You are a lucky lucky girl! I have friends that would kill for that man.” she replied, “I think I would if given the chance.”
“I never really considered myself lucky. It’s wonderful to have been with him for so long but he’s just like any other man. He’s a loving caring person. Really amazing though.” I told her a she pulled in and helped me get my things into my rental, a silver mustang.
“Well I think he’s pretty godly. You’re a lucky woman. Have fun with the Staal’s.” she called as I got into the car and started it.
“Thanks! Have fun at work!” I called back jokingly as I headed off towards the road that lead to the farm. I made it down the road in a few minutes and saw that Henry and Linda’s cars were there as well as Eric, Marc and Jordan’s.
I smiled to myself as Mischa climbed onto the dash. She knew what was coming somehow. I saw Marc outside cleaning up the barn and decided to ring his bell a little bit. I parked the car and padded softly across the lawn to the barn. Arriving perfectly still at the entry way, I stared at Marc as he unknowingly continued his work. The barn was just like he’d always told me it was, very large and spacious. There was hay most everywhere and he swept it from side to side easily with one sweep of the large seemingly homemade broom. It was almost nostalgic of the pictures I’d seen of the boys cleaning as children in the mid summer sun.
“So are you going to clean all day long or are you going to say hello?” I asked sarcastically, watching his head snap up to attention as my voice floated passed his ears. A smile was instantly on his face and he dropped what he was doing to greet me. Picking me up off the hard wood of the barn’s floor he squeezed me almost as hard as when he’d said goodbye at Christmas.
“I didn’t know you were coming!” he said excitedly, eyes shimmering in the light that had struck him as he walked out of the shadows. It was really awesome to see him again.
“No one did. It’s a surprise.” I told him, seeing the sudden devious look in his eyes. He kissed my cheek lightly and hugged me again.
“I love you.” he told me happily, smile widening. I mirrored it and looked around, making sure that no one else had seen me.
“Where’s everyone?” I asked as he backed up, moving towards where he’d temporarily stopped his work.
“In the house. Mom’s making lunch and Dad’s tormenting Eric and Jordan.” he commented through a laugh, “Doesn’t matter what we do he torments us about something.”
“So nothing’s changed.” I said happily, smiling as I glanced back towards the simple house that stood a few yards from the barn. Soft green grass blew in the pleasant breeze that was blowing in from the lake. The trees swayed in the light breeze and I smiled as I watched everything look so peaceful in the mid-summer sun.
“Where’s Sidney?” Marc asked, finished up his job. I continued to gaze out into the fields to the lake and felt a chill. Sidney was in Nova Scotia with his family, far away from where I stood on the Staal sod farm. And I felt a pulling sensation in my chest, like someone was tugging a heart string taunt.
“Sid’s with his family. We parted ways after a few days in Calgary. I’m gonna meet up with him in Nova Scotia.” I explained, finally turning to look at him. He must’ve noticed the hazy look in my eyes.
“You two just had your seven month, didn’t you?” he asked, wiping his face with his sleeve. I smiled and nodded, back from the daze I was in.
“Yeah. When we were in LA.” I said, suddenly more aware of the necklace around my neck and rings on my finger. Marc smiled as he walked forward, arm around my shoulders as we headed through the beautiful green grass towards his house.
“Well I’m happy for you!” he said excitedly, kissing my head. “Come on. Lunch is probably almost…”
“LUNCH TIME, MARC-YYY!!!” Linda called out the window we’d just passed.
“Kay!” he answered, “You’re gonna scare the crap out of them.”
“That’s the plan.” I whispered back as he opened the door.
“Hey Mum, someone’s here!” Marc called in as he disappeared into the quaint home that I’d only ever been in once before.
“Someone here? Who could that be?” I heard Linda ask as she came closer to the door. I waved a meek hello as she looked down through the screen and she screamed, pushing open the door and hugging me. “Ohhh! How are you!?” she asked, kissing my cheek.
“I’m good. I’m good. How are you, Lin……” I started before Jordan was upon me. He tackled me and we fell to the ground, something that Marc had prevented on Christmas. He kissed my cheek and I laughed as he pushed himself up and held himself a few inches above me.
“Hi, Jordy!” I said happily, earning a smile from him. “It’s nice to see you too!”
“Hey Dad! Bernie’s here!” Eric called as he attempted to pick Jordan up off me. I heard two more people come out of the house and found Marc and Henry staring down at me as I laid in the soft grass. I put my arms behind my head and looked up at them innocently, smiling as they laughed.
“You know I think I’ll just chill down here for a while.” I joked, “I don’t want to get jumped again.”
“Non-sense!” Linda said, pulling me up, “You’re joining us for lunch!”
“Mom, relax. She’ll be here for a few days.” Marc said, picking a leaf out of my hair. His mom seemed giddy at the idea of another woman in the house and excitedly sat out lunch. I ate it with happiness, eager to have something in my stomach. Mischa came to mind before I took my first bite and I went to get her, letting her meet everyone. She took to Jordan immediately, as she had before, and sat in his lap until he had to get up. I put all of my stuff in the guest room and chilled with Henry and the boys most of the night. We played a game of street hockey and no one could get anything passed me.
I went to bed and got up early the next morning. Earlier even then the boys and they were usually up at the crack of dawn. I headed into the kitchen to find only Henry and Linda awake. I rubbed my eyes tiredly as I joined them and got a cup of coffee in me. Soon the boys were up and we began to clean up the farm. Henry and Linda were involved to and it took them half the time with me darting back and forth between jobs. I’d always been pretty focused. And around sunset I was sitting with Jordan as he worked on one of Henry’s tractors, hair tussled and mussed up in the messy bun I’d put it up in this morning.
“So how’re you liking your visit so far?” Jordan asked quietly from under the tractor. I adjusted myself and glanced down through the engine at him. He was so focused and I watched his hair get swept up in the wind as he continued to adjust and fix various things.
“It’s great. I love being with you guys.” I told him happily, glancing out over the lake, which was now only a mile or two away from where we sat.
“You miss him, don’t you.” he asked, glancing over at me for a second before looking back to engine.
“Who?” I answered, twisting the rings on my finger absentmindedly.
“Sidney.” he said blankly, continuing his work.
“Of course.” I told him, “It’s hard not to.”
“It’s kind of funny.” Jordan said in a somber tone that I’d never really heard from him before. He’d always been laughing or joking, never really serious about having a conversation. I guess being alone on a farm brings out the best in people.
“What is?” I asked, looking out over the lake to the setting sun.
“That as in love with Sidney as you are, Marc doesn’t give up hope.” he answered simply, not looking up to see my surprised face.
“What?” was the only thing I could come up with after a few minutes of pondering.
“Marc. He still loves you. It’s strange. He hasn’t had a girl since you. Never talked about liking anyone else. Never mentioned anyone else after you. We try to tell him but he doesn’t listen. I just think it’s odd. And I can’t tell you to talk to him but……. Can you talk to him?” Jordan asked, looking up and meeting my eyes for the first time, “He sees it its just that you’ve never told him how much you love Sidney. I think if he heard it from you he’d realize it.”
“I can try.” I answered quietly, looking down into his thoughtful blue eyes. He smiled and I couldn’t help but mirror it.
“And when you’re done with that you can tell Max to give it up too.” Jordan joked, making the thick air become thinner. I laughed.
“You’re joking, right?” I asked, looking down at the large smile on his face.
“Nope. Maxy’s got a thing for you.” he said easily, smiling even wider. I laughed a little before stopping.
“But he and Sidney hate each other. Maybe it’s just that.” I suggested, “He wants to make Sid mad or something.”
“Nah. I don’t think so. He hates Sidney but he really does care about you. I think if you just got to be closer friends with him he’d be happy though. He knows you really care about Sid and he’s seen how much hell Sid puts himself through to be with you.” Jordan seemed sincere enough and I slid down off the seat of the tractor to sit next to Jordan on the ground. He sat up and glanced over at me, handing me a wrench and then going back to his work.
“What hell?” I asked, more curious now as to what Sidney had been keeping from me. There were very few things that he kept from me in the entirety of our friendship and relationship but what he did keep to himself was always for fear of either embarrassment or to keep the other person carefree.
“Sidney’s agent has it in for you. He keeps trying to convince Sidney that you’re bad news and that if he stays with you his career is screwed and that everything he’s ever done up to this point is nothing if he keeps you around. I think it’s just because of how he was when you two broke up in the finals. Sidney was a raving madman. He wouldn’t talk to any of us. Wouldn’t pay attention to plays. Kept screwing up when we did skating drills. Got really defensive and almost hit Dan when he suggested that Sid get benched until he focused. Pat’s really got an idea that you’re the problem with Sidney’s life. We all think he’s full of crap.” Jordan said as oil sprang out of nowhere and shot onto his face, causing him to cough and pull out from under the tractor quickly, wiping his mouth and nose. After he’d finished he continued. “We all know he just really loves you. He didn’t mean any of the things he said when you two broke up. He was just really angry. He’s passionate about his work which is good unless he uses that passion for the wrong things.”
“Don’t I know it.” I said absentmindedly, not realizing how it sounded until Jordan began laughing. “You perv! I meant that… oh never mind.” I said, shaking his wrench at him. I fell down under the tractor and stopped the leak, adjusting a few bolts and looking up further to see that something was loose and other things were in the wrong place. There was hay wrapped in some of the bolts.
“I’m sorry.” Jordan apologized, smiling at me as I continued his work easily, leaving him with nothing to do. “But Sidney loves you above most everything else. He puts you first in his life. It’s hard to tell what’s more important, you or his career. We all love you, though. We enjoy being around you. You’re…… different. Not the normal girl we’re used to seeing. It’s nice.”
“And why is this all coming out now, Jordy? You could’ve talked to me about all this months ago; when you first met me and got to be my friend even.” I asked, looking at him as a drop of oil fell down on my cheek. I wiped it away and it must’ve smeared because Jordan retch over and wiped it off.
“Because I’m not really one for talking to people. I like making jokes, making situations lighter. I don’t have that spark for getting along with people. I seem like I do but I get really nervous and I still to this day get butterflies before games.” he answered, leaning back on his hands and watching me, “And I didn’t talk to you before because I was trying to learn about you. That sounds weird, I know, but I wanted to make sure you weren’t just faking. Marc and Eric told me about you before but I didn’t believe it could be true. Most girls working in this job want one thing and that’s a hockey player on their arms. They don’t love the sport. They don’t love the players. They don’t love their jobs. They love the fame. And I was curious to see how far you’d go for us. And now I know.”
“Well it’s….” I started, straining to tighten a bolt, “Nice to know that you’re comfortable with me now.”
“You’re a good person. I think now that I know that for sure I can be myself. However boring and uninterested that is.” he said, laying back in the grass. I finished up a few moments later and flopped back beside him, staring up into the sky, now dimming in the twilight hours of day.
“You’re not boring and uninteresting. I think you’re fun and wonderful.” I told him, looking over to see him smiling, “You’re funderful!”
He laughed for a few minutes straight, only stopping after a tear fell down his face. “You’re great.”
“That’s what they tell me.” I started, “Well that and ‘Here‘s how much I owe you‘.”
“Wow. You’re my new best friend.” he told me, sitting up and pulling me along for the ride.
“Cool. Friends!” I exclaimed in an epic tone, thrusting my arm into the air. He smiled and we walked back to the farm in the ever fading daylight. We made it back just before the sun completely went down and before Linda and Henry were going to come out and get us.
“Hey Mom.” Jordan said, kissing Linda’s cheek as he came into the house, “Hey Dad! Bernie fixed your tractor!”
“Really? Thanks!” Henry called from the comfy living room where Eric and Marc were already lounging about in their shorts. I saw Marc’s face light up as I walked in and took a seat in between him and Jordan. Jordan nudged me and gave me a look that told me I needed to talk to him soon. After most everyone had settled in to watch tv I waited until Marc got up to get something to drink and followed him into the kitchen. I took his hand and pulled him towards the back porch. He followed me without a complaint in the world and we made it silently out to the back where the porch swing was. I sat down first and he took a seat next to me.
“Hmm?” he asked after a moment of staring over at me. I was staring blankly into the darkness of the sky and the moonlit lake.
“I wanted to talk.” I answered finally, looking over at him without really knowing how to approach the situation.
“About what?” he said, putting his arm around my back. I wanted to shrug away but I let him go, staring into his eyes.
“Marc, you have to give up on me.” I told him, putting my hand on his. “You have to let me go. I’m not coming back.”
“What…?” he asked, sort of surprised that I brought it up so openly.
“I know you haven’t dated since me. I know you still love me. But you need to give it up. I love Sidney with all my heart and soul and there’s nothing that will ever be able to change the way I feel about him.” I said, fingers running over my necklace. His eyes fell upon the rings and necklace and dulled a little, finally understanding.
“But I still love you. I could be good for you. We had something special. We could have that again.” he said, still holding onto that shred of hope.
“No we couldn’t. We had something special. It’s gone now. There’s no spark. I love you but this is never going to work out again.” I said as lightly as I could, trying my best to let him off easy. His face twisted and he tried to retain hope.
“But it could….” he started before I pressed a finger to his lips.
“Not it couldn’t. What do I have to do to prove that?” I asked, looking him straight in the face. He was swimming with ideas and finally came out of his torn heartache.
“Just give me one kiss. If there’s no spark I’ll believe you. I’ll give up on us. I’ll go back out there.” he suggested, looking out over the lake with a fading hope and growing disbelief.
“Fine.” I replied quickly, kissing him softly. He took control and I let him. There was nothing. I felt nothing towards him when I was doing it. I could tell he did at first but he gave it up and pulled away.
“There’s……. nothing.” he said, sitting back, “Nothing.”
“Alright. Now go out there and make some girl happy. You’re a wonderful person. I know you’ll make a girl very lucky.” I told him, leaning back into his arm now that it was safe for me to be closer to him.
“Jared tried to tell me. I just wouldn’t listen. But I think I get it now. It’s still nice to have you around though. I think I mistook our friendship for something else. I love you like my sister.” he said, kissing my cheek.
“Hey, wait. Where is Jared?” I asked, suddenly aware that one of the Staal brother’s was missing.
“Oh, he’s coming. He had to make a trip to Montreal but he should be back….. Tonight actually.” Marc answered, looking down at his watch, “A few minutes from now. He said he’d be home before Dad went to bed.”
“Beast!” I exclaimed happily, “I was gonna say, if he doesn’t come home before I leave I’ll be pissed.”
Marc laughed heartily and pushed the swing with his foot, making us move back and forth lightly in the warm summer air. “You haven’t changed.”
“Nopee.” I answered easily as we rocked back and forth rhythmically. It calmed me and made me a little sleepy but something was keeping me awake. It was something invisible and unknown but it kept me awake no matter how much I wanted to sleep. Finally a few minutes later I heard a car driving towards us and smiled. “Jared!” I said happily, standing up and moving to the banister that ran along the beautiful porch. I saw him get out of his car and look around, confused as to who was talking. Marc stood up and came over beside me, leaning over the banister.
“Hey! Small fry! Over here!” Marc called over, causing Jared’s head to jar towards us. A large smile crossed his face and he walked towards where Marc was, obviously not noticing me on his other side.
“Oh shut up you paper pushing pansy.” Jared called, mooning Marc. I looked away and laughed hysterically at the shocked look on Marc’s face. Soon I heard movement and the whole family was out on the porch. Jordan took a place behind me and looked at Jared, who was still bare naked from the waist down.
“JARED! DUDE! BERNIE’S HERE! GOD!” Eric called out, causing Jared to fumble with his pants and pull them up quickly.
“My god! Where? I am so sorry!” Jared said, dashing up onto the porch and finding me. I laughed and wiped a tear away from my red face as he hugged me.
“Don’t… e-ever do that a-haha-gain.” I said through laughter. Everyone else started laughing at the look on Jared’s face and we all headed back into the house. And finally I felt the tired feeling wash over me again as I sat down in an oversized comfy chair with Jordan. I knew as soon as I sat down that I was going to fall asleep; I just hoped Jordan didn’t have a problem with that. And sure to my prediction, I fell asleep next to Jordan a few minutes later.
><><>Sid’s POV><><>
I sat in my room listening to Taylor talking eagerly to Austin on the phone. I could hear Mom and Dad talking in the other room but I stayed where I was, staring up at the ceiling and taking in the room I hadn’t been in since I’d come home for Christmas. It was weird not having Bernie here to talk to, not having her to go to sleep next to. After all this time we hadn’t really been away from each other. It was just strange. It was hard to go to sleep without her and I felt a strange awkwardness like I should stay awake. I sat up eventually when I heard a knock on the door.
“Hmm?” I asked, rubbing my eyes. Taylor pushed open my door and came in, all smiles.
“Austin says hi!” she exclaimed. I laughed. She really had a thing for him.
“Well hello. It’s not like I don’t see him everyday.” I answered, rubbing my eyes tiredly. I’d been here for a day and it was already taking a wear on me. But that was alright. My birthday was in a few days. Friday, actually.
“Well you don’t have to be mean, Sid.” she said jokingly, pushing me to one side, “So. When’s your puck bunny getting here?”
“Hey. Be nice, Tay. She’ll be here tomorrow afternoon. And she’s not a puck bunny.” I told her, standing up and going over to my laptop, checking my email.
“I know, I know. God. Defensive. I hope she’s as nice as you say she is or I’m not going to like her.” she told me, taking a seat on the end of my bed. I laughed. She had no idea.
“She’s really nice and sweet and she’s a very amazing person.” I started, listening to Taylor gagging behind me.
“You’re so full of it, Sid. No one can be that awesome.” she said, obviously in denial.
“Be nice to him, Taylor. He doesn’t come home much.” Mom said, scaring the crap out of me as she entered silently. I jumped a little and looked over at my phone. No calls. No texts. It wasn’t worrying but it felt strange waiting for her to call again. Then again, she was on a farm with the Staal boys. That had to be taking up a huge amount of time. I shook it off and turned back around to my mom and Taylor who sat quietly watching me.
“What? Something in my hair? Spider? Large squid coming out of my forehead?” I joked, causing them both to crack smiles.
“No. We’re just admiring your wallpaper.” Taylor retorted, making me glance back. I had a collage of pictures including the one Bernie had on her desk of us skating; one that Geno had taken of us kissing and a few that the paper’s had snapped when we were in LA. I had a bunch of pictures of the Lemieux’s and I at the beach and lots of pictures from Christmas here in Nova Scotia but there were a few that Bernie had taken when she’d had everyone over for Christmas too. It was an odd mixture of everything and as the desktop faded to my screensaver I felt my face get hot as I wildly shook the mouse. A picture that I’d taken of us kissing in LA was the first one that came up.
“Oh. I see.” I tried to say as casually as I could without facing them. I heard them laugh again as I turned back around, confident that my screensaver had disappeared.
“You’re crazy, Sid.” Taylor commented, smiling at me, “I’ve never seen you so girl crazy.”
“Well I’m not trying to get on Austin Lemieux’s good side.” I retorted, laughing at the look on her face as she walked out. My mom shook her head and I laughed as she cracked a halfhearted smile.
“Well I can’t say as I support you tormenting your little sister but she’s right. I’ve never seen you take so much interest in a girl.” she said gently, watching me as a smile broke my face.
“I’ve never met anyone this amazing before.” I replied, watching her smile wider.
“Well I’m looking forward to meeting her, Sidney. Your father might not be so eager but your sister and I really are looking forward to it.” she started, walking over to me and kissing my head, “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Squab.”
“See you tomorrow, mom.” I answered as she walked out and shut the door behind her. My dad hadn’t been too happy about the fact that I had a girlfriend from the beginning but he would ultimately learn to accept her just as I was praying Pat would. He was driving me nuts.
I pushed it all from my mind as a sudden tiredness fell over me and I laid down on my bed. I was so tired all of the sudden. Excitement was flowing through me and I couldn’t understand why I was so tired but as I closed my eyes I felt the strange tugging in my chest again. Shaking it off I turned out the light and relaxed. She’d be here tomorrow; laying here beside me in my arms. It’d be a lot easier to sleep then.
><><><>Bernie’s POV><><><>
I woke up early the next morning, still asleep and still sitting in the chair with Jordan. He had passed out too and his hair fell over my face, messily mixing with mine. I laughed under my breath as he stopped snoring and opening his eyes tiredly. He stared over at me in a daze before realizing that he’d been asleep.
“Mmm. Morning, Bernie.” he said, running a hand over his messy hair.
“Morning Jordy.” I replied, smiling as he laughed at how mussed up my hair was. I ran a hand over his and joined in the giggling. Everyone else was asleep still. It was only three thirty.
“I’ve never seen your hair stand up like that.” he commented through a heavy laugh. I smiled and laughed even harder.
“Says the man who’s hair defies gravity.” I retorted, continuing to laugh with him. Finally after about a half hour of jokes we heard movement in the kitchen and brought ourselves around to going to get some coffee, which Linda was happy to provide. We got our showers before everyone else and were out working for a few hours before anyone else wandered outside. Half the things we’d been told not to do were already done because we had gotten our jobs done early, leaving Marc, Jared and Eric with few things left to do.
Lunch came and went we were enjoying ourselves so much that when it came around time for me to leave we almost didn’t notice. Jared was the only one who seemed to have any hold of time and he jumped up out of his chair, as if to say something very epic.
“Dude, look at what time it is! Your flight to Halifax leaves in like….. Forty five minutes.” he exclaimed, causing everyone who was sitting around the large dinner table to glance at the various clocks that were on the walls of the Staal home. I got up and stretched, looking around at all of their melancholy looks.
“Well, looks like I’m gonna need to get moving.” I said, earning a half hearted smile from Linda and Henry.
“Well you have to come back sometime soon! It’s wonderful having an extra pair of hands around here.” Henry said, earning a nudge from Linda. I laughed as Jordan stood up and picked me full off the ground, hugging me.
“Jordy, what are you doing? I see you almost every day.” I reminded him as he sat me down on the hard wood floor. He laughed heartily and kissed my cheeks.
“But I’m staying here for the rest of the summer. I’ll be back for training camp but you won’t see me until then.” he told me, moving so that Eric could come forward. He picked me up and squeezed me almost as hard as Jordan had, sitting me down in a few minutes and kissing my head.
“And I don’t get to see you until we play you losers.” he complained, wrinkling his nose. I giggled.
“Us losers won the Stanley cup and swept your team.” I reminded him as Jordan walked up, kissing my cheek and hugging me gently. He wasn’t as vigorous with goodbyes as his brothers, which was good considering that Marc was going to be last. I patted Jared’s back and smiled as he backed away, completely taken off guard.
“I look forward to seeing you make it to the NHL.” I told him as Marc jumped at the opportunity to hug me. He kissed both my cheeks and hugged me hard, harder than anyone else had and he held on for a while, letting go only when he was satisfied that he could. I smiled at him and an unseen connection between us sparked up. He was going to let me go. That was good.
“I’ll miss seeing you around but I’ll see you in the in season.” he said hopefully. I nodded and walked back to the guest room, gathering my things before coming back into the dining room where Jordan was standing in wait. Henry and Linda had just left the house. I could hear them padding around on the porch and I heard the swing moving. The other Staal brothers were sitting in the living room enjoying some tv and it suddenly struck me as odd that Jordan had that mischievous grin on his face.
“What…?” I asked, sitting my stuff on the counter as I checked my phone. Nothing yet today. That was strange. Oh well.
“I have a present for you.” he answered, tipping up on the balls of his feet and then sitting back down flat on the floor. I smiled and thought for a moment. What present could Jordan Staal possibly have for me? He wasn’t exactly one for sweet things and he had never been much of a ladies man so it couldn’t be anything like that. And my mind continued to ponder it up until the very moment a shirt struck me in the head. I caught it blindly and held it up in front of my face after adjusting it so that I could read the writing on the front. It read clearly ‘Thunder Bay, Ontario’ in bold light blue letters with an outline that reminded me of lightning. I smiled as I read the under writing. ‘Home of the Staal brothers’
“Thanks Jordy.” I said, preparing to slip the shirt over my tank top. He stopped me with a fluid motion of his hands.
“Did you read the back?” he asked curiously, eyebrows raised in devious planning. He was a conniving kid. I turned the shirt around and saw that everyone had signed it and left a message for me. Jordan’s was the biggest and ran down the middle with Jared, Eric and Marc writing on the left and Henry and Linda on the right. I slowly began reading the neat handwriting.
‘You’re amazing! You have to come back soon. My brothers are all insane. It’s nice to have intelligent conversation.- Jared’
‘We love you (: Thanks for doing our work. You’re like a sister to us. -Eric’
‘If there was an award for greatest girl on Earth, you’d win. ;D I hope you come back sometime soon. Don’t let Jordan ruin your day and make sure you keep Crosby in line. Or else…. ;] ♥ -Marc’
‘You have to be cool because, well, your on my team! We won the Stanley cup, bi-otch. It was nice having you here. Thanks for talking to me like a person. It’s nice to have a friend like you, bud. Come back! Or….. Call me…. Or…. Something…. Haha. (: Love you coach! -Jordy Staal’
‘It’s great to have you around to keep the boys occupied. I’ll never find a better babysitter. Enjoy hockey and call us -Linda’
‘Thanks for keeping everything interesting and helping out. We’re happy to have you anytime. Remember that. -Henry’
My smile widened so far that it almost snapped my face in half. They were so corny but I had to love them. They were right, after all. They had become like my second set of brothers. And while the team always did feel like family, the Staal family and mine seemed to get along better than most. I loved them like brothers after all. We pulled pranks on each other and did all the stupid things that family did together. I slid the shirt on and finally met Jordan’s expectant gaze. I didn’t make a move for a minute besides picking up my bag but finally I gave in, dropped my stuff on the dinner table and jumped him. He held me up as I kissed his cheek.
“I love you, Jordy!” I squeaked in a sarcastic girlish tone. He laughed deeply and smiled, putting me down.
“Don’t tell Sidney and we’re fine.” he joked, picking up my stuff and walking me outside after I’d bid a final goodbye to everyone else. My car was parked down the lane and I watched the rest of the Staal boys pour out of the house to watch me leave. I gave Jordan a hug and a kiss on the cheek before I sat my stuff in the passenger’s side. He frowned and made a puppy face at me.
“Awe, what, Jordy?” I asked, patting his cheek. He perked up and smiled happily, shaking his head.
“Nothing. Just want to be acknowledged. I’ll talk to you later. Call us when you get to Halifax and make sure you text me.” He said as I got into the driver’s seat. I nodded easily, knowing that I’d definitely miss being here in Thunder Bay.
“Only if you call me before you come back to Pittsburgh and promise we can have lunch when you do.” I bartered. His smile could only be exceeded by the eternal deviousness in his eyes.
“You bet your ass.” he joked, stepping back as I revved the engine.
“Bye Jordy.” I said, pulling out. He waved after me, as did everyone on the porch, as I pulled away down the road the lead to the airport. I sighed in the calm of the car. It seemed too quite after being in the house with the Staal family. Everything seemed to be moving fast and I was shocked when, in the midst of my thoughts, I found myself on the plane. Mischa popped her head out of my bag and mewed a few times but mostly kept quiet, completely seeming to understand the rule that if she was caught she’d have to go into a cage.
Around an hour later I found myself touching down in Halifax and I sighed as I walked off the plane and into baggage claim. I found my stuff and Mischa was now free to settle in the pocket of my shorts, which she took to happily after being cooped up in my purse for an entire plane right. I texted Jordan on my way outside the airport and he quickly responded with a greetings. It was only then that I realized I needed to call Sid. I pressed the third speed dial into my phone and hit send, listening to the phone ring once… twice….. Three times……
“Hello?” Sidney asked, clearly not knowing who was calling him. He must not have glanced at the caller ID before he picked up.
“Heyyyy.” I said, taking an easy seat on a bench outside the airport, watching the traffic streaming by in semi-waves.
“Hey babe!” he exclaimed happily, sounding almost excited as he had on Christmas after he’d opened his Zelda game.
“Hey honey.” I replied, feeling happy that he was so excited to hear from me. Then again, we hadn’t talked or texted for at least a week. It was a nice break, don’t get me wrong, but it was still wonderful to hear that velvety voice of his; even if it was just through the crappy speaker of my phone.
“Hey. How are you?” he asked, voice smoothing away most of the thoughts I was having. I didn’t answer for a minute, trying to think of the correct reply. When nothing came Sidney took hold of the silence and asked another question. “More importantly, where are you? I can hear all the traffic in the background.”
“Oh. Well you know, I’m just sitting in Halifax.” I joked. I heard him suddenly moving quickly in the background. Doors opened and I heard him walking quickly through some building, which I assumed to either be his parents house or his house in Enfield.
“Seriously!?” he asked excitedly. I heard another door open and close and a click that I knew to be the locks on Sid’s doors.
“Yep. Just got in like two minutes ago…” I started before Mischa began having a mewing fit. I laughed, “Mischa wants to have a word here.” I said, putting the phone on speaker so that Sidney could hear her meowing.
“Hi Mischa, baby!” Sidney said happily, “I’m going to see you in a minute. Calm down.” and immediately she cease. I took the phone of speaker and put it back up to my ear, staring out into the traffic in front of me.
“So, I take it that means the amazing Sidney Crosby is going to come pick me up, huh?” I asked, listening to his car starting.
“Well, Sidney Crosby with his little sister.” he answered. I listened hard for a minute before I heard Taylor fighting back to his statement that she was ‘little’. I laughed.
“Well it’ll be nice to meet her finally. You’d think I had the plague the way I’ve been kept in secrecy.” I joked, making him laugh. I took solace in hearing him laughing again.
“Oh yeah. I just have to hide you because your so horrible.” he replied through a heavy laughter that seemed to spread from him to his sister. “I’ll be there in like five minutes, sweetheart. I’ll talk to you then.”
“Mkay.” I replied quickly. I could hear his sister suddenly stop laughing and fake gagging. Probably to the look on Sidney’s face.
“I love you.” he said sincerely. I smiled. A week of not hearing that made it all the sweeter.
“I love you too, Siddy. See you.” I said before I heard the click of his phone disconnecting. I picked Mischa up and sat my duffle bag down, petting her as she mewed in wonder at the things around her. She was very odd. Finally, just as he said, five minutes later he pulled up in his Range Rover, this one Silver. I smiled as he jumped out right after cutting the engine, sliding around the car easily. I put Mischa back in my pocket before standing up and meeting his excitement with that of my own.
We stood there for a minute, staring each other down and taking in every single change the other had made. Sidney noticed my shirt but his eyes scanned over my body easily, gently coming to rest on mine. I’d noticed some changes in him too. He wasn’t being fancy now. He had his shorts and a lose white shirt on with two crossed hockey sticks on the front and some sandals with his RBK hat. I smiled as my eyes caught his and a spark shot through me. I didn’t notice when Taylor’s door opened, probably because I didn’t see her get out, just turn to look at us. Sidney took my hands and laced our fingers gently, staring down at me for a minute more before leaning down and kissing me. I smiled into it and accepted everything he did, enjoying the moment. He kissed me just like the first time he had after he got back from Christmas and I was loving every second. We broke apart and he kissed me one more time quickly before leaning his forehead on mine.
“God, I missed you, baby girl.” he whispered. I smiled and kissed him again before answering.
“You have no idea how much I agree.” I answered. He smirked before finally realizing that he hadn’t come alone. He pulled back away from me to allow me into the view of his sister, who sat watching us observantly. She clearly had no formed opinion of me yet and was observing to make sure she knew how I acted and who I was before deciding whether to like me or not.
“Taylor, Bernie. Bernie, this is my sister, Taylor.” he said, gesturing between us gently. We stayed still for a moment, tension mounting, before Taylor hopped out of the car and smiled, offering me a hand. I smiled in return and shook her hand. She looked about thirteen; I was pretty sure she was.
“Nice to meet you. We thought you were imaginary or something.” Taylor joked, immediately killing the icy stare she had been giving me in exchange for a warm greeting. This was definitely Sidney’s little sister. She had the same air about her; the same way of making people happy.
“Nope. I’m pretty real. At least I think I am. Maybe.” I said, poking myself in the arm and making myself look ditzy. Taylor looked over at Sidney for a moment, as if asking him if he was for real before letting out a hearty laugh.
“Wow. She really is that amazing. Mom and Dad are gonna love her.” Taylor said, jumping back in the car without a pause in her laughter. I smiled up at him and he kissed me, smiling a little wider than I was.
“See, I told you I wasn’t scared of your sister.” I whispered, leaning my forehead on his. He laughed.
“It wasn’t my sister I was worried about, babe. Come on. They’re waiting for us and I have a road hockey game at six.” he said, kissing my hand before he walked away and getting into the car. I laughed and got my bag, listening to Mischa begin to meow as soon as I sat down.
“Oh shush!” I said, picking her up and petting her head, scratching her behind the ears.
“What?!” Taylor exclaimed, peaking her head up from between the seats as Sid pulled out, laughing hard.
“Oh! This is Mischa! Say hi, Mischa.” I told the kitten. She mewed on command and didn’t make any further noises, save for the constant purring in her throat. Taylor took a deep breath and petted Mischa’s head, immediately getting lick attacked. I handed her off and heard Mischa attacking her with kisses.
“Well you’ve got Mischa’s approval.” I remarked, turning to watch as Taylor made faces at the kitten who was now climbing all over her.
“I’d say.” Taylor answered through a laugh as Sidney kept driving, an almost permanent smile plastered to his face. I finally relaxed knowing that Taylor was completely okay with me and I felt Sidney’s hand sit itself on mine lightly, gently rubbing his fingertips over my fingers. We sat in the quiet for a few minutes listening to Mischa having a fit but when it got quiet Taylor began to question me. Routine I presumed.
“So, I heard you were a goalie. What was your save percentage?” she asked curiously, seeming very interested. I knew she was a goalie too. Exchange of information between us was great.
“About .966.” I answered easily, looking back at her. Mouth gapped wide she was staring at Sidney as if needing some sort of conformation.
“Yep. She was great when she played for the ‘cats.” Sid answered, glancing back at her in his rearview mirror. I smiled as she closed her mouth and her eyes lit up.
“That’s beast! What style are you? Butterfly? Scrambler? Which stick side’s better?” she said, suddenly flooding me with questions. The car stopped as we pulled into a drive which I knew to be his parent’s house. We got out and Mischa jumped onto my shirt, climbing up to my shoulder and nestling herself in my hair.
“I’m an all around. Depends on situation. Anticipation plays a part. And I’ve got tendencies down pretty well. I used to use right side stick but I was pretty weak glove hand so I switched to be left handed stick.” I said thoughtfully, putting Mischa back in my pocket as Sidney came over to take my hand.
“Tendencies? I didn’t know they were all that important.” Taylor said with a hint of thoughtfulness on her face. I smiled as we walked towards the house in silence; Taylor thinking, Sidney worrying and me completely happy. And finally as the door opened under Sidney’s hand I heard movement inside.
“Mom! Dad! We’re back!” Sid yelled, taking off his shoes while his sister simply kicked them off robotically and walked in like nothing. I took my shoes off and watched as Trina popped her head around the corner. I heard Troy’s heavy footfalls coming down the hall.
“Hi!” Trina said in an upbeat voice, coming forward to greet me. I smiled as she wiped her hands on a dishrag and offered one to me after it was dry. She returned my happiness and shook my hand warmly. “We’ve heard a lot about you.”
“I’ve heard some about you as well. Nice to meet you in person, though.” I said kindly, watching as Troy stepped up beside her. He gave Sidney a little push in a playful way before turning his heavy sights on me. He was a tad intimidating but I sensed that under that hard motif he was quite a nice person so I attempted to be as open as I could, even under his piercing gaze.
“Nice to meet you, Bernie.” he said in monotone, offering his hand and shaking my hand firmly. I swallowed everything that told me he was mean and shook his hand back.
“And you as well, Troy.” I answered. And then something clicked to him, something that had never been there in Trina but had been present in Taylor. Something that had prevented them at first from being their most welcoming. Troy broke a smile and a sudden warmth filled the space between the four of us.
“Come in, come in!” Trina finally said just as Troy let go of my hand and walked back the hall to where ever he had been before. Sidney smiled and as soon as Trina had retired to the kitchen he picked me up and kissed me, long and heartfelt.
“Mmmm they like you, baby girl.” he whispered excitedly, “They like you!”
“I try to make a good first impression, Sidney. What, did you think I was going to walk in with a micro skirt and tube top on?” I asked sarcastically. He laughed and sat me down, kissing me again happily before holding me in close to his chest, face nestled in my neck.
“If your first impression on me was a skirt and tube top we would’ve never left that hotel in LA.” he said deviously, kissing my shoulder afterwards. I giggled and pushed him away, seeing the look of happiness in his eyes again. It was wonderful to be with him again after being away for a few days.
“Oh shush, Siddy. You love me just the way I am.” I said, picking Mischa up out of my pocket to find she was out cold. Sid kissed Mischa’s head before kissing my lips and turning to find a crazy looking Samatha. His dog. A husky wolf mix.
“Sammy! Hi baby!” he said, dropping to his knees and earning a kiss from the puppy. She was a cutie but she looked wary of me, failing to accept him completely while I was there. I sat down on the couch and waited until she felt comfortable with me. When she did, she came slowly, low to the ground. Afraid and wary.
“Hi puppy.” I whispered, offering the hand that wasn’t holding Mischa. She sniffed it for a minute before licking it, accepting me. Now the test. Mischa. I put her forward slowly, wary of the dog being so close to my kitten. The dog was huge and powerful. Mischa was small and delicate. And after a moment of uneasiness the dog licked Mischa’s head, waking her up. She was a little scared but touched noses with Sammy and immediately the tension was gone. I heard laughter. Apparently Trina had seen the whole thing.
“Well Sammy likes you. That’s good.” she said, walking back into the room. Sidney smiled as his mother petted the dog’s head. “She only likes a few people. You’re lucky…” she stopped mid sentence noticing the kitten.
“Oh, this is my Russian blue, Mischa.” I said, letting the kitten jump from my hand to Trina’s.
“She’s a cutie!” Trina exclaimed as the cat licked her, “I’ll give her some water.” and as she took Mischa away Sammy followed diligently, watching as if protective. Sidney sat down next to me and his arm wrapped around my shoulders, holding me close.
“Well, this is good. They love you. I love you. It’s perfect.” he said, leaning his head on mine. I wasn’t paying much attention. I was busy reading the certificates across the room on the wall. Some were Sidney’s and some were Taylor’s and in the middle of my train of thought Sidney kissed me deeply. I was brought back immediately as he pulled away and I focused on those deep chocolate eyes I’d been missing.
“Babe you need to not do that.” I said softly, watching his smile creep back.
“But I love you.” he pouted, sticking his lip out. I kissed him again but he pulled away slowly, enjoying me a little more than I think he had before.
“I love you too.” I answered happily, watching him smile again.
“Not more than me and that’s final.” he fought back. We laughed childishly but he pulled back away from me in time to avoid having his little sister see us.
“Hey, I was thinking. Could you maybe help me with my technique?” she asked meekly, looking me dead in the face. I smiled and thought about it for a split second, knowing that I would.
“Of course.” I answered, “When ever you have time.”
“Well when Sidney’s friends come for street hockey I’m not doing anything. Want to play then?” she suggested, looking hopeful. I glanced at the clock and saw that his game would be in five minutes.
“Sure.” I said, standing up in unison with Sidney. It was something that just always seemed to happen. He moved and I moved in a different way to accommodate him. It was weird and cool at the same time. Sidney went into the kitchen while Taylor led me outside to where a makeshift practice area in the back yard. I saw blacktop with a net at the end. It was smoothed over and seemed to have an icy feel to it as we stepped on.
“Well this is where I practice but we could go to the arena sometime if you want.” she said hopefully, sliding down to the net easily. “Sidney’s goalie stuff is in the basement if you need it.”
“Nah. I practice without pads and stuff. A lot easier that way.” I said over the raucous that was coming from the deck. I looked over to see Sidney standing with five guys I’d never seen or met before in my entire life.
“Hi Jack! Hi Mike! Hi Andrew!” Taylor shouted over, waving in their direction. Three of the guys raised their hands in calling back before continuing to talk to Sidney. Taylor turned her attention back to me immediately, throwing me a mask, goal stick and glove. “Ready?” she asked. I nodded, sliding the mask over my hair and putting the glove on, getting in net easily.
As she started taking shots I began to hear less and less of the chatter from the porch and simply heard the smacking of stick and glove on pucks. Not one made it passed me. Finally after around twenty minutes of raw shots of all sort she stopped, unable to understand how nothing had gone by. Admittedly she was a goalie but still something could’ve went by.
“How do you do that?” she questioned, leaning on her stick and looking me over a little. I took off the mask and handed it to her along with the sick and glove, not saying a word. I motioned for her to go in net and she did, a little confused. I took a shot and when it went straight through her I could see the visible shock.
“You need to fall into butterfly a little more.” I said, causing her to fall a little lower to the ground while still being on balance. Another shot. Another goal.
“What’d I do wrong?” she asked, “I was trying.”
“Watch the stick move. Don’t watch the puck. If you see the stick move in a direction move that way. Let it come naturally. Don’t think, just move.” I explained, “I’ll teach you tendencies later. This is the first thing I ever learned.”
“Okay.” she said in a steadfast way, getting ready again. I moved the puck back and forth for a minute and turned it a little, hitting the puck up and to the right. She moved quickly and slapped the puck away easily. Celebrating she smiled and pushed up the mask. “That was so…… easy.”
“You don’t have to think as much to be a goalie as everyone seems to believe.” I said happily, jumping when I heard an unfamiliar voice behind me.
“See, Sid, I’m not dumb enough to be goalie.” the guy said, followed by a long chorus of laughing, Sid’s included. Taylor came up beside me as I turned and faced the person who had just insulted the both of us. Sidney kept laughing as everyone else stopped, frozen by our icy looks.
“I wouldn’t insult them. They’re the toughest goalies I’ve ever played against, Jack.” he said, wiping a tear from his eye as he looking us both in the face. We loosened up a little bit when he did.
“Ehh. Whatever. We know Tay’s tough. She’s proved herself against us. But this one,” another one said as he gestured to me, “Hasn’t proven anything, Sid. Just another pretty face.” Sid laughed and took my hand.
“This is Bernie, so you know. And she’s pretty tough, Mike.” he said, lacing our fingers.
“I dunno. I have doubts about bunnies you bring around, Sidney.” another guy said.
“She’s not a puck bunny, Andrew.” Taylor jumped down his throat quickly, clearly surprising Sidney.
“Oooo. She got you there, Drew.” a blonde next to him said.
“Oh shut it, Jimmy.” Andrew told him, rolling his eyes.
“Jimmy’s got a point. She doesn’t look like a bunny I’ve ever seen.” a red head commented.
“Well you’ve never seen a bunny then, huh Nick.” Jimmy retorted. I rolled my eyes as Sidney kissed me lightly while they were distracted.
“See! She’s got him in her web!” Jack joked as Sidney pulled away, caught in the connection our eyes had made. I broke it and looked over at Jack challengingly.
“I’m not a puck bunny. Far from it. What do I have to do to prove it?” I asked, looking over them curiously. They looked at each other and then to the gear I’d been holding for Taylor.
“Block a shot from each of us and you’re aloud to be a friend of ours.” Jack challenged, causing Sidney to snicker under his breath. He knew that if I could block Geno and Jordan’s shots I could block theirs.
“Done.” I said, handing him a stick and walking back into net, pulling down the mask. They looked at me strangely.
“What, no gear? No pads?” Jimmy asked, “Brave girl you’ve found.”
“Yeah. She’s a trooper.” Sid said, rolling his eyes, “Just take the shots.” And as they were told they did. Jack shot high to my right. Wrong choice. I was strong on that side and caught it. Jimmy hit the puck straight towards me and I knocked it away. Andrew hit a shot that he thought would go three hole but I blocked that too and Mike hit the five hole but I caught it in my shoes. Nick hit a shot low and to my left side. Weak point but I batted it away. Pushing up my mask I faced them.
“Alright. Good enough?” I asked, looking around at them. They all grinned and turned to Sidney.
“What?” he asked, confused.
“We were all taking shots on her. Not just us five. You too. Go on, hockey phenom.” Jack said, handing the stick off to him. Sidney looked down at me and made pleading faces.
“And no soft shots. We know what you’re capable of.” Nick warned watching closely. I took a breath and focused, watching Sidney through my mage. He took the same cleansing breath, watching me carefully. I knew that our coordinated movements would be handy now.
“Ready babe?” he asked, looking down the path at me. I nodded and he took a hard, heavy step forward, throwing a puck towards me full force. I had to go down on my knees to catch it and even then it hit me square in the chest. I didn’t complain though. I’d taken that shot on the chin. Standing up, Sidney came to make sure I was alright.
“I’m fine, honey.” I said, patting his cheek as I looked back at the boys, who seemed impressed. “Well?” I called over.
“You’re officially not a puck bunny.” Jack said.
“One hell of a goalie.” Jimmy added after that as the group of them began to move towards the street for their game of hockey. Sidney kissed me deeply before moving to the front for their game. I took a seat next to Taylor to watch as they began.
“So what are tendencies?” she finally asked. I looked over at her and saw she was watching intently, not removing her eyes from the boys.
“Well. It’s how someone does something in a situation. Like…. See how Jack hit’s the puck up to the right when coming from the left. But when he comes from the right side its low left? That’s tendency.” I explained, gesturing towards him. She nodded, seeming to understand.
“Do teams have tendencies?” she asked, looking over at me. I smiled.
“Yes. They do. But understanding a team tendency is…. Terribly difficult. It’s understanding all the players tendencies on shooting and passing with each other individually and together along with knowing the opposing team’s tendencies and such. Difficult but if you figure it all out it’s a perfect way to know what’s coming all the time.” I answered. She smiled widely.
“Do you get it?” she asked, “Like team wise?”
“Yeah. I guess I do. Not that it does me good. I don’t play anymore and no one I’ve ever taught or played understood it like I do so it’s no use teaching people. I’m just good for helping the Pens out once and a while.” I said quietly, “Besides, I’m an artist.”
“Well if I try to learn would you teach me?” she asked, “I mean I know we just met but I feel like you could be a good friend.”
“Yeah. Sure. I’d definitely help you out.” I answered easily, smiling over at her and receiving a smile in return.
“Thanks. You’re not half bad.” she told me, looking back down at the street hockey game.
“You thought I was?” I asked, watching Sidney in net blocking shots like a pro.
“Well I never know with some of Sidney’s ex’s.” she said, eyes floating over the game that was progressing rapidly. It was already four-six Sid’s team.
“Well you’d think that being Colby’s sister would remedy that.” I sighed. It was a worry I didn’t think she’d have.
“You never know. Some people who grow up in hockey families become puck bunnies because they can’t play hockey. I can see now you just really love the game. And my brother.” she said quietly, continuously watching.
“Seven months and some of the best of my life.” I commented in a whisper, fiddling with the rings on my finger absentmindedly.
“Well you’re welcome here anytime. Dad’s wary of you but mom and I like you just fine.” she told me happily, looking over at me as the game in front of us ended. Sid’s team had won and were celebrating quietly while Jack, Jimmy and Andrew complained. Taylor and I stood to meet them and Sidney pounded fists with his sister before giving me a little kiss as we all walked back towards the house. Sid stopped me as everyone else floated into the warm house and turned me toward him, smiling in a devious mischievous manner.
“We were planning on heading to Enfield tonight. The bed in my room is so comfy you won’t even believe it.” he whispered, smiling greedily.
“I don’t think I’ll have a chance to admire the sheets.” I told him, causing his smile to break his face in half.
“Lovey I’m glad you can read my mind.” he said in a soft voice, kissing me longingly before breaking away and pulling me into the house.
“Well if I don’t who will?” I asked sarcastically as we joined the group in the living room. Sid left us to go and see his mother and not more than five seconds later Mischa found her way into the room, flanked by Sammy who was watching her every move in what seemed to be half hearted curiosity. Every time Mischa would falter Sammy would nudge her in the right direction. It was a cute scene to behold.
“Who’s cat?” Jack asked, picking Mischa up. Immediately she protested by mewing and squirming.
“Mine.” I answered easily, causing Mischa to turn towards where my voice was and squirm harder. Jack let her go and she jumped along the carpet towards me, jumping up into my lap. Everyone laughed as Mischa curled up in my lap and Sammy at my feet.
“I’ve never seen Sammy so attached to a cat.” Jimmy commented through his laughter.
“Well you never know, maybe this is a special pussy.” Nick said, causing another eruption of laughter and joking to begin.
“Wow. You guys are special.” I told them, scratching Mischa’s head gently. Most of them nodded in response but Jack took it a step further, proving that he was sort of the ring leader of all of Sid’s hockey friends.
“Yes but we’re not suffering from our special needs; we’re enjoying every second of it.” he answered sarcastically. Finally I cracked a smile and laughed as Sidney came back to a crowd of smiling friends. Whatever tension had mounted between his friends and I had suddenly disappeared as he fell down beside me on the couch and faced his friends.
“Nice to see everyone’s made friends.” he commented, petting Mischa with the hand that wasn’t around my shoulders.
“Yeah. I didn’t think Colby’s sister would be too bad a person in the first place.” Jimmy said thoughtfully, looking me over. Sid laughed a little under his breath and looked over to Jack.
“So you’re the only one coming with us tonight, huh?” his question seemed to hang suspended in the air for a moment before anyone really caught it. Jack smiled and I could see the twinkle hidden in his light blue eyes shine through for a second before disappearing again.
“Nah. I’m heading home for the night. I’ll be over tomorrow though so we can have a huge party for your birthday.” he started, suddenly turning curious, “Isn’t Maxime coming in tonight?”
“Oh yeah! I almost forgot Max was coming in.” Sid said, aware of the fact that he’d made a sort of large mistake, “We should get going. He’ll be at my house in what…….. Half an hour?”
“Well,” Jack said, standing in almost complete unison with Jimmy, Nick, Andrew and Mike, “We should go then so you two can get to Enfield in time to meet him.”
“It was great meeting you finally.” Andrew said, offering me his hand. I shook it graciously and he smiled, walking on with Mike, Nick and Jimmy while Jack stayed behind.
“Well well. Siddy’s finally found a decent girlfriend. I’m happy to see him happy. You seem to be pretty good for him.” Jack said thoughtfully, smiling at me. Immediately I felt the sudden challenge in his eyes and mine must’ve flared with a similar challenge in return. “And you’re feisty. I like that.”
“Thanks.” I said easily, smiling at him. Sidney laughed.
“She’s a lot of things.” Sid started, stopping when he realized that he’d never have enough time to explain himself, “It was great seeing you again Jack. I’ll see you tomorrow for street hockey, then?”
“You better believe it. I’d never miss an opportunity to play on your team to win the actual Stanley Cup.” Jack practically exclaimed, obviously full of what seemed to be a mixture of glee and want.
“Alright. I’ll call you then. See you, man.” Sid said, hugging Jack. I stood back and observed quietly, knowing then that Jack would be a close friend of mine in no time flat. He pulled away from Sidney and looked over at me in a sort of thoughtful way, watching me for a second before letting another smile fall onto his face in a pleasant way. He took my hand and shook it once before pulling me over to him in a fluid motion and giving me a hug. I smiled and patted his back as he was mine before he let go.
“I’ll see you then.” he said, walking towards the door where everyone else had already left. Sidney took my hand immediately after the door closed and pulled me towards the kitchen where I could still hear his mother doing dishes.
“Hey Mom, we’re heading out to Enfield now. I have to meet Max there soon.” Sid’s voice floated in mid air through the silence of the kitchen and seemed to strike his mother as a surprised. She turned to us with a semi-surprised look strewn across her face but she sighed it off quickly, understanding that we needed to go.
“Oh. Alright. Well, tell your sister and father that you’re leaving. We’ll see you bright and early tomorrow.” she said, kissing his cheek and smiling over at me before turning back to what she had been doing, unphased by Sidney’s leaving. Sid pulled me out of the room before I had a chance to comment on anything and stopped in front of a dark wood door which I assumed to be Taylor’s by the fact that loud music was seeping through the wall.
“Tayy!” he yelled in before pushing the door open. The music that had been erupting through the solid walls stopped and Taylor looked over at us in a curious way.
“Hmm?” she asked, raising an eyebrow in a way that was reminiscent of Sidney’s innocence.
“We’re leaving.” he answered her, causing her face to fall in a quiet defeat. She nodded and hugged him, giving him a kiss on the cheek before giving me a hug and going back to what she had been doing, just as her mother had done before her.
“Bye guys! See you tomorrow!” Tay called after us as we took our exit towards the room where I knew Sid’s dad, Troy, was. I heard a skate sharpener and it made me feel a lot more at home. Sid pushed the door open and revealed Troy sharpening three pairs of skates with skill and precision.
“Hey, Sid. What’s up?” Troy asked over his shoulder, glancing back to make eye contact with me before continuing with his work, clearly more focused than I’d ever been when sharpening skates.
“We’re going to Enfield to see Max. I just wanted to tell you we were leaving.” Sid said gently, watching as his father stopped the blades and turned to us, wiping his hands.
“Well it was nice having you home for a while, anyway.” he joked, smiling warmly towards us both, “And it was nice to have met you finally.”
“Yeah. We’ll see you tomorrow at six.” Sid said, returning his father’s smile. They hugged and as Sidney turned away to go back down the hall towards his room I saw what I thought to be a flash of something along the lines of unhappiness; maybe sadness. I turned and walked away after waving a meek goodbye to him, listening to the blades start up again after the door had closed. I watched Sid get his laptop bag and a bag full of what I assumed was clothes and came back to me, taking my hand in his. It was wonderful to be able to touch him again after a week away. I suppose I’d missed him more than I thought.
We walked into the living room and Sidney yelled to his mother before heading out the door. I picked up Mischa and headed out after him, hopping into the Range Rover and listening as the engine turned over. Mischa fell asleep in my hands a few minutes into the ride to Sidney’s house and in the silence I almost fell asleep too. Had it not been for Sidney’s hand finding my own I probably would’ve.
“Babe you have to stay awake. We’re almost there.” he whispered glancing over at me. I grinned a little and opened up my eyes, meeting his for a second before he looked away back towards the road. Silence fell over us for a moment but Sidney quickly broke it. “How was the sod farm?”
“It was…… interesting. Found out Marc still likes me. Jordan and I found out we have a lot in common. Jared mooned us. I fixed a tractor and stared at a lake.” I said thoughtfully, looking over and watching his expression change with every sentence I’d said.
“Well how do you feel about staring at a lake some more?” he asked, turning down a drive that lead to a beautiful house. I saw a dock in the nearby distance and water floating nicely under the sun.
“I think I’d like that.” I said, taking in the beautiful scene that was laid out in front of me. I heard Sidney’s door open and close but I just sat there observing it all until my door opened. Sidney leaned inside the door and followed my eyes, staring out at what I’d been looking at before kissing my cheek and taking my hand.
“Come on. You have to see the inside.” he pleaded, pulling my hand. I picked up Mischa easily and got out of the car, allowing him to pull me up the drive and into the house. It was even more beautiful on the inside than it had been on the outside. Wood floors as far as my eyes could see, beautiful light blue walls and a pleasant contrast of pictures hanging up everywhere. He walked in like nothing and sat his things down around a doorway, disappearing into another room.
I slid off my shoes and followed, finding that it was the living room he’d gone into. Something strange hit me then. All the picture frames were completely empty. Nothing in them save for the smaller ones that were all over the mantle of his friends, family and various charities. My eyes finally found their way to the middle from the ends and I found a picture of the Lemieux’s, Sid’s family, the team and the picture my mother had taken at the airport on Christmas. I smiled and walked over to it after letting Mischa down on the couch; which she quickly fell back to sleep on.
I picked up the picture, holding it gingerly in my hand as I looked at it. Finally a picture of my family together all at once. Even if Sidney wasn’t part of it he still looked like he fit somehow. And I must’ve stood their reminiscing in my own thoughts for a while because I didn’t notice when Sidney’s arms slid around my waist and pulled me into his chest.
“That was a good day.” he whispered, kissing my cheek.
“Good for who? I had my brother and boyfriend leave me for Christmas.” I replied, looking over at him. He laughed a little before giving me another kiss.
“It was a good day while we were together. After I left it became a bad day for me, anyway.” he told me as I put the picture back where it had been and turned around in his arms.
“It was a bad day for me too.” I said, smiling up at him. He returned it and leaned his head on mine, staring down into my eyes.
“Good to know.” he said meekly, glancing away as he pulled back, holding my hands. “How do you like my house, Bernzie?”
“I like it a lot. It’s beautiful.” I answered quickly, glancing around in still framed awe. “But where are the pictures?” And immediately a wide smile crossed over his face. He moved and gestured to all of the frames with a sweeping motion of his arm before answering.
“All of the frames are waiting for an artist to fill them.” he replied sarcastically, watching my eyes get large. “And that’s what I want for my birthday.”
“But babe there must be twenty or thirty frames here and in the hall. That’ll take forever. All night at best.” I said with the sudden realization of how much paint and canvas and brushes I would need to finish that, let alone how much cappuccino I would need to drink.
“I didn’t mean by tomorrow!” he exclaimed, laughing, “I just meant that eventually I wanted them filled. It’s something that I haven’t been able to do. I just can’t find any pictures that I wanted to look at all the time. I figure paintings that my girlfriend does herself would make it feel more like home. I mean I saw what you did for Maddie. Having something that beautiful to look at when I walk through the house would be amazing.”
I was taken aback, “I’m flattered that you like my pictures that much. I can definitely fill up these frames for you. You just have to tell me what you want. Beautiful things aren’t exactly my style at random.”
“Well if you can’t make the pictures beautiful then just stay around here forever. That way I’d still have something beautiful to look at. And the better part about that would be that I could do this…” he trailed off and pulled himself closer to me like a magnet, kissing my lips in a longing loving way. A spark went down my back as he pulled away and left a few more kisses on my lips, each one shorter than the one before it. And finally he stopped, leaning his forehead on mine and looking lustfully down into my eyes. I pulled away as he tried to kiss me again for the fear I knew that that one would seal my fate.
“We have to wait for Max to get here.” I whispered, trying my best to resist those eyes that had kept me in a web for so long. A sly smile crossed Sidney’s face as he kissed my neck, making me shiver.
“Max isn’t getting here until eleven.” he replied, slowly edging me towards the couch but ending up with me pinned against the wall. I smiled and pulled away from him, ducking between his arms and falling back on the couch where Mischa was.
“Well then we have time to do anything we want….. A little later.” I said, crushing his dreams. He sat down beside me and let out a long sigh.
“Lovey you kill the mood better than Mischa does.” he told me, sliding his arm behind my shoulders and pulling me closer.
“I know. I love you but you have to be patient. Tomorrow’s your birthday after all.” I replied, leaning into his chest and pulling my legs in close to me, very comfortable just being there.
“True.” he started, leaning his head over on mine, “So how were the Staals? Did you have fun?”
“Oh yeahh. I had fun. Jordan and I had a heart to heart, I told Marc he needed to forget liking me, Jared pulled his pants down…” I started before he cut me off.
“Wow. Just stop right there. That’s all anyone needs to hear.” he said, shaking his head a little. I laughed.
“Isn’t it though? It was just as crazy and out there as it sounds.” I said through my own laughter, “But it was fun.”
“I imagine. Naked brothers. What could be better?” he exclaimed, jumping up off the couch and throwing his fists to his hips in an epic super hero pose. I fell into hysterics.
“Oh my god, Sid. You’re out of your mind.” I managed through my fits of deep breaths.
“No! I’m Egoman!” he squealed, jumping up and turning towards me. I kept laughing until a few tears broke free of my eyes, at which point Sidney was laughing right along with me. He took my hands and pulled me up, hugging me.
“I love you.” I said through a heavy breath as I attempted to stop laughing.
“I love you too. But don’t tell anyone who I am. You’ll blow my cover.” he whispered, kissing my head. I giggled and held him to me gently, feeling his arms tighten around me as soon as mine were around him.
“Oh don’t worry. You’re secrets are safe with me, Egoman.” I joked, looking up at him. He laughed and kissed my forehead, eyes twinkling in what seemed to be a twister of emotions that were running through him.
“Would it be okay…?” he asked quietly, voice almost lost in the sound of our breathing.
“What?” I answered with a question, feeling delightfully hypocritically wrong for doing so. I hated people who did that.
“Would it be okay for me to take your breath away?” he replied, smiling at me with that devious crooked smile that always got him his way. I gazed up at him through half closed eyes and watched every move he made, waiting for him to move. When he didn’t I decided to answer.
“I don’t know. Would it?” I questioned, watching a that flash of devious mischief cross over him as his lips found mine. Immediately I knew I was in trouble but I really didn’t care too much. The wall became my friend, as it had a few minutes ago, but more than that it was the only thing keeping me from falling over from weak knees.
And two hours later it was the only thing that was keeping Sidney and I out of view of the front door as we ran around frantically to get ourselves put back together properly. I ran a brush through my hair as Sidney slid on his jeans. He laughed as I rolled my eyes while fixing my makeup.
“Babe, what’re you worried about? You look beautiful without that crap on your face.” he told me, sliding his arms around my waist. I laughed.
“We’ve been over this.” I whispered, kissing his cheek before I kept going, “And I told you we had more time later. I hate you, Siddy. Why do you have to be so cute?”
A hearty laugh erupted from him and he stood up, leaning back against the wall. “Well I hate you too.”
“Oh yeah you hate me and that was a hockey stick against my leg.” I snapped back quickly. His eyebrows raised at my wiliness and he continued laughing.
“Well I didn’t hear you complaining.” he struck back, causing me to falter. He’d won. I turned and wrinkled my nose at him, finished with my makeup.
“No you didn’t.” I admitted defeat honorably but was unable to keep in the final wise crack that had come to my mind, “But next time can we please make good use of your amazingly comfortable bed?”
A warm smile fell over his face and used those bee stung lips to give me chills. “Of course.”
“Alright then.” I said, kissing his cheek as I walked past him, “When’s Max getting he…” I was interrupted by the loud banging noise on the front door. It swung open under Sidney’s hand and immediately bags were in his hands. Max floated in happily and found my face first.
“Bernadette!” he called over happily, walking brusquely to where I was standing in the doorway, “It’s good to see you!”
“It’s great to see you too, Maxy!” I exclaimed, hugging him until I heard him recoil. I’d forgotten that his shoulder was still healing. Letting go quickly, I looked him over for any sign that he was hurting. He just smiled.
“Still a little sore is all. No worries.” he said over the sound of Sidney shutting the door, “I thought you were still in Thunder Bay, bijou.”
“I came in early so I could make sure I was here for tomorrow. Besides, there’s only so much to do on a sod farm before you go crazy. Especially when the whole Staal family’s there.” I told him, gesturing to the signatures and doodles that were covering my Thunder Bay shirt. Max winked at me and his eyes seemed to light up the room with their icy blue tones. I smiled and raised an eyebrow as Sidney’s footsteps faded upstairs to the guest room.
“Your hair’s still a little messy bijou.” he whispered in an all knowing voice, causing my face to turn a new shade of scarlet. “You have to wake up pretty early to get one by me.”
“Uhm…” I said, completely out of responses. He laughed and hugged me again, kissing both my cheeks in a typical French greeting.
“You’re fine. It’s not like I haven’t ever done anything like that before someone’s come over. I promise I won’t let in that I know.” he whispered, earning a half hearted nod from me as Sidney came back downstairs. Winking at me again he gave me extra assurance that he wouldn’t say anything as Sid came back and joined our little group.
“How was Marc’s?” Sid asked as Max journeyed into the kitchen as though he’d been here a million times before. Chances are he might have.
“It was amazing. I got to go home and see my mum and dad. They’re crazy happy to see me.” he answered, ransacking Sidney’s fridge for food.
“Nice to see you make yourself at home, Maxy.” I joked, watching him digging through whatever food and drinks were in the fridge. He peeked up over the fridge’s door and laughed at the sarcastic look on Sidney’s face.
“Airline food isn’t five star. I make better food in my sleep. And I’m a horrible cook.” he joked, pulling out a few things and closing the refrigerator with a laugh. “But I can’t be any worse than wonder boy here.”
“It was one time!” Sidney said, throwing his hands up in show. I laughed and looked over at Max.
“Was it something you said?” I asked, completely confused as to what was going on but ultimately amused by their actions. Tonight would be fun.
“Well Sidney here decided that one day he was going to make breakfast while we were with Geno and Marc. And let’s just say Marc didn’t appreciate the smell of burning food filling the house as a wake up call.” Max joked, walking by and into the living room. Sid’s face was pink to his ears. I patted his face.
“It’s okay, Sid. You don’t need to cook. You’ve got other talents.” I told him with the best of intentions until Max nearly choked on whatever he had been eating. That gave him away. Sidney knew that he knew.
“Oh shut up, Maxime. You’re not innocent either.” Sid said, slapping Max upside his head as he took a seat in the chair that looked across the room to the windows facing the lake.
“I didn’t say a thing, Mon Ame.” Max said through laughter as he continued to eat what was left of the raid in Sid’s fridge. I sat down on the arm of the couch beside Max and leaned back on the wall, watching them staring each other down for a quiet moment.
“I think you’ve pretty much said it all, Siddy.” I joked, causing Max to laugh harder than before.
“He’s never been a good secret keeper.” Max said through a mouthful of what I now knew was a turkey sandwich. “I remember this one time back in January when he…..”
“MAX!” Sid exclaimed, nearly jumping him to make him stop talking. Max laughed and held up a hand.
“Calm down, I wasn’t going to tell her the whole thing.” he told him, making me even more curious. I got up and stood between them, hands on my hips with a thoughtful look.
“You know, as much as I’d love to continue this I don’t really think I want to know.” I started, taking in the surprised suddenly interested look on Max’s face, “Because if he doesn’t want me to know,” I pointed a finger at Sid, “then I shouldn’t know.”
“You’re an undecipherable mystery, you know that?” Max asked, sitting his sandwich down on a plate he’d jacked from the side table. I smiled as Sidney sat down, baffled that I didn’t want to know.
“I’ve been telling you that, Max.” Sid said easily as I turned and walked to the kitchen, thirsty after that.
“Want a drink, boys?” I called back to them. Max was the first to answer.
“A drink or a drink drink. Because I could use some alcohol.” he replied. I waited for a moment before Sidney’s head popped around the corner.
“Alcohol’s in that cabinet.” he said, pointing across the kitchen to a large wooden cabinet that I would’ve expected to be filled with food or used for storage rather than alcohol. It was very large for someone who hardly had alcohol. But then again, he had a lot of friends over. Parties required some drunkness to be completely enjoyable.
“Mkayy. Whatcha want?” I questioned over my shoulder as I pulled some rum, vodka and martini mix out of the cabinet and sat them on the counter.
“Surprise me.” he answered, voice fading as he went back to the living room with Max. I smiled. He shouldn’t have said that. I had my own bar. I knew how to mix many drinks. But my specialty was a hurricane, named just so as I mixed juice, vodka, rum, and a variety of other alcohols, in exact moderation, to make a drink that, when swirled, looked much like a hurricane. It tasted like it too; a varied mixture of tastes and smells at the same time. Overwhelming. Wonderful.
I mixed three but put less alcohol in Sid’s, knowing he would appreciate it; just as I’d put a little more in Max’s. Carrying them back to the boys I found them laughing about a joke I hadn’t heard. Max looked up and his eyes glittered as they caught sight of the swirling drinks I held.
“And what have we here, Bijou?” Max said, taking the drink as I offered it to him and sat down next to Sid.
“Hurricanes.” I told him easily, swirling mine around and watching it whirl in a hurricane like way, “It’s…”
“It’s the specialty drink at the Black Pheonix.” Max finished my sentence. I nodded. “How do you know how to make it?”
“Own the place, remember?” I answered, watching him swirl the drink around and catch the wave like ripples with his eyes before taking a drink and smiling.
“It’s better than when they make it.” he complimented, smiling. Sid swirled his drink and sat quietly for a moment, possibly contemplating whether to drink or not, until finally he gave in and took a drink. I watched his face for some sign of displeasure but it didn’t come. Instead I was rewarded with a smile just as warm as the ones I got for just being there.
“It’s an art, I guess.” I said, sipping my drink as Sidney took another drink. “Like it, Sid?”
“Yeah. Tastes a lot less alcoholic than Max’s smells.” he commented with thoughtfulness in his words, “Thanks.”
“Yep.” I told him, finally earning some sign of disgruntledness from Max.
“Oh come on! I didn’t come from Marc’s to watch you to be so pleasant! I had to deal with him and his girlfriend all over each other, why not you too?” he asked playfully, smiling widely when Sidney and I sought out each others eyes for a silence meeting. I broke the contact early in favor of talking to Max.
“How is Vero, anyways?” I asked, “I haven’t seen her in ages.”
“Good. Her and Marc were planning to move in together for this season.” he said with a happy, almost pride filled smile.
“That’s awesome!” I said excitedly, “They always seemed good together.”
“Yeah. You’re telling me, bijou! They’ve been together since before I can even remember. She showed up at one of our hockey matches and bam! They were holding hands the next game. Haven’t been apart since.” Max informed me with a still growing smile, “Not many can make claim to that kind of relationship.” he finished, voice almost condescending. I felt Sidney’s ego shrink a little then, pull away.
“Very true.” I almost half whispered, sitting back on the couch between them in thoughtfulness. I almost lost myself in it before Max spoke again.
“So, on another note, how was Jordan? I haven’t texted him much since I went to see Marc.” Max asked, sipping his drink easily with pleasure in every gulp.
“Oh he’s great. Still Jordy.” I laughed thinking about our day with the tractor and the rolling field that over looked their lake, “His brothers were a riot.”
“I knew they would be. Marc and Eric are crazy.” Max joked, wrinkling his nose as he seemed to remember a time with them.
“Oh no. It wasn’t them. It was Jared. Mooned all of us as soon as he got home.” I said through a laugh as the memory of it came back. Max laughed heartily.
“I think Jared just got dropped off his porch too many times as a child. Too many hard checks into the boards for that one.” he said, voice floating through the room on thin air.
“I think they’re all just out of their minds.” Sidney added as if the conversation had never started. I laughed and nodded.
“They’re definitely something differen….” was all I could manage before Max was yawning uncontrollably. I didn’t know the alcohol would make him tired. Maybe a little drunk but not tired. “You alright, Maxy?”
“Just tired, bijou,” he started, “I think I’m going to bed. We’ve got an early rise tomorrow anyway.”
“He’s right. I have to meet the people with the cup early. I’m going to bed too.” Sid commented under his breath, making Max raise an eyebrow.
“Trying to get in bed with me, eh Sid?” he shot sarcastically. I laughed hard as Sid widely shook his head.
“If I’m egoman I can do better than you, Maxime.” Sid said under his breath. Max raised his eyebrows higher still but Sid and I just made brief eye contact and it was enough to ensure our inside joke was still secret. Max walked away and I heard him climbing the stairs before Sidney pulled me up off the couch.
“Egoman’s still a secret huh?” I questioned quietly, watching his eyes soften and warm me.
“Yep. Don’t tell.” he whispered, kissing me gently. I felt a shiver fly up and down my spine as it deepened but when it ended the feeling lingered. “You coming to bed, baby?”
“Not yet. I have some things to do before hand. I promise I’ll come up.” I replied, earning a smile.
“Kay. I love you baby girl.” he told me, staring into my eyes and possibly into my soul.
“I love you too, Siddy.” I said before another long kiss. He walked away and smiled the whole way up the stairs. I waited until I couldn’t hear movement anymore before cleaning up the kitchen and setting to work. If Sidney wanted paintings to fill up those frames I’d need time. I could definitely do it by morning but time was of the essence. I had little. I still had to get up and go with Sidney to meet the cup. I pulled my paints and canvis out of my bag and set to work. Pictures seemed to come freely with the beautiful family portraits to look at.
><><><Max’s POV><><><
I woke up really early the next morning and from what I could see out the large bay window that sat at the edge of the guest bed the sun wasn’t even up yet. I glanced over at the clock and saw that it was five o clock. Only a half hour off from when my alarm was set. Loosing that little half hour wouldn’t hurt me. I was used to much less anyway.
Getting up lazily out of bed I didn’t bother glancing over at myself as I passed the hall mirror but looked over when I passed Sid’s room. The door was wide open and Sidney was the only one in bed, snoring just as loudly as he always had. Curious. The floorboards squeaked a little under my weight as I headed downstairs to where I knew a warm cup of coffee would wake me up even more. I rounded the corner and heard Sidney’s alarm going off upstairs and something fall onto the floor. He’d probably rolled out of bed.
I shook my head and finished rounding the wall and I could see Bernie, fallen asleep in a mound of canvas, paints and finished paintings in their frames. She seemed to have fallen asleep there out of exhaustion. It was cute seeing her so vulnerable. She was never not cute but it seemed as though now, while asleep, she was less likely to yell at me for letting my eyes do what they’d always done. It was hard for me, though, to think of her as just another one night stand. She was a wonderful person. I’d grown to really enjoy her company. I didn’t know if she felt the same but it didn’t looked like she didn’t. She’d always been there to make my day and I smiled as I continued on passed the room to the kitchen.
Sidney’s heavy footfalls sounded down the stairs a few minutes later after the coffee was already done and I watched him pad easily into the kitchen, getting a cup before sitting down.
“Have you seen Bernie anywhere? I don’t think she came to bed last night.” Sid commented as he took a drink, running a hand through his messy hair. I laughed into my cup and stopped drinking before answering that questioning look on his face.
“She’s down here, mon ame. Fell asleep in the living room.” I assured him, watching him let out a held breath, “Where else would she go?”
“I dunno. She’s a wily one.” he joked, taking another drink before getting up and heading to the living room’s entrance. I walked with him and watched that goofy crooked smile cross his face as he looked around at all the beautiful paintings I hadn’t seemed to notice when I’d got here. One was of the Stanley Cup, another of the skyline in Pittsburgh; I even saw one that was a lifelike watercolor of the group picture we’d taken. There was one of Sidney skating with his stick and his shadow was holding the cup, one of two crossed sticks and a puck and a few of what seemed to be a sunset over a farm of some kind. And finally my eyes fell on a picture that seemed the most playful. It was a painting of Sidney with pie all over his face and Bernie sitting with Colby and Riley; high fiving.
My eyes finally turned back to Sidney, who was also stunned by all the pictures that were hanging around on the walls. Some were large and others were very small but all were expertly done. He picked her up after a minute of silence and held her in his arms. She seemed to know it was him and curled up comfortably into his chest. I felt a twinge of jealousy. Bernie was a beautiful girl and I felt as though I should be the one carrying her, the one caring for her. But then I looked at Sidney and saw that happy serene look that floated through his eyes and didn’t feel so bad. Sidney and Bernie were good for each other. They were in love. I could understand. I went into the kitchen to make breakfast as he took her upstairs to bed I was sure.
><><>Sid’s POV><><><
I couldn’t believe it. She’d filled all the frames and had extra pictures laying around. Looking down into her peaceful face as I took every step with a gentle footstep, I smiled. She was amazing. All this for my birthday. Wonderful. I made it up to my room and laid her down on the bed, throwing a blanket over her gently afterwards. She curled up into the sheets gratefully, not opening her eyes but smiling a little in her sleep. I ran my fingers through her hair and kissed her head.
“Baby girl you are the best.” I whispered, watching her stir and move into my touch but not wake up. She was so tired. I wondered then how long it had taken her to paint all those pictures. I hadn’t had time to even look at them all. The ones I had seen had been beautiful. One of her family pieing me, another of the Cup, the skyline, our group picture. I wondered what else she’d painted. They were all so beautiful.
I walked downstairs quietly after pulling the door closed. I left a post it beside the bed telling her to call me when she woke up. I saw Max back in the kitchen and walked into the living room to pick up her paints and canvis. A few more pictures without frames were strewn, still partially drying, on the table. There was one of Marc and I in our car for the parade that was so real I could’ve almost mistaken it for a picture. And finally as I was cleaning up everything and sitting it together next to the entertainment center, I found a note.
‘Siddy,
Hope you love your pictures. I tried my best to make them beautiful. I wish I could do more for your birthday. I love you so much, baby boy. You’re birthday should be the best day you’ve ever had because mine with you was. Can’t think of much to say. Love you. ♥
-Bernie Rae’
I smiled. She was wonderful. My heart soared a little as I put the note down easily on the table and looked around to the beautiful paintings that now filled up the living room walls. Some of them were the most amazing things I’d ever seen while others could have easily been mistaken for photographs. When I’d asked her for something this breathtaking I hadn’t imagined that it would be hanging from the disgracing pale blue walls so soon. The pictures made the rest of the room look duller, less full of life. It was an awkward yet somehow humbling experience to stand in the middle of the room and stare around at the pictures.
And somehow ten minutes later, after a long look at every single photo that was hanging around, I tore myself away from them and went into the warm kitchen, knowing that today would be a long day but one filled with fun none the less.
><><><>Bernie’s POV><><><>
I woke up mid day with a start before realizing I was laying in one of the most comfortable beds I’d ever had the pleasure of sleeping in. I rolled over and noticed that I wasn’t in the living room anymore. My first thought was of the paintings. And then my mind flipped to how I’d gotten up here. I didn’t remember moving, let alone coming upstairs and laying down.
Rolling over lightly I heard something shift on the sheets that had the familiar crinkling of paper. Glancing back over I saw the bright white paper sitting next to me, addressed with my name and a heart. A warm chill ran down my back. But that was also the instant I realized that today was Sidney’s birthday, the whole house was quiet and it was three in the afternoon. I jumped up and nearly fell over my own feet trying to get to my bag, which sat neatly in the corner.
I dug through it and randomly pulled out clothes before seeing that there was a shirt sitting on the dresser. It was Sidney’s RBK shirt, neatly folded and seeming to be there at the most perfect time. I picked it up and slipped it on, enjoying the fact that it was big on me and smelled of him. I pulled on my other jeans and the Pens belt I’d gotten for my birthday before flopping back down on the bed in the featherlike sheets, picking up the note lightly. I kinda wondered why he’d left me a note but then again, this was Sidney we were talking about. Always thoughtful.
‘Bernie,
Baby doll! I love your pictures. You’ve made it a great birthday. Max and I had to leave but you looked so exhausted and I didn’t have the heart to wake you up. Just call me when you get up and I’ll tell you where we are and where we’ll be. You are the best girlfriend ever. So says egoman so shall it be. Make sure you’re ready when you find us. Best kiss of your life; not just because I love you but because everyone’ll have a picture of it afterwards.
Tay called earlier and asked where you were and she’s sad that you weren’t up but she said she’d meet you at Tim Norton’s later for lunch. I think it’ll be nice for her to have a friend outside of all the chaos here. Being my little sister can’t be fun with the fans. Anyway, I’ll see you, mon cherri.
With all the love in the world,
Sidney’
I smiled to myself and sat the note down neatly on the side table, fixing my hair and brushing my teeth before going downstairs to get coffee, which I knew would be hot from this morning. Once I was awake enough I headed through the halls into the living room, taking prideful notice of the pictures that now hung in all the frames. I reached the living room and stopped dead, looking around to all the frames that were now full of pictures. Light shown brightly through the spotless windows that faced the lake and the contrast of my pictures and the bright colors of the sky made my head spin. It was breathtaking.
I tried my best to ignore it as I searched through the mass of papers on the table for my phone. I found it only when it began to ring. The ID read Siddy<3.
“Hello?” I said half excitedly, still taken aback by the view of the lake as I stared out the window.
“Baby!” Sidney’s voice was almost as upbeat as mine. I could hear a crowd in the background and Max chatting with someone who’s voice was in a low roar. Troy most likely. “How are you? Awake yet?”
“Oh yeah. I woke up in the most comfortable bed.” I commented half sarcastically, running a hand back through my hair, “How are you, babe?”
“I’m great. Max and my dad are here. Tay’s with mom and the cup’s with me. I’m just missing the most important person.” his voice was in a slight whisper, as if he was trying to keep his words secret just for me. I smiled to myself and knew in my mind he was smiling too.
“Where are you guys?” I questioned, stepping outside on the front porch and immediately catching a breeze full of mist. It was quite refreshing.
“We’re coming to the tennis courts to play hockey and then there’s a party for a few hundred then my family’s coming over tonight.” he started, devious wily tones dancing on every note that left his mouth, “But I want some time alone with you later, mon cherri.”
“Mmmm sounds like a plan. I’ll be a the courts then.” I replied, stepping down off the porch. My eyes immediately fell upon a car that was out of the ordinary in the driveway. Taurus.
“Jack should be coming to get you. I sent him to get you before he came to the game. Can’t have my best friends without my girl.” Sid said happily, seeming to know that I’d discovered the car.
“He’s here, I think. I’ll see you then, baby boy. I love you.” I told him as Jack jumped out of his car and waved at me energetically.
“Love you more. See you.” Sid replied before the line went dead.
And as we drove towards the courts Jack took it upon himself to play twenty questions, as if he was a spy for the others. He was smart about it though, giving information as he got it. All around he was a pretty nice guy.
“So, how’s Pittsburgh? I haven’t been there in so long.” he said, suddenly seeming dreaming and reminiscent of his own thoughts instead of questioning me.
“Pittsburgh is wonderful. I love it almost as much as I love Lloydminster and Calgary. Almost.” I commented, looking out the window to see that everywhere around us in Halifax seemed deserted. I knew why immediately. Everyone, young or old, eight or eighty-seven was watching Sidney get ready to play hockey.
“Calgary and Lloydminster, huh? Why bother with them. They’re not nearly as awesome.” he replied, glancing over at me as he kept going, turning past the strip mall where I knew Tim Norton’s was.
“Well I was born and raised in Lloydminster and my Nana lives in Calgary with some of my other family so I was back and forth all my life. I used to be the biggest Calgary flames fan you’ve ever seen. Obviously now my allegiance has changed.” I made sure to point that out. A smile crossed his face and he stopped at a red light, courts over the horizon with a crowd of at least 18,000 watching.
“I see. Well I don’t have to deal with that. The family and friends are all here. Born and raised in Halifax.” he started, pulling out with a gentle shift of the car, “What was life like with Colby and Riley?”
“Oh it was nuts. They hated my guy friends and I’m still convinced they hate Sidney. I love him though so there’s nothing they can do about it.” I replied simply watching as we pulled in beside Sid’s Range Rover. The hawks in my stomach began to fly and I felt a sudden jump in my heart beat. I loved this feeling.
“Sidney really loves you too. He won’t shut up about it. None of us could believe it.” Jack started, hand frozen in place on his door handle, as if in suspended animation. “And I’m sorry for questioning you but Sid’s been my best friend since before anyone ever knew he was good at hockey. I have to make sure that you’re a good person. I mean I didn’t sense anything I didn’t like about you when we met but you know how it goes. You’re a good girl and Sid loves you more than he can probably even explain.”
“It’s alright, I know how it goes. You’re a good person too, Jack. I think we could be awesome friends but for now it’s hockey time.” I said happily, pushing my door open in unison with his. We slammed the doors to announce that we were there and immediately I heard shuffling feet so that we could get through to the tennis courts where the hockey team save for us was there. I saw everyone and finally my eyes fell upon Sidney, who stood in net facing the other direction in full goalie gear. Everyone I’d met yesterday waved hello and finally after that Sidney noticed and turned around.
Taking his mask off he walked over to Jack and I, smiling the whole time. “Hey Jack. Thanks, man.” he said, doing a strange little handshake with Jack before turning his sights on me. His gaze was soft and hard, warm and cold, strong and weak.
“No problem. I’m gonna go get my stuff on, Sid. See you out there.” Jack excused himself gracefully, knowing what was coming now as if with some sort of premonition. Sidney finally stood in front of me with much broader shoulders and a taller appearance than usual. I didn’t mind. He was still my Siddy.
“How was your nap, baby?” he whispered, looking down and smiling when he noticed his shirt.
“Great.” I answered softly, returning his warm grin. And finally, the moment that was hanging in the air came to life. Sid leaned down a little, hair falling over his face as he leaned his forehead on mine.
“You are a wonderful girl.” he whispered again, staring down into my eyes. I smiled and glanced away girlishly. Sid always had a way of making the butterflies that were natural now turn into hawks. A way of making me feel like I was flying. It was amazing.
“You’re not so bad yourself.” I replied with a hint of complimentary in my voice. He smirked to himself and his lips met mine lightly. It was just enough to make my heart jump but not enough to lead to anything else. Letting up, he pulled away slowly letting the feeling linger. I flipped my bangs out of my eyes and knew immediately that my face was flush.
“You’re so cute!” he squealed in a sudden girlish tone, “I love it!”
“I love you too, Siddy.” I told him, rolling my eyes as I heard a murmur through the crowd. I knew then that half the people there had a picture of us kissing and while it wasn’t really intimidating it was a little strange. I guess I still wasn’t used to being Sid’s girlfriend, even after all this time together.
“Hey! Love birds! Come on already! Game time!” Nick yelled over, waving his arms frantically as if it would somehow aid in making Sidney and I move quickly. I giggled and walked with Sid to the net, greeting everyone with a pleasant hello. Contrary to yesterday’s meeting they were all quite happy to see me today.
“Tay’s over there with the Cup and dad. I’ll see you after game.” Sid said, pulling on his mask. He looked so foreign behind a cage.
“Good luck, Siddy.” I called over my shoulder as I joined Taylor and Troy with the Stanley cup on the sidelines of the well placed tennis court. I could hear people behind the fence chatting in idle waiting. And the game began. I was interested in it for the fact that I’d never seen Sidney play goal before outside of practice. The crowd was obviously nearly as interested as I, for they quieted just as quickly as they had begun talking. The silence around the tennis courts was eerie. Some cheered when Sid was scored on but most cheered when Sid’s team made a goal. Dull roars went up every once and a while but for the most part the crowd was as silent as death.
Halfway through the game Taylor nudged me in the side, earning my full and immediate attention, if not a high jump off the ground. I turned towards her and saw that her eyes were lit up like Christmas in New York. It raised my curiosity.
“Hmm?” I asked, looking her over with more thought than I’d been putting into the game that was slowly unfolding in front of me.
“Jack has a tendency to shoot high left when he comes in against Sidney.” she said happily, smile gleaming in the beautiful Nova Scotian weather. I mirrored her happiness almost instantly. She was right. Jack had tended to shoot high left on Sidney because that was Sidney’s weak spot, something that not many people could pick out.
“Yeah. He does.” I reaffirmed what she was already thinking. She smiled and clapped her hands together, reveling in her success.
“I’ve been watching really carefully. I’m getting better. Or maybe that’s just because I’ve known Jack for so long, I don’t know. Thanks for trying to explain it to me though.” her voice was grateful and I nodded as I continued to watch the ongoing game. Troy flanked my other side but sat quietly as Taylor and I began to discuss hockey and eventually faded to what we were going to have when we went out to lunch that day. Eventually we fell silent and continued to watch the game as it got more and more interesting. The teams tied for a few minutes and I folded my arms over my knees, resting my head as I watched Sidney continued to block shots. His gear wasn’t regulation and was too big and bulky, needless to say it was the most likely reason some of the shots were deflected.
And when I felt the rings on my right hand being twisted around lightly I raised my head, glancing over to see Troy lightly moving them so that the gems shown brightly in the sun. He didn’t noticed me watching him and for a split second I saw a part of Sidney’s thoughtful curiosity in his furrowed brow and careful eyes. He met my gaze and smiled warmly, obviously not afraid to accept me as a friend now.
“He’s got some kind of taste.” he commented, smiling as I heard the people on court celebrating the tie breaking goal.
“He doesn’t think so.” I answered back with quiet thoughtfulness. Troy seemed to be deeply secluded into his own mind after that and I took to just watching the game again, smiling as I saw Taylor begin to figure a few more things out.
The game finished out and Sidney’s team won but Sid didn’t take another round with the cup, instead he selflessly let the others hoist the cup over their heads in a dream like sequence that they had all probably imagined since early childhood. I met up with Sidney for a moment as the cup went around and he gave me a short lived kiss before Taylor and I left his company for Tim Norton’s.
We arrived there and, as there always were, people with cameras followed. The got a few pictures of us laughing and having fun, and in general we enjoyed our time together. Taylor was a wonderful kid and she was defiantly more mature for her age.
And it seemed as though that was the beginning of one of the greatest times of my life. So many wonderful things followed that day that it was hard to keep track of the days. We went through the motions of the rest of summer and Sid went off to Olympic training camp for team Canada while I took care of some matters with the Pirates, who were in their longest losing streak ever. Actually, it was the longest losing streak in the history of sports. Which, I mean at least they were winning at something. Some kind of sick constellation I suppose.
October came and went and Mario held a Halloween party which Sidney and I skipped out early on to go and visit with Maddie, who was having her third heart transplant in two years. Mischa got a lot bigger but she was still ornery and jumpy and very very vocal.
November was upon us and Thanksgiving brought an even bigger party. Even though it was a lot to do, I called up my family and they all came in to have dinner with me. Sidney’s family was in so we all got together, even managed to call up Max and his family, the Staals and of course the Lemiuex’s. Maddie, Jess and Paul dropped in and together with all of us it was a full house. The pictures from that night filled up my house not too long after along with the ones my mother had taken at the airport, the ones Linda had taken in Thunder Bay and the others from Halloween. Of course they took second to my Christmas pictures but I was acquiring quite the collection of funny pictures. Conversation pieces was what Max called them. All in all Thanksgiving owned any of my other pictures from LA, Halifax, Calgary, Thunder bay and Atlanta by a long shot. Considering I had had 34 people in the house at once, not counting Mischa.
December was upon us and fast approaching was Sidney and I’s one year. Nothing had been planned or discussed for we were in the peak of hockey season. We didn’t have time to breath let alone plan something special. I couldn’t speak for Sidney but I could barely get back to my house before I was out cold, usually on my couch. And soon it was Sunday the twentieth and I hadn’t planned a thing yet. Still just stuck in my usual work with the exception of making time to visit Maddie, who had begun to decline in health and had been hospitalized for a period of time through the winter months with phuenomonia.
Walking into my office on the twenty first I found myself at a loss for much to say. I’d just been to visit Maddie and she’d been too sick to see visitors, though Paul and Jess comforted me with the thought that she was just in a deep sleep from her last chemo treatment. The cancer that had been in remission had flared its ugly head again. Just as I sat down and began to work a knock on my door sounded in the office and made me jump a few feet. I glanced up to see the stitched ‘C’ through the window and it eased my mind, if only for a moment.
“Come in?” I questioned, watching the door open to show a smiling Sidney before me. I sat down what I was doing. It wasn’t nearly as important as he was. “Do you even have to knock anymore? You just walk right into my house.”
“Thought it’d be polite if you were with Gilles or Dany.” he answered, sitting down in the chair in front of mine and spinning around mindlessly as if he was reliving his early childhood immaturity.
“Well I’m glad to see you’re in such high spirits about the Detroit game.” I joked, shaking my head as he continued to spin round and round, never seeming to get dizzy.
“I’m not worried. We’ve won a lot of games this year.” he said through half dizzying spins. It was true. We’d won almost fifty percent of all of our games, maybe even fifty-five. I was sincerely impressed with the effort this year even if we had lost Petr Sykora, Hal Gill and Rob Scuderi; all of whom we’d beaten when we took them on. Detroit was nothing anymore. No challenge. Obsolete.
“Well I hate to burst your bubble but I went to see Maddie today and…. Well it’s not the best condition she’s been in.” I whispered, voice failing me all of the sudden. Sidney stopped himself in an instant, pushing his hands to my desk with such force that it flew into me. He was gripping it so hard that his knuckles shown bright white in the soft lighting.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, voice dropping into a worried hush of it’s former firmness. His eyes searched over my face for any shred of hope in mine. I don’t think he found it.
“Well… her cancer came back…” I explained as lightly as I could. This was a hard for him as it was for me. Even though we’d only met them last year we had become extremely attached to Maddie and her family, partaking in coming to minor league games with her and her friends, taking her to movies and taking the family to dinner. “And she’s still got pheunomonia. She wasn’t even aloud to have visitors so I haven’t seen her. Jess and Paul were trying to be reassuring but they weren’t convincing. I’m worried, Sidney, I won’t lie.”
“She got that bad since I was last to see her…?” he questioned, suddenly confused by his own words. It sounded as though he wasn’t completely there anymore, like he was having an out of body experience.
“I suppose so. I’m going back after game to see if she’s any better. Are..” I didn’t even get my words out before he was standing up and coming around the desk.
“Yes, I am coming with you.” his voice was quiet and hard, as if he was trying to push away whatever it was he was feeling inside. His arms wrapped themselves around me like snakes and held firm as he kissed my head, almost assuring himself to be strong instead of telling me. Another knock at my door startled us but he held me tightly, afraid to let go of me. Like I were to disappear if he lost my touch.
“Almost game time!” Gilles yelled in before heading away. Sidney held me for another minute before letting go. His face was tear stained and I knew that he’d been silently crying that whole time. Maddie had become more than a friend to us. She was like a little sister to us both. It hit hard. He was about to turn and walk out before I caught him, pulling him back around with gently hand. I put both my hands lightly on his cheeks, wiping away whatever was left of his tears.
“You have a game to win, Siddy. Maddie will be fine. Go out there and win one for her.” I said, watching his eyes sparkle with a newfound spark he had lost but gained back again with more force.
“And for you, bijou. I haven’t forgotten our anniversary is tomorrow.” he whispered, kissing me with lingering love before turning and walking out. I smiled, picking up my papers after I rearranged my desk and walked out.
I made it to the bench just as everyone’s name was being called on ice and waved behind the bench to Vero, Marc’s girlfriend and my best friend, with whom I’d become very close since she’d moved in with Marc. She waved a light hello and offered a smile before turning back to the conversation she was having with Marc’s mother, France.
And the game went as well as was to be expect. Sidney seemed to be flying and performing twice as well as usual, with a HT and five assists. We won our game 8-6 and not long afterward headed out to the hospital to see Maddie, who was now awake and aloud to see visitors. We stayed with her all night long, falling asleep a while after she had but before Paul and Jess, who had allowed us to stay not only because Maddie wanted it but because they felt we had a right now. They considered us family.
Waking up the next morning in the small hospital loveseat that sat across the room from the foot of Maddie’s bed I tried to stay still for Sidney, who was still sleeping beside me, arms curled around me protectively. I opened my eyes to see that Paul and Jess had gone for breakfast and Maddie was wide eyed and looked better than she had before, smiling widely and offering a silent wave as I met her eyes.
“Hi Maddie.” I whispered, attempting not to move.
“Hi!” she exclaimed in a hushed voice, “You two are very cute!”
“Thanks.” Sidney’s voice came from low in his chest as he opened an eye and stared over at her, smiling. I turned in his arms as he waved a hand at Maddie, telling her to look away. Of course she didn’t and as I managed to look him in the face his lips met mine fierily. It wasn’t obscene or horrifyingly porn-esk but it was enough to give me the message. He broke away and leaned his forehead on mine, holding me close.
“Mmm good morning, monsieur Sidney.” I said quietly, watching a smirk turning up in the corners of his mouth.
“Happy Anniversary, mademoiselle.” he answered, voice just as low as mine. He kissed me again before touching noses with me, “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I spat almost on impulse. It was a natural response now. No thought process, no reaction time, just pure instinct. We sat there, staring into each other’s faces for a moment before Maddie could take it no longer.
“Awwwwweeehhhh! It’s your anniversary today! Happy day!” she squealed, laughing giddily. We both looked over to her and our smiles widened. Seeing her in such good spirits made us both a little happier. I couldn’t help but squirm as she got up and walked to the bathroom. The door closed and Sidney was immediately on me, kissing my neck and biting down on my sweet spot gently. I wasn’t facing him so it was difficult for me to stop him but I finally managed to put my hand through his hair, stopping him for a moment.
“Siddy, baby, not now. We have all day. Calm down.” I whispered half heartedly, getting him to stop. He sat up and pulled me along into his lap, holding on for dear life.
“I just love you, babe. A whole year is a long time. Longest relationship I’ve ever had. Best one too.” he started, kissing my neck again, “You’re an amazing woman. I’m just happy you’re still with me, honey.”
“I’m happy I’m still with you too, Sid. I love you so much. You said it before, you’re my best friend.” I told him, intertwining my fingers in his just before Maddie came back out of the bathroom, looking paler than she had when she’d gone in. I tried to stand up and go over to her but she waved me back.
“Chemo makes me sick. It’s normal.” she whispered, voice barely above a whisper now. It seemed to have sucked all the life from her small fragile form.
“Is there anything you want, Maddie?” I asked, finally pulling away from Sid as I helped her back into bed. She smiled gently, watching my every move with close attention.
“Breakfast, but mom and dad already went to get it.” she started, smiling at me, “But I know what you could do.”
“Hmm?” I said, suddenly taking on a feeling of wanting to please her. I wondered for a moment if this is what it was like to be a parent but shook it off as she smiled widely, happiness shining through the pain.
“Hang up that picture on the wall over there.” she said, gesturing to a picture frame that was facing the wall, “I’ll be here for a while. Might as well have something to look at.”
I nodded and picked up the picture, not seeing what it was until I turned it to hang it on the nail. It was the picture I’d given her. A small sense of pride welled up inside me as I hung it, making sure that it was centered. Sidney had already gotten up and I heard Maddie giggle as he kissed her forehead. She had the biggest crush on Sidney from the time she’d first seen him and every time he made a gesture like that she’d get the giggles.
“Good?” I called over my shoulder to her. She nodded furiously and beckoned me to come over. I complied and she took Sidney and I’s hand, much as she had when we had been in Detroit in the finals. She pushed them together and we intertwined our fingers. This time, though, she looked a lot more solemn than she had before, a lot more desperate to say what she was thinking.
“I know you two will be together for a long time. And I hope you’re very happy.” she started with a smile, “I can’t say as to how long I’ll be around, though. I know I’m suppose to think positive but I know my own body better than anyone and I’ve got no idea how long I’ve got. I can feel everything they’re doing to me and I know that my body isn’t taking it as well as everyone thinks. I’m not trying to be pessimistic and don’t tell me to not think that way but this is what I’m thinking. I want you two to be together forever. You’re both amazing people. And if I don’t make it to see the day you get married, make sure you remember just one thing.”
“Maddie you’re gonna make it for a long time to co..” Sid started before she shushed him firmly.
“Shh. Listen to me before my parents come and insist that I not speak my mind. I wasn’t kidding when I said name it after me. Just remember that in the future, kay? Oh, and if anything ever happens just take that painting.” she said, lowering her voice to a whisper, “Okay?”
“Okay.” Sidney and I both said in unison, not needing to meet eyes to understand that she was serious. She smiled and kissed both our cheeks.
“Now you might have to leave because mom and dad are coming down the hall. I’ll see you later though, I hope. Happy anniversary.” she said just before her parents came in and shooed us out politely so that she could go for chemo. We left hand in hand and I knew that we were both still a little shocked by everything that had just happened.
We went through the motions of the day and stayed together most every minute of it. We went skating at the Mellon, taking slow laps around in the silence of the empty arena. It was after practice but before our game tomorrow. Leaving there we headed to Sid’s house for a few minutes so that we could change and then to mine for a movie. There we discovered that Mischa, after eating the locket Sidney had given me for Christmas last year, had thrown it back up. I attempted to clean it but it was a failed effort, all hope was lost.
Sitting down for a movie in my sweats with Sidney was possibly the most relaxing thing I’d done in a long time. We hadn’t had much alone time lately with hockey season in full swing. Most times we got where between games or before we went to sleep, not since summer had we had a whole day to ourselves. I leaned into his chest gently and he held me to him with a gentle strength that surprised even me.
Around halfway through the movie ‘Stranger Than Fiction’ I was almost asleep when Sidney woke me up again. He kissed my head and smiled as my eyes fluttered open gently.
“Hmmm?” I questioned half tiredly. I had really been wiped out by the frequency of our games.
“It’s our anniversary. I thought we’d celebrate?” he questioned, leaning his head down on mine.
“Mmmm like how?” I questioned timidly, feeling a little naïve in the process. He chuckled and pulled me closer. His right arm disappeared from my stomach for a moment and reappeared a minute later, holding on to something.
“Well… I can’t easily let this go without doing something special for you, cheri. So I got you something…” he started before I let myself whine in protest. I hated presents but he seemed to be the only one to be able to get around that.
“You shouldn’t have, Sid.” I whimpered, giving up when he kissed my cheek.
“But I did because I think you deserve it.” he whispered, “Close your eyes.” And I complied without question, feeling his hands pushing a chain into mine. “Open.” he said quietly.
Opening my eyes I looked down to see a beautiful white gold heart necklace, not that unlike the locket I’d gotten for Christmas. This one was simple on the front, a few etches for décor but not much else. I twisted it around in my fingers and saw that something was engraved on the other side. ‘December 22, 2008 ♥ I love you. Forever.’ I felt my eyes twinge with a slight misty feeling that passed over me before I turned in Sid’s arms and kissed him, which he accepted easily and without fight.
“You are great.” I told him, earning a smile.
“I know.” he started, kissing the rings on my right hand, “I love you so much. I have no idea how to show you how much you mean to me. It’s the best I can do.”
“Sidney, every single time you look at me you show me how much you love me. I know exactly how you feel about me every time you kiss me. It’s about all I can do to keep myself on my feet and breathing. And when we make love I feel so much for you I can’t even stand it. I love who I am with you. And you make me feel like nothing can ever happen. No matter what goes on you just make my life better.” I said quietly, forcing him to listen intently. A smile was already crossing that beautiful face and his eyes were sparkling with glee, dancing with happiness. “And now that I’ve completely inflated your ego, let’s go to bed.” I said, standing up and pulling him up onto his feet afterwards. He kissed me deeply and I tussled his hair, noticing that sly smile after we broke apart.
“So would it inflate your ego if I told you how good you were in bed? Or would that just turn you on?” he whispered in my ear though we were alone in my house, save for Mischa. He ran his hands down my sides, molding them to my curves and I shivered, squirming out of his grasp and taking off towards the hall.
“I guess you’ll have to follow me and find out.” I said, turning and throwing my shirt at him.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” he said, grinning as he ran down the hall after me.
And the next few days were shaped by the fact that we’d never been happier together. We’d never been happier in our lives period. We spent them together save for games and practices but even then we made time afterwards or before for breakfast and lunch or a movie with Max and Jordan. Marc and Geno took their girlfriends out for dinner and invited Max and his bunny and Sid and I. We went along out of respect and I spent most of my time with Vero, leaving Oksana and Max’s ‘girlfriend’ Brittany to talk amongst themselves as the guys made attempts to get us all involved in one conversation.
Like nothing ever happened Christmas was on us. Sidney’s family had made the journey in and were staying with him at the Lemieux’s so I didn’t see much of him for a while, but that was okay. My family couldn’t come in this Christmas and I understood that. Colby wanted to spend his time with Melissa and Riley had a new girlfriend. My parents were in Calgary with my nana and pap. And so I was left alone mostly. I put up the tree like I had last year and decorated the house but felt a little lonely for a while. Max called to wish me a happy Christmas but couldn’t talk long because he was with Brittany. Geno stopped by on his way to see Oksana and I thanked him for the borsht he‘d made for me.
The day faded to me watching some Christmas movies as Eric and Jordan stopped by. Godsy nearly crushed me while Jordan was pretty decent and decided against trying to kill me. Godsy left about an hour later but Jordan stayed with me all day. His family couldn’t come in either thanks to a horrible snow drift in Thunder Bay. I told him he was welcome to stay with me and he agreed, helping me fix lunch with a smile. Jordy was a great guy.
A few hours later I remembered that we’d been invited to go to the Lemieux’s for Christmas dinner.
“Hey Jordy! We have to go to Mario’s for dinner! Nat’s orders!” I called into the living room. I heard him laugh.
“Oh yeah, because Nat’s a scary woman!” he shouted back, “Wanna just go now then?”
“You go, I’ll be along. I have to make sure Mischa comes out from hiding.” I told him, “Just tell them I’ll be over by six.” I said, glancing at the clock and seeing that it read 5:30.
“Okay. Bye Bernie!” Jordan said, closing the door before too much cold got in. I was quietly humming by myself to a tune that I knew quite well when I heard the door open again. I glanced around the wall to see Jeremy standing in the doorway.
“Hi Jeremy. Long time no see! How’ve you been?” I asked, continuing on with what I was doing. I heard him coming through the house to the kitchen and didn’t bother to turn around as he began speaking.
“Oh it’s been fine.” he said quietly, as if observing, “Just been thinking a lot.”
“About what?” I asked, continuing to hum the tune to ‘Oh Canada’. I dropped everything I was holding when I felt a knife to my back.
“About how much of a bitch you are.” he said, voice suddenly deep in his throat. I felt my breath get caught in mine as I tried to stay still, praying that this was all just a dream.
“Take it easy here, I don’t want any trouble, Jeremy.” I whispered as calmly as I could, putting down what I was holding. That was obviously the wrong thing to do, I found. Jeremy grabbed me around my waist and dragged me back down the hallway without much effort at all into the spare room. He held me to him and the knife for a moment, as if thoughtful or maybe merciful. It didn’t last.
“Well you should’ve thought about that before you made Zacky’s life a mess. You don’t fuck with him like that. And you’re going to learn.” his voice was so menacing. It shook me to my soul. With one motion he threw me at the spare bed that I had just made this morning anticipating Jordan’s family to come. I struggled with him but the knife in my back made me stop. Whatever he was going to do I just didn’t want to die. I felt him behind me, knees pinning me down. Immediately I felt myself weaken as a person, my spirit was gone. I couldn’t fight him, he was stronger than me. And he had a knife.
“Please don’t kill me….” I whimpered through tears, “Please…. I’ve got too much to live for.”
“Shut up!” he screamed, smacking me in the face so hard that my neck cracked. More tears and a throbbing pain in my head. I felt my heart racing out of fear. And suddenly my mind knew what he was going to do. It terrified me. My eyes wouldn’t open but I felt the cool metal on the pocket knife cutting my shirt up to my bra. His hands were roaming everywhere and I squirmed but he stopped me, knife pressed to my throat. “You’ve taken what was most important in my brother’s life from him, and now I’m taking what is most important to you.” And with that I felt him under my skirt. I screamed but the knife pressed to my side stopped it to just a futile whimper. I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes as he took what he wanted from me. As he finished I managed to open my eyes, tears still streaming from the crying I’d been doing the whole time to see his smirk. He was pleased with what he’d just done. Of course I’d been trying to get away but the knife was good reason to stay still.
“They’ll find you….. And you won’t get away with this… They‘ll kill you.” I managed as he began to gather himself, leaving me shaking on the bed. His face grew hard again and he pinned me down, holding my arms to my chest with one hand. His face came so near to mine and I forced my eyes closed when I could feel his breaths. And then he forced a kiss on me. I tried to stop him but he kept going. When he forced his tongue into my mouth I pushed him off me with strength I hadn’t known I had. That didn’t make him happy. He jumped back over me and held me down.
“And now you’re screwing with me? Fuck you bitch!” he screamed and then I felt the knife cutting my side like butter. From the top of my ribs to my waist I knew was bleeding now and I felt myself getting really woosy as he got up. “No one will ever catch me. No one will ever know or I’ll find you. You probably won’t even make it. Merry Christmas.” he jorted as he walked out the door. I heard the front door close but was too weak to stand or move. My head tilted to the right but I could see nothing but red. I tried to hold the wound shut but it was a failed effort. No one would hear me if I screamed. And eventually I faded to black. I could see nothing but the images of people I’d never see again. The Team, My Family, My Friends. Sidney.
><><><><><>Jordan’s POV><><><>
I drove to the Lemiuex’s but Nathalie insisted that I go and get Bernie. Mario decided to come along with Troy and we headed out back to Bernie’s house. We got there in a few minutes and I checked the time. It was 6:15. Bernie have never been late before. Her car wasn’t even started yet. That was pretty odd. I jumped out of the car and went up the driveway, leaving Mario and Troy conversing in the fridged air. I made it to the door and was going to knock when I noticed that it was left open. I hadn’t done that when I’d left. Mischa sat in the doorway, mewing like crazy. I reached down to pet her when I noticed she was covered in something. After a moment my stomach turned. She was drenched in blood.
“TROY! MARIO!” I screeched, immediately earning their undivided attention. I was already halfway through the house when I heard their heavy footfalls hit the doorway. I was pushing open every door I could find, searching frantically for something I didn’t really know I wanted to find. And finally with one final thrust of a door I saw something I’d never wanted to see. Bernie was laying unconscious in bed, blood gushing out of a wound that striped her side. Troy and Mario rushed in and stopped in the doorway while I tried my hardest to wake her up, crying a little at the sight of how helpless and hopeless this looked.
“Mario go call 911, I’m gonna try to stop the bleeding.” Troy said, trying to take control though I knew he was probably just as weak in this as I was. It was only then that I thought of Sidney. He’d wanted to propose to her today. I had been thinking that this would be a wonderful time, that’d we’d laugh and eat dinner but now I was only wondering if she would live long enough to see seven o’ clock.
I moved out of Troy’s way as he tore up the bed sheets and picked her up in his arms, wrapping it around her until it was taunt and tight, holding the blood she had left inside. He was covered in her blood now, as were the sheets and the floor. I could hear Mario talking to 911 in the other room. It was good that they were just down a few blocks. I didn’t know what to do. My life was flipping. I’d never see anything like this outside of a tv show, let alone expected it to happen to my friend. And I didn’t know what to do with myself except shy away from everything and cry as the medics came and took her out to the hospital. Only after they had gone did I get instruction.
“Jordan you have to pull it together.” Mario said through a rasping voice, “You have to go and get Sid and the family to come to the hospital. Troy and I are going to ride along with her. You have to do this, Jordan. Pull yourself together.”
“Okay.” was the only thing I could manage. I suddenly felt the overwhelming fear of what Sidney was going to do when he found out. Mario and Troy were gone and I was left in silence as the medics drove away. I heard my heart beat and found myself sobbing. And then Mischa was at my feet, seemingly just as shaken as I was. I picked her up in my arms and ran to the car, breaking the speed limit the whole way to Mario’s. I ran up the drive and didn’t bother knocking, throwing open the door and scaring everyone who was sitting in the living room.
“Jordan! My word! What’s happened to you!” Nat said, looking at the completely frantic look in my eyes. Everyone else was up in a minute after I couldn’t find any words. It was only then that I figured out I was still crying. Sidney came up to me and shook my shoulders fiercely, filled with what seemed to be rage and frustration.
“Jordan Staal! What is wrong with you! Talk to us, Damnit!” he said in a frantic tizzy. The only words I could make out came after a few seconds of frantic shaking.
“Hospital. Mario and Troy went to the hospital.” I said, looking down at the blood covering my hands as Mischa came out from inside my jacket. Sidney looked down confusedly before his gaze caught Mischa and he fell into tears of what I knew had to be the same sickening feeling I had when I’d found her.
“What’s happened?!” Nat asked confusedly as she and the kids threw on their shoes and coats and headed outside. I didn’t have time to answer them. Sidney stood, empty and dead in front of me. He was shaking and Trina and Taylor attempted to get him to move but he couldn’t even look up.
“Go get in the car Taylor. Jordan go with her. I’ll take Sidney.” Trina ordered, taking as much control as Troy had. I’m glad they could. I could barely speak. I drove Taylor to the hospital behind Nat in a hasty manor, not speaking as we went. I heard her biting her nails as we drove but I could do nothing to comfort her.
By the time we got there I saw Nat was already inside with Mario, who was visibly shaken and Taylor clung to Troy for dear life. Trina and Sidney showed up afterwards but Sidney couldn’t even stand up anymore. He collapsed into a chair in the large and very empty waiting room. I couldn’t imagine this for him. He didn’t even know what had happened. He was probably assuming the very worst. It’d be like falling off a cliff. I saw Mario making calls and heard him telling Max, Geno, Godsy, Marc, and a few other people. I heard Lauren calling Colby and Riley but no one had said a word to Sidney. I sat down next to him with the intention of telling him what had happened but couldn’t find words. Instead I watched as people began to come in. Max and his brother, Marc and his parents and sister, Godsy, Vero, Kris, Geno and his parents. They all knew what was happening and all of them were just as horrified as I was. And then I saw Maddie wandering out from a hallway and Sidney looked up when he heard her tiny timid voice.
“Siddy, what’s happening here?” she asked confused, “I could hear you crying from chemo.” She wandered over, no fear in her eyes as she stood in front of him. I saw Jess and Paul come around the corner and instantly change into fear mode, quickly finding out what had happened.
“I don’t know, Maddie. I just know it’s not good.” he whispered, voice barely audible through his tears. Immediately I felt guilty for not telling him what had happened. Maybe it was best not to know. Maddie hugged him and he looked like he felt some sort of comfort, whatever little it offered him to have her there. And it felt like the world was slowing down. For the next hour we sat around waiting for something, any sort of hope that we could get. Max and Godsy were pacing. Geno and his parents were talking hurriedly in frantic Russian, Mario and Nat were trying desperately to gather themselves for their kids but it was a failed effort. Taylor was sobbing in Trina’s shirt and Troy was trying his best to just hold himself together. He’d washed the blood off his hands but stared at them as if he could still feel it. I’d washed Mischa off and she’d taken a place on Vero’s lap while she and Marc sat together worriedly beside me. I couldn’t offer anything to anyone, just sitting and listening to Jess and Paul talking to Nat while Maddie and Sidney sat together in silence.
Finally after around an hour and a half I pulled Sidney away, barely able to get him up. He was so weak and fragile. I’d never seen him like this before.
“What?” he asked through a creaking voice as the tears that had been running down his face dried. He’d cried every single tear away. I held his shoulders and took a deep breath, finally finding the courage to tell him what no one else had been willing to say.
“I know you don’t know what’s happening and I know that they think it’s better you don’t but I think you should know.” I whispered, gaining his attention. “I found Bernie in the guest room……… and she was unconscious…… covered in blood and it was just……… the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen. There was so much blood, Sidney. So much.” I stopped because I was shaking as hard as he was.
“Was she still breathing…” he whimpered barely able to speak anymore.
“She was breathing but just barely….. That wound was pretty deep… it went from above her ribs to her waist…. There was just so….” and he stopped me, looking sick. All the color had drained out of his face and he was shaking. He walked past me and outside the doors with Maddie on his heals. I sat down again and the room seemed quieter, a little surprised at me. But I knew he needed to know. It was his girlfriend. He’d wanted her to be his fiancée. She meant the world to him.
About an hour later Sidney came back and we all sat in silence, sort of anticipating that he was going to take control like he always did. Tell us it was all going to be fine. But he didn’t. He was weak from crying and worrying and the paleness of his face seemed to show us all that. He was lost. And finally around three hours after we’d all gotten there, a very dignified doctor joined us in the waiting room, looking solemn. Maddie jumped up and hugged her.
“Hi Joycee!” she said sort of melancholy. The doctor returned her hug before turning towards the group of us, as we were the only people in the entire hospital it seemed today.
“Is Bernadette’s family here?” she asked in a quiet tone. I could see Sidney growing weaker with every breath.
“No, but we’re close friends with her.” Mario said, “The closest here to family is Sidney.” And though it wasn’t intentional all eyes turned towards him. Silence. It was deafening.
“Well since you’re all here I might as well tell you all.” Joycee said quietly, “She made it through the surgery,” a collective breath breathed, “but she had some severe internal bleeding. The wound was deep enough that whatever cut her brushed her lung, liver and stomach. We’ve fixed her up but she’s still unconscious from the loss of blood. We’ve given her a transfusion but she’s likely to be down for a while. And very very weak.” and with that she waved over Mario, Nat, Troy, Trina, Sidney and I, for we were the first to know about this. Everyone else was left to think on what had just happened. “We were giving her a once over and we found that she’d been….. Assaulted.” she said trying to put it at lightly as she could. I could almost feel Sidney being crushed beside me. “We’ve dressed what wounds she does have and sent a rape kit away to the police. Is there anyone that you’d know would want to hurt her?” Everyone was silent.
“Zackary Borodin.” Sidney growled in a distraught voice. He sounded like he was losing his mind. The doctor nodded and put a hand on his shoulder lightly.
“You are all welcome to go in and see her. We’ve given her a bigger room next to Miss Madison here and it’s private. There should be enough places for anyone who wants to stay over. I know his is hard for you all but you need to stay strong for her if not even for yourselves. She’s going to be very weak and depending on you to help her.” she whispered. Sidney nodded and the doctor walked away. No one moved for a moment before Maddie came up to Sidney.
“Come on. Let’s go, Sid. You heard her. We can go see her now.” Maddie’s voice was light and airy. He nodded and let her take his hand, pausing to look up at everyone else. He seemed so lost.
“You need to see her, Sidney.” Trina said, “We’re all going to be here but you need to see her. Go.”
“Listen to your mother, Sid.” Nat added, shooing him away. I sat down with Marc and Vero and attempted to wash my mind of the images I’d seen today.
><><><><><>Sid’s POV><><><><>
I felt like I was going to pass out. Today was supposed to be a happy day. I was going to wait until tonight when everyone was opening presents. I was going to propose and everything in the world was going to be wonderful. That wasn’t so. My world was spinning. I was reeling. Maddie was pulling me down the hall towards a sight I’d never thought I’d ever see. It was something I’d never even thought would happen. I’d never conceived such a thing in my worst nightmares. And I felt my heart beat slow down. I was dizzy and sick to my stomach. My head was pounding from all the racing thoughts I’d been having, every worry. And the doctor’s words were ringing in my ears. ‘Assaulted…. Unconscious……. Rape kit……. Blood loss…….’
“Sid?” Maddie’s voice managed to break through all the racing thoughts I was having. She stopped me in front of the door, letting go of my hand even though it was probably the only thing keeping me in my right mind.
“Yeah..?” I whispered through a raspy voice. I’d been crying for three hours straight. I knew I had to look nearly as bad as I felt. I was so far gone.
“You should go first. I love Bernie but you love her more.” she said, hand on the cold metal door. I took a deep breath, unsure that I wanted to see what was beyond it. She gave me no chance to think, pushing it open. I forced my feet forward but didn’t turn towards the bed, listening instead to the dripping of the IV, the beeping of the heart monitor.
Finally I took a held breath that I’d been holding since I’d gotten here and turned. I almost fell over. She was on three different Ivs, a heart monitor was watching her slow steady pulse. I could see, uncovered from the blankets, was the bloodied bandage they were using to cover her stitches. And yet when I looked up at her face she looked so pale and fragile, almost dead though I knew for a fact she was alive. A large black and blue mark covered her right cheek. I cringed, imagining how painful that had to have been. I forced myself over to her side and took her hand, feeling how cold it was. I kissed it, catching the smell of her perfume. It was real. Everything was suddenly so real. It hit me like a wave. I collapsed.
I fell down on my knees and heard the ring I’d planned on giving her hit the floor. The tears I thought weren’t there were falling before I could stop them. I was still holding her hand to my head, feeling the coldness of it on my forehead. And I sobbed for what seemed like forever. At first I thought I was just crying out of fear and anguish but then it faded to joy that she was even still breathing. When I’d finally cried all my tears away I stood up and realized that Maddie had come in and was sitting on the other side of the bed from me. She was crying but made no sounds, running her hands back through Bernie’s hair. Suddenly she cracked a half hearted smile and looked over at me, confusing me to no end. Her voice was weak and pleasant as she looked back down at Bernie, looking peaceful as if sleeping.
“And even unconscious she’s still prettier than me.” she whispered in solemn joking. I felt myself attempt a smile that didn’t come off as I’d planned but she knew what it was. We sat in silence for a moment and I collected myself, reaching my hand out and brushing her bangs out of her eyes, feeling how cold the rest of her was. I cringed inward but took a deep breath, pushing out a strong front. I knew she needed strength. I couldn’t force it into her but I could at least make it felt around her.
“Sid, do you want me to let everyone else in?” Maddie asked, voice quiet and still. She seemed to be the calmest. Maybe she knew something I didn’t, I wasn’t sure.
“Huh… oh yeah…. Uhm…. Yeah…. Sure..” I replied softly, confused by my own voice. Maddie got up but I didn’t move, holding her hands for any sign that she knew I was there. That she knew I was here for her. I heard Marc, Vero and Marc’s parents come in first and Vero sobbing into Marc’s chest. Mario, Nat, Stephie and Lauren came in and all of them were in tears. Taylor came but had to leave, too distraught to stay. Dad came in and sat with me but didn’t say anything, just offering support. Max, Kris and Geno were all in it for the long hall and cried to themselves for a while, sitting across the room. Jordan sat with Maddie on the other side of the bed, watching everyone in what seemed to be frozen shock. Godsy was standing in the corner talking to Jess and Paul. And finally as everyone seemed to calm into thoughtfulness, Mario came over and sat down beside me, running a hand over my back.
“Her parents are coming in tonight with her brothers. We’re heading home. Do you need anything?” he asked, voice as somber as I’d ever heard. I shook my head and he hugged me. “Just call us if you need anything Sidney. We’re coming back tomorrow. Lauren and Steph wanted to stay. I told them it was your choice.”
“I don’t care if they do.” I said quietly, “It’s up to them.” I felt him nod and get up. Mario, Nathalie, Austin and Alexa left then, leaving the team and my family. Mom left with Mario and Nathalie, taking Taylor with her; who was in shambles. Marc and Geno’s parents left soon after, all of them completely in shock. Maddie had gone back to her room with her parents and it was soon just the team and my dad. It was silent for a long time with only the quiet crying of Vero to punctuate breaths. Finally someone broke the silence.
“How could this happen.” Geno whispered through his accent and rough voice. I shivered. I didn’t really want to face that question.
“Who would do such a fucking cold hearted thing! She’s the sweetest girl!” Max exclaimed in a rage.
“Who would do something so terrible to her on Christmas.” Marc whispered, voice as squeaky as Vero’s.
“And we have a game tomorrow. We have to face that.” Godsy said thoughtfully, just as heartbroken as I knew everyone else was.
“I’m sure Dany will forgive us if we’re a bit off our game.” Kris said, thoroughly shaken.
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep tonight….” Jordan whispered finally. He was the only one who hadn’t spoken. Maybe because he’d been the first to see her, I wasn’t sure. He was definitely not himself anymore. Something inside him had changed, shifted. I looked across the bed at him and he was pale, eyes dull.
“You’ll sleep. You won’t rest but you’ll sleep.” My dad’s voice echoed in the silence. We were all silent again for a long time until Kris and Godsy moved.
“We’ll be back tomorrow. I have to go home and call my family, tell them I won’t be in after our game tomorrow.” Kris said. Godsy seemed to be thinking the same and I didn’t bother watching as they left. It was only Max, Marc, Jordan, Geno, Vero, Dad and I now. Marc and Vero excused themselves and promised to return in the morning, as did Max and Geno. It was just Jordan, dad and I. And finally my dad left, telling me to stay strong for her and letting a few tears fall down before leaving. Lauren and Steph had gone to stay in Maddie’s room and it was just Jordan and I.
I got up courage and looked Jordan in the eye. “What was it like…. I mean what did you see…….. And feel….. And what happened………” I whispered.
“It was horrifying.” Jordan said simply, still crying, “There was blood…. Soo much blood… and I was terrified and sad and it was just so…. Real. And I don’t know what happened… I just found her there. Whoever did this needs to die.”
“Yeah..” I agreed, focusing then on Bernie and how her still unconscious form lay in front of me. I knew that in a few hours I’d have to make way for Colby and her family so I savored the time I had next to her. I heard Jordan moving but only to a chair near the wall, making room for the family. He curled up but didn’t sleep, only staring out the window into the frost covered evening snow. I kissed her hand and held it tightly, feeling her pulse as I faded in and out of sleep.
The next few days were a whirlwind. Colby, Riley, and Bernie’s mother and father, Rose and Matthew, arrived that night, all crying and frustrated that they hadn’t been told what had happened. I informed them and they seemed sedated. Max, Godsy, Geno, Jordan, Kris, Marc, Mario, Nat and the kids, my family, Maddie and her family and the Staals were all visiting the next day. Tyler Yates stopped by to offer his sorrow but soon had to leave, as did Jared, Eric and Marc, Staal, all of whom had games. Ovechkin and Nikki Backstrom stopped in on their way to the game that night; a game I wasn’t attending. The rest of the guys went, along with the Lemieux’s. Maddie was discharged later that day and went home for rest, leaving mine and Bernie’s families together.
Colby and Riley had to leave for their games later in the week and it left only her parents with mine. Taylor needed to be home for school so she left too with the assurance that I’d call her when Bernie woke up; though in my mind it sounded more like if she woke up. Vero was too far gone to understand when she came so she tended to just leave flowers and go. The team and Mario’s family came back almost every day but it was short lived. Our first away game was only a day away. The bus was leaving. I hadn’t played since before Christmas. The media was asking questions. We weren’t giving answered. There was a police investigation. Rumors were flying.
And just as everything got quiet on January second I fell asleep at Bernie’s side, woken up by a cold hand on my cheek. A raspy voice was talking to me but I couldn’t make it out, still half awake. Looking up I saw a sight that was as glorious as the snow falling outside. It was five in the morning and Bernie was awake, looking at me, trying to speak.
“Shhh Shhh baby don’t say anything.” I whispered through tears, running my hands back in her hair. She quieted and laid back, slightly confused. “I’ll be right back, just stay awake, alright?” She nodded.
I called everyone from the hallway and they all started crying. My parents told Taylor and I heard her squealing with happiness. I called her parents and they said they’d be over straight away. Colby broke down sobbing on the phone, as did Riley and most of the team. Jordan seemed relieved beyond belief and passed out before putting down the phone. I called Mario and he informed everyone else, in tears. Maddie was ecstatic and insisted on coming as soon as she could. Ovie and Nikki were just as relieved as the Staals. And as I finished up I felt the relief washing over me.
Going back in the room I saw that she was still awake. I hadn’t been dreaming. And I took a deep, long, breath.
<><><><><>Bernie’s POV><><><><
I was sore all over and confused. In more pain than I’d ever been in. Covered in more wires than I’d ever seen. I could hear my heart monitor and I moved but felt the pain shooting up my side from where I’d been cut. Memories of what had happened flooded me. I sobbed while Sidney was out of the room. He came back in and I watched him take a deep breath, unable to wipe my tears. He rushed over and sat down, crying but not for the same reasons. I was terrified. Shaking. He was crying because I was alive, I knew. His hands found mind and I felt the need to pull away, and did so, causing confusion to cross his face. Every time he touched me I felt scared. Scared that Jeremy would come back. That he’d find me. He’d find Sidney.
“Baby, what’s the matter?” he asked, running his hand through my hair. It felt wonderful to be with him but I jumped away when I heard Jeremy in my head.
“I can’t….. I can’t tell you…… I just……… leave.” I finally resolved, looking away from him. I could feel the change in his mood immediately. He was confused and sad.
“But, Bernie…” he started.
“Leave!” I half yelled at him. As soon as he got up I pulled him back, suddenly more terrified of him leaving. I’d pulled him harder than intended and he collapsed down in the chair he’d been sitting in, almost toppling it over.
“What’s the matter with you?” he asked, suddenly more worried than insistent on listening to me. I was crying now, harder than he was and I held onto his hand for life.
“I don’t want to be alone….” I whimpered, feeling helpless, “Just don’t leave…. Please…”
“I won’t leave. I’ll never leave.” he promised, kissing my hand. I accepted him this time and he helped me sit up so that I could talk and take a drink. I never let go of his hand. Everyone flooded in to see me but I never once let go of his hand. He made me feel safe from everything. I hugged my brothers and my mom, crying with them. I cried again when the Lemieux’s came and more when I talked to the team but I tried my best not to let go of Sidney. And when everything finally got quiet that night after the nurse had changed my bandages I got to talk to him. He was still crying.
“Sidney.” I whispered, earning his attention in a split second. I wiped his face with a finger and his head fell into my touch.
“Hmm?” he asked, trying to stop crying. I attempted to crack a smile but failed. He smiled widely though and kissed my head. “What?”
“I’m really scared.” I managed, not being able to hide my fear from him. He became defensive and held me closely.
“Why? What are you afraid of? I’m here.” he whispered, watching me. I was shaking now.
“I know you’re here now. I’m afraid of what’ll happen when you leave.”
“But I’m not leaving. I love you baby. I’ll stay here and skip games and be here until you think it’s okay for me to leave.” he assured me, “I promise.”
“And I’m scared of…. Him.” I said, very scared.
“Zack?” Sid said the name as if he was spitting on someone filthy. I shook my head no, taking him off guard.
“Zack’s a creeper but he doesn’t scare me.” I told him, “Not anymore.”
“Then…. Who? Didn’t Zack do this to you.” he whispered, running his hand over my stomach.
“No.” I said, shocked that I was finally coming to this realization, “No…. Jeremy did.”
“Jeremy? Who is that?” Sid asked, confused.
“Zack’s brother.” I said, shaking harder. Sidney held me to him and kissed my head.
“Shhhh shhhh. It’s alright. He won’t get you. The police are trying to catch him. He won’t ever touch you again. I’ll be here.” he said, running his hand through my hair. I took solace in his strength and hugged him back for the first time since he’d been here. And he took it well, holding on to me until I was ready to let go. Until he was ready to let go. Even then he didn’t back away far and for that I was grateful. I leaned forward and kissed him; not just because I loved him but because I could do it by choice. I wasn’t being forced. Sidney would never force me to do anything and he took it slowly, not kissing me too deeply. I deepened it and felt a sudden renewed sense of life. Sighing as I backed away I closed my eyes, letting all the things I’d been worrying about fade back to the backdrop so that I could think more like myself.
“I love you.” I whispered, feeling Sidney’s lips on my hand.
“I love you so much, Bernie.” he answered, “So much.”
“How long was I asleep?” I asked, suddenly trying to be more like myself. I wasn’t about to let this stop me from living. I was still terrified and still healing but I had to move on. It was what was best. I’d had my time for pitying myself and now I was done. Time to move on. Sidney was here. The team was here. My family was here.
“You’ve been unconscious since Christmas.” he whispered, voice cracking “Today’s the third.”
“That long?” I asked, feeling dizzy.
“Yeah.” he whispered, “I was so worried about you…” he started. I knew that he needed to talk to me so I listened. He’d always listened to me. “When you didn’t show up for dinner I just thought you were late or something had come up but when Jordan showed up with Mischa…… he was covered in your blood. I didn’t know what had happened. I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t even know which way was up. I was sick to my stomach and I cried the whole time I was here. I never left your side. Never. You were so fragile and weak. I was trying to be strong for everyone, for Maddie and for you. But every time I was alone I was crying.”
“Sid…” I started, stopping as he continued.
“I was crying for you and for the fact that no one could tell me whether you were going to live. And I realized then that I didn’t want to be without you. I never want to be without you. And I was praying and crying for days. I held your hand when I slept so that I knew your heart was still beating. You got warmer and it made me feel better but you still didn’t wake up. The doctors said you might have brain damage from blood loss. I didn’t care. I just wanted you to wake up so that I could see those beautiful hazel green eyes and tell you that I loved you.” he finished, now in tears. I wiped them away from his face and ran my hand back through his hair. I pulled him with little effort into my chest and held him to me, listening to him sobbing.
“Sid I know you were here while I was asleep. It doesn’t matter that you were crying because I would’ve been too. You don’t have to be strong for me, you just have to be you.” I said before violently coughing from the pain I was feeling under my stitches. “I know you were here because I could hear you while I was unconscious. I heard everything that you said,” More coughing, “And you don’t need to tell me that you love me because I already know. I love you too.” and then I kept coughing. I couldn’t stop. A nurse came in and bid quiet hello to Sid before marking my chart and telling me to lay back down and rest.
“You shouldn’t be so about just yet. You’re going to feel weak for a while but if everything goes as to plan you should be able to leave by Tuesday.” Joycee said. I nodded, taking a few deep breaths while Sidney wiped his eyes with tissues she’d brought him.
And I blanked out for a while after that, remembered only Sidney talking to me. I couldn’t hear him while I slept this time but I could hear all the things he’d been saying to me while I was unconscious. All those prayers and kind words and hopeful thoughts and silent discussions he seemed to only be having with himself. I woke up the next morning to find Sidney asleep and I let him sleep for a while. He was so exhausted.
The next few days were for observations and recovery. Maddie came to visit and jumped me as soon as she saw that I was awake. The team came by to see if Sidney wanted to leave. I told him he should get out and change, get a shower maybe and some food but he refused, at least until the team had gone. Kissing me, he gave me my phone and told me to text him if I felt afraid. I agreed but felt a little calmer and less jumpy now. I still felt extremely violated and I was still in pain but it would take time.
Joycee came after a while and sat down with me, silent for a few minutes before I finally asked the obvious question. “Why are you here?”
“I’m here to give you more information on what happened. I have a feeling you obviously know what happened before you came here but everything after has been kept in secret.” she said self assuring, “I’m here to tell you what happened.”
“Well?” I asked, drinking some of my juice quietly.
“Well the wound,” she started, gesturing easily to my side which was aching particularly hard today, “didn’t just let out blood. The knife scrapped your lung, liver and stomach. And we fixed all that. And after taking a rape kit we scraped your uterus for any eggs that could’ve been fertilized. We took two. Both were from the attack and we were certain from your parents and brothers that this was the best thing to do.”
“Thank you.” I said gratefully. The thought of Jeremy’s demon spawn growing inside me made me sick.
“However….” she started, unsure of how to attack the next topic that was crossing her mind.
“However…?” I asked, more curious than scared.
“We’re uncertain of how you’ll be able to handle baring children now. There was a lot of trauma. We’re not sure if you’ll ever have kids.” she whispered. I dropped the glass and it smashed on the floor along with all the hopes I’d ever had of having children. Uncertainty. They were unsure? How could they be unsure? They were professionals. Obviously she saw my shock and touched my arm gently, “I’m sorry.” I couldn’t speak.
I passed out and woke up only after Sidney came to back that night but I couldn’t speak as he told me about his day. I was too deep in thought. He didn’t seem to notice too much. I’d been a little iffy the last few days anyways. Nothing out of the ordinary. And even as he slept I couldn’t. I was fearing his reaction. I was fearing the worst. And I felt the pain numb me out and I finally got some rest.
The next day I was aloud to go home. It was Friday. There was an away game the next day. Sid had been requested for a press conference this morning about my attack but had turned them down in favor of taking me home instead. He brought me my Penguins sweats and one of his long RBK shirts that was really loose on me. I’d worn it to bed a few times. I cringed at that thought. I still hadn’t told him. And he smiled as I asked him to help me get dressed and did so gingerly. I enjoyed the feeling of his skin on mine but was still scared.
He took me out into the cold air swiftly but moved as slowly as he could, noticing the cringing in my face when I took a hard step. I got into his Range Rover and was thankful for the warm air. We warmed ourselves for a moment before he asked the obvious question.
“Do you want to go home?” he asked quietly, hands on the wheel, looking forward, “You can stay with me if you want to. I don’t mind it.”
“No no. I want to go home. I have to face it.” I whispered, warming my hands before hearing a mewing sound from the back seat. Mischa stretched and jumped into my lap, licking me.
“Alright. But I have to impose on you then.” he said, suddenly joking with me, “I’m not letting you by yourself, babe.”
“I wouldn’t go home if I thought you wanted to leave me alone.” I answered, petting Mischa’s head as he pulled out and towards my house. We got there in a few minutes, still quiet and as Sid helped me up the drive I felt an impending dread with each step. We stopped at the door and I kissed him out of sheer need for comfort. He hugged me and pulled me through the door. Everything was moved. I could tell my mother had been there. It was very clean and neat. A note was stuck to the drawers on the cabinet but I didn’t read it. I walked through the house with Sidney behind me, holding his hand as I peaked into each room. And finally I came to the guest room. I couldn’t bring myself to push the door open on my own so Sidney helped. I was afraid I’d see Jeremy but instead I saw clean sheets, a clean floor. Everything was fixed like nothing had happened there. And I let out a held breath.
Sidney’s arms slid around my waist and it was familiar. It was wonderful. I leaned into him and we stood together for a moment until I felt a warm tear drop hit my shirt. I looked over to see Sidney crying.
“Baby, stop crying.” I whispered, turning around in his arms, “Stop crying. It’s the past now. It’s over.”
“Yeah but I can’t believe it. It’s surreal. You’re the nicest girl. I just don’t understand who would do….” and I stopped him with a finger to his lips. Wiping away his tears I gave him a kiss and cuddled up in his chest.
“It’s in the past now. You’re here and nothing can happen to me. Stop crying Sidney.” I told him quietly. He kissed my head and eventually regained normal breathing. We went back into the kitchen and eventually had some tea, watching a movie before I went to sleep with Sidney finally at my side, arm lightly across me. Sidney skipped the next game and news came that they were close to catching Jeremy. It was a relief. He was far away, Canada.
The next day there was a home game that I forced Sidney to go to, though they wouldn’t allow me to come in. I stayed with Nathalie and even though I still felt safe it was strange not having Sidney to curl up next to on the couch while I watched the game. I watched quietly with Lauren, Stephie, Austin and Alexa all around me and they seemed more solemn than I was. Sidney made the first goal but instead of celebrating, he stood still and glanced up towards the top of the arena. I felt my heart strings pull. He’d made that for me. Everyone played harder and was more aggressive and we won our game with an overwhelming 15-2 against the Caps. I’d been told that even at practice all this time they’d been more aggressive, finding it hard to focus their anger into plays. But they’d channeled it. And they were doing wonderfully.
My hand found my necklace as I grew tired and fell asleep, not able to stay awake until Sidney got home. I was notified after he came home the next day that Jeremy had been found. A trail date was set for February first. I felt nervous. But Sidney was there to reassure me that it’d be alright. And the never ending stream of texts, emails, phone calls and visits kept me busy enough to be a distraction. It came around to be January thirtieth and I was in the car with Sid, quietly going back to the hospital for a check up.
He stopped in the waiting room and headed off after giving me a kiss to see Maddie, who’d been readmitted for another bout with the cold she’d had over Christmas. I headed off to the exam room and Joycee met me at the door.
“How are you feeling today, Bernie?” she asked as she closed the blinds to the room and shut the door. I slid my shirt off so she could see my stitches and the wound, which had healed very nicely.
“I’ve felt better. Still hurts a lot. And I can’t do too much yet. Wishing I would’ve locked that door.” I said, a little thoughtful and condescending. She looked cross with me for a minute, as if a mother scorning her daughter, but she shook it off and smiled.
“It’s not your fault. Don’t be blaming yourself.” she whispered, “That boy has another thing coming to him in the next life. And he’s never welcome here.”
“Good to hear.” I said quietly as she ran her cold fingers up my side. I shivered a little and then cringed from the pain of moving quickly. I’d learned to move slowly over the last weeks and Sidney often had to help me get up or move a certain way. He seemed fine with it but I felt horrible for having to be a burden. I was so used to be independent. Having to depend on him so much made me feel like a leach.
“Well the good news is that your stitches can come out today, Bernie.” she said, voice excited. She quickly went to get the scissors and cut the end, pulling slowly. It was an odd feeling, the stitches coming out. I’d felt it many times before but never on such a large scale. After she was done she bandaged me back up and gave me some pills to take. “But the bad news is..”
“Don’t even tell me.” I said, a little hurt from the last time we’d talked.
“You don’t even know what I’m going to tell you.” she said sarcastically, tapping my nose. “I was going to tell you that we were looking over some of your tests and what not from the last month and we’ve figured out that there’s a 5% chance you can have kids.” My heart jumped. “We’re not sure and it’s just optimism but the main doctor said you won’t be able to. I’m not sure he’s right.”
“Well, thanks. I guess.” I said, thoughtfully as I looked down towards the scar that was covering my side like a bad tattoo. It made me feel tainted, used. I looked back up and saw Joycee smiling.
“And the best news. You’re a go for sex.” she joked, nudging me. We laughed for a moment but her pager went off and she rushed away, leaving me to put on my shirt and leave. I met Sidney in Maddie’s room and she looked very happy to see me, if not a little weaker than the last time she’d visited me at home.
“Hi Mads!” I said happily, hugging her gingerly. She tried to squeeze me but failed earning a laugh.
“Hi Bernie! How are you? Did you get your stitches out?” She asked, sitting up in bed and smiling widely, lighting up the room.
“Mmmhmmm.” I said happily, sitting down easily next to Sid, who put his arm around my back robotically. His touch always seemed to calm me down a little. Maddie smiled wider.
“Can I see?” her voice seemed more timid and a little less prodding; “You can see my scar from when I got my appendix out if you want.”
“Haha, we can be scar buddies.” I told her, lifting my shirt up a little so that the large, still reddened scar was visible to her. It hurt a little bit but I chose not to show her the higher part of it, which was still bandaged and black and blue. She smiled and showed me a small x shaped scar on her stomach.
“Yep.” she said gently, coughing a little harder than I’d ever heard her. She lay back down and I heard the door open.
“Ready for chemo, Maddie?” Joycee said, smiling as she saw Sidney and I at her bedside.
“Have I ever really been ready to throw up?” Maddie asked sarcastically, smiling as Joycee put up the safety and began to take Maddie away. She threw a gaze back at us before leaving the room for chemo. We sat quietly, staring at the empty space where the bed had been for a moment, just thinking.
“So, how’d it go?” Sid asked, kissing my head finally. I smiled and leaned into his chest, hearing the deafening silence that was filling the room.
“It went well. Stitches got taken out. Got told I’m okayed for sex.” I joked, listening to the pleasant rumble of laughter filling his chest. I suddenly felt a fear for a second. Would he still even want me if he knew? He’d always said he’d wanted kids. I didn’t know I could provide that. I took a sudden deep breath and he jumped, surprised.
“You okay?” he asked quickly, tensing up. I nodded and let out the breath. I needed to stop worrying.
“Yeah. Yeah. Just a little tired. I think I need a nap.” I whispered, yawning. He smiled and helped me stand up. Another strike on the dependency board.
“I think I could go for a nap before the game.” he replied quietly, lacing his fingers in mine tightly. I smiled unconsciously. Sidney had been with me every single day since I’d woken up. He’d left but always called and texted between when he got time. I’d gotten flowers more than once and he always brought something home for me.
Everyone else had sent me things too. Vero and Marc had taken me out to dinner and a movie one day, joking about cannibals all night after ‘Hannibal‘. Kris and Geno took me ice skating for the first time after… well, afterwards, and I’d done pretty well. The cold did me good. Max and Godsy took it upon themselves to play rockband with me when I was bored. I owned them every time but I think they were letting me win. Maddie and Jess had gone shopping with me and Lauren one day. Steph, Alexa and Austin had asked me to help them with a few things in school. And Jordan. Well, Jordan had pretty much done everything he could. He called every day to see how I was doing, came over most nights to help out. We’d gone to the coffee shop down the street a few times and to dinner a bunch more. Since Sidney had a lot of things to do now and then Jordan spent his free time with me, laughing when I’d beat him at Monopoly.
We got home a few minutes after we’d left the hospital and I couldn’t stay awake for very long. Almost as soon as I laid down I was out cold. Sidney didn’t go to sleep right away but when I woke up an hour later he was beside me in a cold sweat, tossing and turning. I sat up and looked over, watching him and wondering what he was dreaming; well until he started talking.
“Why the fuck…..?” he started, surprising me. He never swore. Well almost never. “You can’t… no! Don’t! Dear God……….. Don’t die………. Please……….. I love you………” he was dreaming about me. It was, sweet and sort of odd. He’d never had nightmares before. That’d always been me. I put my hand on his and laced our fingers, leaning down to him.
“I’m not going to die, Sidney. I’m right here.” I whispered. He seemed surprised to hear me but didn’t wake up.
“But you’re………..” he started. I kissed his hand.
“I’m right here. Just wake up, Sidney.” I started, running my hand over his forehead, “Wake up.”
“I’m awake…” he whispered, still asleep.
“Wake up.” I said again more quietly. A tear fell down his face and his eyes opened up a little, glancing over at me. I smiled gently at him and he seemed grateful to have me there. For just a split second I caught sight of that far off fear that had been plaguing his dreams. He’d really thought I was dying. I was alive though, alive and well; if not just a little worse for wear after Christmas.
“You’re alive..” he said, seeming a little surprised.
“As I’ll ever be.” I answered with a grin. He smirked and sat up, running his hands over his face and through his hair, shaking his head.
“I had a dream that you were dying..” he told me, not shaking but seeming a little shaken.
“Well I’m alive.” I replied, “It’s a miracle!”
“No, you don’t understand.” he whispered, seeming a little frustrated with himself. I raised an eyebrow. “I had a dream you were dying but you were having a baby.” I felt my heart stopping.
“Well I’m not having a baby, Siddy.” I said, “No morning sickness for me. I’m going to be fine.”
“Yeah, yeah I know.” he said, shaking it off. He turned and kissed me lightly, making my heart start up again.
“Now you have a game to get ready for, don’t you?” I asked, getting up and walking into the bathroom to fix my messy hair. I heard him laugh.
“I hate it that you make me leave you.” he said, walking in behind me. I smirked and looked at him in the mirror, he was smiling just as wide.
“I didn’t say I wasn’t coming.” I said deviously, watching his face twist into a contorted smile somewhere between distain and happiness.
“But you’re not suppose to be back to work until next week.” He said quietly, watching me carefully in the mirror. I glanced back for a moment as I brushed the increasing static out of my hair and caught his beautiful chocolate brown eyes. For a second I paused, watching him staring back at me before he moved again and felt free to continue on changing into his suit. He was wearing one of the suits he’d gotten for Christmas; a gift from my parents. It was grey with some silvery pinstripes and it had always reminded me of my brothers getting dressed up for their hockey games, some of which I’d gone to as a kid. He slid on his tie and finally looked up, noticing that I’d stopped getting ready to watch him. A pleasant smile crossed his face and he slid up behind me, latching on to my waist. I leaned back into him and smiled.
“But I wasn’t supposed to get my stitches out until next week either. Dany said that when they came out I could come back to work and I planned on sticking to it. I can’t just sit around here forever. Besides, you’re always complaining that I can’t come with you and now I can.” I replied, “I can’t just sit here and do nothing. I’m just not happy with that. I’ve drawn a million pictures and finished everything in the way of errands for weeks. Months even. I’ve got nothing else to do. I’m going out of my mind.”
“I still don’t think you should go. I mean you just got them out today. Are you sure you’re gonna be okay to deal with coming back tonight?” he asked, holding me closer and leaning his head down on my shoulder, not looking up at me in the mirror. I put my hands on his and watched him for a second, trying to make him feel more comfortable with the idea. I don’t think it worked.
“Sid, I’ll be fine. If I don’t feel well Gilles will take me home. You worry too much, babe.” I said as calmly as I could. He tried to force himself to smile but I saw through it to the worry inside. Mentally I was spinning. He was such a wonderful guy. How had I found him?
“Whatever you say ma fille douce.” And with that he kissed my cheek and left the bathroom to go and make himself some pre-game cappuccino. I finished up and got dressed, not in my normal game day apparel but in some black Penguins pants I usually slept in and a loose RBK shirt that Sidney had left for me when he’d left for his first away game after my rape. I couldn’t believe it’d already been a month. I still lived in fear. Everyday was a massive struggle. I found myself looking over my shoulder as I walked down the street and hearing words that no one had said from seemingly no where every day. I felt crazy but knew it was just paranoia.
“Baby?” Sidney asked as I stared into space after stopping halfway into the kitchen.
“Hmm?” I replied, trying my best to cover my tracks. He didn’t buy it. Standing up, he came over and held me for a minute, silence enough to assure me that everything was as it should be.
“He’s never going to touch you again.” he whispered into my ear. That was all it took for me to have a sudden break down. The tears came without even blinking. I felt silly for a minute until Sid’s arms tightened around me. I was feeling weak and found it suddenly hard to stand. It was only the second time I’d ever felt weak in my life.
“Sidney I’m scared.” I managed, burying my face in Sidney’s chest. He held me just as tightly, never loosening his grip.
“I know, baby, I know.” he said, voice comforting and understanding. “I’m scared too.” He caught me by surprised with that one. I pulled back and glanced up, wiping my tears with one hand. I was still self conscious.
“What’re you scared of?” I whispered, watching his eyes and noticing them get increasingly watery.
“I’m scared about you going to trial. I’m scared every time I leave you. I’m scared of losing you. And of something else happening. And of going to sleep and waking up without you in my field of vision. I’m just…. I’m scared of everything anymore. I don’t ever want to see you in the hospital again.” he told me. I listened as his voice wavered up and down. He was forcing back tears. Pulling him closer, I buried my face in his chest again.
“I’m scared of him, Sidney. I’m scared of what’s going to happen when I see him again. I’m scared of what’ll happen if his brother ever sees me again.” I finally confessed, instantly feeling better that I had. One thing stilled weighed on my conscious but it could wait.
“Jeremy will never come near you. And when you see him next he’ll be in cuffs behind a desk with his lawyers. You don’t even have to have him in the room when you testify. The judge already said you didn’t have to be there if you couldn’t handle it. It’ll be okay.” he whispered, trying his best to put up that strength I’d been using as a rock for the last few days. He was faltering, just as I was, but at least we were both faltering together.
“But if I don’t show up he’ll think he won. He’ll know I’m scared. I can’t let him win, Sidney. He doesn’t deserve the satisfaction.” I said finally strong enough to make myself clear. My tears had stopped now. I listened as a dry laugh filled his chest.
“You’re stronger than I’d ever be about this.” he told me, still sort of laughing to himself nervously, “I’m envious of you, babe.”
“I’m envious of your job so I guess it evens out.” I joked, earning a read laugh from him. He pulled away and kissed me, smiling.
“You are amazing.” his voice was straight as I could be after forcing down tears and sorrow. I smiled and kissed him again.
“Yes. But only because I’ve got someone like you around to learn from.” I said quietly, watching him wrinkle his nose at me. Giggling softly I laid my head back down on his chest, feeling his arms tighten around me again like a straight jacket. “And now, after all this, we have to go to the game.”
Another hearty laugh from him as he swept me up into his arms in a one fluid motion, carrying me to the couch. “You’re still insisting on going back?”
“I don’t want to be alone, Sidney. I want to be with my friends and I want to watch you win one in person.” I said, trying to be insistent though that pleading look in his eyes was beginning to get me. “I want to go back to my job, Sid. I love having time off but I’d rather be busy so I don’t have time to think this over any more than I already have.”
He wavered, stopping halfway through putting me down on the couch. Picking me back up and holding me close to his chest I listened as his heart beat. His mind was racing. I could tell by the look in his eyes. It was far away and glassy. “I didn’t really think about it like that.” he started, looking down into my eyes, “Maybe this’ll be good for both of us. You can stop thinking about what happened and I can stop thinking about what could be happening.”
I nodded and he put me down gently, trying his best not to hurt me. I held in the cringe when my feet touched the ground and my bruise brushed his arm. “Thank you, Sidney.”
“Don’t thank me.” he said, smiling, “Thank the fact that I’ll never be able to fight with those eyes.” We laughed and he laced our fingers as we headed outside for the first time since he’d taken me to Mario’s for the game. Mischa jumped ship from the couch and into my purse, peaking her head out from inside and mewing. She’d become closer to me and had never been more than a foot away at all times. I’d nearly been licked to death when I’d come back from Mario’s house. She was ten months old now. She’d be a year March 16th. Surprisingly she hadn’t gotten too much bigger and she was still just a little runt. I’d been worried and taken her to the vet but he’d said nothing was wrong, she was just a little small. That was fine with me.
We made it to the Mellon early, as we always had before and I opened my door, stopping when I noticed Sidney’s hesitation. “You’re not rethinking letting me come, are you?” I asked quietly, looking over at him sideways.
“No. No no, I want you here.” he started, smiling a little from the corners of his mouth, “But I’m worried about the media and stuff. They’ve been all over my case since Christmas about you. I don’t want them to overwhelm you with questions. They’re sharks.”
“I’ll be fine, Sidney. I have you and Dany and the team. Speaking of, none of them know I’m coming back. That’ll be interesting.” I said optimistically, earning a laugh and a smile from Sidney as he hopped out of the Range Rover and walked around to my door, pushing it open and staring in at me.
“You’ve got no idea how happy they’ll be. They’ve been killing themselves to do their best and they’ve got so much anger at Jeremy that they’d be willing to kill someone if they got in their way. They’ll be ecstatic.” And as soon as he’d finished he picked me up out of the car and held me over his head, kissing me with a fire that could’ve burned me. I heard Mischa mewing but I was too busy trying to not get that butter flying dizzying effect as he put me down and stared down into my soul.
“I love you.” I said happily, earning a laugh as he touched noses with me.
“I love you too.” he answered, turning and pulling me away from the car just slowly enough that I could grab Mischa and shut the door. Mischa was quiet in thought as we walked through the back entrance and down the almost silent hallways to the locker room. I’d never heard it this quiet before in my life. And out of the nothingness silence that was starting to deafen me, I heard a quiet mumbling. It sounded kinda like Jordan talking to himself. And when we got closer I realized that it was.
“Dear God, I come to you and pray that Bernie heals quickly and the emotional scars aren’t as painful as the physical ones. I hope she comes back soon and everything falls back into the norm. I hope she and Sidney get to have all the time in the world together. I just want her happy and safe and I want Jeremy to rot. Amen.” and his voice silenced. Sidney had stopped in front of me, just behind the doorway where Jordan’s voice was coming from. I looked around and realized that it was my office. I pulled on Sidney’s hand and he turned around, looking a little worried. I kissed him gently and he smiled, backing away slowly.
“What was that for?” he whispered softly, trying to be as quiet as he could. It made me feel like we were sneaking around. Made me feel dangerous. I liked it.
“I’m not sure. You just seemed like you deserved it.” I replied, smiling gently as he leaned his forehead on mine, “It was for being there for me.”
“You’re welcome.” he said, “I’ll go in first, act like your not here. You can come in whenever you want.” I nodded and he kissed me one more time, walking away like nothing was going on though if anyone looked into his eyes they’d see that spark that I’d seen a few seconds ago.
I waited for a minute, trying to compose myself before turning the corner with Mischa into my office. Jordan was still there, standing in the middle of what kind of reminded me of my hospital room. There were flowers in vases all over the place. A large stack of cards were all over my desk and some letters were sitting beside it. Jordan wasn’t facing me but he was putting a few flowers inside a vase on top of my filing cabinet. I was too busy counting the vases to realize what the flowers were.
There were enough vases all around to have one for every person on the team. I could almost pick out whos were whos. Max had gotten me roses since I’d first started work and a large vase on my other cabinet was over flowing with pink and yellow roses. Marc had daffodils in his. I knew Sidney’s because it had just about everything with a red rose in the middle.
Finally I tore my eyes away from that to see Jordan leaning down on the cabinet, head on his arm. Everything got quiet for a minute until his labored shallow breathing became louder. I felt a twinge of heartache for him. And out of the silence, Mischa decided to make our prescience known.
“Mew!!” she screeched, popping up out of my bag. Jordan turned quickly, startled and frozen as soon as his eyes met mine. We stopped for a moment, staring each other down. I watched all the little tears falling down his face and felt horrible. Finally, after all that sorrowful staring a smile cracked his face. I couldn’t help it and smiled back.
“It’s nice seeing you, Jordy.” I commented, a happy tone ringing out through the quiet office. Everything tonight seemed abnormally silent. I wondered if this is how it’d been since I was gone. Jordan seemed at a loss for many words so he just took three steps to me and hugged me tightly into his chest.
“Oh you have no idea how wonderful it is seeing you back here.” he told me, crying into my neck, “I can’t believe you’re back. Are you sure you’re alright? Nothing’s wrong? You don’t need to sit down, do you?” he said, asking a trillion questions at once. Suddenly in worried mode.
“Jordy, Jordy, calm down. I’m fine, I promise. Nothing’s wrong. I don’t need to sit down. You’d think I’d been in a horrifying car crash and lost a leg the way you’re talking.” I joked managing to break the thin ice we were on and listened to my reward, a laugh. It was happy and pure and my heart pounded happily as I listened to him.
“I’m just concerned. You weren’t suppose to be back until next week.” he managed, still laughing, “I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You don’t have to work until then either. You could just stay and watch.”
“Jordan. I’m here. I’m alive. I’m fine. I’ll work because I can.” I assured him, looking over his face and seeing that clear worry creasing those lines under his eyes; the dark circles under his eyes seemed almost as permanent as the deep blue color in his eyes. “I don’t have to go out and play hockey. I’ll be fine. Just do something for me.”
“Hmm?” he asked, obviously already eager to do whatever I asked him. I felt suddenly in control of anything. And something important floated into my mind.
“Come to my trial.” I told him. His eyes hardened and he nodded furiously, seeming a lot more angry than he had before. But it was far off anger, and anger not towards me.
“Done.” he said, “I have to go get ready, though. Are you coming into the locker room.”
“Yeah.” I answered, following him out after a pause. I could already feel my heart racing. I’d been ready to see the team all together and be back in my home atmosphere for more than a month and a half. This was like getting presents on Christmas. Jordan went around the corner first but I stopped, taking in a deep breath. I felt like it was my first day on the job all over again. I was suddenly more nervous than I’d ever been before. And it was a wonderful butterfly feeling.
Finally, I took that long lonely few steps around the doorway and into the silenced locker room. Everyone was going about their business without speaking. It was more quiet than ever. Usually there would be laughter or a playful spat but it was silent as death. Now I could understand why Sidney had had so much time to brood over what could’ve been happening while he was here. I made contact with his eyes and they shined as he smiled while putting on his skates.
I cleared my throat lightly, silently as I could. “Well, it’s nice to see everyone’s excited about tonight’s game, eh?” I said, trying to keep my voice happy and flowing as I smiled, looking around at everyone. All of their heads snapped up and they found me standing, Mischa popping out of my pocket. I was practically mauled by Marc and Maxy, both of whom were so happy they had tears falling down their cheeks.
“Welcome back!” Max squealed happily, kissing both my cheeks and hugging me.
“Thanks, Maxy.” I replied, ruffling his hair just before Marc got hold of me. He kissed both my cheeks and my head, hugging me for a minute or so before speaking at all.
“You’re looking well. I’m glad you’re back.” he managed through his crackling vocal cords. I laughed and kissed his cheek, patting his head.
“You’re wonderful. I’m glad to be back here with you guys.” I whispered gently, trying to calm him down. He wiped his tears on his shirt as everyone else got a chance to give me a few words and welcome me back to the family. And finally Jordan came back up to me as everyone was getting dressed, now completely serene. The laughter was starting to come back slowly. There was some quiet conversation now instead of drowning silence.
“Hmmm?” I asked, sitting down as I felt a sudden straining in my side, which was still healing.
“All of us will be there Monday. No matter if we have a game or not. We’ve all decided to go to every trial date no matter what.” his voice was firm and for a second the look in his eyes almost scared me. It fell into a calm caring one and I smiled, nodding in sudden relief. I’d be surrounded by all the people who cared about me most. All of the people who would keep me safe when I saw Jeremy again.
“Thanks, Jordy.” I said softly, earning a smile.
“Anything for you, bijou.” he said, kissing my cheek before he walked away to finish getting ready. I walked away into my office, leaving Mischa with Sidney in the locker room. She seemed as excited as everyone else was to be back together again. She attacked Geno and licked him to death.
I reveled in the silence of my office and was enjoying it to no end when I heard the door open and close slowly and meticulously. I turned to see Sidney in full gear staring me down, Mischa parked on his heavily padded shoulder. I smiled a little as I turned to face my cabinet, attempting to find the papers I’d need for tonight’s game. I gave up when I realized they were in my purse. Pulling them out I turned to find Sidney, still standing with Mischa, staring at me. It was like a creeper watching his next victim.
“Yes?” I said timidly, watching his smile creep onto his face, “Can I help you, Siddy?”
“I don’t think so.” he answered easily, sighing as he put Mischa down on my chair. She curled up immediately, understanding that that’s where she should be. I couldn’t easily take her on the bench with me. Gathering all my papers I walked up to him, expecting him to move so I could leave the room. But instead he stood tall and firm in the same place, rooted to the floor.
“I kinda gotta get to my meeting, Siddy-baby.” I told him, staring up into his eyes. He smiled and kissed my softly, lips dancing with mine for a few minutes before he pulled away, smirking to himself as he moved so I could get through. I stopped, standing still for a minute as the butterflies in my stomach flew away. Walking through the door I heard it close as he followed me down the hall towards the conference room. He opened the door for me as we got there and offered me that reassuring smile as I turned the corner to see a very confused but grateful looking Mike Yeo, Gilles Meloche and Dany Bylsma.
“Bernie!” Dany exclaimed happily, standing up from the table and coming up to greet me with a warm hug, “It’s great to see you! But what’re you doing here?”
“I kinda work here, Disco.” I told him, smiling as he laughed and backed away.
“But I told you not to come back until you got your stitches out.” Mike called over, getting up and giving me a hug.
“I did get them out. I’d show you but they still kinda hurt.” I replied as Gilles kissed both my cheeks in greeting.
“When’d you get them out, bijou?” Gilles said, clearly crying. He wiped his face as everyone else grew quiet.
“Today.” Sid called in from his place in the doorway. I jumped a little, startled that he was still there.
“You are so stubborn!” Dany said in almost anger. Almost. “I told you to come back when you were completely ready.”
“But I am. I did the sheets. I’m not in that much pain. I’m not losing my mind. I’m here to do the work I was told to do.” I answered, almost unhappy that Sidney had answered him. I handed them the papers and they all glanced over them, gradually become more forgiving for my stubbornness.
“I guess it’s alright that your back. We really needed you. We’re not exactly as good with those tendencies as you are and since new kids have been coming up we’re not really sure who’s a threat.” Dany said, seeming grateful now. I smiled.
“Well I’m back and ready to learn.” I told him firmly, earning a smile from all of them.
“That’s great. But if you even so much as cringe or get sleepy you tell me and you’re going home.” Mike insisted. I nodded after a moment of staring him down. “Okay. Well it’s just about game time. Everyone out to the bench.”
And with that they filed away and I stopped with Sidney for a moment on the runway as everyone else went out. His number wasn’t until last even now. His fingers laced up with mine and I felt a calm warmth flowing down through me. It was dark but I could still see his smile.
“Intending on following me everywhere?” I asked quietly under the sounds of the announcer. He chuckled heartily and kissed me.
“Only until that son of a bitch gets locked up for life. After that I’ll just be following you when you want me around.” he explained, seeming truthful enough in his words.
“Well you’re going to have your hands full with that.” I told him, laughing as his number got closer.
“Why’s that?” four numbers away.
“Because you’ll never be able to do anything else if you’re with me every time I want you there.” three.
“That’s perfect.” two.
“Why?” one.
“Because I never want to do anything without you anyways.” he answered simply, kissing me with some force as his number was called and he dashed out onto the ice in time to skate around in the roar of applause before the lights went up and they introduced the coaches. I made it to my place on the bench just as they got done. Semi-silence.
“And look what we have here! Bernadette Armstrong, after month hiatus from work because of an assault, is back on the bench! Amazing how strong her determination to be with this team is!” I heard Dany Potash over the small tv we had sitting on the bench.
“And how close to having her stitches out, too! She can’t have had them out for more than a day or two. That’s love of your job! Talk about as tough as a hockey player!” Bob Errey commented from his place in the glass between the benches.
“She’s got some kind of strength to be here! And the team seems to be responding well to having her back. Even in warm ups they’re skating harder. It’s a treat to have her back here. The teams all back together again.” Staggy said from his place up top. I turned to see him I the box and waved a little, smiling at him. I could hear him laughing through the tv monitor. “And I see someone else who seems to be more focused! Sidney Crosby seems like he’s really working hard today.”
“We can see why, Staggy. Sid took it hard when his girlfriend of just over a year was assaulted by Jeremy Borodin. He seems in high spirits tonight, though. It’s wonderful to have such a valuable part of this team back in action. You’re looking well tonight!” Bob called over from the box. I walked across bench and wrinkled my nose at him, knowing full well that I was up on the jumbotron as well as on the tv cast.
The game started and everyone was playing hard. We were taking on the Capitals. I saw Ovie and Nikky waving over to me when they got close enough to our bench and I waved back. They were still playing their game but they were happy to see me, as I them. Geno made a goal for the first time in a week and celebrated heartily, jumping up into Kris’ arms. Jordan scored a hat trick and as we cleared hats off the ice he picked one up, pushing it down backwards on my head. I laughed, as did most everyone else on the bench but I kept it on my head all game for luck.
Nik and Ovie both made two each so it was tied four four into the third. We kept playing tough but Godsy was injured and taken out. That was a hard hit. I took care of him for a while in the locker room but came back out with him at the five minutes till the end of game mark. Sitting on the bench together he yelled out to everyone about who was coming, what was happening. And finally, with a power play to us because of a high stick, the clock was ticking to nothing. Twenty seconds. Out of nothing the buzzer went off. I saw Sidney celebrating with Chris and Billy and jumped to the front of the bench, excited to see that his dry spell had gone away. He came by and hit everyone’s hand, stopping at the end of the bench and giving me a kiss before going back out. Of course, that little stunt would be broadcast everywhere on every network for forever. But I loved him so it didn’t matter to me what he’d done.
The game ended on that note, 5-4. As everyone came off ice Ovie and Nikky took some extra time to come over to where I was, gingerly getting off ice into the locker room.
“Is wonderful to see you.” Alex said, looking into my eye through the sweat and tears that were flowing unnoticed down his face.
“It’s great to see you two, too!” I answered, smiling as I looked them over, wiping his tears. Nikky kissed my cheek and they both helped me down the runway to the Pens locker room, earning some applause from the crowd. That was sportsmanship. I hadn’t realized as I was standing on the bench just how stiff I’d gotten. I was starting to ache.
“You are feeling alright now, yes?” Nik asked through his accent. I nodded and thanked him in Swedish, watching his eyes sparkling with the happiness that I’d taken time out to learn how to speak his language.
“Thanks for helping me, guys.” I said as we reached the locker room where the whole team stood, sort of in confusion as they got undressed. I gave them each a kiss on the cheek and they walked me down to my office before leaving the locker room to go to their own. I promised I’d call them later.
It grew quieter in the locker room as I came out with my plan bag and laptop, though as soon as Sidney and Jordan saw me they snatched it off me and refused to let me carry it. They must’ve seen me half limping in pain. I was trying to be strong but they were insistent that I not do more than I could. Sidney was like a dictator, punctuated with Mischa’s mews of protest.
“The press wants to talk to you, Bernie! I didn’t know if you wanted to talk to them or not!” Dany yelled out of his office after us as we walked towards the lounge. I stopped, looking back and forth between Sidney and Jordan, both looking as though they didn’t really want me to do anything after a game like that. It’d been long and I knew they both could see how bad my side was aching.
“By press who do you mean, Dany?” I called back, watching his head pop out of the office again.
“Dan Potash and Bob Errey!” he answered easily, smiling as he slid his swivel chair back into his office. I felt thoughtful for a minute before Sidney spoke up.
“I’ll meet you in the car, babe.” his voice was quiet with knowing as Jordan started to walk out with him. Kissing my cheek, he smiled and followed along. It was wonderful how he could read my mind. I turned slowly and walked back towards where I knew they would be on ice with Iceberg. Surely enough, they were there, standing in the runway waiting for me.
“Bernie!” Dany said excitedly, hurrying over to insure that I was alright before walking back to the runway where the cameraman and Bob were standing. “How’ve you been?”
“I’ve been… stiff. And tired. Still feeling a little weak and woozy.” I said, running a hand back through my hair and feeling that sudden tipsy feeling.
“We won’t keep you long. Just a short interview for tomorrow on Sportsbeat.” Bob assured, smiling.
“Mkay. Start whenever. I’m here till I leave.” Two bright smiles and a click of a camera and we were on.
“We’re here now with returning Assistant Goaltending Coach Bernadette Armstrong. Being out for a month on leave because of being,” a nervous pause, “assaulted on Christmas by Jeremy Borodin. She was patched up from a severe knife wound and has been on leave ever since. Today’s been her first game back since her break. So, Bernie, what we want to know is, how are you? Is everything going alright on your first night back?”
“Well I think I’m fine. Got another scar to add to the long list of injuries but not bad otherwise. Tonight was a great game and I really think we played hard. Our offense was great and defensively we were perfect. It was a great game to come back to.” I answered as upbeat as I could. Bob smiled over at me and began.
“Besides all of this craziness, how’s life outside the rink? We’ve seen your relationship with Sidney draw closer as well as the friendships you’ve made with the team. Everyone seems to be receiving you well since your appointment to goaltending coach.” Bob seemed almost as happy to see me as I was to see him again in person. I couldn’t believe the reality of being back now. It was almost making me dizzy.
“Life outside this is going…. Pretty well I’d say. Sid and I just had our one year in December so everything there’s wonderful. And everyone here has really worked hard to keep me close to the action so it’s all good.” I heard the door to the runway open and saw Sidney peaking down the hall towards me. A smile pulled at my lips but I contained it, waiting to see when they were going to let me go. I was starting to feel sick.
“Well congratulations on your anniversary. And thanks for talking to us.” Dany commented, smiling as Bob patted me on the back, “And back to you, Stan.” With that the camera clicked off and I suddenly felt the sickness swirling in my stomach double. “We’ll be at your trail Monday. But for now good luck and feel better. It’s great to see you back here.”
“Thanks. It’s good to be back. I’ll see you guys later, okay?” I called over my shoulder as I walked semi dizzily down the runway to Sidney’s smiling face and took his hand.
“Ready to go home?” he asked quietly, kissing my cheek as he walked slowly out towards where I knew his car was parked. His happy energy made my stomach’s flipping calm down and I took a few deep breaths to silence the dizziness in my head. I kind of felt like the room was spinning now. Taking a shaky step outside I blinked a few times, trying to make my eyes adjust to the darkness. Somehow they wouldn’t.
“Sid…” I managed through a choked off voice. The only thing I could remember after that was falling backwards. I didn’t remember feeling the pavement hitting my head so he must’ve caught me. I woke up the next day in the hospital with Sidney at my side, still asleep. Glancing around I saw that Jordan and Mario were there, as well as Nathalie and the kids. My eyes fell on Maddie, still dressed in her hospital gown, curled up in a chair next to Jordan.
I stayed quiet as long as I could but eventually I coughed hard and felt the sharp glass of the air ripping my throat. It was enough to wake Sidney up out of a dead sleep, though he didn’t look like he’d been resting anyway.
“Bernie,” he whispered, almost crying again, “Don’t scare us like that.”
“I’m…” I started, coughing lightly, “Sorry.”
“Don’t scare me like that.” he said, running his hand back over my head and through my hair. I felt the instant coolness of his touch and savored it as he took his hand away. “You went down so hard yesterday.”
“What’s wrong with me?” I asked, staring over into his eyes and listening as the deafening silence over took the room again for a moment as his brain spun with thoughts. Surely at least a few of them were about the correct answer but he also seemed preoccupied. I knew it was the day before my trial. Maybe that was it. I knew it was, in fact.
“You have a severe fever. And Joycee told me off to the side that you had contracted an infection from the cuts Jeremy gave you. They put you on medication for it so you’ll be fine in a few days but they wanted to keep you over night to make sure you were alright. I caught you before you fell on the ground so you don’t have a concussion or anything.” he managed before a few tears escaped his now expert control. I wiped them away with the back of my hand and noticed again how cold he was, or rather how warm I was. “I’m really worried about you, babe.”
“Don’t be. I’ll be fine after this is all cleared up.” I assured him, staring into those eyes that seemed to be offering nothing to me but a semi-nervous stare.
“I’m just worried about you pushing yourself. You should be taking more time to rest and less to worry about what your missing at games. I don’t want you to hurt yourself. None of us do. Why’re you pushing yourself this hard to get back in the game?” he asked, eyes changing from nervous to curious. I sighed and finally accepted the realization I’d been throwing off for a few days now. I felt tears stinging my eyes but held them in.
“I’m just…. I don’t want to have time to think about it. I don’t want to think about what happened. I don’t want to be sitting around more than a few minutes without something to do because every time I stay still I see him. I can hear him and feel him and I just don’t ever want to again. I keep having flashbacks and I feel sick and I can’t deal with it. Every single time I go to sleep I relive everything that happened. I don’t want to spend any more time trying to get over this. I want it to go away. I want to just move on with my life and not look back at it anymore but I can’t seem to get rid of it. It won’t go away, Sidney.” I started, now crying and seeing the look in his eyes melting back to the understanding tone they usually were with me, “I just want it all to go away.”
“I know you want it to go away. I wish it had never happened but it did. He’s going to prison for a long time babe. We’re here for you,” he started, gesturing around to the quietly snoring room full of family. “We all love you so much. We’re here to help you if you need us. Just tell us what we can do. Tell me what I can do.”
“When I go to sleep,” I whispered, wiping my eyes as I looked around and out the window that lead to the street outside, “And you’re there I feel safe. I feel like I’ll never get hurt again. But sometimes I wake up and you’re no where to be found. I can hear him in my head.”
“Nothing he said was true.” Sidney stated firmly, with a tone that almost completely convinced me right there. I took a shaky breath and went on.
“That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.” I retorted almost as quickly as he had, “I can hear him telling me that I’m a whore and that no one will ever love me. I can hear him laughing and telling me that no one will want to touch me afterward. I can hear him telling me that you wouldn’t love me because of him. He’d make sure.”
“Bernie, baby, you are not a whore. Don’t believe anything he said. I love you more than you’ll ever realize no matter what happens or happened to you. All he did was bring me closer to you. I love you more and more every single day of my life and it doesn’t matter if you’ve got a scar or if he violated you. I just want to be with you because you’re an amazing woman.” Sidney said, staring into my eyes as his hands found mine, “And no matter what happens to you I will always be attracted to you.”
I stopped for a moment in thought before continuing on in an almost dead silent whisper, “I can hear him telling me that he wanted his kid to grow up inside me so that every time I looked at it I would think about how I’d hurt his brother.”
“But you’re not pregnant with his kid. You don’t have to be pregnant if you don’t want to be ever, honey. His kid’s not growing up inside you. Maybe in the future there will be a kid there but not right now. He doesn’t matter at all to what happens with that.” Sid tried to say, stopping when my tears started falling faster. I cracked finally and the wall I’d been holding back the information behind came down in a mass of rubble that lead me to my ultimate decision.
“Sidney, I might not be able to have kids.” I whispered, more hurt as I listened to my voice reverberate in my head than I had been as I’d repeated it in my mind, “There was a lot of damage. They told me I might not be able to have kids ever. He took away my hope.”
“It doesn’t matter if you can’t have kids. It’s terrible because I know how much you wanted them but at least your alive. Even if you can’t have children you’re still here to see another day.” his voice seemed sincere and as I searched his eyes I found them truthful. I felt almost a relief.
“I thought….. I thought you’d be angry with me…. Maybe leave me.” I said, feeling almost silly after I did so.
“I wouldn’t leave you because of that!” Sid almost yelled, taking a calming breath before he kissed my forehead, “I love you with all my heart. Sure, I wanted kids but giving up having children to be with someone who makes me this happy is something I’m willing to do.”
And with that I fell mostly silent, thoughtful about everything he’d just said. He smiled and kissed my head, leaning back in his chair and staring out the window but holding my hand the whole way through my thought. Finally I spoke, softly and surely.
“Sidney.” I whispered, “I love you.” It was all I could manage in the midst of all the thoughts swirling around in my head.
“I love you too, Bernie.” he answered, smiling but not meeting my eyes as he continued to star into the abyss that was outside the window. It was just beginning to be light outside. I knew it was somewhere around seven. A nurse came in and checked me out, taking out the iv they’d given me and handing me a prescription. She walked out without many more words to prevent waking everyone else up and I prepared to go home for the day and rest. Sidney wouldn’t have it any other way. He insisted that I go home and rest for my court date tomorrow so I didn’t pass out in the middle of the trail. I said it might make it more dramatic. He laughed but made me go home anyways.
Around eight everyone woke up, excited to see me.
“BERNIE!” Maddie squealed, first one up. She’d woken everyone else in the process of running towards me but it was alright. I was excited to see her up and about. Through everything I’d been through she’d been there. No matter how many times she had to run away to the bathroom to throw up because of her chemo or how many times she dizzy because of everything else she was going through she’d been there in my room with me the whole time. Just like Sidney.
“Hi Mads.” I said, hugging her. She’d gotten lighter and more pale but otherwise she looked a lot like her normal self. She was getting better, they’d said. I didn’t believe them though with all my being I’d wanted to.
“Oh My God! Bernie!” Lauren and Steph said in almost unison as they ran over to give me a hug. I smiled and hugged them, laughing as Austin sat in his chair next to Alexa and just cried a little.
“You need to stop scaring us!” Nat said as she hugged me, kissing my head. “We’ve got enough to worry about without not knowing whether or not you’re going to pass out on us.”
“And you just need to stop doing anything to worry me. I don’t know how much more of this I can take before I end up in the Asylum.” Jordan joked, kissing my cheeks and hugging me close to his still warm chest. I laughed a little and hugged him back weakly, still not having nearly as much energy as I knew I’d need for tomorrow. Maybe Sid was right. I needed a day at home.
I made it away from the hospital in a few hours and back home in no time flat. Mischa was there, as always, to greet me at the door, and Jordan followed us in to sit down the things I’d had in Sid’s car. He left us alone, though, after a few minutes and another promise to be there tomorrow. I got more texts from everyone saying they would be there at my trail and more than a few emails from Pensblog readers who promised to be praying for me. The directors of Pensblog had become close friends and I’d often given them information on the inside things happening in the league.
Eventually, in a half asleep stupor, Sidney managed to get me away from my work and my friends long enough to go to sleep. He’d had to carry me to bed but he didn’t mind it.
“Baby you have to get some rest!” he whispered in my ear, kissing my cheek softly as he laid me down in bed, “I know you want to run yourself into the ground but for my sake get some sleep.” And his voice faded away from my conscious mind.
I woke up a few hours later, feeling better than I had in days. I woke up a little more to find that I was cuddled up into Sidney’s chest and he was out cold, apparently just as wiped out as I had been. I smiled and kissed his lips lightly, not trying to wake him up but just to see if he noticed it at all. A smile sleepy smile crossed his face but his eyes remained closed and he pulled me in closer. I felt a pull in my side but moved to free the skin so it didn’t pull, not ready to move and get up yet. Being with Sidney was more a comfort than anything else in the world. I faded in and out of sleep for another three hours until I woke up to find Sidney’s eyes watching me softly. Observantly.
“Hey.” I whispered under my breath, staring up into his eyes.
“Hello beautiful.” he answered back, smiling at me before he kissed my lips. I smiled and chose not to fight with him about it today, letting him call me whatever he wanted to. I stayed cuddled in his chest for a long time, I wasn’t sure just how long, before he moved and looked down into my eyes. “Still tired?”
“Not really,” I started, “My side hurts a little but I’m not tired.”
“What’re you thinking, then?” he asked, seeming a bit confused and curious.
“I just feel……………….. Safe.” I answered thoughtfully, not bothering to look up and see the smile that was surely crossing his face. I knew little things like that made him feel the same butterflies I always felt when I was with him.
“Well I feel amazing after that nap,” he started, a certain predictable sweetness in his voice, “especially after waking up with such a beautiful girl in my arms.”
“You’re so full of it, Sidney.” I whispered under my breath. I knew he’d heard but he stayed quiet, not willing to raise a fight against me. We sat in silence for a minute before I heard Sid’s phone vibrating off the table. It fell onto the floor and I heard Mischa running for cover as it landed next to her head.
“Ughhhh. What do they want with me on the one day I’ve got with my girl?” he whined, rolling away from me reluctantly and making me shiver as the heat from his arms left me. Ever since I’d gotten that blood transfusion I’d been abnormally cold all the time. I heard Sidney clicking into his texts and stared over at Mischa, who had jumped up onto my side table and was staring with sincere interest over at me. I smiled and her tail began to swish back and forth. I could hear her purring even from where I sat.
“Who is it, Siddy?” I asked, half paying attention to what Mischa was doing. He rolled back over to me lightly and slid his arms around me again, pulling me back to where I’d been in his chest. My heart raced a little.
“My parents telling me where they’d be staying when they come in later tonight with Taylor. They said they‘d been in in like an hour, around 8:30.” he answered easily in a half whisper as he kissed my neck. I reveled in the softness of his touch and shivered in the emotions I was having. I hadn’t felt like this since I’d been with him before Christmas. I was feeling…. lustful. For a moment I felt odd, feeling a little silly for the emotions twisting up inside me. I felt almost as though I shouldn’t feel that way. Everything I was thinking stopped the instant Sidney began talking.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” he asked, “I feel like your thinking something.”
I was shocked and tried my hardest to cover the tracks that were already laid deep in the snow. “Nothing, nothing at all really. Just kinda thinking of how nice it’ll be to see your family again. I get to missing them as much as my own family now.” I shot back quickly. Too quickly. Sidney pulled me around and I found myself face to face with those soul searching milk chocolate eyes. I was done. I melted.
“No you’re not. Don’t lie. You’re thinking about something else. Whatever it is you can tell me.” he started, watching me closely, as if he felt nervous about what exactly it was I would say. I considered telling him what was shifting inside me but gave up, unable to correctly articulate myself. Instead, I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what I was going to do. I leaned forward an inch and watched his eyes grow small with mixed emotions. Not a word was said as I sat there for a moment before pressing my lips to his. This kiss was different than any of the ones we’d shared after the hospital. It was full of all the emotions we’d been missing in the last few weeks. All of the passion we’d cooled. It was surely on fire again now.
We stopped a few moments later and Sidney smiled lightly, kissing me again. “Babe…” he started unsurely, unable to stop kissing me now, “I don’t know about this….” he whispered before another kiss, “are you sure you’re ready…?”
I slid my arms around his neck as he managed to pin me under him. My fingers intertwined with his hair as he kept kissing me. I barely had time to breath between, let alone speak. Finally, a small break. I was half breathless. “I’m ready,” I started as he bit my sweet spot, making me squirm, “Being with you will be….. a healing process.” I finished, losing my breath mid sentence as he kissed up my neck. A smile was seeping out of his face but he was flat and emotionless to the best of his ability facially. I could see from his eyes that he really had wanted this, though.
“I don’t want to rush you.” he whispered, “You’re so important to me. I just want to make sure that you really want this before anything happens. I don’t want to rush you into something right now, especially not after….” he finished obviously sounding more nervous and worried. I hushed him with a small smile.
“Sidney you’re not pushing me to do anything I don’t want to do.” I replied softly, earning a toothy grin from him.
“I didn’t think you’d ever want to again….” he admitted, passion quenched for a minute, “And…. it didn’t matter. I just didn’t care. I was willing to never do anything again. I was willing to go on without any more hopeless romps around my room. Crazy what love does to a man.” he said, smiling at me. I giggled.
“Well you’re so hot.” I said, causing him to laugh heartily, “and you’re not forcing me. The best thing you did for me was wait until I was ready. And I am.”
“Well then,” he said, suddenly feeling feisty and feral, “if I’m hot then you are the most sexy woman I’ve ever seen.”
“That’s just the four weeks of no sex talking.” I told him as he kissed my neck, laughing a little under his breath.
“Think whatever you want.” he told me firmly, kissing my lips for a long moment that seemed to sooth his worries. “God I love you.”
The next morning around 6:30, I woke up in Sid’s arms again, severely worn out from the romp we’d had. I suddenly didn’t feel so silly for feeling lustful. I felt normal. Sidney had been feeling the same way. That much was evident to anyone that wasn’t blind. I laid there for a moment, listening to his semi-silent snores and the cat’s wheeze before I closed my eyes again, drifting in and out of sleep until around 7 when Sidney’s alarm went off. He jumped but never let go of me completely, reaching over with one hand and turning it off.
The morning was mostly silent. We drank some coffee, caught Sportscenter and Savran, on which my interview was featured, and had breakfast. I cuddled into him, sliding on his hoodie as I felt my feet get cold. And finally around 8 he managed to come up with something to say. I’d much expected a comment about last night or something to that effect but he came across as business-y and very unpleasant. I didn’t like it too much.
“So, how do you feel today, baby?” he asked, pulling me closer to him and nuzzling his face in the crook of my neck. I listened to him breathing for a minute before answering.
“I feel tired from yesterday,” I started, “but I think because everyone will be there I’ll be alright today. You’ll be there with me won’t you, Sid?” I asked, lacing my fingers with his. He kissed my neck gently and pulled me in tightly to his body.
“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” his voice was firm and sure, “Dany gave the whole team a day off so that we could be there for you. My family’s coming in with Jack. Marc, Geno and Jordan’s parents are coming in. The Staal brothers will be there. Ovie and Nik backstrom. Ilya Kovalchuk. Your family. The staff. Dany Potash. Bob Errey. Staggy. And besides that I’d never leave you alone to face that madman alone.”
I was thoughtfully quiet for a moment, considering all the people he’d just named. Everyone that I sincerely cared for, everyone that mattered to me, they’d all be there. A sudden surge of hope and love. And then it was smashed as I realized, though I’d be with many people, I’d still be alone on that stand. I was quiet for another moment still until realizing that the judge would take my statement before the trial. I wouldn’t have to tell my story, just stand for cross. I could do that.
Sidney suddenly began talking out of the nothingness that was my mind crossing with thought. “Alright?”
“Yeah, yeah. Sounds alright.” I whispered, trying to clear my head. “Come on. I have to be there at nine thirty.”
And with that we dressed, Sid in my favorite suit and myself with some dress pants and a loose blouse on account of my stitches, which were nonexistent now but the place where they‘d been was very sore. It had already been okayed by the judge because of a medical issue. Soon we were ready and we hopped into Sid’s Range Rover and drove towards the courthouse. I saw everyone elses’ cars already there and Jordan waiting outside with Mario, Max, Geno and Troy. Sid parked his car and we sat together for a moment, holding hands with our fingers gently intertwined.
“Come on Sidney. I’m ready.” I whispered, glancing over to see him staring out the window and lost in thought.
“I don’t think I am.” he answered, turning and revealing his slightly misty eyes, “I don’t know if I can face this guy without trying to kill him. He hurt you in ways I’d never even conceived as possible. I want him to die.”
I put my hand on his face and wiped away one tear that had fallen down, staring into his eyes for a minute. “A life in prison with people who’ve done much more terrible things is worse than any death you might be able to conceive now. He’ll rot in hell for what he did to me but let him think long and hard for the rest of his life of what he’s done. He’s only twenty five. That’s seventy five years of dealing with people who are just as insane as he is, just as sadistic.”
Sidney laughed and smiled a little, kissing my lips gently. “You always know the right thing to say, babe. I love it.” he started, watching me, “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I answered as we got out and walked towards the courthouse, meeting up with everyone inside as we took our places at the place where we’d be facing Jeremy soon. I took a deep breath as we rose for the judge.
We made it home safely that night and we settled into my house that morning with heavy eyelids. We knew we had to stay away all day today to make up for the jet lag but it was going to be a struggle. Old reruns of Sportsbeat and Sports Center made it a little easier for us to cope with being up for almost a day and a half but nothing really seemed to help the sick feeling we both had floating in our stomachs most of the day.
Geno stopped by later that day to drop off Mischa and she happily ran to Sidney and scaled his jeans like nothing. Curling up with us, she seemed a perfect fit into our day and she kept us amused most of the rest of the day, chasing her tail and doing crazy dives off the arm of the love seat. For the most part we stayed together, only leaving each others’ side for a few minutes to make some more coffee. Sometime that night, I’m not exactly sure when, we fell asleep on the couch.
I woke up early the next morning to a note from Sidney and a warm fleece blanket tossed over me. Mischa was sleeping soundly on the arm of the couch and she stayed still as I sat up, though I saw her peaking through one eye at me. She was an all around good faker. I patted her head as my eyes adjusted to the ever changing light that was shining brightly through the window next to the couch. Finally I was awake enough to read the note and I held it back from my face so that I could make out the scribbles that were Sidney’s handwriting.
‘I went home for a little while. I have to go to practice later so I’ll see you there, babe. Love You ♥. -Sidney. P.S. My parents called this morning. They want to know if we’ll come to Halifax this weekend. I said I’d run it by you since that’d be… Tomorrow. Taylor says it doesn’t matter what day it is, everyday’s a weekend in the summer. Talk to you soon.’
I read the note again and sighed as Mischa rose from her early grave and jumped eagerly over to greet me, licking at my hands and face. I picture her up and held her in one hand, watching those blue eyes tracing me over without a care in the world. She was defiantly a beautiful cat. Grey like a normal Russian with those piercing blue eyes that seemed to see into your soul with the strange exception that her paws were white. All of them. Like she was wearing small pairs of fluffy white socks.
“What do you think, Mischa? You think we should go see Sidney’s parents?” I asked, sitting her down in my lap and petting her while she purred loud as thunder in a desolate valley. She looked up at me and her tail began to swish back and forth. It sort of reminded me of a coo-coo clock my gram had in her kitchen. “Think about it Mischa. You’d get to see his family and meet his little sister. And you’d get to up show his dog.”
“MEEEEWWWW!” she mewed in a sharp tone which I took to mean something along the lines of ick. I smiled and kissed her head.
“I think we should go. We can stop by Thunder Bay on the way back and maybe take that trip to Calgary. Sound good?” I asked, and again she mewed in what seemed to be protest as she chewed my hand. “Oh stop, Mischa. You can come this time.” And then she stopped. I put her down on the couch and headed back to my room. I got some fresh clothes and a shower before coming back and feeding her. Checking the time I saw that it was now almost ten. I had to be at practice around ten thirty.
I drove there quietly and made it in record time as the streets today seemed to be particularly desolate. I saw Sid’s car beside Max, Marc and Jordan’s but they seemed to be the only ones here. Not surprising. Summer practice was more along the lines of the guys screwing around on ice together. Whoever showed up showed up.
I walked inside and caught the guys on their way to get some sodas from the machine. Jordan ran over and hugged me, picking me up and kissing my cheek.
“Easy there, Jordy. I missed you too.” I said as he sat me down and smiled widely at me. I saw Sidney roll his eyes as he got a Gatorade out of the soda machine. Marc and Max had already joined Jordan in greeting me and I gave them each a kiss on the cheek and a warm hug.
“How was LA, petite bijou?” Max asked, opening his Dr. Pepper. I smiled and took a quick glance down towards my right hand, seeing the shimmering rings on my finger before answering.
“It was good. We won the game, Sid got an award. Pretty well if I say so myself.” I told them as we walked into the locker room. I saw that their stuff was already put away and knew they had to have been just done with playing.
“I heard you got a job offer. Glad you’re staying though.” Jordan said, offering me a seat on his lap. I turned to Sidney and punched his shoulder lightly.
“Do you tell them everything about my life?” I asked, watching a smile creep onto his face.
“Well not everything. Just the important stuff.” he answered easily, sitting down on the bench opposite to Jordan’s. I wrinkled my nose at him and took a seat next to Marc.
“Well, Jordy, I’m glad I’m staying too. I’d miss you guys.” I said quietly, looking over at Jordan’s shining eyes. His face almost split in two.
“So are you planning on spending any of your time away from Wonder Boy or don’t we get a chance to see you on our vacation?” Max asked, taking a drink of his soda with a wry smile in his eyes.
“I’d love to have movie night again sometime.” Marc threw in, giggling as he drank his Gatorade. I looked between Marc, Max and Jordan and the look was the same on all of their faces. I knew I’d been neglecting them. But Sidney was my boyfriend. Then again, that was no reason to forget my friends.
“Sure. We can make some plans to go out and stuff. Maybe a little later though, I’m trying to figure out what the next few weeks holds..” I trailed off, glancing over at Sidney, who perked up immediately.
“You read my note?” he asked, taking a drink.
“Yeah. I dunno, I’m still a little nervous.” I told him, “And I had an idea. I have my tickets to Calgary and I was suppose to go see Marc so why don’t we go see my family first and then you can go home early and see your family for a while and I can go visit the farm. I’ll meet up with you in Halifax.” I proposed, watching the gears in his head begin turning. He smiled at me eventually and nodded.
“God, more plans with Sidney? At this rate we’ll be missing out on so much we won’t be able to catch up.” Jordan complained. Sidney laughed heartily watching the confused look on Jordan’s face as he did so. “What?”
“Didn’t you listen to her at all?” Sid asked through his high pitched laughing voice. I smiled. Jordan was always pretty oblivious.
“I was listening! I pay attention!” Jordan protested, thinking back over what I’d just said with a blank expression. “Wait… who’s farm are you going to?”
“Yours, Silly!” I said, hitting him in the arm. I ruffled his hair and he smiled, obviously excited.
“Seriously!! Oh that’s great! I have to go back so I’m there when you get there!!! This is gonna be so much fun!” he squealed like a little girl before her first sleep over. I sat my right hand on his and he held it excitedly.
“Why does Jordy’s family get you and we don’t?” Max asked, hurt. I wasn’t really listening though, I was busy paying attention to Jordan, who had just discovered my rings. He twisted them around on my finger gently and looked up at me, curious. I didn’t say anything, I just glanced over to Sidney who was slightly pink now.
“Anniversary gifts?” Jordan asked quietly, looking back over at me with a raised eyebrow. I nodded gently and he smiled. “Beautiful.”
“Let me see, bijou!!!” Max squealed in a girly voice. I laughed as he looked down at the rings that were now being twisted in Jordan’s fingers. He squeaked happily and kissed my cheek, sitting down between Marc and I; leaving Sidney completely alone across the locker room. And finally in the comical tension that loomed in the air Marc finally said what we were thinking.
“Why don’t you buy us nice stuff like that?” he whined girlishly, leading to a chorus of howling laughter. I shook my head and stood up after it died out and they began to get ready to leave; walking to Sidney and kissing his lips lightly. He held me there for a minute, trailing the kiss on and
on before letting me go.
“Where’re you going?” he asked, knowing that he wouldn’t get a kiss unless I was leaving. It was uncanny how easily he could read my mind now.
“Home for a little while and maybe out to lunch. I owe Geno.” I said, “Call me later?”
“Definitely. Have fun.” he answered, kissing me again before I turned to leave, waving gently to everyone else and earning a group goodbye.
><><><Sid’s POV><><><
I watched Bernie leave with a strange pulling in my chest. Every time she left my side I felt strange, like a part of me was missing. I didn’t remember ever feeling that way before we’d gotten together but now it was almost a daily thing. I didn’t realize however that I’d been staring after her, though.
“Are you lost in the twilight zone or what?” Max asked, watching me quietly.
“Huhn….? Oh, no, just thinking is all.” I said, attempting to write off my drifting stare. It was a failed attempt.
“Thinking about what, mon ame?” Marc asked more than said, looking up at me as he finished packing up his hockey stuff.
“I dunno…….” I told him gently. It was the only real reply I had. I didn’t really know what else to tell him. I couldn’t explain the pull in my chest and I surely couldn’t expect them to understand or explain it to me.
“Oh come on. You have to know what you’re thinking!” Jordan exclaimed through laughter. I turned to him and stared, not at him but sort of threw him, not focusing really.
“I just……. I dunno….. I’ve got the strangest most amazing feeling.” I replied in semi-answer to his exclamation.
“What?” Max asked, slightly confused by my statement. I don’t blame him. I was more confused than he was and I was the one talking. I ran my hands through my hair and stared towards the ground thoughtfully, listening to the silent tension building as they waited for me to speak.
“What do you do when you’re in love?” I asked quietly in a half whisper, “How does it feel?”
“What do you mean how does it feel? Haven’t you ever been in love before?” Max asked, taking a swig of his Gatorade and staring at me like I was a mad man. He was the one that was mad. Mad as a damned hatter.
“I’ve dated people and had crushes but I don’t ever think I’ve been in love…” I trailed off, thinking back as far as I could with the girls I’d dated. I’d never felt anything like this before.
“Whatever, dude. You’ll figure it out. Come on, Jordan, we gotta make sure we meet Kris on time. Later guys.” Max said, waving to us. I waved back feebly and was left alone with Marc, who took a seat next to me. Maybe now I’d get some answers.
“Love…. Love feels like butterflies. It’s that warm feeling you get when you do something good for someone else. It’s a chill that makes you catch fire…… It’s wonderful.” Marc’s voice was almost comforting in the quiet. I’d been wrestling with what I was feeling for the last few days, unsure of myself in unknown territory. I’d always known what I was doing; what I was getting myself into. Not this time. I hadn’t a clue.
“But I feel like…. I dunno. I feel like every time she leaves something’s missing. Like something’s been taken away. Everything’s…….. I don’t know. I’m so confused. There’s a pull in my heart like I shouldn’t ever let her leave me.”
“That’s love, mon ame. That’s what love feels like.” Marc said, patting my back, “And the only thing you can do now is make sure that feeling doesn’t go away.”
“Yeah…….. Thanks Marc. I’m gonna go see if I can’t catch up with her and Geno and get some lunch.” I said, standing up and grabbing my bag before Marc put a hand on my wrist gently.
“As much as you should keep her around and be in love you have to let her go too. She’s not going to run from you, Sidney. She loves you just as much. Maybe more. Come get lunch with me today.” he said easily. I pondered what he’d said for a moment and ultimately agreed that he was right. And so I waited until he was done getting ready to go out to lunch with him.
We headed out to this little French restaurant outside of town and were enjoying our meal when Marc rolled his eyes at something or someone that was behind me.
“What?” I asked, continuing to enjoy my sandwich.
“One of Bernie’s ex’s is here. I never liked him. Gave me the creeps.” Marc said between bites of his noodles. I raised an eyebrow, not bothering to look behind me. It didn’t matter who she’d dated before. She was with me now. That’s all I cared about.
“Who?” I asked nonchalantly, not really caring about or needed an answer from him; though he seemed apt and ready to give me one.
“Zachary Borodon.” Marc said with a sour tone. I felt the hairs on my neck prickle at that name. Zachary. The boy that had given Bernie nightmares for weeks. The man who’d shot such terror into her heart that she quivered in my arms at night and refused to let me sleep at home for a month. He made me sick and I’d never even met him. I turned around and shot a glance around the café, looking for someone who seemed odd or out of place.
“What’s he look like anyway, Marc?” I asked, turning back to him. He made a sick face and shot a glance behind me.
“He’s wearing a Fox hoodie, black shirt and light jeans. Sandy hair. He’s not that far away from us, actually.” Marc answered, obviously relishing every moment he had to look at him. He looked back to his food and tried to maintain his happy demeanor. I turned back around and found him immediately with another boy that looked much like him.
“Who’s that with him?” I said more than asked, eating more of my food to look nonchalant.
“His brother Jeremy. They’re not that close but from what I’ve gathered Jeremy’s a good kid. He and Bernzie are still friends.” he said quietly, “Why? You’re not thinking of bothering with them, are you Sid?”
“I dunno. He really scares her, Marc.” I told him, “She was a mess after she saw him at the movies. She had nightmares for so long. I think she still does; just keeps them from me.”
“Nightmares?” Marc asked in semi-disbelief, “He’s not that big a creeper.”
“I dunno. Maybe she just gets really freaked by him. I’ll leave him alone, though. It’s nice to know what he looks like so I know to avoid him if I see him. Come on, I gotta go give Sammy a bath.”
“Your dog come home with you this time around?” Marc asked through a mouthful of noodles.
“Yeah. Mom and Dad said she was getting depressed so I brought her in for a while. Taylor thought it’d give me a reason to come home.” I said, standing up and leaving money and a generous tip on the table.
“I don’t think Mischa will like that.” he joked as we walked away. I had the insane feeling that someone was watching me, boring holes in the back of my head with their gaze, but I avoided turning at all costs.
“She’ll learn to deal with it cause I’m not planning on giving up Bernie or Sammy.” I said sarcastically as we walked towards our cars, “I’ll catch up with you later, Marc.”
“Alright, later Sid.” Marc called over from his car. I felt better knowing that Marc knew what I was feeling for Bernie. I felt better knowing that he could explain this all to me. He’d had a girlfriend since before I could ever remember knowing him. He and Vero had been on each other’s arms for what seemed like forever. I kind of almost hoped that Bernie and I would end up like them. Talk about a dream come true.
><><><>Bernie’s POV<><><><>
I sat at home around five hours after I’d left the rink. Geno had been here and gone, having to go and visit with his girlfriend and have dinner. And so I was left with Mischa, a comfy couch and some sweats. I’d put in a movie, House of a 1000 Corpses and was enjoying the shrill cries of a girl getting murdered by Odis, a main character, when I heard the front door open. I didn’t bother looking away from the screen. Personally I didn’t think I had enough strength to move. I was really tired today.
“Babe?” Sid’s voice cut the air that was being filled by screams.
“Yeassss?” I replied, looking down at Mischa, who was laying beside me on the couch enjoying the movie. I heard Sidney come around the corner but didn’t bother looking over. I pulled my legs in closer to me so that he could sit down and I felt the couch shifting as he did just that.
“Movie day? What, did Geno cancel on you?” he asked quietly, one hand on my lower leg. I finally met his eyes and they shimmered in the light, almost smiling at me.
“Nah. He was here. He just had to go out with Oksana so I decided to watch a movie.” I explained, sitting up to Mischa’s displeasure. She didn’t look at me for too long though, watching the movie with ever growing eyes.
“I see.” he half whispered, putting his arm around me as I leaned into him. “What movie’s this?”
“What movie’s this?!” I asked in surprise, “You’ve never seen House of a 1000 Corpses!?”
“Nope. Never even heard of it.” he answered gently, cuddling up to me.
“It’s a Rob Zombie film.” I said, praying that would jog a memory somewhere.
“That explains it. I don’t listen to much metal.” he said as easily as he could, as if telling me a dark secret. My eyes got wide.
“Will you stay and watch it with me? It’s really good. Classic Horror.” I tempted him, watching his ever flickering eyes as they traced over the scenes passing on the screen. He was just as enchanted as Mischa was for a moment.
“Sure. A good movie with my girlfriend is not something I’ll pass up too easily.” He replied, kissing my head. I smiled and pressed the menu button, starting the movie over again. Mischa whined but soon fell asleep as the movie played over. Eventually somewhere around the last few scenes I fell asleep in Sidney’s arms, too tired to keep watching. I woke up the next morning in bed with Sidney beside me, snoring softly with his hair tussled about his face.
“Sid?” I asked, shaking him a little bit. It was ten o’ clock after all, “Sidneyyy.”
“Hmmm?” he whined, still half asleep. A wicked smile crossed my face and I kissed his shoulder lightly, followed by his neck and his lips.
“Wake up.” I whispered softly, watching his eyes flutter open and look me over.
“Mmm… baby, you are the most beautiful sight to open my eyes to in the morning.” he said in just as soft a voice. I smiled as he kissed my lips, eyes still half closed.
“You keep telling me.” I said gently, looking away from him as he ran his fingers through my messy hair.
“But it’s true. I’ve never felt this love for anyone else. You’re a beautiful, wonderful person.” his voice was sincere and it made my face flush pink. “You’re a lovely, loving person. You’re graceful and intelligent and generous and….”
“And that’s where I’m going to make you stop.” I requested, putting my hand on his mid way through it’s journey through my hair. “I know you see all that in me but I don’t always see myself that way. I’m not as perfect as you make me out to be.”
“I don’t see what could possibly be wrong with you.” he whispered, “I’ve been around you long enough to know that you’re not a bad person.”
“I’m…….. definitely not as wonderful as you think.” I answered, now wrestling with personal demons that had been flying around inside me for what felt like, and possibly could have been, years.
Sidney sat up on one arm and looked down at me, seeming a little concerned, “What’s wrong? What’d I say?” he asked, obviously feeling the vibes I was throwing off.
“I just………. I have a lot of things I have to deal with.” I said, trying my best to avoid falling into a rage or worse into tears.
“Well… let me help. I promise I won’t say anything until you’re done. I just want to help you.” he whispered, taking my hand, “You just…….. You’re face is so pale and you’re eyes are dull and I can’t say as I’m not worried.”
“I…… I can’t.” I said, pulling back and rolling over, not wanting him to watch me if I started crying. I’d always been touchy about my feelings. But he didn’t give in, even this early in the morning, and his arm pulled me back towards him. I tried to pull away but he was definitely stronger than me and he kept me in one place. Finally, after wrestling with everything I’d bottled up inside I began to cry. I quivered in Sidney’s arms and he loosened his hold on me, rolling me back over towards him easily now with no resistance.
“Babe….. Aw baby don’t cry………” he whispered, kissing my tears away, “I didn’t want to make you cry…….”
“It…….. I-it’s not you……” I said through my shaking, “It’s…….. I’m just…….. I kept everything inside…………. And it hurts……..”
“What hurts? What could you have done to make you hurt so badly?” he asked, “You’re not a bad person.”
I felt a sharp stab to my heart. “I’m not a bad person? I’m not a bad person?” I questioned through a rough voice, “Well then tell me why it hurts so bad. Explain it to me because I don’t understand.”
“Baby that’s not what I meant. You have to explain this all to me. I don’t know what’s hurting you.” he said, sitting up and pulling me along with him.
“Where should I start……..” I said, voice barely above a whisper now.
“From wherever the pain hurts worst.” he answered, treading on thin water with his word choice. I almost laughed.
“There isn’t enough time in the day.” I said sharply, almost cutting. He didn’t flinch back as most everyone else had and it stopped me in my tracks. That was my only defense against other people. I didn’t let them in, I iced them out. It was the only defense I’d ever needed. No one had tried to get passed it. Sidney, however, seemed ready to scale the icy mountain and get to the warm meadow.
“I’ve got weeks. Months if it takes that long. I’ve got no where else that’s more important to me than right here.” he said quickly, catching me obviously off guard. And suddenly everything behind the floodgate rushed out and I fell into things I hadn’t thought about for years.
“When I was ten I broke Colby and his girlfriend up because she had an attitude problem. Riley still doesn’t know that I stole his fuzzy socks after Christmas because I was really cold in the basement. When I was fourteen I dated a guy that was at least nineteen and told my parents he wasn’t. I took a vacation to California with my ex and didn’t tell anyone about it. I’ve told off people I didn’t even know because they made me angry. I have a serious vengeance problem. I can’t help but get revenge on people who treat others rotten. I hated it when Colby and Melissa got together and tried to break them up once. I’m insecure about my hockey skills because Riley once told me that my shots were pathetic. Colby tormented me constantly with his friends when I used to sing in my room. I can’t listen to my mom and dad talking about when I was six because I was a rotten brat all that year…” I burst out. Sidney laughed a little and I pulled out of his arms, shocked at him. I’d confided some of the things I’d never said to anyone else and he was laughing. He stopped immediately and kissed me, distracting me from everything I’d been thinking.
“Just because you did those things…….. That doesn’t make you bad. That makes you human.” he whispered, “That’s one of the things I love about you. You’re my species.”
“That’s not what hurts. Those are things I’ve been holding in…” I stammered, “When I was seventeen I had a dog. And I loved him so much. He was the cutest thing. A puggle. And I took him everywhere with me and we got along so well. One day I went to the store to buy him food and I left him in the car. I thought I cracked the door and I hadn’t and when I came back he was dead.”
“It was an accident.” Sidney assured me, holding me tight, “You didn’t know you hadn’t left the window down.”
“But I could’ve checked! I could’ve made sure!” I screamed into his chest with a feeble voice. He kept hold of me, running his fingers through my hair.
“This isn’t what the problem is, is it?” he asked gently, staring into my teary eyes. His were firm and understanding, peering into the deepest part of my soul and poking my inner self. He knew there was more there and for that I commended him. No one else had ever known. And from then on something clicked in my mind. I realized all in a second that he really did care as much as he said and he believed everything he’d ever said about me one hundred percent. He didn’t care about anything that had happened if it didn’t bother me but he took whole hearted interest in making sure that things that did bother me were taken care of. I realized that I could talk to him about anything. It was a huge relief.
“No…..” I answered, tears still falling down. His eyes softened and he kissed my head.
“You can tell me, honey. I won’t tell anyone. I just don’t want to see you like this.” he whispered, running a hand over the back of my head and down my back.
“You’re not going to……… You’re going to think less of me……….. I know….” I said through tears that had multiplied some how.
“No I won’t. You have my word.” he said firmly, taking my hand, “It’s okay.”
“I was the reason Luc died…..” I said, finally jumping the last canyon of fear in my mind. I felt Sid tense and then loosen up again.
“No you aren‘t. He crashed his bike. There was nothing anyone could have done.” he told me. I stopped him though, pushing him away from me.
“No, Sidney! You don’t understand! Colby, Riley and I were with Kris and Luc at Luc’s house. He’d asked me to airbrush his bike. I was painting it and I bumped something and I heard something moving in the mechanics of it. I told him but he said it was nothing and that something must’ve moved in the garage. And he didn’t have it out of the garage for a few days and the last time he rode was…………” I trailed off, crying harder than I’d ever cried before. I was quivering like a leaf in a hurricane. I felt Sidney’s arms wrap me up and for once, though I wished he was far away from me, I took solace in being wrapped up in his protective arms.
“You did not kill Luc. He was in an accident with someone else. It was not your fault.” he whispered in a calm tone, though I could feel him shaking, “It was not you. You are not someone capable of killing anyone, accidentally or not.”
“But Sidney…..” I said, unable to complete a sentence. He held me for a long time until my tears seemed to dry up where they fell.
“You are not a bad person no matter what you say. All those little things that hurt you, they don’t mean a thing now. Look at you. You’re a successful, beautiful woman who’s working a job that she loves. You have a wonderful family and great friends and you’re not in a bad situation. You’re not those things. They don’t make you less of a person. They make you who you are. Everyone does things they’re not proud of, things they keep inside. But you have to understand that none of that matters now. That’s your past. You aren’t living there. You’re living in the present. You’re living in a time when those things matter but they don’t mean much. It’s just things that made you you. Those are memories of times when you may have done bad things. But you’re not doing those things now. You’re not stealing your brother’s socks. You’re not going to just go out and kill animals for fun. And you’re not going to kill one of your closest friends on a whim. You are, as much as you’re going to deny it, a wonderful person. And no matter what you say or think about yourself I will always hold that to be the truth because the side of you I’m seeing and that I’ve seen tells me it’s true.” he explained as I began to stop shaking. I sat with him for a long time, feeling him gently rocking me back and forth and holding me tight to his chest. And finally after a long silence, I wrapped my arms around him, holding him gently to me.
“How did this happen……” I questioned, not realized I’d said it until Sidney spoke up.
“How did what happen?” he asked, not letting go.
“How did I find someone so understanding?” I replied under my breath, looking up at him. His eyes traced over my tear stained face and he seemed to feel some sort of deep rooted pain. It shot through his eyes like a rocket. “You have so much faith that I’m a good person. You believe in me so much. You don’t take anything I’ve done like it was bad. You’re so…….”
He cut me off, kissing me lightly. I felt my thoughts leave me for a minute as he pulled away. “You aren’t the lucky one here. I am lucky to have become friends with your brother. And I do believe it because it’s true. You’re as human as me and you’ve made mistakes…” he trailed off, leaning his head on mine, “And I can’t help but feel special for being the one you shared your feelings with.”
“I love you so much..” I whispered, watching a smile cross his face.
“I love you too. And I’m really glad you trust me.” he answered, staring into my eyes gently, “Come on. We’ve got things to do. Time to move on.” I smiled and nodded as he pulled away from me, laughing while I made faces at myself in the mirror that sat on my desk.
“Ewwwhh.” I whined, picking through my make up.
“What? I think you’re beautiful.” he said, looking down into he mirror and meeting the reflection of my eyes. I laughed half heartedly and picked up some foundation.
“I think you’re crazy. Get outta here.” I said, shoving him playfully away. He headed toward the bathroom and I knew then that the next few weeks would be interesting to say the least.
We stayed around Pittsburgh for a few days, hanging out with Marc, Max and Eric and occasionally hitting a movie with Geno. Maddie’s hockey tournament served very amusing for us and a fun few days with her took up most of our time. More than once Max or Marc joined us when we went to go and visit her. I continued to coach my hockey team but the assistant coach agreed to take over for a while so that I could enjoy my summer with the cup.
Around a week after our seven month we decided to take the trip to Calgary together. We made the journey and crashed in the hotel early the first day, sight seeing then visiting my parents and brothers the next day. All in all we spent around four days in Calgary with my family before we departed for our various destinations. Saying goodbye to Sidney at the airport felt a little odd and Mischa had a few things to say about it but I paid her no mind as I boarded my plane to Thunder Bay, Ontario.
I felt a little strange being alone but it was sort of nice to have time to myself and as I landed I knew that no one knew I was coming. Well, no one except Jordan, who had agreed to not say anything to anyone else. He didn’t know what day I was coming after all. It was only after I landed and got into my rental car that I realized what day it was at all. It was August third. Sidney’s birthday was in three days. I couldn’t believe I’d almost forgotten. I’d have to get Jordan to help me with a present. But for now I just had to get to their farm.
“Where are you headed off to, Bernie?” the woman who met me with my rental car asked. It startled me for a moment that she knew my name but then again my team had won the Stanley cup. We’d been immortalized forever. No surprise she knew who I was.
“Well I’m looking to visit the Staal’s.” I said easily, putting my stuff in the back of the trunk. She smiled.
“You interested in the Staal boys, aye?” she asked, getting into the driver’s seat. I laughed and got in beside her. She seemed very very well mannered and I enjoyed her company as she started the car. I could hear Mischa complaining from my purse as she popped her head out, causing the woman to laugh. “And who’s this?”
“This is Mischa.” I answered, “I got her from Geno on my birthday. She’s a cutie.” I said, scratching her behind the ears.
“She is.” the woman answered, “I’m Angela by the way.”
“Nice to meet you. You already know me.” I said jokingly as she pulled out of the airport.
“So, the Staal boys.” she started, “They’re quite the bunch.”
“Oh yes. I know that for sure.” I laughed, smiling as she got a giggle out of it too.
“Are you…?” she trailed off, unsure if she was pushing it or not.
“No no. Jordan’s family knows mine fairly well. We’re close friends but Sidney’s my boy.” I answered gently, seeing her visibly tense at my words as she turned to where I knew the rent a car place was.
“Sidney? As in Sidney Crosby? Captain Sidney Crosby?” she asked. Apparently she knew who I was but hadn’t paid too much attention to the news. Either that or Canada had failed to been notified that we were dating.
“Yeah. Siddy’s my baby. I love him.” I said, looking over at her completely stunned face.
“You are a lucky lucky girl! I have friends that would kill for that man.” she replied, “I think I would if given the chance.”
“I never really considered myself lucky. It’s wonderful to have been with him for so long but he’s just like any other man. He’s a loving caring person. Really amazing though.” I told her a she pulled in and helped me get my things into my rental, a silver mustang.
“Well I think he’s pretty godly. You’re a lucky woman. Have fun with the Staal’s.” she called as I got into the car and started it.
“Thanks! Have fun at work!” I called back jokingly as I headed off towards the road that lead to the farm. I made it down the road in a few minutes and saw that Henry and Linda’s cars were there as well as Eric, Marc and Jordan’s.
I smiled to myself as Mischa climbed onto the dash. She knew what was coming somehow. I saw Marc outside cleaning up the barn and decided to ring his bell a little bit. I parked the car and padded softly across the lawn to the barn. Arriving perfectly still at the entry way, I stared at Marc as he unknowingly continued his work. The barn was just like he’d always told me it was, very large and spacious. There was hay most everywhere and he swept it from side to side easily with one sweep of the large seemingly homemade broom. It was almost nostalgic of the pictures I’d seen of the boys cleaning as children in the mid summer sun.
“So are you going to clean all day long or are you going to say hello?” I asked sarcastically, watching his head snap up to attention as my voice floated passed his ears. A smile was instantly on his face and he dropped what he was doing to greet me. Picking me up off the hard wood of the barn’s floor he squeezed me almost as hard as when he’d said goodbye at Christmas.
“I didn’t know you were coming!” he said excitedly, eyes shimmering in the light that had struck him as he walked out of the shadows. It was really awesome to see him again.
“No one did. It’s a surprise.” I told him, seeing the sudden devious look in his eyes. He kissed my cheek lightly and hugged me again.
“I love you.” he told me happily, smile widening. I mirrored it and looked around, making sure that no one else had seen me.
“Where’s everyone?” I asked as he backed up, moving towards where he’d temporarily stopped his work.
“In the house. Mom’s making lunch and Dad’s tormenting Eric and Jordan.” he commented through a laugh, “Doesn’t matter what we do he torments us about something.”
“So nothing’s changed.” I said happily, smiling as I glanced back towards the simple house that stood a few yards from the barn. Soft green grass blew in the pleasant breeze that was blowing in from the lake. The trees swayed in the light breeze and I smiled as I watched everything look so peaceful in the mid-summer sun.
“Where’s Sidney?” Marc asked, finished up his job. I continued to gaze out into the fields to the lake and felt a chill. Sidney was in Nova Scotia with his family, far away from where I stood on the Staal sod farm. And I felt a pulling sensation in my chest, like someone was tugging a heart string taunt.
“Sid’s with his family. We parted ways after a few days in Calgary. I’m gonna meet up with him in Nova Scotia.” I explained, finally turning to look at him. He must’ve noticed the hazy look in my eyes.
“You two just had your seven month, didn’t you?” he asked, wiping his face with his sleeve. I smiled and nodded, back from the daze I was in.
“Yeah. When we were in LA.” I said, suddenly more aware of the necklace around my neck and rings on my finger. Marc smiled as he walked forward, arm around my shoulders as we headed through the beautiful green grass towards his house.
“Well I’m happy for you!” he said excitedly, kissing my head. “Come on. Lunch is probably almost…”
“LUNCH TIME, MARC-YYY!!!” Linda called out the window we’d just passed.
“Kay!” he answered, “You’re gonna scare the crap out of them.”
“That’s the plan.” I whispered back as he opened the door.
“Hey Mum, someone’s here!” Marc called in as he disappeared into the quaint home that I’d only ever been in once before.
“Someone here? Who could that be?” I heard Linda ask as she came closer to the door. I waved a meek hello as she looked down through the screen and she screamed, pushing open the door and hugging me. “Ohhh! How are you!?” she asked, kissing my cheek.
“I’m good. I’m good. How are you, Lin……” I started before Jordan was upon me. He tackled me and we fell to the ground, something that Marc had prevented on Christmas. He kissed my cheek and I laughed as he pushed himself up and held himself a few inches above me.
“Hi, Jordy!” I said happily, earning a smile from him. “It’s nice to see you too!”
“Hey Dad! Bernie’s here!” Eric called as he attempted to pick Jordan up off me. I heard two more people come out of the house and found Marc and Henry staring down at me as I laid in the soft grass. I put my arms behind my head and looked up at them innocently, smiling as they laughed.
“You know I think I’ll just chill down here for a while.” I joked, “I don’t want to get jumped again.”
“Non-sense!” Linda said, pulling me up, “You’re joining us for lunch!”
“Mom, relax. She’ll be here for a few days.” Marc said, picking a leaf out of my hair. His mom seemed giddy at the idea of another woman in the house and excitedly sat out lunch. I ate it with happiness, eager to have something in my stomach. Mischa came to mind before I took my first bite and I went to get her, letting her meet everyone. She took to Jordan immediately, as she had before, and sat in his lap until he had to get up. I put all of my stuff in the guest room and chilled with Henry and the boys most of the night. We played a game of street hockey and no one could get anything passed me.
I went to bed and got up early the next morning. Earlier even then the boys and they were usually up at the crack of dawn. I headed into the kitchen to find only Henry and Linda awake. I rubbed my eyes tiredly as I joined them and got a cup of coffee in me. Soon the boys were up and we began to clean up the farm. Henry and Linda were involved to and it took them half the time with me darting back and forth between jobs. I’d always been pretty focused. And around sunset I was sitting with Jordan as he worked on one of Henry’s tractors, hair tussled and mussed up in the messy bun I’d put it up in this morning.
“So how’re you liking your visit so far?” Jordan asked quietly from under the tractor. I adjusted myself and glanced down through the engine at him. He was so focused and I watched his hair get swept up in the wind as he continued to adjust and fix various things.
“It’s great. I love being with you guys.” I told him happily, glancing out over the lake, which was now only a mile or two away from where we sat.
“You miss him, don’t you.” he asked, glancing over at me for a second before looking back to engine.
“Who?” I answered, twisting the rings on my finger absentmindedly.
“Sidney.” he said blankly, continuing his work.
“Of course.” I told him, “It’s hard not to.”
“It’s kind of funny.” Jordan said in a somber tone that I’d never really heard from him before. He’d always been laughing or joking, never really serious about having a conversation. I guess being alone on a farm brings out the best in people.
“What is?” I asked, looking out over the lake to the setting sun.
“That as in love with Sidney as you are, Marc doesn’t give up hope.” he answered simply, not looking up to see my surprised face.
“What?” was the only thing I could come up with after a few minutes of pondering.
“Marc. He still loves you. It’s strange. He hasn’t had a girl since you. Never talked about liking anyone else. Never mentioned anyone else after you. We try to tell him but he doesn’t listen. I just think it’s odd. And I can’t tell you to talk to him but……. Can you talk to him?” Jordan asked, looking up and meeting my eyes for the first time, “He sees it its just that you’ve never told him how much you love Sidney. I think if he heard it from you he’d realize it.”
“I can try.” I answered quietly, looking down into his thoughtful blue eyes. He smiled and I couldn’t help but mirror it.
“And when you’re done with that you can tell Max to give it up too.” Jordan joked, making the thick air become thinner. I laughed.
“You’re joking, right?” I asked, looking down at the large smile on his face.
“Nope. Maxy’s got a thing for you.” he said easily, smiling even wider. I laughed a little before stopping.
“But he and Sidney hate each other. Maybe it’s just that.” I suggested, “He wants to make Sid mad or something.”
“Nah. I don’t think so. He hates Sidney but he really does care about you. I think if you just got to be closer friends with him he’d be happy though. He knows you really care about Sid and he’s seen how much hell Sid puts himself through to be with you.” Jordan seemed sincere enough and I slid down off the seat of the tractor to sit next to Jordan on the ground. He sat up and glanced over at me, handing me a wrench and then going back to his work.
“What hell?” I asked, more curious now as to what Sidney had been keeping from me. There were very few things that he kept from me in the entirety of our friendship and relationship but what he did keep to himself was always for fear of either embarrassment or to keep the other person carefree.
“Sidney’s agent has it in for you. He keeps trying to convince Sidney that you’re bad news and that if he stays with you his career is screwed and that everything he’s ever done up to this point is nothing if he keeps you around. I think it’s just because of how he was when you two broke up in the finals. Sidney was a raving madman. He wouldn’t talk to any of us. Wouldn’t pay attention to plays. Kept screwing up when we did skating drills. Got really defensive and almost hit Dan when he suggested that Sid get benched until he focused. Pat’s really got an idea that you’re the problem with Sidney’s life. We all think he’s full of crap.” Jordan said as oil sprang out of nowhere and shot onto his face, causing him to cough and pull out from under the tractor quickly, wiping his mouth and nose. After he’d finished he continued. “We all know he just really loves you. He didn’t mean any of the things he said when you two broke up. He was just really angry. He’s passionate about his work which is good unless he uses that passion for the wrong things.”
“Don’t I know it.” I said absentmindedly, not realizing how it sounded until Jordan began laughing. “You perv! I meant that… oh never mind.” I said, shaking his wrench at him. I fell down under the tractor and stopped the leak, adjusting a few bolts and looking up further to see that something was loose and other things were in the wrong place. There was hay wrapped in some of the bolts.
“I’m sorry.” Jordan apologized, smiling at me as I continued his work easily, leaving him with nothing to do. “But Sidney loves you above most everything else. He puts you first in his life. It’s hard to tell what’s more important, you or his career. We all love you, though. We enjoy being around you. You’re…… different. Not the normal girl we’re used to seeing. It’s nice.”
“And why is this all coming out now, Jordy? You could’ve talked to me about all this months ago; when you first met me and got to be my friend even.” I asked, looking at him as a drop of oil fell down on my cheek. I wiped it away and it must’ve smeared because Jordan retch over and wiped it off.
“Because I’m not really one for talking to people. I like making jokes, making situations lighter. I don’t have that spark for getting along with people. I seem like I do but I get really nervous and I still to this day get butterflies before games.” he answered, leaning back on his hands and watching me, “And I didn’t talk to you before because I was trying to learn about you. That sounds weird, I know, but I wanted to make sure you weren’t just faking. Marc and Eric told me about you before but I didn’t believe it could be true. Most girls working in this job want one thing and that’s a hockey player on their arms. They don’t love the sport. They don’t love the players. They don’t love their jobs. They love the fame. And I was curious to see how far you’d go for us. And now I know.”
“Well it’s….” I started, straining to tighten a bolt, “Nice to know that you’re comfortable with me now.”
“You’re a good person. I think now that I know that for sure I can be myself. However boring and uninterested that is.” he said, laying back in the grass. I finished up a few moments later and flopped back beside him, staring up into the sky, now dimming in the twilight hours of day.
“You’re not boring and uninteresting. I think you’re fun and wonderful.” I told him, looking over to see him smiling, “You’re funderful!”
He laughed for a few minutes straight, only stopping after a tear fell down his face. “You’re great.”
“That’s what they tell me.” I started, “Well that and ‘Here‘s how much I owe you‘.”
“Wow. You’re my new best friend.” he told me, sitting up and pulling me along for the ride.
“Cool. Friends!” I exclaimed in an epic tone, thrusting my arm into the air. He smiled and we walked back to the farm in the ever fading daylight. We made it back just before the sun completely went down and before Linda and Henry were going to come out and get us.
“Hey Mom.” Jordan said, kissing Linda’s cheek as he came into the house, “Hey Dad! Bernie fixed your tractor!”
“Really? Thanks!” Henry called from the comfy living room where Eric and Marc were already lounging about in their shorts. I saw Marc’s face light up as I walked in and took a seat in between him and Jordan. Jordan nudged me and gave me a look that told me I needed to talk to him soon. After most everyone had settled in to watch tv I waited until Marc got up to get something to drink and followed him into the kitchen. I took his hand and pulled him towards the back porch. He followed me without a complaint in the world and we made it silently out to the back where the porch swing was. I sat down first and he took a seat next to me.
“Hmm?” he asked after a moment of staring over at me. I was staring blankly into the darkness of the sky and the moonlit lake.
“I wanted to talk.” I answered finally, looking over at him without really knowing how to approach the situation.
“About what?” he said, putting his arm around my back. I wanted to shrug away but I let him go, staring into his eyes.
“Marc, you have to give up on me.” I told him, putting my hand on his. “You have to let me go. I’m not coming back.”
“What…?” he asked, sort of surprised that I brought it up so openly.
“I know you haven’t dated since me. I know you still love me. But you need to give it up. I love Sidney with all my heart and soul and there’s nothing that will ever be able to change the way I feel about him.” I said, fingers running over my necklace. His eyes fell upon the rings and necklace and dulled a little, finally understanding.
“But I still love you. I could be good for you. We had something special. We could have that again.” he said, still holding onto that shred of hope.
“No we couldn’t. We had something special. It’s gone now. There’s no spark. I love you but this is never going to work out again.” I said as lightly as I could, trying my best to let him off easy. His face twisted and he tried to retain hope.
“But it could….” he started before I pressed a finger to his lips.
“Not it couldn’t. What do I have to do to prove that?” I asked, looking him straight in the face. He was swimming with ideas and finally came out of his torn heartache.
“Just give me one kiss. If there’s no spark I’ll believe you. I’ll give up on us. I’ll go back out there.” he suggested, looking out over the lake with a fading hope and growing disbelief.
“Fine.” I replied quickly, kissing him softly. He took control and I let him. There was nothing. I felt nothing towards him when I was doing it. I could tell he did at first but he gave it up and pulled away.
“There’s……. nothing.” he said, sitting back, “Nothing.”
“Alright. Now go out there and make some girl happy. You’re a wonderful person. I know you’ll make a girl very lucky.” I told him, leaning back into his arm now that it was safe for me to be closer to him.
“Jared tried to tell me. I just wouldn’t listen. But I think I get it now. It’s still nice to have you around though. I think I mistook our friendship for something else. I love you like my sister.” he said, kissing my cheek.
“Hey, wait. Where is Jared?” I asked, suddenly aware that one of the Staal brother’s was missing.
“Oh, he’s coming. He had to make a trip to Montreal but he should be back….. Tonight actually.” Marc answered, looking down at his watch, “A few minutes from now. He said he’d be home before Dad went to bed.”
“Beast!” I exclaimed happily, “I was gonna say, if he doesn’t come home before I leave I’ll be pissed.”
Marc laughed heartily and pushed the swing with his foot, making us move back and forth lightly in the warm summer air. “You haven’t changed.”
“Nopee.” I answered easily as we rocked back and forth rhythmically. It calmed me and made me a little sleepy but something was keeping me awake. It was something invisible and unknown but it kept me awake no matter how much I wanted to sleep. Finally a few minutes later I heard a car driving towards us and smiled. “Jared!” I said happily, standing up and moving to the banister that ran along the beautiful porch. I saw him get out of his car and look around, confused as to who was talking. Marc stood up and came over beside me, leaning over the banister.
“Hey! Small fry! Over here!” Marc called over, causing Jared’s head to jar towards us. A large smile crossed his face and he walked towards where Marc was, obviously not noticing me on his other side.
“Oh shut up you paper pushing pansy.” Jared called, mooning Marc. I looked away and laughed hysterically at the shocked look on Marc’s face. Soon I heard movement and the whole family was out on the porch. Jordan took a place behind me and looked at Jared, who was still bare naked from the waist down.
“JARED! DUDE! BERNIE’S HERE! GOD!” Eric called out, causing Jared to fumble with his pants and pull them up quickly.
“My god! Where? I am so sorry!” Jared said, dashing up onto the porch and finding me. I laughed and wiped a tear away from my red face as he hugged me.
“Don’t… e-ever do that a-haha-gain.” I said through laughter. Everyone else started laughing at the look on Jared’s face and we all headed back into the house. And finally I felt the tired feeling wash over me again as I sat down in an oversized comfy chair with Jordan. I knew as soon as I sat down that I was going to fall asleep; I just hoped Jordan didn’t have a problem with that. And sure to my prediction, I fell asleep next to Jordan a few minutes later.
><><>Sid’s POV><><>
I sat in my room listening to Taylor talking eagerly to Austin on the phone. I could hear Mom and Dad talking in the other room but I stayed where I was, staring up at the ceiling and taking in the room I hadn’t been in since I’d come home for Christmas. It was weird not having Bernie here to talk to, not having her to go to sleep next to. After all this time we hadn’t really been away from each other. It was just strange. It was hard to go to sleep without her and I felt a strange awkwardness like I should stay awake. I sat up eventually when I heard a knock on the door.
“Hmm?” I asked, rubbing my eyes. Taylor pushed open my door and came in, all smiles.
“Austin says hi!” she exclaimed. I laughed. She really had a thing for him.
“Well hello. It’s not like I don’t see him everyday.” I answered, rubbing my eyes tiredly. I’d been here for a day and it was already taking a wear on me. But that was alright. My birthday was in a few days. Friday, actually.
“Well you don’t have to be mean, Sid.” she said jokingly, pushing me to one side, “So. When’s your puck bunny getting here?”
“Hey. Be nice, Tay. She’ll be here tomorrow afternoon. And she’s not a puck bunny.” I told her, standing up and going over to my laptop, checking my email.
“I know, I know. God. Defensive. I hope she’s as nice as you say she is or I’m not going to like her.” she told me, taking a seat on the end of my bed. I laughed. She had no idea.
“She’s really nice and sweet and she’s a very amazing person.” I started, listening to Taylor gagging behind me.
“You’re so full of it, Sid. No one can be that awesome.” she said, obviously in denial.
“Be nice to him, Taylor. He doesn’t come home much.” Mom said, scaring the crap out of me as she entered silently. I jumped a little and looked over at my phone. No calls. No texts. It wasn’t worrying but it felt strange waiting for her to call again. Then again, she was on a farm with the Staal boys. That had to be taking up a huge amount of time. I shook it off and turned back around to my mom and Taylor who sat quietly watching me.
“What? Something in my hair? Spider? Large squid coming out of my forehead?” I joked, causing them both to crack smiles.
“No. We’re just admiring your wallpaper.” Taylor retorted, making me glance back. I had a collage of pictures including the one Bernie had on her desk of us skating; one that Geno had taken of us kissing and a few that the paper’s had snapped when we were in LA. I had a bunch of pictures of the Lemieux’s and I at the beach and lots of pictures from Christmas here in Nova Scotia but there were a few that Bernie had taken when she’d had everyone over for Christmas too. It was an odd mixture of everything and as the desktop faded to my screensaver I felt my face get hot as I wildly shook the mouse. A picture that I’d taken of us kissing in LA was the first one that came up.
“Oh. I see.” I tried to say as casually as I could without facing them. I heard them laugh again as I turned back around, confident that my screensaver had disappeared.
“You’re crazy, Sid.” Taylor commented, smiling at me, “I’ve never seen you so girl crazy.”
“Well I’m not trying to get on Austin Lemieux’s good side.” I retorted, laughing at the look on her face as she walked out. My mom shook her head and I laughed as she cracked a halfhearted smile.
“Well I can’t say as I support you tormenting your little sister but she’s right. I’ve never seen you take so much interest in a girl.” she said gently, watching me as a smile broke my face.
“I’ve never met anyone this amazing before.” I replied, watching her smile wider.
“Well I’m looking forward to meeting her, Sidney. Your father might not be so eager but your sister and I really are looking forward to it.” she started, walking over to me and kissing my head, “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Squab.”
“See you tomorrow, mom.” I answered as she walked out and shut the door behind her. My dad hadn’t been too happy about the fact that I had a girlfriend from the beginning but he would ultimately learn to accept her just as I was praying Pat would. He was driving me nuts.
I pushed it all from my mind as a sudden tiredness fell over me and I laid down on my bed. I was so tired all of the sudden. Excitement was flowing through me and I couldn’t understand why I was so tired but as I closed my eyes I felt the strange tugging in my chest again. Shaking it off I turned out the light and relaxed. She’d be here tomorrow; laying here beside me in my arms. It’d be a lot easier to sleep then.
><><><>Bernie’s POV><><><>
I woke up early the next morning, still asleep and still sitting in the chair with Jordan. He had passed out too and his hair fell over my face, messily mixing with mine. I laughed under my breath as he stopped snoring and opening his eyes tiredly. He stared over at me in a daze before realizing that he’d been asleep.
“Mmm. Morning, Bernie.” he said, running a hand over his messy hair.
“Morning Jordy.” I replied, smiling as he laughed at how mussed up my hair was. I ran a hand over his and joined in the giggling. Everyone else was asleep still. It was only three thirty.
“I’ve never seen your hair stand up like that.” he commented through a heavy laugh. I smiled and laughed even harder.
“Says the man who’s hair defies gravity.” I retorted, continuing to laugh with him. Finally after about a half hour of jokes we heard movement in the kitchen and brought ourselves around to going to get some coffee, which Linda was happy to provide. We got our showers before everyone else and were out working for a few hours before anyone else wandered outside. Half the things we’d been told not to do were already done because we had gotten our jobs done early, leaving Marc, Jared and Eric with few things left to do.
Lunch came and went we were enjoying ourselves so much that when it came around time for me to leave we almost didn’t notice. Jared was the only one who seemed to have any hold of time and he jumped up out of his chair, as if to say something very epic.
“Dude, look at what time it is! Your flight to Halifax leaves in like….. Forty five minutes.” he exclaimed, causing everyone who was sitting around the large dinner table to glance at the various clocks that were on the walls of the Staal home. I got up and stretched, looking around at all of their melancholy looks.
“Well, looks like I’m gonna need to get moving.” I said, earning a half hearted smile from Linda and Henry.
“Well you have to come back sometime soon! It’s wonderful having an extra pair of hands around here.” Henry said, earning a nudge from Linda. I laughed as Jordan stood up and picked me full off the ground, hugging me.
“Jordy, what are you doing? I see you almost every day.” I reminded him as he sat me down on the hard wood floor. He laughed heartily and kissed my cheeks.
“But I’m staying here for the rest of the summer. I’ll be back for training camp but you won’t see me until then.” he told me, moving so that Eric could come forward. He picked me up and squeezed me almost as hard as Jordan had, sitting me down in a few minutes and kissing my head.
“And I don’t get to see you until we play you losers.” he complained, wrinkling his nose. I giggled.
“Us losers won the Stanley cup and swept your team.” I reminded him as Jordan walked up, kissing my cheek and hugging me gently. He wasn’t as vigorous with goodbyes as his brothers, which was good considering that Marc was going to be last. I patted Jared’s back and smiled as he backed away, completely taken off guard.
“I look forward to seeing you make it to the NHL.” I told him as Marc jumped at the opportunity to hug me. He kissed both my cheeks and hugged me hard, harder than anyone else had and he held on for a while, letting go only when he was satisfied that he could. I smiled at him and an unseen connection between us sparked up. He was going to let me go. That was good.
“I’ll miss seeing you around but I’ll see you in the in season.” he said hopefully. I nodded and walked back to the guest room, gathering my things before coming back into the dining room where Jordan was standing in wait. Henry and Linda had just left the house. I could hear them padding around on the porch and I heard the swing moving. The other Staal brothers were sitting in the living room enjoying some tv and it suddenly struck me as odd that Jordan had that mischievous grin on his face.
“What…?” I asked, sitting my stuff on the counter as I checked my phone. Nothing yet today. That was strange. Oh well.
“I have a present for you.” he answered, tipping up on the balls of his feet and then sitting back down flat on the floor. I smiled and thought for a moment. What present could Jordan Staal possibly have for me? He wasn’t exactly one for sweet things and he had never been much of a ladies man so it couldn’t be anything like that. And my mind continued to ponder it up until the very moment a shirt struck me in the head. I caught it blindly and held it up in front of my face after adjusting it so that I could read the writing on the front. It read clearly ‘Thunder Bay, Ontario’ in bold light blue letters with an outline that reminded me of lightning. I smiled as I read the under writing. ‘Home of the Staal brothers’
“Thanks Jordy.” I said, preparing to slip the shirt over my tank top. He stopped me with a fluid motion of his hands.
“Did you read the back?” he asked curiously, eyebrows raised in devious planning. He was a conniving kid. I turned the shirt around and saw that everyone had signed it and left a message for me. Jordan’s was the biggest and ran down the middle with Jared, Eric and Marc writing on the left and Henry and Linda on the right. I slowly began reading the neat handwriting.
‘You’re amazing! You have to come back soon. My brothers are all insane. It’s nice to have intelligent conversation.- Jared’
‘We love you (: Thanks for doing our work. You’re like a sister to us. -Eric’
‘If there was an award for greatest girl on Earth, you’d win. ;D I hope you come back sometime soon. Don’t let Jordan ruin your day and make sure you keep Crosby in line. Or else…. ;] ♥ -Marc’
‘You have to be cool because, well, your on my team! We won the Stanley cup, bi-otch. It was nice having you here. Thanks for talking to me like a person. It’s nice to have a friend like you, bud. Come back! Or….. Call me…. Or…. Something…. Haha. (: Love you coach! -Jordy Staal’
‘It’s great to have you around to keep the boys occupied. I’ll never find a better babysitter. Enjoy hockey and call us -Linda’
‘Thanks for keeping everything interesting and helping out. We’re happy to have you anytime. Remember that. -Henry’
My smile widened so far that it almost snapped my face in half. They were so corny but I had to love them. They were right, after all. They had become like my second set of brothers. And while the team always did feel like family, the Staal family and mine seemed to get along better than most. I loved them like brothers after all. We pulled pranks on each other and did all the stupid things that family did together. I slid the shirt on and finally met Jordan’s expectant gaze. I didn’t make a move for a minute besides picking up my bag but finally I gave in, dropped my stuff on the dinner table and jumped him. He held me up as I kissed his cheek.
“I love you, Jordy!” I squeaked in a sarcastic girlish tone. He laughed deeply and smiled, putting me down.
“Don’t tell Sidney and we’re fine.” he joked, picking up my stuff and walking me outside after I’d bid a final goodbye to everyone else. My car was parked down the lane and I watched the rest of the Staal boys pour out of the house to watch me leave. I gave Jordan a hug and a kiss on the cheek before I sat my stuff in the passenger’s side. He frowned and made a puppy face at me.
“Awe, what, Jordy?” I asked, patting his cheek. He perked up and smiled happily, shaking his head.
“Nothing. Just want to be acknowledged. I’ll talk to you later. Call us when you get to Halifax and make sure you text me.” He said as I got into the driver’s seat. I nodded easily, knowing that I’d definitely miss being here in Thunder Bay.
“Only if you call me before you come back to Pittsburgh and promise we can have lunch when you do.” I bartered. His smile could only be exceeded by the eternal deviousness in his eyes.
“You bet your ass.” he joked, stepping back as I revved the engine.
“Bye Jordy.” I said, pulling out. He waved after me, as did everyone on the porch, as I pulled away down the road the lead to the airport. I sighed in the calm of the car. It seemed too quite after being in the house with the Staal family. Everything seemed to be moving fast and I was shocked when, in the midst of my thoughts, I found myself on the plane. Mischa popped her head out of my bag and mewed a few times but mostly kept quiet, completely seeming to understand the rule that if she was caught she’d have to go into a cage.
Around an hour later I found myself touching down in Halifax and I sighed as I walked off the plane and into baggage claim. I found my stuff and Mischa was now free to settle in the pocket of my shorts, which she took to happily after being cooped up in my purse for an entire plane right. I texted Jordan on my way outside the airport and he quickly responded with a greetings. It was only then that I realized I needed to call Sid. I pressed the third speed dial into my phone and hit send, listening to the phone ring once… twice….. Three times……
“Hello?” Sidney asked, clearly not knowing who was calling him. He must not have glanced at the caller ID before he picked up.
“Heyyyy.” I said, taking an easy seat on a bench outside the airport, watching the traffic streaming by in semi-waves.
“Hey babe!” he exclaimed happily, sounding almost excited as he had on Christmas after he’d opened his Zelda game.
“Hey honey.” I replied, feeling happy that he was so excited to hear from me. Then again, we hadn’t talked or texted for at least a week. It was a nice break, don’t get me wrong, but it was still wonderful to hear that velvety voice of his; even if it was just through the crappy speaker of my phone.
“Hey. How are you?” he asked, voice smoothing away most of the thoughts I was having. I didn’t answer for a minute, trying to think of the correct reply. When nothing came Sidney took hold of the silence and asked another question. “More importantly, where are you? I can hear all the traffic in the background.”
“Oh. Well you know, I’m just sitting in Halifax.” I joked. I heard him suddenly moving quickly in the background. Doors opened and I heard him walking quickly through some building, which I assumed to either be his parents house or his house in Enfield.
“Seriously!?” he asked excitedly. I heard another door open and close and a click that I knew to be the locks on Sid’s doors.
“Yep. Just got in like two minutes ago…” I started before Mischa began having a mewing fit. I laughed, “Mischa wants to have a word here.” I said, putting the phone on speaker so that Sidney could hear her meowing.
“Hi Mischa, baby!” Sidney said happily, “I’m going to see you in a minute. Calm down.” and immediately she cease. I took the phone of speaker and put it back up to my ear, staring out into the traffic in front of me.
“So, I take it that means the amazing Sidney Crosby is going to come pick me up, huh?” I asked, listening to his car starting.
“Well, Sidney Crosby with his little sister.” he answered. I listened hard for a minute before I heard Taylor fighting back to his statement that she was ‘little’. I laughed.
“Well it’ll be nice to meet her finally. You’d think I had the plague the way I’ve been kept in secrecy.” I joked, making him laugh. I took solace in hearing him laughing again.
“Oh yeah. I just have to hide you because your so horrible.” he replied through a heavy laughter that seemed to spread from him to his sister. “I’ll be there in like five minutes, sweetheart. I’ll talk to you then.”
“Mkay.” I replied quickly. I could hear his sister suddenly stop laughing and fake gagging. Probably to the look on Sidney’s face.
“I love you.” he said sincerely. I smiled. A week of not hearing that made it all the sweeter.
“I love you too, Siddy. See you.” I said before I heard the click of his phone disconnecting. I picked Mischa up and sat my duffle bag down, petting her as she mewed in wonder at the things around her. She was very odd. Finally, just as he said, five minutes later he pulled up in his Range Rover, this one Silver. I smiled as he jumped out right after cutting the engine, sliding around the car easily. I put Mischa back in my pocket before standing up and meeting his excitement with that of my own.
We stood there for a minute, staring each other down and taking in every single change the other had made. Sidney noticed my shirt but his eyes scanned over my body easily, gently coming to rest on mine. I’d noticed some changes in him too. He wasn’t being fancy now. He had his shorts and a lose white shirt on with two crossed hockey sticks on the front and some sandals with his RBK hat. I smiled as my eyes caught his and a spark shot through me. I didn’t notice when Taylor’s door opened, probably because I didn’t see her get out, just turn to look at us. Sidney took my hands and laced our fingers gently, staring down at me for a minute more before leaning down and kissing me. I smiled into it and accepted everything he did, enjoying the moment. He kissed me just like the first time he had after he got back from Christmas and I was loving every second. We broke apart and he kissed me one more time quickly before leaning his forehead on mine.
“God, I missed you, baby girl.” he whispered. I smiled and kissed him again before answering.
“You have no idea how much I agree.” I answered. He smirked before finally realizing that he hadn’t come alone. He pulled back away from me to allow me into the view of his sister, who sat watching us observantly. She clearly had no formed opinion of me yet and was observing to make sure she knew how I acted and who I was before deciding whether to like me or not.
“Taylor, Bernie. Bernie, this is my sister, Taylor.” he said, gesturing between us gently. We stayed still for a moment, tension mounting, before Taylor hopped out of the car and smiled, offering me a hand. I smiled in return and shook her hand. She looked about thirteen; I was pretty sure she was.
“Nice to meet you. We thought you were imaginary or something.” Taylor joked, immediately killing the icy stare she had been giving me in exchange for a warm greeting. This was definitely Sidney’s little sister. She had the same air about her; the same way of making people happy.
“Nope. I’m pretty real. At least I think I am. Maybe.” I said, poking myself in the arm and making myself look ditzy. Taylor looked over at Sidney for a moment, as if asking him if he was for real before letting out a hearty laugh.
“Wow. She really is that amazing. Mom and Dad are gonna love her.” Taylor said, jumping back in the car without a pause in her laughter. I smiled up at him and he kissed me, smiling a little wider than I was.
“See, I told you I wasn’t scared of your sister.” I whispered, leaning my forehead on his. He laughed.
“It wasn’t my sister I was worried about, babe. Come on. They’re waiting for us and I have a road hockey game at six.” he said, kissing my hand before he walked away and getting into the car. I laughed and got my bag, listening to Mischa begin to meow as soon as I sat down.
“Oh shush!” I said, picking her up and petting her head, scratching her behind the ears.
“What?!” Taylor exclaimed, peaking her head up from between the seats as Sid pulled out, laughing hard.
“Oh! This is Mischa! Say hi, Mischa.” I told the kitten. She mewed on command and didn’t make any further noises, save for the constant purring in her throat. Taylor took a deep breath and petted Mischa’s head, immediately getting lick attacked. I handed her off and heard Mischa attacking her with kisses.
“Well you’ve got Mischa’s approval.” I remarked, turning to watch as Taylor made faces at the kitten who was now climbing all over her.
“I’d say.” Taylor answered through a laugh as Sidney kept driving, an almost permanent smile plastered to his face. I finally relaxed knowing that Taylor was completely okay with me and I felt Sidney’s hand sit itself on mine lightly, gently rubbing his fingertips over my fingers. We sat in the quiet for a few minutes listening to Mischa having a fit but when it got quiet Taylor began to question me. Routine I presumed.
“So, I heard you were a goalie. What was your save percentage?” she asked curiously, seeming very interested. I knew she was a goalie too. Exchange of information between us was great.
“About .966.” I answered easily, looking back at her. Mouth gapped wide she was staring at Sidney as if needing some sort of conformation.
“Yep. She was great when she played for the ‘cats.” Sid answered, glancing back at her in his rearview mirror. I smiled as she closed her mouth and her eyes lit up.
“That’s beast! What style are you? Butterfly? Scrambler? Which stick side’s better?” she said, suddenly flooding me with questions. The car stopped as we pulled into a drive which I knew to be his parent’s house. We got out and Mischa jumped onto my shirt, climbing up to my shoulder and nestling herself in my hair.
“I’m an all around. Depends on situation. Anticipation plays a part. And I’ve got tendencies down pretty well. I used to use right side stick but I was pretty weak glove hand so I switched to be left handed stick.” I said thoughtfully, putting Mischa back in my pocket as Sidney came over to take my hand.
“Tendencies? I didn’t know they were all that important.” Taylor said with a hint of thoughtfulness on her face. I smiled as we walked towards the house in silence; Taylor thinking, Sidney worrying and me completely happy. And finally as the door opened under Sidney’s hand I heard movement inside.
“Mom! Dad! We’re back!” Sid yelled, taking off his shoes while his sister simply kicked them off robotically and walked in like nothing. I took my shoes off and watched as Trina popped her head around the corner. I heard Troy’s heavy footfalls coming down the hall.
“Hi!” Trina said in an upbeat voice, coming forward to greet me. I smiled as she wiped her hands on a dishrag and offered one to me after it was dry. She returned my happiness and shook my hand warmly. “We’ve heard a lot about you.”
“I’ve heard some about you as well. Nice to meet you in person, though.” I said kindly, watching as Troy stepped up beside her. He gave Sidney a little push in a playful way before turning his heavy sights on me. He was a tad intimidating but I sensed that under that hard motif he was quite a nice person so I attempted to be as open as I could, even under his piercing gaze.
“Nice to meet you, Bernie.” he said in monotone, offering his hand and shaking my hand firmly. I swallowed everything that told me he was mean and shook his hand back.
“And you as well, Troy.” I answered. And then something clicked to him, something that had never been there in Trina but had been present in Taylor. Something that had prevented them at first from being their most welcoming. Troy broke a smile and a sudden warmth filled the space between the four of us.
“Come in, come in!” Trina finally said just as Troy let go of my hand and walked back the hall to where ever he had been before. Sidney smiled and as soon as Trina had retired to the kitchen he picked me up and kissed me, long and heartfelt.
“Mmmm they like you, baby girl.” he whispered excitedly, “They like you!”
“I try to make a good first impression, Sidney. What, did you think I was going to walk in with a micro skirt and tube top on?” I asked sarcastically. He laughed and sat me down, kissing me again happily before holding me in close to his chest, face nestled in my neck.
“If your first impression on me was a skirt and tube top we would’ve never left that hotel in LA.” he said deviously, kissing my shoulder afterwards. I giggled and pushed him away, seeing the look of happiness in his eyes again. It was wonderful to be with him again after being away for a few days.
“Oh shush, Siddy. You love me just the way I am.” I said, picking Mischa up out of my pocket to find she was out cold. Sid kissed Mischa’s head before kissing my lips and turning to find a crazy looking Samatha. His dog. A husky wolf mix.
“Sammy! Hi baby!” he said, dropping to his knees and earning a kiss from the puppy. She was a cutie but she looked wary of me, failing to accept him completely while I was there. I sat down on the couch and waited until she felt comfortable with me. When she did, she came slowly, low to the ground. Afraid and wary.
“Hi puppy.” I whispered, offering the hand that wasn’t holding Mischa. She sniffed it for a minute before licking it, accepting me. Now the test. Mischa. I put her forward slowly, wary of the dog being so close to my kitten. The dog was huge and powerful. Mischa was small and delicate. And after a moment of uneasiness the dog licked Mischa’s head, waking her up. She was a little scared but touched noses with Sammy and immediately the tension was gone. I heard laughter. Apparently Trina had seen the whole thing.
“Well Sammy likes you. That’s good.” she said, walking back into the room. Sidney smiled as his mother petted the dog’s head. “She only likes a few people. You’re lucky…” she stopped mid sentence noticing the kitten.
“Oh, this is my Russian blue, Mischa.” I said, letting the kitten jump from my hand to Trina’s.
“She’s a cutie!” Trina exclaimed as the cat licked her, “I’ll give her some water.” and as she took Mischa away Sammy followed diligently, watching as if protective. Sidney sat down next to me and his arm wrapped around my shoulders, holding me close.
“Well, this is good. They love you. I love you. It’s perfect.” he said, leaning his head on mine. I wasn’t paying much attention. I was busy reading the certificates across the room on the wall. Some were Sidney’s and some were Taylor’s and in the middle of my train of thought Sidney kissed me deeply. I was brought back immediately as he pulled away and I focused on those deep chocolate eyes I’d been missing.
“Babe you need to not do that.” I said softly, watching his smile creep back.
“But I love you.” he pouted, sticking his lip out. I kissed him again but he pulled away slowly, enjoying me a little more than I think he had before.
“I love you too.” I answered happily, watching him smile again.
“Not more than me and that’s final.” he fought back. We laughed childishly but he pulled back away from me in time to avoid having his little sister see us.
“Hey, I was thinking. Could you maybe help me with my technique?” she asked meekly, looking me dead in the face. I smiled and thought about it for a split second, knowing that I would.
“Of course.” I answered, “When ever you have time.”
“Well when Sidney’s friends come for street hockey I’m not doing anything. Want to play then?” she suggested, looking hopeful. I glanced at the clock and saw that his game would be in five minutes.
“Sure.” I said, standing up in unison with Sidney. It was something that just always seemed to happen. He moved and I moved in a different way to accommodate him. It was weird and cool at the same time. Sidney went into the kitchen while Taylor led me outside to where a makeshift practice area in the back yard. I saw blacktop with a net at the end. It was smoothed over and seemed to have an icy feel to it as we stepped on.
“Well this is where I practice but we could go to the arena sometime if you want.” she said hopefully, sliding down to the net easily. “Sidney’s goalie stuff is in the basement if you need it.”
“Nah. I practice without pads and stuff. A lot easier that way.” I said over the raucous that was coming from the deck. I looked over to see Sidney standing with five guys I’d never seen or met before in my entire life.
“Hi Jack! Hi Mike! Hi Andrew!” Taylor shouted over, waving in their direction. Three of the guys raised their hands in calling back before continuing to talk to Sidney. Taylor turned her attention back to me immediately, throwing me a mask, goal stick and glove. “Ready?” she asked. I nodded, sliding the mask over my hair and putting the glove on, getting in net easily.
As she started taking shots I began to hear less and less of the chatter from the porch and simply heard the smacking of stick and glove on pucks. Not one made it passed me. Finally after around twenty minutes of raw shots of all sort she stopped, unable to understand how nothing had gone by. Admittedly she was a goalie but still something could’ve went by.
“How do you do that?” she questioned, leaning on her stick and looking me over a little. I took off the mask and handed it to her along with the sick and glove, not saying a word. I motioned for her to go in net and she did, a little confused. I took a shot and when it went straight through her I could see the visible shock.
“You need to fall into butterfly a little more.” I said, causing her to fall a little lower to the ground while still being on balance. Another shot. Another goal.
“What’d I do wrong?” she asked, “I was trying.”
“Watch the stick move. Don’t watch the puck. If you see the stick move in a direction move that way. Let it come naturally. Don’t think, just move.” I explained, “I’ll teach you tendencies later. This is the first thing I ever learned.”
“Okay.” she said in a steadfast way, getting ready again. I moved the puck back and forth for a minute and turned it a little, hitting the puck up and to the right. She moved quickly and slapped the puck away easily. Celebrating she smiled and pushed up the mask. “That was so…… easy.”
“You don’t have to think as much to be a goalie as everyone seems to believe.” I said happily, jumping when I heard an unfamiliar voice behind me.
“See, Sid, I’m not dumb enough to be goalie.” the guy said, followed by a long chorus of laughing, Sid’s included. Taylor came up beside me as I turned and faced the person who had just insulted the both of us. Sidney kept laughing as everyone else stopped, frozen by our icy looks.
“I wouldn’t insult them. They’re the toughest goalies I’ve ever played against, Jack.” he said, wiping a tear from his eye as he looking us both in the face. We loosened up a little bit when he did.
“Ehh. Whatever. We know Tay’s tough. She’s proved herself against us. But this one,” another one said as he gestured to me, “Hasn’t proven anything, Sid. Just another pretty face.” Sid laughed and took my hand.
“This is Bernie, so you know. And she’s pretty tough, Mike.” he said, lacing our fingers.
“I dunno. I have doubts about bunnies you bring around, Sidney.” another guy said.
“She’s not a puck bunny, Andrew.” Taylor jumped down his throat quickly, clearly surprising Sidney.
“Oooo. She got you there, Drew.” a blonde next to him said.
“Oh shut it, Jimmy.” Andrew told him, rolling his eyes.
“Jimmy’s got a point. She doesn’t look like a bunny I’ve ever seen.” a red head commented.
“Well you’ve never seen a bunny then, huh Nick.” Jimmy retorted. I rolled my eyes as Sidney kissed me lightly while they were distracted.
“See! She’s got him in her web!” Jack joked as Sidney pulled away, caught in the connection our eyes had made. I broke it and looked over at Jack challengingly.
“I’m not a puck bunny. Far from it. What do I have to do to prove it?” I asked, looking over them curiously. They looked at each other and then to the gear I’d been holding for Taylor.
“Block a shot from each of us and you’re aloud to be a friend of ours.” Jack challenged, causing Sidney to snicker under his breath. He knew that if I could block Geno and Jordan’s shots I could block theirs.
“Done.” I said, handing him a stick and walking back into net, pulling down the mask. They looked at me strangely.
“What, no gear? No pads?” Jimmy asked, “Brave girl you’ve found.”
“Yeah. She’s a trooper.” Sid said, rolling his eyes, “Just take the shots.” And as they were told they did. Jack shot high to my right. Wrong choice. I was strong on that side and caught it. Jimmy hit the puck straight towards me and I knocked it away. Andrew hit a shot that he thought would go three hole but I blocked that too and Mike hit the five hole but I caught it in my shoes. Nick hit a shot low and to my left side. Weak point but I batted it away. Pushing up my mask I faced them.
“Alright. Good enough?” I asked, looking around at them. They all grinned and turned to Sidney.
“What?” he asked, confused.
“We were all taking shots on her. Not just us five. You too. Go on, hockey phenom.” Jack said, handing the stick off to him. Sidney looked down at me and made pleading faces.
“And no soft shots. We know what you’re capable of.” Nick warned watching closely. I took a breath and focused, watching Sidney through my mage. He took the same cleansing breath, watching me carefully. I knew that our coordinated movements would be handy now.
“Ready babe?” he asked, looking down the path at me. I nodded and he took a hard, heavy step forward, throwing a puck towards me full force. I had to go down on my knees to catch it and even then it hit me square in the chest. I didn’t complain though. I’d taken that shot on the chin. Standing up, Sidney came to make sure I was alright.
“I’m fine, honey.” I said, patting his cheek as I looked back at the boys, who seemed impressed. “Well?” I called over.
“You’re officially not a puck bunny.” Jack said.
“One hell of a goalie.” Jimmy added after that as the group of them began to move towards the street for their game of hockey. Sidney kissed me deeply before moving to the front for their game. I took a seat next to Taylor to watch as they began.
“So what are tendencies?” she finally asked. I looked over at her and saw she was watching intently, not removing her eyes from the boys.
“Well. It’s how someone does something in a situation. Like…. See how Jack hit’s the puck up to the right when coming from the left. But when he comes from the right side its low left? That’s tendency.” I explained, gesturing towards him. She nodded, seeming to understand.
“Do teams have tendencies?” she asked, looking over at me. I smiled.
“Yes. They do. But understanding a team tendency is…. Terribly difficult. It’s understanding all the players tendencies on shooting and passing with each other individually and together along with knowing the opposing team’s tendencies and such. Difficult but if you figure it all out it’s a perfect way to know what’s coming all the time.” I answered. She smiled widely.
“Do you get it?” she asked, “Like team wise?”
“Yeah. I guess I do. Not that it does me good. I don’t play anymore and no one I’ve ever taught or played understood it like I do so it’s no use teaching people. I’m just good for helping the Pens out once and a while.” I said quietly, “Besides, I’m an artist.”
“Well if I try to learn would you teach me?” she asked, “I mean I know we just met but I feel like you could be a good friend.”
“Yeah. Sure. I’d definitely help you out.” I answered easily, smiling over at her and receiving a smile in return.
“Thanks. You’re not half bad.” she told me, looking back down at the street hockey game.
“You thought I was?” I asked, watching Sidney in net blocking shots like a pro.
“Well I never know with some of Sidney’s ex’s.” she said, eyes floating over the game that was progressing rapidly. It was already four-six Sid’s team.
“Well you’d think that being Colby’s sister would remedy that.” I sighed. It was a worry I didn’t think she’d have.
“You never know. Some people who grow up in hockey families become puck bunnies because they can’t play hockey. I can see now you just really love the game. And my brother.” she said quietly, continuously watching.
“Seven months and some of the best of my life.” I commented in a whisper, fiddling with the rings on my finger absentmindedly.
“Well you’re welcome here anytime. Dad’s wary of you but mom and I like you just fine.” she told me happily, looking over at me as the game in front of us ended. Sid’s team had won and were celebrating quietly while Jack, Jimmy and Andrew complained. Taylor and I stood to meet them and Sidney pounded fists with his sister before giving me a little kiss as we all walked back towards the house. Sid stopped me as everyone else floated into the warm house and turned me toward him, smiling in a devious mischievous manner.
“We were planning on heading to Enfield tonight. The bed in my room is so comfy you won’t even believe it.” he whispered, smiling greedily.
“I don’t think I’ll have a chance to admire the sheets.” I told him, causing his smile to break his face in half.
“Lovey I’m glad you can read my mind.” he said in a soft voice, kissing me longingly before breaking away and pulling me into the house.
“Well if I don’t who will?” I asked sarcastically as we joined the group in the living room. Sid left us to go and see his mother and not more than five seconds later Mischa found her way into the room, flanked by Sammy who was watching her every move in what seemed to be half hearted curiosity. Every time Mischa would falter Sammy would nudge her in the right direction. It was a cute scene to behold.
“Who’s cat?” Jack asked, picking Mischa up. Immediately she protested by mewing and squirming.
“Mine.” I answered easily, causing Mischa to turn towards where my voice was and squirm harder. Jack let her go and she jumped along the carpet towards me, jumping up into my lap. Everyone laughed as Mischa curled up in my lap and Sammy at my feet.
“I’ve never seen Sammy so attached to a cat.” Jimmy commented through his laughter.
“Well you never know, maybe this is a special pussy.” Nick said, causing another eruption of laughter and joking to begin.
“Wow. You guys are special.” I told them, scratching Mischa’s head gently. Most of them nodded in response but Jack took it a step further, proving that he was sort of the ring leader of all of Sid’s hockey friends.
“Yes but we’re not suffering from our special needs; we’re enjoying every second of it.” he answered sarcastically. Finally I cracked a smile and laughed as Sidney came back to a crowd of smiling friends. Whatever tension had mounted between his friends and I had suddenly disappeared as he fell down beside me on the couch and faced his friends.
“Nice to see everyone’s made friends.” he commented, petting Mischa with the hand that wasn’t around my shoulders.
“Yeah. I didn’t think Colby’s sister would be too bad a person in the first place.” Jimmy said thoughtfully, looking me over. Sid laughed a little under his breath and looked over to Jack.
“So you’re the only one coming with us tonight, huh?” his question seemed to hang suspended in the air for a moment before anyone really caught it. Jack smiled and I could see the twinkle hidden in his light blue eyes shine through for a second before disappearing again.
“Nah. I’m heading home for the night. I’ll be over tomorrow though so we can have a huge party for your birthday.” he started, suddenly turning curious, “Isn’t Maxime coming in tonight?”
“Oh yeah! I almost forgot Max was coming in.” Sid said, aware of the fact that he’d made a sort of large mistake, “We should get going. He’ll be at my house in what…….. Half an hour?”
“Well,” Jack said, standing in almost complete unison with Jimmy, Nick, Andrew and Mike, “We should go then so you two can get to Enfield in time to meet him.”
“It was great meeting you finally.” Andrew said, offering me his hand. I shook it graciously and he smiled, walking on with Mike, Nick and Jimmy while Jack stayed behind.
“Well well. Siddy’s finally found a decent girlfriend. I’m happy to see him happy. You seem to be pretty good for him.” Jack said thoughtfully, smiling at me. Immediately I felt the sudden challenge in his eyes and mine must’ve flared with a similar challenge in return. “And you’re feisty. I like that.”
“Thanks.” I said easily, smiling at him. Sidney laughed.
“She’s a lot of things.” Sid started, stopping when he realized that he’d never have enough time to explain himself, “It was great seeing you again Jack. I’ll see you tomorrow for street hockey, then?”
“You better believe it. I’d never miss an opportunity to play on your team to win the actual Stanley Cup.” Jack practically exclaimed, obviously full of what seemed to be a mixture of glee and want.
“Alright. I’ll call you then. See you, man.” Sid said, hugging Jack. I stood back and observed quietly, knowing then that Jack would be a close friend of mine in no time flat. He pulled away from Sidney and looked over at me in a sort of thoughtful way, watching me for a second before letting another smile fall onto his face in a pleasant way. He took my hand and shook it once before pulling me over to him in a fluid motion and giving me a hug. I smiled and patted his back as he was mine before he let go.
“I’ll see you then.” he said, walking towards the door where everyone else had already left. Sidney took my hand immediately after the door closed and pulled me towards the kitchen where I could still hear his mother doing dishes.
“Hey Mom, we’re heading out to Enfield now. I have to meet Max there soon.” Sid’s voice floated in mid air through the silence of the kitchen and seemed to strike his mother as a surprised. She turned to us with a semi-surprised look strewn across her face but she sighed it off quickly, understanding that we needed to go.
“Oh. Alright. Well, tell your sister and father that you’re leaving. We’ll see you bright and early tomorrow.” she said, kissing his cheek and smiling over at me before turning back to what she had been doing, unphased by Sidney’s leaving. Sid pulled me out of the room before I had a chance to comment on anything and stopped in front of a dark wood door which I assumed to be Taylor’s by the fact that loud music was seeping through the wall.
“Tayy!” he yelled in before pushing the door open. The music that had been erupting through the solid walls stopped and Taylor looked over at us in a curious way.
“Hmm?” she asked, raising an eyebrow in a way that was reminiscent of Sidney’s innocence.
“We’re leaving.” he answered her, causing her face to fall in a quiet defeat. She nodded and hugged him, giving him a kiss on the cheek before giving me a hug and going back to what she had been doing, just as her mother had done before her.
“Bye guys! See you tomorrow!” Tay called after us as we took our exit towards the room where I knew Sid’s dad, Troy, was. I heard a skate sharpener and it made me feel a lot more at home. Sid pushed the door open and revealed Troy sharpening three pairs of skates with skill and precision.
“Hey, Sid. What’s up?” Troy asked over his shoulder, glancing back to make eye contact with me before continuing with his work, clearly more focused than I’d ever been when sharpening skates.
“We’re going to Enfield to see Max. I just wanted to tell you we were leaving.” Sid said gently, watching as his father stopped the blades and turned to us, wiping his hands.
“Well it was nice having you home for a while, anyway.” he joked, smiling warmly towards us both, “And it was nice to have met you finally.”
“Yeah. We’ll see you tomorrow at six.” Sid said, returning his father’s smile. They hugged and as Sidney turned away to go back down the hall towards his room I saw what I thought to be a flash of something along the lines of unhappiness; maybe sadness. I turned and walked away after waving a meek goodbye to him, listening to the blades start up again after the door had closed. I watched Sid get his laptop bag and a bag full of what I assumed was clothes and came back to me, taking my hand in his. It was wonderful to be able to touch him again after a week away. I suppose I’d missed him more than I thought.
We walked into the living room and Sidney yelled to his mother before heading out the door. I picked up Mischa and headed out after him, hopping into the Range Rover and listening as the engine turned over. Mischa fell asleep in my hands a few minutes into the ride to Sidney’s house and in the silence I almost fell asleep too. Had it not been for Sidney’s hand finding my own I probably would’ve.
“Babe you have to stay awake. We’re almost there.” he whispered glancing over at me. I grinned a little and opened up my eyes, meeting his for a second before he looked away back towards the road. Silence fell over us for a moment but Sidney quickly broke it. “How was the sod farm?”
“It was…… interesting. Found out Marc still likes me. Jordan and I found out we have a lot in common. Jared mooned us. I fixed a tractor and stared at a lake.” I said thoughtfully, looking over and watching his expression change with every sentence I’d said.
“Well how do you feel about staring at a lake some more?” he asked, turning down a drive that lead to a beautiful house. I saw a dock in the nearby distance and water floating nicely under the sun.
“I think I’d like that.” I said, taking in the beautiful scene that was laid out in front of me. I heard Sidney’s door open and close but I just sat there observing it all until my door opened. Sidney leaned inside the door and followed my eyes, staring out at what I’d been looking at before kissing my cheek and taking my hand.
“Come on. You have to see the inside.” he pleaded, pulling my hand. I picked up Mischa easily and got out of the car, allowing him to pull me up the drive and into the house. It was even more beautiful on the inside than it had been on the outside. Wood floors as far as my eyes could see, beautiful light blue walls and a pleasant contrast of pictures hanging up everywhere. He walked in like nothing and sat his things down around a doorway, disappearing into another room.
I slid off my shoes and followed, finding that it was the living room he’d gone into. Something strange hit me then. All the picture frames were completely empty. Nothing in them save for the smaller ones that were all over the mantle of his friends, family and various charities. My eyes finally found their way to the middle from the ends and I found a picture of the Lemieux’s, Sid’s family, the team and the picture my mother had taken at the airport on Christmas. I smiled and walked over to it after letting Mischa down on the couch; which she quickly fell back to sleep on.
I picked up the picture, holding it gingerly in my hand as I looked at it. Finally a picture of my family together all at once. Even if Sidney wasn’t part of it he still looked like he fit somehow. And I must’ve stood their reminiscing in my own thoughts for a while because I didn’t notice when Sidney’s arms slid around my waist and pulled me into his chest.
“That was a good day.” he whispered, kissing my cheek.
“Good for who? I had my brother and boyfriend leave me for Christmas.” I replied, looking over at him. He laughed a little before giving me another kiss.
“It was a good day while we were together. After I left it became a bad day for me, anyway.” he told me as I put the picture back where it had been and turned around in his arms.
“It was a bad day for me too.” I said, smiling up at him. He returned it and leaned his head on mine, staring down into my eyes.
“Good to know.” he said meekly, glancing away as he pulled back, holding my hands. “How do you like my house, Bernzie?”
“I like it a lot. It’s beautiful.” I answered quickly, glancing around in still framed awe. “But where are the pictures?” And immediately a wide smile crossed over his face. He moved and gestured to all of the frames with a sweeping motion of his arm before answering.
“All of the frames are waiting for an artist to fill them.” he replied sarcastically, watching my eyes get large. “And that’s what I want for my birthday.”
“But babe there must be twenty or thirty frames here and in the hall. That’ll take forever. All night at best.” I said with the sudden realization of how much paint and canvas and brushes I would need to finish that, let alone how much cappuccino I would need to drink.
“I didn’t mean by tomorrow!” he exclaimed, laughing, “I just meant that eventually I wanted them filled. It’s something that I haven’t been able to do. I just can’t find any pictures that I wanted to look at all the time. I figure paintings that my girlfriend does herself would make it feel more like home. I mean I saw what you did for Maddie. Having something that beautiful to look at when I walk through the house would be amazing.”
I was taken aback, “I’m flattered that you like my pictures that much. I can definitely fill up these frames for you. You just have to tell me what you want. Beautiful things aren’t exactly my style at random.”
“Well if you can’t make the pictures beautiful then just stay around here forever. That way I’d still have something beautiful to look at. And the better part about that would be that I could do this…” he trailed off and pulled himself closer to me like a magnet, kissing my lips in a longing loving way. A spark went down my back as he pulled away and left a few more kisses on my lips, each one shorter than the one before it. And finally he stopped, leaning his forehead on mine and looking lustfully down into my eyes. I pulled away as he tried to kiss me again for the fear I knew that that one would seal my fate.
“We have to wait for Max to get here.” I whispered, trying my best to resist those eyes that had kept me in a web for so long. A sly smile crossed Sidney’s face as he kissed my neck, making me shiver.
“Max isn’t getting here until eleven.” he replied, slowly edging me towards the couch but ending up with me pinned against the wall. I smiled and pulled away from him, ducking between his arms and falling back on the couch where Mischa was.
“Well then we have time to do anything we want….. A little later.” I said, crushing his dreams. He sat down beside me and let out a long sigh.
“Lovey you kill the mood better than Mischa does.” he told me, sliding his arm behind my shoulders and pulling me closer.
“I know. I love you but you have to be patient. Tomorrow’s your birthday after all.” I replied, leaning into his chest and pulling my legs in close to me, very comfortable just being there.
“True.” he started, leaning his head over on mine, “So how were the Staals? Did you have fun?”
“Oh yeahh. I had fun. Jordan and I had a heart to heart, I told Marc he needed to forget liking me, Jared pulled his pants down…” I started before he cut me off.
“Wow. Just stop right there. That’s all anyone needs to hear.” he said, shaking his head a little. I laughed.
“Isn’t it though? It was just as crazy and out there as it sounds.” I said through my own laughter, “But it was fun.”
“I imagine. Naked brothers. What could be better?” he exclaimed, jumping up off the couch and throwing his fists to his hips in an epic super hero pose. I fell into hysterics.
“Oh my god, Sid. You’re out of your mind.” I managed through my fits of deep breaths.
“No! I’m Egoman!” he squealed, jumping up and turning towards me. I kept laughing until a few tears broke free of my eyes, at which point Sidney was laughing right along with me. He took my hands and pulled me up, hugging me.
“I love you.” I said through a heavy breath as I attempted to stop laughing.
“I love you too. But don’t tell anyone who I am. You’ll blow my cover.” he whispered, kissing my head. I giggled and held him to me gently, feeling his arms tighten around me as soon as mine were around him.
“Oh don’t worry. You’re secrets are safe with me, Egoman.” I joked, looking up at him. He laughed and kissed my forehead, eyes twinkling in what seemed to be a twister of emotions that were running through him.
“Would it be okay…?” he asked quietly, voice almost lost in the sound of our breathing.
“What?” I answered with a question, feeling delightfully hypocritically wrong for doing so. I hated people who did that.
“Would it be okay for me to take your breath away?” he replied, smiling at me with that devious crooked smile that always got him his way. I gazed up at him through half closed eyes and watched every move he made, waiting for him to move. When he didn’t I decided to answer.
“I don’t know. Would it?” I questioned, watching a that flash of devious mischief cross over him as his lips found mine. Immediately I knew I was in trouble but I really didn’t care too much. The wall became my friend, as it had a few minutes ago, but more than that it was the only thing keeping me from falling over from weak knees.
And two hours later it was the only thing that was keeping Sidney and I out of view of the front door as we ran around frantically to get ourselves put back together properly. I ran a brush through my hair as Sidney slid on his jeans. He laughed as I rolled my eyes while fixing my makeup.
“Babe, what’re you worried about? You look beautiful without that crap on your face.” he told me, sliding his arms around my waist. I laughed.
“We’ve been over this.” I whispered, kissing his cheek before I kept going, “And I told you we had more time later. I hate you, Siddy. Why do you have to be so cute?”
A hearty laugh erupted from him and he stood up, leaning back against the wall. “Well I hate you too.”
“Oh yeah you hate me and that was a hockey stick against my leg.” I snapped back quickly. His eyebrows raised at my wiliness and he continued laughing.
“Well I didn’t hear you complaining.” he struck back, causing me to falter. He’d won. I turned and wrinkled my nose at him, finished with my makeup.
“No you didn’t.” I admitted defeat honorably but was unable to keep in the final wise crack that had come to my mind, “But next time can we please make good use of your amazingly comfortable bed?”
A warm smile fell over his face and used those bee stung lips to give me chills. “Of course.”
“Alright then.” I said, kissing his cheek as I walked past him, “When’s Max getting he…” I was interrupted by the loud banging noise on the front door. It swung open under Sidney’s hand and immediately bags were in his hands. Max floated in happily and found my face first.
“Bernadette!” he called over happily, walking brusquely to where I was standing in the doorway, “It’s good to see you!”
“It’s great to see you too, Maxy!” I exclaimed, hugging him until I heard him recoil. I’d forgotten that his shoulder was still healing. Letting go quickly, I looked him over for any sign that he was hurting. He just smiled.
“Still a little sore is all. No worries.” he said over the sound of Sidney shutting the door, “I thought you were still in Thunder Bay, bijou.”
“I came in early so I could make sure I was here for tomorrow. Besides, there’s only so much to do on a sod farm before you go crazy. Especially when the whole Staal family’s there.” I told him, gesturing to the signatures and doodles that were covering my Thunder Bay shirt. Max winked at me and his eyes seemed to light up the room with their icy blue tones. I smiled and raised an eyebrow as Sidney’s footsteps faded upstairs to the guest room.
“Your hair’s still a little messy bijou.” he whispered in an all knowing voice, causing my face to turn a new shade of scarlet. “You have to wake up pretty early to get one by me.”
“Uhm…” I said, completely out of responses. He laughed and hugged me again, kissing both my cheeks in a typical French greeting.
“You’re fine. It’s not like I haven’t ever done anything like that before someone’s come over. I promise I won’t let in that I know.” he whispered, earning a half hearted nod from me as Sidney came back downstairs. Winking at me again he gave me extra assurance that he wouldn’t say anything as Sid came back and joined our little group.
“How was Marc’s?” Sid asked as Max journeyed into the kitchen as though he’d been here a million times before. Chances are he might have.
“It was amazing. I got to go home and see my mum and dad. They’re crazy happy to see me.” he answered, ransacking Sidney’s fridge for food.
“Nice to see you make yourself at home, Maxy.” I joked, watching him digging through whatever food and drinks were in the fridge. He peeked up over the fridge’s door and laughed at the sarcastic look on Sidney’s face.
“Airline food isn’t five star. I make better food in my sleep. And I’m a horrible cook.” he joked, pulling out a few things and closing the refrigerator with a laugh. “But I can’t be any worse than wonder boy here.”
“It was one time!” Sidney said, throwing his hands up in show. I laughed and looked over at Max.
“Was it something you said?” I asked, completely confused as to what was going on but ultimately amused by their actions. Tonight would be fun.
“Well Sidney here decided that one day he was going to make breakfast while we were with Geno and Marc. And let’s just say Marc didn’t appreciate the smell of burning food filling the house as a wake up call.” Max joked, walking by and into the living room. Sid’s face was pink to his ears. I patted his face.
“It’s okay, Sid. You don’t need to cook. You’ve got other talents.” I told him with the best of intentions until Max nearly choked on whatever he had been eating. That gave him away. Sidney knew that he knew.
“Oh shut up, Maxime. You’re not innocent either.” Sid said, slapping Max upside his head as he took a seat in the chair that looked across the room to the windows facing the lake.
“I didn’t say a thing, Mon Ame.” Max said through laughter as he continued to eat what was left of the raid in Sid’s fridge. I sat down on the arm of the couch beside Max and leaned back on the wall, watching them staring each other down for a quiet moment.
“I think you’ve pretty much said it all, Siddy.” I joked, causing Max to laugh harder than before.
“He’s never been a good secret keeper.” Max said through a mouthful of what I now knew was a turkey sandwich. “I remember this one time back in January when he…..”
“MAX!” Sid exclaimed, nearly jumping him to make him stop talking. Max laughed and held up a hand.
“Calm down, I wasn’t going to tell her the whole thing.” he told him, making me even more curious. I got up and stood between them, hands on my hips with a thoughtful look.
“You know, as much as I’d love to continue this I don’t really think I want to know.” I started, taking in the surprised suddenly interested look on Max’s face, “Because if he doesn’t want me to know,” I pointed a finger at Sid, “then I shouldn’t know.”
“You’re an undecipherable mystery, you know that?” Max asked, sitting his sandwich down on a plate he’d jacked from the side table. I smiled as Sidney sat down, baffled that I didn’t want to know.
“I’ve been telling you that, Max.” Sid said easily as I turned and walked to the kitchen, thirsty after that.
“Want a drink, boys?” I called back to them. Max was the first to answer.
“A drink or a drink drink. Because I could use some alcohol.” he replied. I waited for a moment before Sidney’s head popped around the corner.
“Alcohol’s in that cabinet.” he said, pointing across the kitchen to a large wooden cabinet that I would’ve expected to be filled with food or used for storage rather than alcohol. It was very large for someone who hardly had alcohol. But then again, he had a lot of friends over. Parties required some drunkness to be completely enjoyable.
“Mkayy. Whatcha want?” I questioned over my shoulder as I pulled some rum, vodka and martini mix out of the cabinet and sat them on the counter.
“Surprise me.” he answered, voice fading as he went back to the living room with Max. I smiled. He shouldn’t have said that. I had my own bar. I knew how to mix many drinks. But my specialty was a hurricane, named just so as I mixed juice, vodka, rum, and a variety of other alcohols, in exact moderation, to make a drink that, when swirled, looked much like a hurricane. It tasted like it too; a varied mixture of tastes and smells at the same time. Overwhelming. Wonderful.
I mixed three but put less alcohol in Sid’s, knowing he would appreciate it; just as I’d put a little more in Max’s. Carrying them back to the boys I found them laughing about a joke I hadn’t heard. Max looked up and his eyes glittered as they caught sight of the swirling drinks I held.
“And what have we here, Bijou?” Max said, taking the drink as I offered it to him and sat down next to Sid.
“Hurricanes.” I told him easily, swirling mine around and watching it whirl in a hurricane like way, “It’s…”
“It’s the specialty drink at the Black Pheonix.” Max finished my sentence. I nodded. “How do you know how to make it?”
“Own the place, remember?” I answered, watching him swirl the drink around and catch the wave like ripples with his eyes before taking a drink and smiling.
“It’s better than when they make it.” he complimented, smiling. Sid swirled his drink and sat quietly for a moment, possibly contemplating whether to drink or not, until finally he gave in and took a drink. I watched his face for some sign of displeasure but it didn’t come. Instead I was rewarded with a smile just as warm as the ones I got for just being there.
“It’s an art, I guess.” I said, sipping my drink as Sidney took another drink. “Like it, Sid?”
“Yeah. Tastes a lot less alcoholic than Max’s smells.” he commented with thoughtfulness in his words, “Thanks.”
“Yep.” I told him, finally earning some sign of disgruntledness from Max.
“Oh come on! I didn’t come from Marc’s to watch you to be so pleasant! I had to deal with him and his girlfriend all over each other, why not you too?” he asked playfully, smiling widely when Sidney and I sought out each others eyes for a silence meeting. I broke the contact early in favor of talking to Max.
“How is Vero, anyways?” I asked, “I haven’t seen her in ages.”
“Good. Her and Marc were planning to move in together for this season.” he said with a happy, almost pride filled smile.
“That’s awesome!” I said excitedly, “They always seemed good together.”
“Yeah. You’re telling me, bijou! They’ve been together since before I can even remember. She showed up at one of our hockey matches and bam! They were holding hands the next game. Haven’t been apart since.” Max informed me with a still growing smile, “Not many can make claim to that kind of relationship.” he finished, voice almost condescending. I felt Sidney’s ego shrink a little then, pull away.
“Very true.” I almost half whispered, sitting back on the couch between them in thoughtfulness. I almost lost myself in it before Max spoke again.
“So, on another note, how was Jordan? I haven’t texted him much since I went to see Marc.” Max asked, sipping his drink easily with pleasure in every gulp.
“Oh he’s great. Still Jordy.” I laughed thinking about our day with the tractor and the rolling field that over looked their lake, “His brothers were a riot.”
“I knew they would be. Marc and Eric are crazy.” Max joked, wrinkling his nose as he seemed to remember a time with them.
“Oh no. It wasn’t them. It was Jared. Mooned all of us as soon as he got home.” I said through a laugh as the memory of it came back. Max laughed heartily.
“I think Jared just got dropped off his porch too many times as a child. Too many hard checks into the boards for that one.” he said, voice floating through the room on thin air.
“I think they’re all just out of their minds.” Sidney added as if the conversation had never started. I laughed and nodded.
“They’re definitely something differen….” was all I could manage before Max was yawning uncontrollably. I didn’t know the alcohol would make him tired. Maybe a little drunk but not tired. “You alright, Maxy?”
“Just tired, bijou,” he started, “I think I’m going to bed. We’ve got an early rise tomorrow anyway.”
“He’s right. I have to meet the people with the cup early. I’m going to bed too.” Sid commented under his breath, making Max raise an eyebrow.
“Trying to get in bed with me, eh Sid?” he shot sarcastically. I laughed hard as Sid widely shook his head.
“If I’m egoman I can do better than you, Maxime.” Sid said under his breath. Max raised his eyebrows higher still but Sid and I just made brief eye contact and it was enough to ensure our inside joke was still secret. Max walked away and I heard him climbing the stairs before Sidney pulled me up off the couch.
“Egoman’s still a secret huh?” I questioned quietly, watching his eyes soften and warm me.
“Yep. Don’t tell.” he whispered, kissing me gently. I felt a shiver fly up and down my spine as it deepened but when it ended the feeling lingered. “You coming to bed, baby?”
“Not yet. I have some things to do before hand. I promise I’ll come up.” I replied, earning a smile.
“Kay. I love you baby girl.” he told me, staring into my eyes and possibly into my soul.
“I love you too, Siddy.” I said before another long kiss. He walked away and smiled the whole way up the stairs. I waited until I couldn’t hear movement anymore before cleaning up the kitchen and setting to work. If Sidney wanted paintings to fill up those frames I’d need time. I could definitely do it by morning but time was of the essence. I had little. I still had to get up and go with Sidney to meet the cup. I pulled my paints and canvis out of my bag and set to work. Pictures seemed to come freely with the beautiful family portraits to look at.
><><><Max’s POV><><><
I woke up really early the next morning and from what I could see out the large bay window that sat at the edge of the guest bed the sun wasn’t even up yet. I glanced over at the clock and saw that it was five o clock. Only a half hour off from when my alarm was set. Loosing that little half hour wouldn’t hurt me. I was used to much less anyway.
Getting up lazily out of bed I didn’t bother glancing over at myself as I passed the hall mirror but looked over when I passed Sid’s room. The door was wide open and Sidney was the only one in bed, snoring just as loudly as he always had. Curious. The floorboards squeaked a little under my weight as I headed downstairs to where I knew a warm cup of coffee would wake me up even more. I rounded the corner and heard Sidney’s alarm going off upstairs and something fall onto the floor. He’d probably rolled out of bed.
I shook my head and finished rounding the wall and I could see Bernie, fallen asleep in a mound of canvas, paints and finished paintings in their frames. She seemed to have fallen asleep there out of exhaustion. It was cute seeing her so vulnerable. She was never not cute but it seemed as though now, while asleep, she was less likely to yell at me for letting my eyes do what they’d always done. It was hard for me, though, to think of her as just another one night stand. She was a wonderful person. I’d grown to really enjoy her company. I didn’t know if she felt the same but it didn’t looked like she didn’t. She’d always been there to make my day and I smiled as I continued on passed the room to the kitchen.
Sidney’s heavy footfalls sounded down the stairs a few minutes later after the coffee was already done and I watched him pad easily into the kitchen, getting a cup before sitting down.
“Have you seen Bernie anywhere? I don’t think she came to bed last night.” Sid commented as he took a drink, running a hand through his messy hair. I laughed into my cup and stopped drinking before answering that questioning look on his face.
“She’s down here, mon ame. Fell asleep in the living room.” I assured him, watching him let out a held breath, “Where else would she go?”
“I dunno. She’s a wily one.” he joked, taking another drink before getting up and heading to the living room’s entrance. I walked with him and watched that goofy crooked smile cross his face as he looked around at all the beautiful paintings I hadn’t seemed to notice when I’d got here. One was of the Stanley Cup, another of the skyline in Pittsburgh; I even saw one that was a lifelike watercolor of the group picture we’d taken. There was one of Sidney skating with his stick and his shadow was holding the cup, one of two crossed sticks and a puck and a few of what seemed to be a sunset over a farm of some kind. And finally my eyes fell on a picture that seemed the most playful. It was a painting of Sidney with pie all over his face and Bernie sitting with Colby and Riley; high fiving.
My eyes finally turned back to Sidney, who was also stunned by all the pictures that were hanging around on the walls. Some were large and others were very small but all were expertly done. He picked her up after a minute of silence and held her in his arms. She seemed to know it was him and curled up comfortably into his chest. I felt a twinge of jealousy. Bernie was a beautiful girl and I felt as though I should be the one carrying her, the one caring for her. But then I looked at Sidney and saw that happy serene look that floated through his eyes and didn’t feel so bad. Sidney and Bernie were good for each other. They were in love. I could understand. I went into the kitchen to make breakfast as he took her upstairs to bed I was sure.
><><>Sid’s POV><><><
I couldn’t believe it. She’d filled all the frames and had extra pictures laying around. Looking down into her peaceful face as I took every step with a gentle footstep, I smiled. She was amazing. All this for my birthday. Wonderful. I made it up to my room and laid her down on the bed, throwing a blanket over her gently afterwards. She curled up into the sheets gratefully, not opening her eyes but smiling a little in her sleep. I ran my fingers through her hair and kissed her head.
“Baby girl you are the best.” I whispered, watching her stir and move into my touch but not wake up. She was so tired. I wondered then how long it had taken her to paint all those pictures. I hadn’t had time to even look at them all. The ones I had seen had been beautiful. One of her family pieing me, another of the Cup, the skyline, our group picture. I wondered what else she’d painted. They were all so beautiful.
I walked downstairs quietly after pulling the door closed. I left a post it beside the bed telling her to call me when she woke up. I saw Max back in the kitchen and walked into the living room to pick up her paints and canvis. A few more pictures without frames were strewn, still partially drying, on the table. There was one of Marc and I in our car for the parade that was so real I could’ve almost mistaken it for a picture. And finally as I was cleaning up everything and sitting it together next to the entertainment center, I found a note.
‘Siddy,
Hope you love your pictures. I tried my best to make them beautiful. I wish I could do more for your birthday. I love you so much, baby boy. You’re birthday should be the best day you’ve ever had because mine with you was. Can’t think of much to say. Love you. ♥
-Bernie Rae’
I smiled. She was wonderful. My heart soared a little as I put the note down easily on the table and looked around to the beautiful paintings that now filled up the living room walls. Some of them were the most amazing things I’d ever seen while others could have easily been mistaken for photographs. When I’d asked her for something this breathtaking I hadn’t imagined that it would be hanging from the disgracing pale blue walls so soon. The pictures made the rest of the room look duller, less full of life. It was an awkward yet somehow humbling experience to stand in the middle of the room and stare around at the pictures.
And somehow ten minutes later, after a long look at every single photo that was hanging around, I tore myself away from them and went into the warm kitchen, knowing that today would be a long day but one filled with fun none the less.
><><><>Bernie’s POV><><><>
I woke up mid day with a start before realizing I was laying in one of the most comfortable beds I’d ever had the pleasure of sleeping in. I rolled over and noticed that I wasn’t in the living room anymore. My first thought was of the paintings. And then my mind flipped to how I’d gotten up here. I didn’t remember moving, let alone coming upstairs and laying down.
Rolling over lightly I heard something shift on the sheets that had the familiar crinkling of paper. Glancing back over I saw the bright white paper sitting next to me, addressed with my name and a heart. A warm chill ran down my back. But that was also the instant I realized that today was Sidney’s birthday, the whole house was quiet and it was three in the afternoon. I jumped up and nearly fell over my own feet trying to get to my bag, which sat neatly in the corner.
I dug through it and randomly pulled out clothes before seeing that there was a shirt sitting on the dresser. It was Sidney’s RBK shirt, neatly folded and seeming to be there at the most perfect time. I picked it up and slipped it on, enjoying the fact that it was big on me and smelled of him. I pulled on my other jeans and the Pens belt I’d gotten for my birthday before flopping back down on the bed in the featherlike sheets, picking up the note lightly. I kinda wondered why he’d left me a note but then again, this was Sidney we were talking about. Always thoughtful.
‘Bernie,
Baby doll! I love your pictures. You’ve made it a great birthday. Max and I had to leave but you looked so exhausted and I didn’t have the heart to wake you up. Just call me when you get up and I’ll tell you where we are and where we’ll be. You are the best girlfriend ever. So says egoman so shall it be. Make sure you’re ready when you find us. Best kiss of your life; not just because I love you but because everyone’ll have a picture of it afterwards.
Tay called earlier and asked where you were and she’s sad that you weren’t up but she said she’d meet you at Tim Norton’s later for lunch. I think it’ll be nice for her to have a friend outside of all the chaos here. Being my little sister can’t be fun with the fans. Anyway, I’ll see you, mon cherri.
With all the love in the world,
Sidney’
I smiled to myself and sat the note down neatly on the side table, fixing my hair and brushing my teeth before going downstairs to get coffee, which I knew would be hot from this morning. Once I was awake enough I headed through the halls into the living room, taking prideful notice of the pictures that now hung in all the frames. I reached the living room and stopped dead, looking around to all the frames that were now full of pictures. Light shown brightly through the spotless windows that faced the lake and the contrast of my pictures and the bright colors of the sky made my head spin. It was breathtaking.
I tried my best to ignore it as I searched through the mass of papers on the table for my phone. I found it only when it began to ring. The ID read Siddy<3.
“Hello?” I said half excitedly, still taken aback by the view of the lake as I stared out the window.
“Baby!” Sidney’s voice was almost as upbeat as mine. I could hear a crowd in the background and Max chatting with someone who’s voice was in a low roar. Troy most likely. “How are you? Awake yet?”
“Oh yeah. I woke up in the most comfortable bed.” I commented half sarcastically, running a hand back through my hair, “How are you, babe?”
“I’m great. Max and my dad are here. Tay’s with mom and the cup’s with me. I’m just missing the most important person.” his voice was in a slight whisper, as if he was trying to keep his words secret just for me. I smiled to myself and knew in my mind he was smiling too.
“Where are you guys?” I questioned, stepping outside on the front porch and immediately catching a breeze full of mist. It was quite refreshing.
“We’re coming to the tennis courts to play hockey and then there’s a party for a few hundred then my family’s coming over tonight.” he started, devious wily tones dancing on every note that left his mouth, “But I want some time alone with you later, mon cherri.”
“Mmmm sounds like a plan. I’ll be a the courts then.” I replied, stepping down off the porch. My eyes immediately fell upon a car that was out of the ordinary in the driveway. Taurus.
“Jack should be coming to get you. I sent him to get you before he came to the game. Can’t have my best friends without my girl.” Sid said happily, seeming to know that I’d discovered the car.
“He’s here, I think. I’ll see you then, baby boy. I love you.” I told him as Jack jumped out of his car and waved at me energetically.
“Love you more. See you.” Sid replied before the line went dead.
And as we drove towards the courts Jack took it upon himself to play twenty questions, as if he was a spy for the others. He was smart about it though, giving information as he got it. All around he was a pretty nice guy.
“So, how’s Pittsburgh? I haven’t been there in so long.” he said, suddenly seeming dreaming and reminiscent of his own thoughts instead of questioning me.
“Pittsburgh is wonderful. I love it almost as much as I love Lloydminster and Calgary. Almost.” I commented, looking out the window to see that everywhere around us in Halifax seemed deserted. I knew why immediately. Everyone, young or old, eight or eighty-seven was watching Sidney get ready to play hockey.
“Calgary and Lloydminster, huh? Why bother with them. They’re not nearly as awesome.” he replied, glancing over at me as he kept going, turning past the strip mall where I knew Tim Norton’s was.
“Well I was born and raised in Lloydminster and my Nana lives in Calgary with some of my other family so I was back and forth all my life. I used to be the biggest Calgary flames fan you’ve ever seen. Obviously now my allegiance has changed.” I made sure to point that out. A smile crossed his face and he stopped at a red light, courts over the horizon with a crowd of at least 18,000 watching.
“I see. Well I don’t have to deal with that. The family and friends are all here. Born and raised in Halifax.” he started, pulling out with a gentle shift of the car, “What was life like with Colby and Riley?”
“Oh it was nuts. They hated my guy friends and I’m still convinced they hate Sidney. I love him though so there’s nothing they can do about it.” I replied simply watching as we pulled in beside Sid’s Range Rover. The hawks in my stomach began to fly and I felt a sudden jump in my heart beat. I loved this feeling.
“Sidney really loves you too. He won’t shut up about it. None of us could believe it.” Jack started, hand frozen in place on his door handle, as if in suspended animation. “And I’m sorry for questioning you but Sid’s been my best friend since before anyone ever knew he was good at hockey. I have to make sure that you’re a good person. I mean I didn’t sense anything I didn’t like about you when we met but you know how it goes. You’re a good girl and Sid loves you more than he can probably even explain.”
“It’s alright, I know how it goes. You’re a good person too, Jack. I think we could be awesome friends but for now it’s hockey time.” I said happily, pushing my door open in unison with his. We slammed the doors to announce that we were there and immediately I heard shuffling feet so that we could get through to the tennis courts where the hockey team save for us was there. I saw everyone and finally my eyes fell upon Sidney, who stood in net facing the other direction in full goalie gear. Everyone I’d met yesterday waved hello and finally after that Sidney noticed and turned around.
Taking his mask off he walked over to Jack and I, smiling the whole time. “Hey Jack. Thanks, man.” he said, doing a strange little handshake with Jack before turning his sights on me. His gaze was soft and hard, warm and cold, strong and weak.
“No problem. I’m gonna go get my stuff on, Sid. See you out there.” Jack excused himself gracefully, knowing what was coming now as if with some sort of premonition. Sidney finally stood in front of me with much broader shoulders and a taller appearance than usual. I didn’t mind. He was still my Siddy.
“How was your nap, baby?” he whispered, looking down and smiling when he noticed his shirt.
“Great.” I answered softly, returning his warm grin. And finally, the moment that was hanging in the air came to life. Sid leaned down a little, hair falling over his face as he leaned his forehead on mine.
“You are a wonderful girl.” he whispered again, staring down into my eyes. I smiled and glanced away girlishly. Sid always had a way of making the butterflies that were natural now turn into hawks. A way of making me feel like I was flying. It was amazing.
“You’re not so bad yourself.” I replied with a hint of complimentary in my voice. He smirked to himself and his lips met mine lightly. It was just enough to make my heart jump but not enough to lead to anything else. Letting up, he pulled away slowly letting the feeling linger. I flipped my bangs out of my eyes and knew immediately that my face was flush.
“You’re so cute!” he squealed in a sudden girlish tone, “I love it!”
“I love you too, Siddy.” I told him, rolling my eyes as I heard a murmur through the crowd. I knew then that half the people there had a picture of us kissing and while it wasn’t really intimidating it was a little strange. I guess I still wasn’t used to being Sid’s girlfriend, even after all this time together.
“Hey! Love birds! Come on already! Game time!” Nick yelled over, waving his arms frantically as if it would somehow aid in making Sidney and I move quickly. I giggled and walked with Sid to the net, greeting everyone with a pleasant hello. Contrary to yesterday’s meeting they were all quite happy to see me today.
“Tay’s over there with the Cup and dad. I’ll see you after game.” Sid said, pulling on his mask. He looked so foreign behind a cage.
“Good luck, Siddy.” I called over my shoulder as I joined Taylor and Troy with the Stanley cup on the sidelines of the well placed tennis court. I could hear people behind the fence chatting in idle waiting. And the game began. I was interested in it for the fact that I’d never seen Sidney play goal before outside of practice. The crowd was obviously nearly as interested as I, for they quieted just as quickly as they had begun talking. The silence around the tennis courts was eerie. Some cheered when Sid was scored on but most cheered when Sid’s team made a goal. Dull roars went up every once and a while but for the most part the crowd was as silent as death.
Halfway through the game Taylor nudged me in the side, earning my full and immediate attention, if not a high jump off the ground. I turned towards her and saw that her eyes were lit up like Christmas in New York. It raised my curiosity.
“Hmm?” I asked, looking her over with more thought than I’d been putting into the game that was slowly unfolding in front of me.
“Jack has a tendency to shoot high left when he comes in against Sidney.” she said happily, smile gleaming in the beautiful Nova Scotian weather. I mirrored her happiness almost instantly. She was right. Jack had tended to shoot high left on Sidney because that was Sidney’s weak spot, something that not many people could pick out.
“Yeah. He does.” I reaffirmed what she was already thinking. She smiled and clapped her hands together, reveling in her success.
“I’ve been watching really carefully. I’m getting better. Or maybe that’s just because I’ve known Jack for so long, I don’t know. Thanks for trying to explain it to me though.” her voice was grateful and I nodded as I continued to watch the ongoing game. Troy flanked my other side but sat quietly as Taylor and I began to discuss hockey and eventually faded to what we were going to have when we went out to lunch that day. Eventually we fell silent and continued to watch the game as it got more and more interesting. The teams tied for a few minutes and I folded my arms over my knees, resting my head as I watched Sidney continued to block shots. His gear wasn’t regulation and was too big and bulky, needless to say it was the most likely reason some of the shots were deflected.
And when I felt the rings on my right hand being twisted around lightly I raised my head, glancing over to see Troy lightly moving them so that the gems shown brightly in the sun. He didn’t noticed me watching him and for a split second I saw a part of Sidney’s thoughtful curiosity in his furrowed brow and careful eyes. He met my gaze and smiled warmly, obviously not afraid to accept me as a friend now.
“He’s got some kind of taste.” he commented, smiling as I heard the people on court celebrating the tie breaking goal.
“He doesn’t think so.” I answered back with quiet thoughtfulness. Troy seemed to be deeply secluded into his own mind after that and I took to just watching the game again, smiling as I saw Taylor begin to figure a few more things out.
The game finished out and Sidney’s team won but Sid didn’t take another round with the cup, instead he selflessly let the others hoist the cup over their heads in a dream like sequence that they had all probably imagined since early childhood. I met up with Sidney for a moment as the cup went around and he gave me a short lived kiss before Taylor and I left his company for Tim Norton’s.
We arrived there and, as there always were, people with cameras followed. The got a few pictures of us laughing and having fun, and in general we enjoyed our time together. Taylor was a wonderful kid and she was defiantly more mature for her age.
And it seemed as though that was the beginning of one of the greatest times of my life. So many wonderful things followed that day that it was hard to keep track of the days. We went through the motions of the rest of summer and Sid went off to Olympic training camp for team Canada while I took care of some matters with the Pirates, who were in their longest losing streak ever. Actually, it was the longest losing streak in the history of sports. Which, I mean at least they were winning at something. Some kind of sick constellation I suppose.
October came and went and Mario held a Halloween party which Sidney and I skipped out early on to go and visit with Maddie, who was having her third heart transplant in two years. Mischa got a lot bigger but she was still ornery and jumpy and very very vocal.
November was upon us and Thanksgiving brought an even bigger party. Even though it was a lot to do, I called up my family and they all came in to have dinner with me. Sidney’s family was in so we all got together, even managed to call up Max and his family, the Staals and of course the Lemiuex’s. Maddie, Jess and Paul dropped in and together with all of us it was a full house. The pictures from that night filled up my house not too long after along with the ones my mother had taken at the airport, the ones Linda had taken in Thunder Bay and the others from Halloween. Of course they took second to my Christmas pictures but I was acquiring quite the collection of funny pictures. Conversation pieces was what Max called them. All in all Thanksgiving owned any of my other pictures from LA, Halifax, Calgary, Thunder bay and Atlanta by a long shot. Considering I had had 34 people in the house at once, not counting Mischa.
December was upon us and fast approaching was Sidney and I’s one year. Nothing had been planned or discussed for we were in the peak of hockey season. We didn’t have time to breath let alone plan something special. I couldn’t speak for Sidney but I could barely get back to my house before I was out cold, usually on my couch. And soon it was Sunday the twentieth and I hadn’t planned a thing yet. Still just stuck in my usual work with the exception of making time to visit Maddie, who had begun to decline in health and had been hospitalized for a period of time through the winter months with phuenomonia.
Walking into my office on the twenty first I found myself at a loss for much to say. I’d just been to visit Maddie and she’d been too sick to see visitors, though Paul and Jess comforted me with the thought that she was just in a deep sleep from her last chemo treatment. The cancer that had been in remission had flared its ugly head again. Just as I sat down and began to work a knock on my door sounded in the office and made me jump a few feet. I glanced up to see the stitched ‘C’ through the window and it eased my mind, if only for a moment.
“Come in?” I questioned, watching the door open to show a smiling Sidney before me. I sat down what I was doing. It wasn’t nearly as important as he was. “Do you even have to knock anymore? You just walk right into my house.”
“Thought it’d be polite if you were with Gilles or Dany.” he answered, sitting down in the chair in front of mine and spinning around mindlessly as if he was reliving his early childhood immaturity.
“Well I’m glad to see you’re in such high spirits about the Detroit game.” I joked, shaking my head as he continued to spin round and round, never seeming to get dizzy.
“I’m not worried. We’ve won a lot of games this year.” he said through half dizzying spins. It was true. We’d won almost fifty percent of all of our games, maybe even fifty-five. I was sincerely impressed with the effort this year even if we had lost Petr Sykora, Hal Gill and Rob Scuderi; all of whom we’d beaten when we took them on. Detroit was nothing anymore. No challenge. Obsolete.
“Well I hate to burst your bubble but I went to see Maddie today and…. Well it’s not the best condition she’s been in.” I whispered, voice failing me all of the sudden. Sidney stopped himself in an instant, pushing his hands to my desk with such force that it flew into me. He was gripping it so hard that his knuckles shown bright white in the soft lighting.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, voice dropping into a worried hush of it’s former firmness. His eyes searched over my face for any shred of hope in mine. I don’t think he found it.
“Well… her cancer came back…” I explained as lightly as I could. This was a hard for him as it was for me. Even though we’d only met them last year we had become extremely attached to Maddie and her family, partaking in coming to minor league games with her and her friends, taking her to movies and taking the family to dinner. “And she’s still got pheunomonia. She wasn’t even aloud to have visitors so I haven’t seen her. Jess and Paul were trying to be reassuring but they weren’t convincing. I’m worried, Sidney, I won’t lie.”
“She got that bad since I was last to see her…?” he questioned, suddenly confused by his own words. It sounded as though he wasn’t completely there anymore, like he was having an out of body experience.
“I suppose so. I’m going back after game to see if she’s any better. Are..” I didn’t even get my words out before he was standing up and coming around the desk.
“Yes, I am coming with you.” his voice was quiet and hard, as if he was trying to push away whatever it was he was feeling inside. His arms wrapped themselves around me like snakes and held firm as he kissed my head, almost assuring himself to be strong instead of telling me. Another knock at my door startled us but he held me tightly, afraid to let go of me. Like I were to disappear if he lost my touch.
“Almost game time!” Gilles yelled in before heading away. Sidney held me for another minute before letting go. His face was tear stained and I knew that he’d been silently crying that whole time. Maddie had become more than a friend to us. She was like a little sister to us both. It hit hard. He was about to turn and walk out before I caught him, pulling him back around with gently hand. I put both my hands lightly on his cheeks, wiping away whatever was left of his tears.
“You have a game to win, Siddy. Maddie will be fine. Go out there and win one for her.” I said, watching his eyes sparkle with a newfound spark he had lost but gained back again with more force.
“And for you, bijou. I haven’t forgotten our anniversary is tomorrow.” he whispered, kissing me with lingering love before turning and walking out. I smiled, picking up my papers after I rearranged my desk and walked out.
I made it to the bench just as everyone’s name was being called on ice and waved behind the bench to Vero, Marc’s girlfriend and my best friend, with whom I’d become very close since she’d moved in with Marc. She waved a light hello and offered a smile before turning back to the conversation she was having with Marc’s mother, France.
And the game went as well as was to be expect. Sidney seemed to be flying and performing twice as well as usual, with a HT and five assists. We won our game 8-6 and not long afterward headed out to the hospital to see Maddie, who was now awake and aloud to see visitors. We stayed with her all night long, falling asleep a while after she had but before Paul and Jess, who had allowed us to stay not only because Maddie wanted it but because they felt we had a right now. They considered us family.
Waking up the next morning in the small hospital loveseat that sat across the room from the foot of Maddie’s bed I tried to stay still for Sidney, who was still sleeping beside me, arms curled around me protectively. I opened my eyes to see that Paul and Jess had gone for breakfast and Maddie was wide eyed and looked better than she had before, smiling widely and offering a silent wave as I met her eyes.
“Hi Maddie.” I whispered, attempting not to move.
“Hi!” she exclaimed in a hushed voice, “You two are very cute!”
“Thanks.” Sidney’s voice came from low in his chest as he opened an eye and stared over at her, smiling. I turned in his arms as he waved a hand at Maddie, telling her to look away. Of course she didn’t and as I managed to look him in the face his lips met mine fierily. It wasn’t obscene or horrifyingly porn-esk but it was enough to give me the message. He broke away and leaned his forehead on mine, holding me close.
“Mmm good morning, monsieur Sidney.” I said quietly, watching a smirk turning up in the corners of his mouth.
“Happy Anniversary, mademoiselle.” he answered, voice just as low as mine. He kissed me again before touching noses with me, “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I spat almost on impulse. It was a natural response now. No thought process, no reaction time, just pure instinct. We sat there, staring into each other’s faces for a moment before Maddie could take it no longer.
“Awwwwweeehhhh! It’s your anniversary today! Happy day!” she squealed, laughing giddily. We both looked over to her and our smiles widened. Seeing her in such good spirits made us both a little happier. I couldn’t help but squirm as she got up and walked to the bathroom. The door closed and Sidney was immediately on me, kissing my neck and biting down on my sweet spot gently. I wasn’t facing him so it was difficult for me to stop him but I finally managed to put my hand through his hair, stopping him for a moment.
“Siddy, baby, not now. We have all day. Calm down.” I whispered half heartedly, getting him to stop. He sat up and pulled me along into his lap, holding on for dear life.
“I just love you, babe. A whole year is a long time. Longest relationship I’ve ever had. Best one too.” he started, kissing my neck again, “You’re an amazing woman. I’m just happy you’re still with me, honey.”
“I’m happy I’m still with you too, Sid. I love you so much. You said it before, you’re my best friend.” I told him, intertwining my fingers in his just before Maddie came back out of the bathroom, looking paler than she had when she’d gone in. I tried to stand up and go over to her but she waved me back.
“Chemo makes me sick. It’s normal.” she whispered, voice barely above a whisper now. It seemed to have sucked all the life from her small fragile form.
“Is there anything you want, Maddie?” I asked, finally pulling away from Sid as I helped her back into bed. She smiled gently, watching my every move with close attention.
“Breakfast, but mom and dad already went to get it.” she started, smiling at me, “But I know what you could do.”
“Hmm?” I said, suddenly taking on a feeling of wanting to please her. I wondered for a moment if this is what it was like to be a parent but shook it off as she smiled widely, happiness shining through the pain.
“Hang up that picture on the wall over there.” she said, gesturing to a picture frame that was facing the wall, “I’ll be here for a while. Might as well have something to look at.”
I nodded and picked up the picture, not seeing what it was until I turned it to hang it on the nail. It was the picture I’d given her. A small sense of pride welled up inside me as I hung it, making sure that it was centered. Sidney had already gotten up and I heard Maddie giggle as he kissed her forehead. She had the biggest crush on Sidney from the time she’d first seen him and every time he made a gesture like that she’d get the giggles.
“Good?” I called over my shoulder to her. She nodded furiously and beckoned me to come over. I complied and she took Sidney and I’s hand, much as she had when we had been in Detroit in the finals. She pushed them together and we intertwined our fingers. This time, though, she looked a lot more solemn than she had before, a lot more desperate to say what she was thinking.
“I know you two will be together for a long time. And I hope you’re very happy.” she started with a smile, “I can’t say as to how long I’ll be around, though. I know I’m suppose to think positive but I know my own body better than anyone and I’ve got no idea how long I’ve got. I can feel everything they’re doing to me and I know that my body isn’t taking it as well as everyone thinks. I’m not trying to be pessimistic and don’t tell me to not think that way but this is what I’m thinking. I want you two to be together forever. You’re both amazing people. And if I don’t make it to see the day you get married, make sure you remember just one thing.”
“Maddie you’re gonna make it for a long time to co..” Sid started before she shushed him firmly.
“Shh. Listen to me before my parents come and insist that I not speak my mind. I wasn’t kidding when I said name it after me. Just remember that in the future, kay? Oh, and if anything ever happens just take that painting.” she said, lowering her voice to a whisper, “Okay?”
“Okay.” Sidney and I both said in unison, not needing to meet eyes to understand that she was serious. She smiled and kissed both our cheeks.
“Now you might have to leave because mom and dad are coming down the hall. I’ll see you later though, I hope. Happy anniversary.” she said just before her parents came in and shooed us out politely so that she could go for chemo. We left hand in hand and I knew that we were both still a little shocked by everything that had just happened.
We went through the motions of the day and stayed together most every minute of it. We went skating at the Mellon, taking slow laps around in the silence of the empty arena. It was after practice but before our game tomorrow. Leaving there we headed to Sid’s house for a few minutes so that we could change and then to mine for a movie. There we discovered that Mischa, after eating the locket Sidney had given me for Christmas last year, had thrown it back up. I attempted to clean it but it was a failed effort, all hope was lost.
Sitting down for a movie in my sweats with Sidney was possibly the most relaxing thing I’d done in a long time. We hadn’t had much alone time lately with hockey season in full swing. Most times we got where between games or before we went to sleep, not since summer had we had a whole day to ourselves. I leaned into his chest gently and he held me to him with a gentle strength that surprised even me.
Around halfway through the movie ‘Stranger Than Fiction’ I was almost asleep when Sidney woke me up again. He kissed my head and smiled as my eyes fluttered open gently.
“Hmmm?” I questioned half tiredly. I had really been wiped out by the frequency of our games.
“It’s our anniversary. I thought we’d celebrate?” he questioned, leaning his head down on mine.
“Mmmm like how?” I questioned timidly, feeling a little naïve in the process. He chuckled and pulled me closer. His right arm disappeared from my stomach for a moment and reappeared a minute later, holding on to something.
“Well… I can’t easily let this go without doing something special for you, cheri. So I got you something…” he started before I let myself whine in protest. I hated presents but he seemed to be the only one to be able to get around that.
“You shouldn’t have, Sid.” I whimpered, giving up when he kissed my cheek.
“But I did because I think you deserve it.” he whispered, “Close your eyes.” And I complied without question, feeling his hands pushing a chain into mine. “Open.” he said quietly.
Opening my eyes I looked down to see a beautiful white gold heart necklace, not that unlike the locket I’d gotten for Christmas. This one was simple on the front, a few etches for décor but not much else. I twisted it around in my fingers and saw that something was engraved on the other side. ‘December 22, 2008 ♥ I love you. Forever.’ I felt my eyes twinge with a slight misty feeling that passed over me before I turned in Sid’s arms and kissed him, which he accepted easily and without fight.
“You are great.” I told him, earning a smile.
“I know.” he started, kissing the rings on my right hand, “I love you so much. I have no idea how to show you how much you mean to me. It’s the best I can do.”
“Sidney, every single time you look at me you show me how much you love me. I know exactly how you feel about me every time you kiss me. It’s about all I can do to keep myself on my feet and breathing. And when we make love I feel so much for you I can’t even stand it. I love who I am with you. And you make me feel like nothing can ever happen. No matter what goes on you just make my life better.” I said quietly, forcing him to listen intently. A smile was already crossing that beautiful face and his eyes were sparkling with glee, dancing with happiness. “And now that I’ve completely inflated your ego, let’s go to bed.” I said, standing up and pulling him up onto his feet afterwards. He kissed me deeply and I tussled his hair, noticing that sly smile after we broke apart.
“So would it inflate your ego if I told you how good you were in bed? Or would that just turn you on?” he whispered in my ear though we were alone in my house, save for Mischa. He ran his hands down my sides, molding them to my curves and I shivered, squirming out of his grasp and taking off towards the hall.
“I guess you’ll have to follow me and find out.” I said, turning and throwing my shirt at him.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” he said, grinning as he ran down the hall after me.
And the next few days were shaped by the fact that we’d never been happier together. We’d never been happier in our lives period. We spent them together save for games and practices but even then we made time afterwards or before for breakfast and lunch or a movie with Max and Jordan. Marc and Geno took their girlfriends out for dinner and invited Max and his bunny and Sid and I. We went along out of respect and I spent most of my time with Vero, leaving Oksana and Max’s ‘girlfriend’ Brittany to talk amongst themselves as the guys made attempts to get us all involved in one conversation.
Like nothing ever happened Christmas was on us. Sidney’s family had made the journey in and were staying with him at the Lemieux’s so I didn’t see much of him for a while, but that was okay. My family couldn’t come in this Christmas and I understood that. Colby wanted to spend his time with Melissa and Riley had a new girlfriend. My parents were in Calgary with my nana and pap. And so I was left alone mostly. I put up the tree like I had last year and decorated the house but felt a little lonely for a while. Max called to wish me a happy Christmas but couldn’t talk long because he was with Brittany. Geno stopped by on his way to see Oksana and I thanked him for the borsht he‘d made for me.
The day faded to me watching some Christmas movies as Eric and Jordan stopped by. Godsy nearly crushed me while Jordan was pretty decent and decided against trying to kill me. Godsy left about an hour later but Jordan stayed with me all day. His family couldn’t come in either thanks to a horrible snow drift in Thunder Bay. I told him he was welcome to stay with me and he agreed, helping me fix lunch with a smile. Jordy was a great guy.
A few hours later I remembered that we’d been invited to go to the Lemieux’s for Christmas dinner.
“Hey Jordy! We have to go to Mario’s for dinner! Nat’s orders!” I called into the living room. I heard him laugh.
“Oh yeah, because Nat’s a scary woman!” he shouted back, “Wanna just go now then?”
“You go, I’ll be along. I have to make sure Mischa comes out from hiding.” I told him, “Just tell them I’ll be over by six.” I said, glancing at the clock and seeing that it read 5:30.
“Okay. Bye Bernie!” Jordan said, closing the door before too much cold got in. I was quietly humming by myself to a tune that I knew quite well when I heard the door open again. I glanced around the wall to see Jeremy standing in the doorway.
“Hi Jeremy. Long time no see! How’ve you been?” I asked, continuing on with what I was doing. I heard him coming through the house to the kitchen and didn’t bother to turn around as he began speaking.
“Oh it’s been fine.” he said quietly, as if observing, “Just been thinking a lot.”
“About what?” I asked, continuing to hum the tune to ‘Oh Canada’. I dropped everything I was holding when I felt a knife to my back.
“About how much of a bitch you are.” he said, voice suddenly deep in his throat. I felt my breath get caught in mine as I tried to stay still, praying that this was all just a dream.
“Take it easy here, I don’t want any trouble, Jeremy.” I whispered as calmly as I could, putting down what I was holding. That was obviously the wrong thing to do, I found. Jeremy grabbed me around my waist and dragged me back down the hallway without much effort at all into the spare room. He held me to him and the knife for a moment, as if thoughtful or maybe merciful. It didn’t last.
“Well you should’ve thought about that before you made Zacky’s life a mess. You don’t fuck with him like that. And you’re going to learn.” his voice was so menacing. It shook me to my soul. With one motion he threw me at the spare bed that I had just made this morning anticipating Jordan’s family to come. I struggled with him but the knife in my back made me stop. Whatever he was going to do I just didn’t want to die. I felt him behind me, knees pinning me down. Immediately I felt myself weaken as a person, my spirit was gone. I couldn’t fight him, he was stronger than me. And he had a knife.
“Please don’t kill me….” I whimpered through tears, “Please…. I’ve got too much to live for.”
“Shut up!” he screamed, smacking me in the face so hard that my neck cracked. More tears and a throbbing pain in my head. I felt my heart racing out of fear. And suddenly my mind knew what he was going to do. It terrified me. My eyes wouldn’t open but I felt the cool metal on the pocket knife cutting my shirt up to my bra. His hands were roaming everywhere and I squirmed but he stopped me, knife pressed to my throat. “You’ve taken what was most important in my brother’s life from him, and now I’m taking what is most important to you.” And with that I felt him under my skirt. I screamed but the knife pressed to my side stopped it to just a futile whimper. I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes as he took what he wanted from me. As he finished I managed to open my eyes, tears still streaming from the crying I’d been doing the whole time to see his smirk. He was pleased with what he’d just done. Of course I’d been trying to get away but the knife was good reason to stay still.
“They’ll find you….. And you won’t get away with this… They‘ll kill you.” I managed as he began to gather himself, leaving me shaking on the bed. His face grew hard again and he pinned me down, holding my arms to my chest with one hand. His face came so near to mine and I forced my eyes closed when I could feel his breaths. And then he forced a kiss on me. I tried to stop him but he kept going. When he forced his tongue into my mouth I pushed him off me with strength I hadn’t known I had. That didn’t make him happy. He jumped back over me and held me down.
“And now you’re screwing with me? Fuck you bitch!” he screamed and then I felt the knife cutting my side like butter. From the top of my ribs to my waist I knew was bleeding now and I felt myself getting really woosy as he got up. “No one will ever catch me. No one will ever know or I’ll find you. You probably won’t even make it. Merry Christmas.” he jorted as he walked out the door. I heard the front door close but was too weak to stand or move. My head tilted to the right but I could see nothing but red. I tried to hold the wound shut but it was a failed effort. No one would hear me if I screamed. And eventually I faded to black. I could see nothing but the images of people I’d never see again. The Team, My Family, My Friends. Sidney.
><><><><><>Jordan’s POV><><><>
I drove to the Lemiuex’s but Nathalie insisted that I go and get Bernie. Mario decided to come along with Troy and we headed out back to Bernie’s house. We got there in a few minutes and I checked the time. It was 6:15. Bernie have never been late before. Her car wasn’t even started yet. That was pretty odd. I jumped out of the car and went up the driveway, leaving Mario and Troy conversing in the fridged air. I made it to the door and was going to knock when I noticed that it was left open. I hadn’t done that when I’d left. Mischa sat in the doorway, mewing like crazy. I reached down to pet her when I noticed she was covered in something. After a moment my stomach turned. She was drenched in blood.
“TROY! MARIO!” I screeched, immediately earning their undivided attention. I was already halfway through the house when I heard their heavy footfalls hit the doorway. I was pushing open every door I could find, searching frantically for something I didn’t really know I wanted to find. And finally with one final thrust of a door I saw something I’d never wanted to see. Bernie was laying unconscious in bed, blood gushing out of a wound that striped her side. Troy and Mario rushed in and stopped in the doorway while I tried my hardest to wake her up, crying a little at the sight of how helpless and hopeless this looked.
“Mario go call 911, I’m gonna try to stop the bleeding.” Troy said, trying to take control though I knew he was probably just as weak in this as I was. It was only then that I thought of Sidney. He’d wanted to propose to her today. I had been thinking that this would be a wonderful time, that’d we’d laugh and eat dinner but now I was only wondering if she would live long enough to see seven o’ clock.
I moved out of Troy’s way as he tore up the bed sheets and picked her up in his arms, wrapping it around her until it was taunt and tight, holding the blood she had left inside. He was covered in her blood now, as were the sheets and the floor. I could hear Mario talking to 911 in the other room. It was good that they were just down a few blocks. I didn’t know what to do. My life was flipping. I’d never see anything like this outside of a tv show, let alone expected it to happen to my friend. And I didn’t know what to do with myself except shy away from everything and cry as the medics came and took her out to the hospital. Only after they had gone did I get instruction.
“Jordan you have to pull it together.” Mario said through a rasping voice, “You have to go and get Sid and the family to come to the hospital. Troy and I are going to ride along with her. You have to do this, Jordan. Pull yourself together.”
“Okay.” was the only thing I could manage. I suddenly felt the overwhelming fear of what Sidney was going to do when he found out. Mario and Troy were gone and I was left in silence as the medics drove away. I heard my heart beat and found myself sobbing. And then Mischa was at my feet, seemingly just as shaken as I was. I picked her up in my arms and ran to the car, breaking the speed limit the whole way to Mario’s. I ran up the drive and didn’t bother knocking, throwing open the door and scaring everyone who was sitting in the living room.
“Jordan! My word! What’s happened to you!” Nat said, looking at the completely frantic look in my eyes. Everyone else was up in a minute after I couldn’t find any words. It was only then that I figured out I was still crying. Sidney came up to me and shook my shoulders fiercely, filled with what seemed to be rage and frustration.
“Jordan Staal! What is wrong with you! Talk to us, Damnit!” he said in a frantic tizzy. The only words I could make out came after a few seconds of frantic shaking.
“Hospital. Mario and Troy went to the hospital.” I said, looking down at the blood covering my hands as Mischa came out from inside my jacket. Sidney looked down confusedly before his gaze caught Mischa and he fell into tears of what I knew had to be the same sickening feeling I had when I’d found her.
“What’s happened?!” Nat asked confusedly as she and the kids threw on their shoes and coats and headed outside. I didn’t have time to answer them. Sidney stood, empty and dead in front of me. He was shaking and Trina and Taylor attempted to get him to move but he couldn’t even look up.
“Go get in the car Taylor. Jordan go with her. I’ll take Sidney.” Trina ordered, taking as much control as Troy had. I’m glad they could. I could barely speak. I drove Taylor to the hospital behind Nat in a hasty manor, not speaking as we went. I heard her biting her nails as we drove but I could do nothing to comfort her.
By the time we got there I saw Nat was already inside with Mario, who was visibly shaken and Taylor clung to Troy for dear life. Trina and Sidney showed up afterwards but Sidney couldn’t even stand up anymore. He collapsed into a chair in the large and very empty waiting room. I couldn’t imagine this for him. He didn’t even know what had happened. He was probably assuming the very worst. It’d be like falling off a cliff. I saw Mario making calls and heard him telling Max, Geno, Godsy, Marc, and a few other people. I heard Lauren calling Colby and Riley but no one had said a word to Sidney. I sat down next to him with the intention of telling him what had happened but couldn’t find words. Instead I watched as people began to come in. Max and his brother, Marc and his parents and sister, Godsy, Vero, Kris, Geno and his parents. They all knew what was happening and all of them were just as horrified as I was. And then I saw Maddie wandering out from a hallway and Sidney looked up when he heard her tiny timid voice.
“Siddy, what’s happening here?” she asked confused, “I could hear you crying from chemo.” She wandered over, no fear in her eyes as she stood in front of him. I saw Jess and Paul come around the corner and instantly change into fear mode, quickly finding out what had happened.
“I don’t know, Maddie. I just know it’s not good.” he whispered, voice barely audible through his tears. Immediately I felt guilty for not telling him what had happened. Maybe it was best not to know. Maddie hugged him and he looked like he felt some sort of comfort, whatever little it offered him to have her there. And it felt like the world was slowing down. For the next hour we sat around waiting for something, any sort of hope that we could get. Max and Godsy were pacing. Geno and his parents were talking hurriedly in frantic Russian, Mario and Nat were trying desperately to gather themselves for their kids but it was a failed effort. Taylor was sobbing in Trina’s shirt and Troy was trying his best to just hold himself together. He’d washed the blood off his hands but stared at them as if he could still feel it. I’d washed Mischa off and she’d taken a place on Vero’s lap while she and Marc sat together worriedly beside me. I couldn’t offer anything to anyone, just sitting and listening to Jess and Paul talking to Nat while Maddie and Sidney sat together in silence.
Finally after around an hour and a half I pulled Sidney away, barely able to get him up. He was so weak and fragile. I’d never seen him like this before.
“What?” he asked through a creaking voice as the tears that had been running down his face dried. He’d cried every single tear away. I held his shoulders and took a deep breath, finally finding the courage to tell him what no one else had been willing to say.
“I know you don’t know what’s happening and I know that they think it’s better you don’t but I think you should know.” I whispered, gaining his attention. “I found Bernie in the guest room……… and she was unconscious…… covered in blood and it was just……… the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen. There was so much blood, Sidney. So much.” I stopped because I was shaking as hard as he was.
“Was she still breathing…” he whimpered barely able to speak anymore.
“She was breathing but just barely….. That wound was pretty deep… it went from above her ribs to her waist…. There was just so….” and he stopped me, looking sick. All the color had drained out of his face and he was shaking. He walked past me and outside the doors with Maddie on his heals. I sat down again and the room seemed quieter, a little surprised at me. But I knew he needed to know. It was his girlfriend. He’d wanted her to be his fiancée. She meant the world to him.
About an hour later Sidney came back and we all sat in silence, sort of anticipating that he was going to take control like he always did. Tell us it was all going to be fine. But he didn’t. He was weak from crying and worrying and the paleness of his face seemed to show us all that. He was lost. And finally around three hours after we’d all gotten there, a very dignified doctor joined us in the waiting room, looking solemn. Maddie jumped up and hugged her.
“Hi Joycee!” she said sort of melancholy. The doctor returned her hug before turning towards the group of us, as we were the only people in the entire hospital it seemed today.
“Is Bernadette’s family here?” she asked in a quiet tone. I could see Sidney growing weaker with every breath.
“No, but we’re close friends with her.” Mario said, “The closest here to family is Sidney.” And though it wasn’t intentional all eyes turned towards him. Silence. It was deafening.
“Well since you’re all here I might as well tell you all.” Joycee said quietly, “She made it through the surgery,” a collective breath breathed, “but she had some severe internal bleeding. The wound was deep enough that whatever cut her brushed her lung, liver and stomach. We’ve fixed her up but she’s still unconscious from the loss of blood. We’ve given her a transfusion but she’s likely to be down for a while. And very very weak.” and with that she waved over Mario, Nat, Troy, Trina, Sidney and I, for we were the first to know about this. Everyone else was left to think on what had just happened. “We were giving her a once over and we found that she’d been….. Assaulted.” she said trying to put it at lightly as she could. I could almost feel Sidney being crushed beside me. “We’ve dressed what wounds she does have and sent a rape kit away to the police. Is there anyone that you’d know would want to hurt her?” Everyone was silent.
“Zackary Borodin.” Sidney growled in a distraught voice. He sounded like he was losing his mind. The doctor nodded and put a hand on his shoulder lightly.
“You are all welcome to go in and see her. We’ve given her a bigger room next to Miss Madison here and it’s private. There should be enough places for anyone who wants to stay over. I know his is hard for you all but you need to stay strong for her if not even for yourselves. She’s going to be very weak and depending on you to help her.” she whispered. Sidney nodded and the doctor walked away. No one moved for a moment before Maddie came up to Sidney.
“Come on. Let’s go, Sid. You heard her. We can go see her now.” Maddie’s voice was light and airy. He nodded and let her take his hand, pausing to look up at everyone else. He seemed so lost.
“You need to see her, Sidney.” Trina said, “We’re all going to be here but you need to see her. Go.”
“Listen to your mother, Sid.” Nat added, shooing him away. I sat down with Marc and Vero and attempted to wash my mind of the images I’d seen today.
><><><><><>Sid’s POV><><><><>
I felt like I was going to pass out. Today was supposed to be a happy day. I was going to wait until tonight when everyone was opening presents. I was going to propose and everything in the world was going to be wonderful. That wasn’t so. My world was spinning. I was reeling. Maddie was pulling me down the hall towards a sight I’d never thought I’d ever see. It was something I’d never even thought would happen. I’d never conceived such a thing in my worst nightmares. And I felt my heart beat slow down. I was dizzy and sick to my stomach. My head was pounding from all the racing thoughts I’d been having, every worry. And the doctor’s words were ringing in my ears. ‘Assaulted…. Unconscious……. Rape kit……. Blood loss…….’
“Sid?” Maddie’s voice managed to break through all the racing thoughts I was having. She stopped me in front of the door, letting go of my hand even though it was probably the only thing keeping me in my right mind.
“Yeah..?” I whispered through a raspy voice. I’d been crying for three hours straight. I knew I had to look nearly as bad as I felt. I was so far gone.
“You should go first. I love Bernie but you love her more.” she said, hand on the cold metal door. I took a deep breath, unsure that I wanted to see what was beyond it. She gave me no chance to think, pushing it open. I forced my feet forward but didn’t turn towards the bed, listening instead to the dripping of the IV, the beeping of the heart monitor.
Finally I took a held breath that I’d been holding since I’d gotten here and turned. I almost fell over. She was on three different Ivs, a heart monitor was watching her slow steady pulse. I could see, uncovered from the blankets, was the bloodied bandage they were using to cover her stitches. And yet when I looked up at her face she looked so pale and fragile, almost dead though I knew for a fact she was alive. A large black and blue mark covered her right cheek. I cringed, imagining how painful that had to have been. I forced myself over to her side and took her hand, feeling how cold it was. I kissed it, catching the smell of her perfume. It was real. Everything was suddenly so real. It hit me like a wave. I collapsed.
I fell down on my knees and heard the ring I’d planned on giving her hit the floor. The tears I thought weren’t there were falling before I could stop them. I was still holding her hand to my head, feeling the coldness of it on my forehead. And I sobbed for what seemed like forever. At first I thought I was just crying out of fear and anguish but then it faded to joy that she was even still breathing. When I’d finally cried all my tears away I stood up and realized that Maddie had come in and was sitting on the other side of the bed from me. She was crying but made no sounds, running her hands back through Bernie’s hair. Suddenly she cracked a half hearted smile and looked over at me, confusing me to no end. Her voice was weak and pleasant as she looked back down at Bernie, looking peaceful as if sleeping.
“And even unconscious she’s still prettier than me.” she whispered in solemn joking. I felt myself attempt a smile that didn’t come off as I’d planned but she knew what it was. We sat in silence for a moment and I collected myself, reaching my hand out and brushing her bangs out of her eyes, feeling how cold the rest of her was. I cringed inward but took a deep breath, pushing out a strong front. I knew she needed strength. I couldn’t force it into her but I could at least make it felt around her.
“Sid, do you want me to let everyone else in?” Maddie asked, voice quiet and still. She seemed to be the calmest. Maybe she knew something I didn’t, I wasn’t sure.
“Huh… oh yeah…. Uhm…. Yeah…. Sure..” I replied softly, confused by my own voice. Maddie got up but I didn’t move, holding her hands for any sign that she knew I was there. That she knew I was here for her. I heard Marc, Vero and Marc’s parents come in first and Vero sobbing into Marc’s chest. Mario, Nat, Stephie and Lauren came in and all of them were in tears. Taylor came but had to leave, too distraught to stay. Dad came in and sat with me but didn’t say anything, just offering support. Max, Kris and Geno were all in it for the long hall and cried to themselves for a while, sitting across the room. Jordan sat with Maddie on the other side of the bed, watching everyone in what seemed to be frozen shock. Godsy was standing in the corner talking to Jess and Paul. And finally as everyone seemed to calm into thoughtfulness, Mario came over and sat down beside me, running a hand over my back.
“Her parents are coming in tonight with her brothers. We’re heading home. Do you need anything?” he asked, voice as somber as I’d ever heard. I shook my head and he hugged me. “Just call us if you need anything Sidney. We’re coming back tomorrow. Lauren and Steph wanted to stay. I told them it was your choice.”
“I don’t care if they do.” I said quietly, “It’s up to them.” I felt him nod and get up. Mario, Nathalie, Austin and Alexa left then, leaving the team and my family. Mom left with Mario and Nathalie, taking Taylor with her; who was in shambles. Marc and Geno’s parents left soon after, all of them completely in shock. Maddie had gone back to her room with her parents and it was soon just the team and my dad. It was silent for a long time with only the quiet crying of Vero to punctuate breaths. Finally someone broke the silence.
“How could this happen.” Geno whispered through his accent and rough voice. I shivered. I didn’t really want to face that question.
“Who would do such a fucking cold hearted thing! She’s the sweetest girl!” Max exclaimed in a rage.
“Who would do something so terrible to her on Christmas.” Marc whispered, voice as squeaky as Vero’s.
“And we have a game tomorrow. We have to face that.” Godsy said thoughtfully, just as heartbroken as I knew everyone else was.
“I’m sure Dany will forgive us if we’re a bit off our game.” Kris said, thoroughly shaken.
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep tonight….” Jordan whispered finally. He was the only one who hadn’t spoken. Maybe because he’d been the first to see her, I wasn’t sure. He was definitely not himself anymore. Something inside him had changed, shifted. I looked across the bed at him and he was pale, eyes dull.
“You’ll sleep. You won’t rest but you’ll sleep.” My dad’s voice echoed in the silence. We were all silent again for a long time until Kris and Godsy moved.
“We’ll be back tomorrow. I have to go home and call my family, tell them I won’t be in after our game tomorrow.” Kris said. Godsy seemed to be thinking the same and I didn’t bother watching as they left. It was only Max, Marc, Jordan, Geno, Vero, Dad and I now. Marc and Vero excused themselves and promised to return in the morning, as did Max and Geno. It was just Jordan, dad and I. And finally my dad left, telling me to stay strong for her and letting a few tears fall down before leaving. Lauren and Steph had gone to stay in Maddie’s room and it was just Jordan and I.
I got up courage and looked Jordan in the eye. “What was it like…. I mean what did you see…….. And feel….. And what happened………” I whispered.
“It was horrifying.” Jordan said simply, still crying, “There was blood…. Soo much blood… and I was terrified and sad and it was just so…. Real. And I don’t know what happened… I just found her there. Whoever did this needs to die.”
“Yeah..” I agreed, focusing then on Bernie and how her still unconscious form lay in front of me. I knew that in a few hours I’d have to make way for Colby and her family so I savored the time I had next to her. I heard Jordan moving but only to a chair near the wall, making room for the family. He curled up but didn’t sleep, only staring out the window into the frost covered evening snow. I kissed her hand and held it tightly, feeling her pulse as I faded in and out of sleep.
The next few days were a whirlwind. Colby, Riley, and Bernie’s mother and father, Rose and Matthew, arrived that night, all crying and frustrated that they hadn’t been told what had happened. I informed them and they seemed sedated. Max, Godsy, Geno, Jordan, Kris, Marc, Mario, Nat and the kids, my family, Maddie and her family and the Staals were all visiting the next day. Tyler Yates stopped by to offer his sorrow but soon had to leave, as did Jared, Eric and Marc, Staal, all of whom had games. Ovechkin and Nikki Backstrom stopped in on their way to the game that night; a game I wasn’t attending. The rest of the guys went, along with the Lemieux’s. Maddie was discharged later that day and went home for rest, leaving mine and Bernie’s families together.
Colby and Riley had to leave for their games later in the week and it left only her parents with mine. Taylor needed to be home for school so she left too with the assurance that I’d call her when Bernie woke up; though in my mind it sounded more like if she woke up. Vero was too far gone to understand when she came so she tended to just leave flowers and go. The team and Mario’s family came back almost every day but it was short lived. Our first away game was only a day away. The bus was leaving. I hadn’t played since before Christmas. The media was asking questions. We weren’t giving answered. There was a police investigation. Rumors were flying.
And just as everything got quiet on January second I fell asleep at Bernie’s side, woken up by a cold hand on my cheek. A raspy voice was talking to me but I couldn’t make it out, still half awake. Looking up I saw a sight that was as glorious as the snow falling outside. It was five in the morning and Bernie was awake, looking at me, trying to speak.
“Shhh Shhh baby don’t say anything.” I whispered through tears, running my hands back in her hair. She quieted and laid back, slightly confused. “I’ll be right back, just stay awake, alright?” She nodded.
I called everyone from the hallway and they all started crying. My parents told Taylor and I heard her squealing with happiness. I called her parents and they said they’d be over straight away. Colby broke down sobbing on the phone, as did Riley and most of the team. Jordan seemed relieved beyond belief and passed out before putting down the phone. I called Mario and he informed everyone else, in tears. Maddie was ecstatic and insisted on coming as soon as she could. Ovie and Nikki were just as relieved as the Staals. And as I finished up I felt the relief washing over me.
Going back in the room I saw that she was still awake. I hadn’t been dreaming. And I took a deep, long, breath.
<><><><><>Bernie’s POV><><><><
I was sore all over and confused. In more pain than I’d ever been in. Covered in more wires than I’d ever seen. I could hear my heart monitor and I moved but felt the pain shooting up my side from where I’d been cut. Memories of what had happened flooded me. I sobbed while Sidney was out of the room. He came back in and I watched him take a deep breath, unable to wipe my tears. He rushed over and sat down, crying but not for the same reasons. I was terrified. Shaking. He was crying because I was alive, I knew. His hands found mind and I felt the need to pull away, and did so, causing confusion to cross his face. Every time he touched me I felt scared. Scared that Jeremy would come back. That he’d find me. He’d find Sidney.
“Baby, what’s the matter?” he asked, running his hand through my hair. It felt wonderful to be with him but I jumped away when I heard Jeremy in my head.
“I can’t….. I can’t tell you…… I just……… leave.” I finally resolved, looking away from him. I could feel the change in his mood immediately. He was confused and sad.
“But, Bernie…” he started.
“Leave!” I half yelled at him. As soon as he got up I pulled him back, suddenly more terrified of him leaving. I’d pulled him harder than intended and he collapsed down in the chair he’d been sitting in, almost toppling it over.
“What’s the matter with you?” he asked, suddenly more worried than insistent on listening to me. I was crying now, harder than he was and I held onto his hand for life.
“I don’t want to be alone….” I whimpered, feeling helpless, “Just don’t leave…. Please…”
“I won’t leave. I’ll never leave.” he promised, kissing my hand. I accepted him this time and he helped me sit up so that I could talk and take a drink. I never let go of his hand. Everyone flooded in to see me but I never once let go of his hand. He made me feel safe from everything. I hugged my brothers and my mom, crying with them. I cried again when the Lemieux’s came and more when I talked to the team but I tried my best not to let go of Sidney. And when everything finally got quiet that night after the nurse had changed my bandages I got to talk to him. He was still crying.
“Sidney.” I whispered, earning his attention in a split second. I wiped his face with a finger and his head fell into my touch.
“Hmm?” he asked, trying to stop crying. I attempted to crack a smile but failed. He smiled widely though and kissed my head. “What?”
“I’m really scared.” I managed, not being able to hide my fear from him. He became defensive and held me closely.
“Why? What are you afraid of? I’m here.” he whispered, watching me. I was shaking now.
“I know you’re here now. I’m afraid of what’ll happen when you leave.”
“But I’m not leaving. I love you baby. I’ll stay here and skip games and be here until you think it’s okay for me to leave.” he assured me, “I promise.”
“And I’m scared of…. Him.” I said, very scared.
“Zack?” Sid said the name as if he was spitting on someone filthy. I shook my head no, taking him off guard.
“Zack’s a creeper but he doesn’t scare me.” I told him, “Not anymore.”
“Then…. Who? Didn’t Zack do this to you.” he whispered, running his hand over my stomach.
“No.” I said, shocked that I was finally coming to this realization, “No…. Jeremy did.”
“Jeremy? Who is that?” Sid asked, confused.
“Zack’s brother.” I said, shaking harder. Sidney held me to him and kissed my head.
“Shhhh shhhh. It’s alright. He won’t get you. The police are trying to catch him. He won’t ever touch you again. I’ll be here.” he said, running his hand through my hair. I took solace in his strength and hugged him back for the first time since he’d been here. And he took it well, holding on to me until I was ready to let go. Until he was ready to let go. Even then he didn’t back away far and for that I was grateful. I leaned forward and kissed him; not just because I loved him but because I could do it by choice. I wasn’t being forced. Sidney would never force me to do anything and he took it slowly, not kissing me too deeply. I deepened it and felt a sudden renewed sense of life. Sighing as I backed away I closed my eyes, letting all the things I’d been worrying about fade back to the backdrop so that I could think more like myself.
“I love you.” I whispered, feeling Sidney’s lips on my hand.
“I love you so much, Bernie.” he answered, “So much.”
“How long was I asleep?” I asked, suddenly trying to be more like myself. I wasn’t about to let this stop me from living. I was still terrified and still healing but I had to move on. It was what was best. I’d had my time for pitying myself and now I was done. Time to move on. Sidney was here. The team was here. My family was here.
“You’ve been unconscious since Christmas.” he whispered, voice cracking “Today’s the third.”
“That long?” I asked, feeling dizzy.
“Yeah.” he whispered, “I was so worried about you…” he started. I knew that he needed to talk to me so I listened. He’d always listened to me. “When you didn’t show up for dinner I just thought you were late or something had come up but when Jordan showed up with Mischa…… he was covered in your blood. I didn’t know what had happened. I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t even know which way was up. I was sick to my stomach and I cried the whole time I was here. I never left your side. Never. You were so fragile and weak. I was trying to be strong for everyone, for Maddie and for you. But every time I was alone I was crying.”
“Sid…” I started, stopping as he continued.
“I was crying for you and for the fact that no one could tell me whether you were going to live. And I realized then that I didn’t want to be without you. I never want to be without you. And I was praying and crying for days. I held your hand when I slept so that I knew your heart was still beating. You got warmer and it made me feel better but you still didn’t wake up. The doctors said you might have brain damage from blood loss. I didn’t care. I just wanted you to wake up so that I could see those beautiful hazel green eyes and tell you that I loved you.” he finished, now in tears. I wiped them away from his face and ran my hand back through his hair. I pulled him with little effort into my chest and held him to me, listening to him sobbing.
“Sid I know you were here while I was asleep. It doesn’t matter that you were crying because I would’ve been too. You don’t have to be strong for me, you just have to be you.” I said before violently coughing from the pain I was feeling under my stitches. “I know you were here because I could hear you while I was unconscious. I heard everything that you said,” More coughing, “And you don’t need to tell me that you love me because I already know. I love you too.” and then I kept coughing. I couldn’t stop. A nurse came in and bid quiet hello to Sid before marking my chart and telling me to lay back down and rest.
“You shouldn’t be so about just yet. You’re going to feel weak for a while but if everything goes as to plan you should be able to leave by Tuesday.” Joycee said. I nodded, taking a few deep breaths while Sidney wiped his eyes with tissues she’d brought him.
And I blanked out for a while after that, remembered only Sidney talking to me. I couldn’t hear him while I slept this time but I could hear all the things he’d been saying to me while I was unconscious. All those prayers and kind words and hopeful thoughts and silent discussions he seemed to only be having with himself. I woke up the next morning to find Sidney asleep and I let him sleep for a while. He was so exhausted.
The next few days were for observations and recovery. Maddie came to visit and jumped me as soon as she saw that I was awake. The team came by to see if Sidney wanted to leave. I told him he should get out and change, get a shower maybe and some food but he refused, at least until the team had gone. Kissing me, he gave me my phone and told me to text him if I felt afraid. I agreed but felt a little calmer and less jumpy now. I still felt extremely violated and I was still in pain but it would take time.
Joycee came after a while and sat down with me, silent for a few minutes before I finally asked the obvious question. “Why are you here?”
“I’m here to give you more information on what happened. I have a feeling you obviously know what happened before you came here but everything after has been kept in secret.” she said self assuring, “I’m here to tell you what happened.”
“Well?” I asked, drinking some of my juice quietly.
“Well the wound,” she started, gesturing easily to my side which was aching particularly hard today, “didn’t just let out blood. The knife scrapped your lung, liver and stomach. And we fixed all that. And after taking a rape kit we scraped your uterus for any eggs that could’ve been fertilized. We took two. Both were from the attack and we were certain from your parents and brothers that this was the best thing to do.”
“Thank you.” I said gratefully. The thought of Jeremy’s demon spawn growing inside me made me sick.
“However….” she started, unsure of how to attack the next topic that was crossing her mind.
“However…?” I asked, more curious than scared.
“We’re uncertain of how you’ll be able to handle baring children now. There was a lot of trauma. We’re not sure if you’ll ever have kids.” she whispered. I dropped the glass and it smashed on the floor along with all the hopes I’d ever had of having children. Uncertainty. They were unsure? How could they be unsure? They were professionals. Obviously she saw my shock and touched my arm gently, “I’m sorry.” I couldn’t speak.
I passed out and woke up only after Sidney came to back that night but I couldn’t speak as he told me about his day. I was too deep in thought. He didn’t seem to notice too much. I’d been a little iffy the last few days anyways. Nothing out of the ordinary. And even as he slept I couldn’t. I was fearing his reaction. I was fearing the worst. And I felt the pain numb me out and I finally got some rest.
The next day I was aloud to go home. It was Friday. There was an away game the next day. Sid had been requested for a press conference this morning about my attack but had turned them down in favor of taking me home instead. He brought me my Penguins sweats and one of his long RBK shirts that was really loose on me. I’d worn it to bed a few times. I cringed at that thought. I still hadn’t told him. And he smiled as I asked him to help me get dressed and did so gingerly. I enjoyed the feeling of his skin on mine but was still scared.
He took me out into the cold air swiftly but moved as slowly as he could, noticing the cringing in my face when I took a hard step. I got into his Range Rover and was thankful for the warm air. We warmed ourselves for a moment before he asked the obvious question.
“Do you want to go home?” he asked quietly, hands on the wheel, looking forward, “You can stay with me if you want to. I don’t mind it.”
“No no. I want to go home. I have to face it.” I whispered, warming my hands before hearing a mewing sound from the back seat. Mischa stretched and jumped into my lap, licking me.
“Alright. But I have to impose on you then.” he said, suddenly joking with me, “I’m not letting you by yourself, babe.”
“I wouldn’t go home if I thought you wanted to leave me alone.” I answered, petting Mischa’s head as he pulled out and towards my house. We got there in a few minutes, still quiet and as Sid helped me up the drive I felt an impending dread with each step. We stopped at the door and I kissed him out of sheer need for comfort. He hugged me and pulled me through the door. Everything was moved. I could tell my mother had been there. It was very clean and neat. A note was stuck to the drawers on the cabinet but I didn’t read it. I walked through the house with Sidney behind me, holding his hand as I peaked into each room. And finally I came to the guest room. I couldn’t bring myself to push the door open on my own so Sidney helped. I was afraid I’d see Jeremy but instead I saw clean sheets, a clean floor. Everything was fixed like nothing had happened there. And I let out a held breath.
Sidney’s arms slid around my waist and it was familiar. It was wonderful. I leaned into him and we stood together for a moment until I felt a warm tear drop hit my shirt. I looked over to see Sidney crying.
“Baby, stop crying.” I whispered, turning around in his arms, “Stop crying. It’s the past now. It’s over.”
“Yeah but I can’t believe it. It’s surreal. You’re the nicest girl. I just don’t understand who would do….” and I stopped him with a finger to his lips. Wiping away his tears I gave him a kiss and cuddled up in his chest.
“It’s in the past now. You’re here and nothing can happen to me. Stop crying Sidney.” I told him quietly. He kissed my head and eventually regained normal breathing. We went back into the kitchen and eventually had some tea, watching a movie before I went to sleep with Sidney finally at my side, arm lightly across me. Sidney skipped the next game and news came that they were close to catching Jeremy. It was a relief. He was far away, Canada.
The next day there was a home game that I forced Sidney to go to, though they wouldn’t allow me to come in. I stayed with Nathalie and even though I still felt safe it was strange not having Sidney to curl up next to on the couch while I watched the game. I watched quietly with Lauren, Stephie, Austin and Alexa all around me and they seemed more solemn than I was. Sidney made the first goal but instead of celebrating, he stood still and glanced up towards the top of the arena. I felt my heart strings pull. He’d made that for me. Everyone played harder and was more aggressive and we won our game with an overwhelming 15-2 against the Caps. I’d been told that even at practice all this time they’d been more aggressive, finding it hard to focus their anger into plays. But they’d channeled it. And they were doing wonderfully.
My hand found my necklace as I grew tired and fell asleep, not able to stay awake until Sidney got home. I was notified after he came home the next day that Jeremy had been found. A trail date was set for February first. I felt nervous. But Sidney was there to reassure me that it’d be alright. And the never ending stream of texts, emails, phone calls and visits kept me busy enough to be a distraction. It came around to be January thirtieth and I was in the car with Sid, quietly going back to the hospital for a check up.
He stopped in the waiting room and headed off after giving me a kiss to see Maddie, who’d been readmitted for another bout with the cold she’d had over Christmas. I headed off to the exam room and Joycee met me at the door.
“How are you feeling today, Bernie?” she asked as she closed the blinds to the room and shut the door. I slid my shirt off so she could see my stitches and the wound, which had healed very nicely.
“I’ve felt better. Still hurts a lot. And I can’t do too much yet. Wishing I would’ve locked that door.” I said, a little thoughtful and condescending. She looked cross with me for a minute, as if a mother scorning her daughter, but she shook it off and smiled.
“It’s not your fault. Don’t be blaming yourself.” she whispered, “That boy has another thing coming to him in the next life. And he’s never welcome here.”
“Good to hear.” I said quietly as she ran her cold fingers up my side. I shivered a little and then cringed from the pain of moving quickly. I’d learned to move slowly over the last weeks and Sidney often had to help me get up or move a certain way. He seemed fine with it but I felt horrible for having to be a burden. I was so used to be independent. Having to depend on him so much made me feel like a leach.
“Well the good news is that your stitches can come out today, Bernie.” she said, voice excited. She quickly went to get the scissors and cut the end, pulling slowly. It was an odd feeling, the stitches coming out. I’d felt it many times before but never on such a large scale. After she was done she bandaged me back up and gave me some pills to take. “But the bad news is..”
“Don’t even tell me.” I said, a little hurt from the last time we’d talked.
“You don’t even know what I’m going to tell you.” she said sarcastically, tapping my nose. “I was going to tell you that we were looking over some of your tests and what not from the last month and we’ve figured out that there’s a 5% chance you can have kids.” My heart jumped. “We’re not sure and it’s just optimism but the main doctor said you won’t be able to. I’m not sure he’s right.”
“Well, thanks. I guess.” I said, thoughtfully as I looked down towards the scar that was covering my side like a bad tattoo. It made me feel tainted, used. I looked back up and saw Joycee smiling.
“And the best news. You’re a go for sex.” she joked, nudging me. We laughed for a moment but her pager went off and she rushed away, leaving me to put on my shirt and leave. I met Sidney in Maddie’s room and she looked very happy to see me, if not a little weaker than the last time she’d visited me at home.
“Hi Mads!” I said happily, hugging her gingerly. She tried to squeeze me but failed earning a laugh.
“Hi Bernie! How are you? Did you get your stitches out?” She asked, sitting up in bed and smiling widely, lighting up the room.
“Mmmhmmm.” I said happily, sitting down easily next to Sid, who put his arm around my back robotically. His touch always seemed to calm me down a little. Maddie smiled wider.
“Can I see?” her voice seemed more timid and a little less prodding; “You can see my scar from when I got my appendix out if you want.”
“Haha, we can be scar buddies.” I told her, lifting my shirt up a little so that the large, still reddened scar was visible to her. It hurt a little bit but I chose not to show her the higher part of it, which was still bandaged and black and blue. She smiled and showed me a small x shaped scar on her stomach.
“Yep.” she said gently, coughing a little harder than I’d ever heard her. She lay back down and I heard the door open.
“Ready for chemo, Maddie?” Joycee said, smiling as she saw Sidney and I at her bedside.
“Have I ever really been ready to throw up?” Maddie asked sarcastically, smiling as Joycee put up the safety and began to take Maddie away. She threw a gaze back at us before leaving the room for chemo. We sat quietly, staring at the empty space where the bed had been for a moment, just thinking.
“So, how’d it go?” Sid asked, kissing my head finally. I smiled and leaned into his chest, hearing the deafening silence that was filling the room.
“It went well. Stitches got taken out. Got told I’m okayed for sex.” I joked, listening to the pleasant rumble of laughter filling his chest. I suddenly felt a fear for a second. Would he still even want me if he knew? He’d always said he’d wanted kids. I didn’t know I could provide that. I took a sudden deep breath and he jumped, surprised.
“You okay?” he asked quickly, tensing up. I nodded and let out the breath. I needed to stop worrying.
“Yeah. Yeah. Just a little tired. I think I need a nap.” I whispered, yawning. He smiled and helped me stand up. Another strike on the dependency board.
“I think I could go for a nap before the game.” he replied quietly, lacing his fingers in mine tightly. I smiled unconsciously. Sidney had been with me every single day since I’d woken up. He’d left but always called and texted between when he got time. I’d gotten flowers more than once and he always brought something home for me.
Everyone else had sent me things too. Vero and Marc had taken me out to dinner and a movie one day, joking about cannibals all night after ‘Hannibal‘. Kris and Geno took me ice skating for the first time after… well, afterwards, and I’d done pretty well. The cold did me good. Max and Godsy took it upon themselves to play rockband with me when I was bored. I owned them every time but I think they were letting me win. Maddie and Jess had gone shopping with me and Lauren one day. Steph, Alexa and Austin had asked me to help them with a few things in school. And Jordan. Well, Jordan had pretty much done everything he could. He called every day to see how I was doing, came over most nights to help out. We’d gone to the coffee shop down the street a few times and to dinner a bunch more. Since Sidney had a lot of things to do now and then Jordan spent his free time with me, laughing when I’d beat him at Monopoly.
We got home a few minutes after we’d left the hospital and I couldn’t stay awake for very long. Almost as soon as I laid down I was out cold. Sidney didn’t go to sleep right away but when I woke up an hour later he was beside me in a cold sweat, tossing and turning. I sat up and looked over, watching him and wondering what he was dreaming; well until he started talking.
“Why the fuck…..?” he started, surprising me. He never swore. Well almost never. “You can’t… no! Don’t! Dear God……….. Don’t die………. Please……….. I love you………” he was dreaming about me. It was, sweet and sort of odd. He’d never had nightmares before. That’d always been me. I put my hand on his and laced our fingers, leaning down to him.
“I’m not going to die, Sidney. I’m right here.” I whispered. He seemed surprised to hear me but didn’t wake up.
“But you’re………..” he started. I kissed his hand.
“I’m right here. Just wake up, Sidney.” I started, running my hand over his forehead, “Wake up.”
“I’m awake…” he whispered, still asleep.
“Wake up.” I said again more quietly. A tear fell down his face and his eyes opened up a little, glancing over at me. I smiled gently at him and he seemed grateful to have me there. For just a split second I caught sight of that far off fear that had been plaguing his dreams. He’d really thought I was dying. I was alive though, alive and well; if not just a little worse for wear after Christmas.
“You’re alive..” he said, seeming a little surprised.
“As I’ll ever be.” I answered with a grin. He smirked and sat up, running his hands over his face and through his hair, shaking his head.
“I had a dream that you were dying..” he told me, not shaking but seeming a little shaken.
“Well I’m alive.” I replied, “It’s a miracle!”
“No, you don’t understand.” he whispered, seeming a little frustrated with himself. I raised an eyebrow. “I had a dream you were dying but you were having a baby.” I felt my heart stopping.
“Well I’m not having a baby, Siddy.” I said, “No morning sickness for me. I’m going to be fine.”
“Yeah, yeah I know.” he said, shaking it off. He turned and kissed me lightly, making my heart start up again.
“Now you have a game to get ready for, don’t you?” I asked, getting up and walking into the bathroom to fix my messy hair. I heard him laugh.
“I hate it that you make me leave you.” he said, walking in behind me. I smirked and looked at him in the mirror, he was smiling just as wide.
“I didn’t say I wasn’t coming.” I said deviously, watching his face twist into a contorted smile somewhere between distain and happiness.
“But you’re not suppose to be back to work until next week.” He said quietly, watching me carefully in the mirror. I glanced back for a moment as I brushed the increasing static out of my hair and caught his beautiful chocolate brown eyes. For a second I paused, watching him staring back at me before he moved again and felt free to continue on changing into his suit. He was wearing one of the suits he’d gotten for Christmas; a gift from my parents. It was grey with some silvery pinstripes and it had always reminded me of my brothers getting dressed up for their hockey games, some of which I’d gone to as a kid. He slid on his tie and finally looked up, noticing that I’d stopped getting ready to watch him. A pleasant smile crossed his face and he slid up behind me, latching on to my waist. I leaned back into him and smiled.
“But I wasn’t supposed to get my stitches out until next week either. Dany said that when they came out I could come back to work and I planned on sticking to it. I can’t just sit around here forever. Besides, you’re always complaining that I can’t come with you and now I can.” I replied, “I can’t just sit here and do nothing. I’m just not happy with that. I’ve drawn a million pictures and finished everything in the way of errands for weeks. Months even. I’ve got nothing else to do. I’m going out of my mind.”
“I still don’t think you should go. I mean you just got them out today. Are you sure you’re gonna be okay to deal with coming back tonight?” he asked, holding me closer and leaning his head down on my shoulder, not looking up at me in the mirror. I put my hands on his and watched him for a second, trying to make him feel more comfortable with the idea. I don’t think it worked.
“Sid, I’ll be fine. If I don’t feel well Gilles will take me home. You worry too much, babe.” I said as calmly as I could. He tried to force himself to smile but I saw through it to the worry inside. Mentally I was spinning. He was such a wonderful guy. How had I found him?
“Whatever you say ma fille douce.” And with that he kissed my cheek and left the bathroom to go and make himself some pre-game cappuccino. I finished up and got dressed, not in my normal game day apparel but in some black Penguins pants I usually slept in and a loose RBK shirt that Sidney had left for me when he’d left for his first away game after my rape. I couldn’t believe it’d already been a month. I still lived in fear. Everyday was a massive struggle. I found myself looking over my shoulder as I walked down the street and hearing words that no one had said from seemingly no where every day. I felt crazy but knew it was just paranoia.
“Baby?” Sidney asked as I stared into space after stopping halfway into the kitchen.
“Hmm?” I replied, trying my best to cover my tracks. He didn’t buy it. Standing up, he came over and held me for a minute, silence enough to assure me that everything was as it should be.
“He’s never going to touch you again.” he whispered into my ear. That was all it took for me to have a sudden break down. The tears came without even blinking. I felt silly for a minute until Sid’s arms tightened around me. I was feeling weak and found it suddenly hard to stand. It was only the second time I’d ever felt weak in my life.
“Sidney I’m scared.” I managed, burying my face in Sidney’s chest. He held me just as tightly, never loosening his grip.
“I know, baby, I know.” he said, voice comforting and understanding. “I’m scared too.” He caught me by surprised with that one. I pulled back and glanced up, wiping my tears with one hand. I was still self conscious.
“What’re you scared of?” I whispered, watching his eyes and noticing them get increasingly watery.
“I’m scared about you going to trial. I’m scared every time I leave you. I’m scared of losing you. And of something else happening. And of going to sleep and waking up without you in my field of vision. I’m just…. I’m scared of everything anymore. I don’t ever want to see you in the hospital again.” he told me. I listened as his voice wavered up and down. He was forcing back tears. Pulling him closer, I buried my face in his chest again.
“I’m scared of him, Sidney. I’m scared of what’s going to happen when I see him again. I’m scared of what’ll happen if his brother ever sees me again.” I finally confessed, instantly feeling better that I had. One thing stilled weighed on my conscious but it could wait.
“Jeremy will never come near you. And when you see him next he’ll be in cuffs behind a desk with his lawyers. You don’t even have to have him in the room when you testify. The judge already said you didn’t have to be there if you couldn’t handle it. It’ll be okay.” he whispered, trying his best to put up that strength I’d been using as a rock for the last few days. He was faltering, just as I was, but at least we were both faltering together.
“But if I don’t show up he’ll think he won. He’ll know I’m scared. I can’t let him win, Sidney. He doesn’t deserve the satisfaction.” I said finally strong enough to make myself clear. My tears had stopped now. I listened as a dry laugh filled his chest.
“You’re stronger than I’d ever be about this.” he told me, still sort of laughing to himself nervously, “I’m envious of you, babe.”
“I’m envious of your job so I guess it evens out.” I joked, earning a read laugh from him. He pulled away and kissed me, smiling.
“You are amazing.” his voice was straight as I could be after forcing down tears and sorrow. I smiled and kissed him again.
“Yes. But only because I’ve got someone like you around to learn from.” I said quietly, watching him wrinkle his nose at me. Giggling softly I laid my head back down on his chest, feeling his arms tighten around me again like a straight jacket. “And now, after all this, we have to go to the game.”
Another hearty laugh from him as he swept me up into his arms in a one fluid motion, carrying me to the couch. “You’re still insisting on going back?”
“I don’t want to be alone, Sidney. I want to be with my friends and I want to watch you win one in person.” I said, trying to be insistent though that pleading look in his eyes was beginning to get me. “I want to go back to my job, Sid. I love having time off but I’d rather be busy so I don’t have time to think this over any more than I already have.”
He wavered, stopping halfway through putting me down on the couch. Picking me back up and holding me close to his chest I listened as his heart beat. His mind was racing. I could tell by the look in his eyes. It was far away and glassy. “I didn’t really think about it like that.” he started, looking down into my eyes, “Maybe this’ll be good for both of us. You can stop thinking about what happened and I can stop thinking about what could be happening.”
I nodded and he put me down gently, trying his best not to hurt me. I held in the cringe when my feet touched the ground and my bruise brushed his arm. “Thank you, Sidney.”
“Don’t thank me.” he said, smiling, “Thank the fact that I’ll never be able to fight with those eyes.” We laughed and he laced our fingers as we headed outside for the first time since he’d taken me to Mario’s for the game. Mischa jumped ship from the couch and into my purse, peaking her head out from inside and mewing. She’d become closer to me and had never been more than a foot away at all times. I’d nearly been licked to death when I’d come back from Mario’s house. She was ten months old now. She’d be a year March 16th. Surprisingly she hadn’t gotten too much bigger and she was still just a little runt. I’d been worried and taken her to the vet but he’d said nothing was wrong, she was just a little small. That was fine with me.
We made it to the Mellon early, as we always had before and I opened my door, stopping when I noticed Sidney’s hesitation. “You’re not rethinking letting me come, are you?” I asked quietly, looking over at him sideways.
“No. No no, I want you here.” he started, smiling a little from the corners of his mouth, “But I’m worried about the media and stuff. They’ve been all over my case since Christmas about you. I don’t want them to overwhelm you with questions. They’re sharks.”
“I’ll be fine, Sidney. I have you and Dany and the team. Speaking of, none of them know I’m coming back. That’ll be interesting.” I said optimistically, earning a laugh and a smile from Sidney as he hopped out of the Range Rover and walked around to my door, pushing it open and staring in at me.
“You’ve got no idea how happy they’ll be. They’ve been killing themselves to do their best and they’ve got so much anger at Jeremy that they’d be willing to kill someone if they got in their way. They’ll be ecstatic.” And as soon as he’d finished he picked me up out of the car and held me over his head, kissing me with a fire that could’ve burned me. I heard Mischa mewing but I was too busy trying to not get that butter flying dizzying effect as he put me down and stared down into my soul.
“I love you.” I said happily, earning a laugh as he touched noses with me.
“I love you too.” he answered, turning and pulling me away from the car just slowly enough that I could grab Mischa and shut the door. Mischa was quiet in thought as we walked through the back entrance and down the almost silent hallways to the locker room. I’d never heard it this quiet before in my life. And out of the nothingness silence that was starting to deafen me, I heard a quiet mumbling. It sounded kinda like Jordan talking to himself. And when we got closer I realized that it was.
“Dear God, I come to you and pray that Bernie heals quickly and the emotional scars aren’t as painful as the physical ones. I hope she comes back soon and everything falls back into the norm. I hope she and Sidney get to have all the time in the world together. I just want her happy and safe and I want Jeremy to rot. Amen.” and his voice silenced. Sidney had stopped in front of me, just behind the doorway where Jordan’s voice was coming from. I looked around and realized that it was my office. I pulled on Sidney’s hand and he turned around, looking a little worried. I kissed him gently and he smiled, backing away slowly.
“What was that for?” he whispered softly, trying to be as quiet as he could. It made me feel like we were sneaking around. Made me feel dangerous. I liked it.
“I’m not sure. You just seemed like you deserved it.” I replied, smiling gently as he leaned his forehead on mine, “It was for being there for me.”
“You’re welcome.” he said, “I’ll go in first, act like your not here. You can come in whenever you want.” I nodded and he kissed me one more time, walking away like nothing was going on though if anyone looked into his eyes they’d see that spark that I’d seen a few seconds ago.
I waited for a minute, trying to compose myself before turning the corner with Mischa into my office. Jordan was still there, standing in the middle of what kind of reminded me of my hospital room. There were flowers in vases all over the place. A large stack of cards were all over my desk and some letters were sitting beside it. Jordan wasn’t facing me but he was putting a few flowers inside a vase on top of my filing cabinet. I was too busy counting the vases to realize what the flowers were.
There were enough vases all around to have one for every person on the team. I could almost pick out whos were whos. Max had gotten me roses since I’d first started work and a large vase on my other cabinet was over flowing with pink and yellow roses. Marc had daffodils in his. I knew Sidney’s because it had just about everything with a red rose in the middle.
Finally I tore my eyes away from that to see Jordan leaning down on the cabinet, head on his arm. Everything got quiet for a minute until his labored shallow breathing became louder. I felt a twinge of heartache for him. And out of the silence, Mischa decided to make our prescience known.
“Mew!!” she screeched, popping up out of my bag. Jordan turned quickly, startled and frozen as soon as his eyes met mine. We stopped for a moment, staring each other down. I watched all the little tears falling down his face and felt horrible. Finally, after all that sorrowful staring a smile cracked his face. I couldn’t help it and smiled back.
“It’s nice seeing you, Jordy.” I commented, a happy tone ringing out through the quiet office. Everything tonight seemed abnormally silent. I wondered if this is how it’d been since I was gone. Jordan seemed at a loss for many words so he just took three steps to me and hugged me tightly into his chest.
“Oh you have no idea how wonderful it is seeing you back here.” he told me, crying into my neck, “I can’t believe you’re back. Are you sure you’re alright? Nothing’s wrong? You don’t need to sit down, do you?” he said, asking a trillion questions at once. Suddenly in worried mode.
“Jordy, Jordy, calm down. I’m fine, I promise. Nothing’s wrong. I don’t need to sit down. You’d think I’d been in a horrifying car crash and lost a leg the way you’re talking.” I joked managing to break the thin ice we were on and listened to my reward, a laugh. It was happy and pure and my heart pounded happily as I listened to him.
“I’m just concerned. You weren’t suppose to be back until next week.” he managed, still laughing, “I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You don’t have to work until then either. You could just stay and watch.”
“Jordan. I’m here. I’m alive. I’m fine. I’ll work because I can.” I assured him, looking over his face and seeing that clear worry creasing those lines under his eyes; the dark circles under his eyes seemed almost as permanent as the deep blue color in his eyes. “I don’t have to go out and play hockey. I’ll be fine. Just do something for me.”
“Hmm?” he asked, obviously already eager to do whatever I asked him. I felt suddenly in control of anything. And something important floated into my mind.
“Come to my trial.” I told him. His eyes hardened and he nodded furiously, seeming a lot more angry than he had before. But it was far off anger, and anger not towards me.
“Done.” he said, “I have to go get ready, though. Are you coming into the locker room.”
“Yeah.” I answered, following him out after a pause. I could already feel my heart racing. I’d been ready to see the team all together and be back in my home atmosphere for more than a month and a half. This was like getting presents on Christmas. Jordan went around the corner first but I stopped, taking in a deep breath. I felt like it was my first day on the job all over again. I was suddenly more nervous than I’d ever been before. And it was a wonderful butterfly feeling.
Finally, I took that long lonely few steps around the doorway and into the silenced locker room. Everyone was going about their business without speaking. It was more quiet than ever. Usually there would be laughter or a playful spat but it was silent as death. Now I could understand why Sidney had had so much time to brood over what could’ve been happening while he was here. I made contact with his eyes and they shined as he smiled while putting on his skates.
I cleared my throat lightly, silently as I could. “Well, it’s nice to see everyone’s excited about tonight’s game, eh?” I said, trying to keep my voice happy and flowing as I smiled, looking around at everyone. All of their heads snapped up and they found me standing, Mischa popping out of my pocket. I was practically mauled by Marc and Maxy, both of whom were so happy they had tears falling down their cheeks.
“Welcome back!” Max squealed happily, kissing both my cheeks and hugging me.
“Thanks, Maxy.” I replied, ruffling his hair just before Marc got hold of me. He kissed both my cheeks and my head, hugging me for a minute or so before speaking at all.
“You’re looking well. I’m glad you’re back.” he managed through his crackling vocal cords. I laughed and kissed his cheek, patting his head.
“You’re wonderful. I’m glad to be back here with you guys.” I whispered gently, trying to calm him down. He wiped his tears on his shirt as everyone else got a chance to give me a few words and welcome me back to the family. And finally Jordan came back up to me as everyone was getting dressed, now completely serene. The laughter was starting to come back slowly. There was some quiet conversation now instead of drowning silence.
“Hmmm?” I asked, sitting down as I felt a sudden straining in my side, which was still healing.
“All of us will be there Monday. No matter if we have a game or not. We’ve all decided to go to every trial date no matter what.” his voice was firm and for a second the look in his eyes almost scared me. It fell into a calm caring one and I smiled, nodding in sudden relief. I’d be surrounded by all the people who cared about me most. All of the people who would keep me safe when I saw Jeremy again.
“Thanks, Jordy.” I said softly, earning a smile.
“Anything for you, bijou.” he said, kissing my cheek before he walked away to finish getting ready. I walked away into my office, leaving Mischa with Sidney in the locker room. She seemed as excited as everyone else was to be back together again. She attacked Geno and licked him to death.
I reveled in the silence of my office and was enjoying it to no end when I heard the door open and close slowly and meticulously. I turned to see Sidney in full gear staring me down, Mischa parked on his heavily padded shoulder. I smiled a little as I turned to face my cabinet, attempting to find the papers I’d need for tonight’s game. I gave up when I realized they were in my purse. Pulling them out I turned to find Sidney, still standing with Mischa, staring at me. It was like a creeper watching his next victim.
“Yes?” I said timidly, watching his smile creep onto his face, “Can I help you, Siddy?”
“I don’t think so.” he answered easily, sighing as he put Mischa down on my chair. She curled up immediately, understanding that that’s where she should be. I couldn’t easily take her on the bench with me. Gathering all my papers I walked up to him, expecting him to move so I could leave the room. But instead he stood tall and firm in the same place, rooted to the floor.
“I kinda gotta get to my meeting, Siddy-baby.” I told him, staring up into his eyes. He smiled and kissed my softly, lips dancing with mine for a few minutes before he pulled away, smirking to himself as he moved so I could get through. I stopped, standing still for a minute as the butterflies in my stomach flew away. Walking through the door I heard it close as he followed me down the hall towards the conference room. He opened the door for me as we got there and offered me that reassuring smile as I turned the corner to see a very confused but grateful looking Mike Yeo, Gilles Meloche and Dany Bylsma.
“Bernie!” Dany exclaimed happily, standing up from the table and coming up to greet me with a warm hug, “It’s great to see you! But what’re you doing here?”
“I kinda work here, Disco.” I told him, smiling as he laughed and backed away.
“But I told you not to come back until you got your stitches out.” Mike called over, getting up and giving me a hug.
“I did get them out. I’d show you but they still kinda hurt.” I replied as Gilles kissed both my cheeks in greeting.
“When’d you get them out, bijou?” Gilles said, clearly crying. He wiped his face as everyone else grew quiet.
“Today.” Sid called in from his place in the doorway. I jumped a little, startled that he was still there.
“You are so stubborn!” Dany said in almost anger. Almost. “I told you to come back when you were completely ready.”
“But I am. I did the sheets. I’m not in that much pain. I’m not losing my mind. I’m here to do the work I was told to do.” I answered, almost unhappy that Sidney had answered him. I handed them the papers and they all glanced over them, gradually become more forgiving for my stubbornness.
“I guess it’s alright that your back. We really needed you. We’re not exactly as good with those tendencies as you are and since new kids have been coming up we’re not really sure who’s a threat.” Dany said, seeming grateful now. I smiled.
“Well I’m back and ready to learn.” I told him firmly, earning a smile from all of them.
“That’s great. But if you even so much as cringe or get sleepy you tell me and you’re going home.” Mike insisted. I nodded after a moment of staring him down. “Okay. Well it’s just about game time. Everyone out to the bench.”
And with that they filed away and I stopped with Sidney for a moment on the runway as everyone else went out. His number wasn’t until last even now. His fingers laced up with mine and I felt a calm warmth flowing down through me. It was dark but I could still see his smile.
“Intending on following me everywhere?” I asked quietly under the sounds of the announcer. He chuckled heartily and kissed me.
“Only until that son of a bitch gets locked up for life. After that I’ll just be following you when you want me around.” he explained, seeming truthful enough in his words.
“Well you’re going to have your hands full with that.” I told him, laughing as his number got closer.
“Why’s that?” four numbers away.
“Because you’ll never be able to do anything else if you’re with me every time I want you there.” three.
“That’s perfect.” two.
“Why?” one.
“Because I never want to do anything without you anyways.” he answered simply, kissing me with some force as his number was called and he dashed out onto the ice in time to skate around in the roar of applause before the lights went up and they introduced the coaches. I made it to my place on the bench just as they got done. Semi-silence.
“And look what we have here! Bernadette Armstrong, after month hiatus from work because of an assault, is back on the bench! Amazing how strong her determination to be with this team is!” I heard Dany Potash over the small tv we had sitting on the bench.
“And how close to having her stitches out, too! She can’t have had them out for more than a day or two. That’s love of your job! Talk about as tough as a hockey player!” Bob Errey commented from his place in the glass between the benches.
“She’s got some kind of strength to be here! And the team seems to be responding well to having her back. Even in warm ups they’re skating harder. It’s a treat to have her back here. The teams all back together again.” Staggy said from his place up top. I turned to see him I the box and waved a little, smiling at him. I could hear him laughing through the tv monitor. “And I see someone else who seems to be more focused! Sidney Crosby seems like he’s really working hard today.”
“We can see why, Staggy. Sid took it hard when his girlfriend of just over a year was assaulted by Jeremy Borodin. He seems in high spirits tonight, though. It’s wonderful to have such a valuable part of this team back in action. You’re looking well tonight!” Bob called over from the box. I walked across bench and wrinkled my nose at him, knowing full well that I was up on the jumbotron as well as on the tv cast.
The game started and everyone was playing hard. We were taking on the Capitals. I saw Ovie and Nikky waving over to me when they got close enough to our bench and I waved back. They were still playing their game but they were happy to see me, as I them. Geno made a goal for the first time in a week and celebrated heartily, jumping up into Kris’ arms. Jordan scored a hat trick and as we cleared hats off the ice he picked one up, pushing it down backwards on my head. I laughed, as did most everyone else on the bench but I kept it on my head all game for luck.
Nik and Ovie both made two each so it was tied four four into the third. We kept playing tough but Godsy was injured and taken out. That was a hard hit. I took care of him for a while in the locker room but came back out with him at the five minutes till the end of game mark. Sitting on the bench together he yelled out to everyone about who was coming, what was happening. And finally, with a power play to us because of a high stick, the clock was ticking to nothing. Twenty seconds. Out of nothing the buzzer went off. I saw Sidney celebrating with Chris and Billy and jumped to the front of the bench, excited to see that his dry spell had gone away. He came by and hit everyone’s hand, stopping at the end of the bench and giving me a kiss before going back out. Of course, that little stunt would be broadcast everywhere on every network for forever. But I loved him so it didn’t matter to me what he’d done.
The game ended on that note, 5-4. As everyone came off ice Ovie and Nikky took some extra time to come over to where I was, gingerly getting off ice into the locker room.
“Is wonderful to see you.” Alex said, looking into my eye through the sweat and tears that were flowing unnoticed down his face.
“It’s great to see you two, too!” I answered, smiling as I looked them over, wiping his tears. Nikky kissed my cheek and they both helped me down the runway to the Pens locker room, earning some applause from the crowd. That was sportsmanship. I hadn’t realized as I was standing on the bench just how stiff I’d gotten. I was starting to ache.
“You are feeling alright now, yes?” Nik asked through his accent. I nodded and thanked him in Swedish, watching his eyes sparkling with the happiness that I’d taken time out to learn how to speak his language.
“Thanks for helping me, guys.” I said as we reached the locker room where the whole team stood, sort of in confusion as they got undressed. I gave them each a kiss on the cheek and they walked me down to my office before leaving the locker room to go to their own. I promised I’d call them later.
It grew quieter in the locker room as I came out with my plan bag and laptop, though as soon as Sidney and Jordan saw me they snatched it off me and refused to let me carry it. They must’ve seen me half limping in pain. I was trying to be strong but they were insistent that I not do more than I could. Sidney was like a dictator, punctuated with Mischa’s mews of protest.
“The press wants to talk to you, Bernie! I didn’t know if you wanted to talk to them or not!” Dany yelled out of his office after us as we walked towards the lounge. I stopped, looking back and forth between Sidney and Jordan, both looking as though they didn’t really want me to do anything after a game like that. It’d been long and I knew they both could see how bad my side was aching.
“By press who do you mean, Dany?” I called back, watching his head pop out of the office again.
“Dan Potash and Bob Errey!” he answered easily, smiling as he slid his swivel chair back into his office. I felt thoughtful for a minute before Sidney spoke up.
“I’ll meet you in the car, babe.” his voice was quiet with knowing as Jordan started to walk out with him. Kissing my cheek, he smiled and followed along. It was wonderful how he could read my mind. I turned slowly and walked back towards where I knew they would be on ice with Iceberg. Surely enough, they were there, standing in the runway waiting for me.
“Bernie!” Dany said excitedly, hurrying over to insure that I was alright before walking back to the runway where the cameraman and Bob were standing. “How’ve you been?”
“I’ve been… stiff. And tired. Still feeling a little weak and woozy.” I said, running a hand back through my hair and feeling that sudden tipsy feeling.
“We won’t keep you long. Just a short interview for tomorrow on Sportsbeat.” Bob assured, smiling.
“Mkay. Start whenever. I’m here till I leave.” Two bright smiles and a click of a camera and we were on.
“We’re here now with returning Assistant Goaltending Coach Bernadette Armstrong. Being out for a month on leave because of being,” a nervous pause, “assaulted on Christmas by Jeremy Borodin. She was patched up from a severe knife wound and has been on leave ever since. Today’s been her first game back since her break. So, Bernie, what we want to know is, how are you? Is everything going alright on your first night back?”
“Well I think I’m fine. Got another scar to add to the long list of injuries but not bad otherwise. Tonight was a great game and I really think we played hard. Our offense was great and defensively we were perfect. It was a great game to come back to.” I answered as upbeat as I could. Bob smiled over at me and began.
“Besides all of this craziness, how’s life outside the rink? We’ve seen your relationship with Sidney draw closer as well as the friendships you’ve made with the team. Everyone seems to be receiving you well since your appointment to goaltending coach.” Bob seemed almost as happy to see me as I was to see him again in person. I couldn’t believe the reality of being back now. It was almost making me dizzy.
“Life outside this is going…. Pretty well I’d say. Sid and I just had our one year in December so everything there’s wonderful. And everyone here has really worked hard to keep me close to the action so it’s all good.” I heard the door to the runway open and saw Sidney peaking down the hall towards me. A smile pulled at my lips but I contained it, waiting to see when they were going to let me go. I was starting to feel sick.
“Well congratulations on your anniversary. And thanks for talking to us.” Dany commented, smiling as Bob patted me on the back, “And back to you, Stan.” With that the camera clicked off and I suddenly felt the sickness swirling in my stomach double. “We’ll be at your trail Monday. But for now good luck and feel better. It’s great to see you back here.”
“Thanks. It’s good to be back. I’ll see you guys later, okay?” I called over my shoulder as I walked semi dizzily down the runway to Sidney’s smiling face and took his hand.
“Ready to go home?” he asked quietly, kissing my cheek as he walked slowly out towards where I knew his car was parked. His happy energy made my stomach’s flipping calm down and I took a few deep breaths to silence the dizziness in my head. I kind of felt like the room was spinning now. Taking a shaky step outside I blinked a few times, trying to make my eyes adjust to the darkness. Somehow they wouldn’t.
“Sid…” I managed through a choked off voice. The only thing I could remember after that was falling backwards. I didn’t remember feeling the pavement hitting my head so he must’ve caught me. I woke up the next day in the hospital with Sidney at my side, still asleep. Glancing around I saw that Jordan and Mario were there, as well as Nathalie and the kids. My eyes fell on Maddie, still dressed in her hospital gown, curled up in a chair next to Jordan.
I stayed quiet as long as I could but eventually I coughed hard and felt the sharp glass of the air ripping my throat. It was enough to wake Sidney up out of a dead sleep, though he didn’t look like he’d been resting anyway.
“Bernie,” he whispered, almost crying again, “Don’t scare us like that.”
“I’m…” I started, coughing lightly, “Sorry.”
“Don’t scare me like that.” he said, running his hand back over my head and through my hair. I felt the instant coolness of his touch and savored it as he took his hand away. “You went down so hard yesterday.”
“What’s wrong with me?” I asked, staring over into his eyes and listening as the deafening silence over took the room again for a moment as his brain spun with thoughts. Surely at least a few of them were about the correct answer but he also seemed preoccupied. I knew it was the day before my trial. Maybe that was it. I knew it was, in fact.
“You have a severe fever. And Joycee told me off to the side that you had contracted an infection from the cuts Jeremy gave you. They put you on medication for it so you’ll be fine in a few days but they wanted to keep you over night to make sure you were alright. I caught you before you fell on the ground so you don’t have a concussion or anything.” he managed before a few tears escaped his now expert control. I wiped them away with the back of my hand and noticed again how cold he was, or rather how warm I was. “I’m really worried about you, babe.”
“Don’t be. I’ll be fine after this is all cleared up.” I assured him, staring into those eyes that seemed to be offering nothing to me but a semi-nervous stare.
“I’m just worried about you pushing yourself. You should be taking more time to rest and less to worry about what your missing at games. I don’t want you to hurt yourself. None of us do. Why’re you pushing yourself this hard to get back in the game?” he asked, eyes changing from nervous to curious. I sighed and finally accepted the realization I’d been throwing off for a few days now. I felt tears stinging my eyes but held them in.
“I’m just…. I don’t want to have time to think about it. I don’t want to think about what happened. I don’t want to be sitting around more than a few minutes without something to do because every time I stay still I see him. I can hear him and feel him and I just don’t ever want to again. I keep having flashbacks and I feel sick and I can’t deal with it. Every single time I go to sleep I relive everything that happened. I don’t want to spend any more time trying to get over this. I want it to go away. I want to just move on with my life and not look back at it anymore but I can’t seem to get rid of it. It won’t go away, Sidney.” I started, now crying and seeing the look in his eyes melting back to the understanding tone they usually were with me, “I just want it all to go away.”
“I know you want it to go away. I wish it had never happened but it did. He’s going to prison for a long time babe. We’re here for you,” he started, gesturing around to the quietly snoring room full of family. “We all love you so much. We’re here to help you if you need us. Just tell us what we can do. Tell me what I can do.”
“When I go to sleep,” I whispered, wiping my eyes as I looked around and out the window that lead to the street outside, “And you’re there I feel safe. I feel like I’ll never get hurt again. But sometimes I wake up and you’re no where to be found. I can hear him in my head.”
“Nothing he said was true.” Sidney stated firmly, with a tone that almost completely convinced me right there. I took a shaky breath and went on.
“That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.” I retorted almost as quickly as he had, “I can hear him telling me that I’m a whore and that no one will ever love me. I can hear him laughing and telling me that no one will want to touch me afterward. I can hear him telling me that you wouldn’t love me because of him. He’d make sure.”
“Bernie, baby, you are not a whore. Don’t believe anything he said. I love you more than you’ll ever realize no matter what happens or happened to you. All he did was bring me closer to you. I love you more and more every single day of my life and it doesn’t matter if you’ve got a scar or if he violated you. I just want to be with you because you’re an amazing woman.” Sidney said, staring into my eyes as his hands found mine, “And no matter what happens to you I will always be attracted to you.”
I stopped for a moment in thought before continuing on in an almost dead silent whisper, “I can hear him telling me that he wanted his kid to grow up inside me so that every time I looked at it I would think about how I’d hurt his brother.”
“But you’re not pregnant with his kid. You don’t have to be pregnant if you don’t want to be ever, honey. His kid’s not growing up inside you. Maybe in the future there will be a kid there but not right now. He doesn’t matter at all to what happens with that.” Sid tried to say, stopping when my tears started falling faster. I cracked finally and the wall I’d been holding back the information behind came down in a mass of rubble that lead me to my ultimate decision.
“Sidney, I might not be able to have kids.” I whispered, more hurt as I listened to my voice reverberate in my head than I had been as I’d repeated it in my mind, “There was a lot of damage. They told me I might not be able to have kids ever. He took away my hope.”
“It doesn’t matter if you can’t have kids. It’s terrible because I know how much you wanted them but at least your alive. Even if you can’t have children you’re still here to see another day.” his voice seemed sincere and as I searched his eyes I found them truthful. I felt almost a relief.
“I thought….. I thought you’d be angry with me…. Maybe leave me.” I said, feeling almost silly after I did so.
“I wouldn’t leave you because of that!” Sid almost yelled, taking a calming breath before he kissed my forehead, “I love you with all my heart. Sure, I wanted kids but giving up having children to be with someone who makes me this happy is something I’m willing to do.”
And with that I fell mostly silent, thoughtful about everything he’d just said. He smiled and kissed my head, leaning back in his chair and staring out the window but holding my hand the whole way through my thought. Finally I spoke, softly and surely.
“Sidney.” I whispered, “I love you.” It was all I could manage in the midst of all the thoughts swirling around in my head.
“I love you too, Bernie.” he answered, smiling but not meeting my eyes as he continued to star into the abyss that was outside the window. It was just beginning to be light outside. I knew it was somewhere around seven. A nurse came in and checked me out, taking out the iv they’d given me and handing me a prescription. She walked out without many more words to prevent waking everyone else up and I prepared to go home for the day and rest. Sidney wouldn’t have it any other way. He insisted that I go home and rest for my court date tomorrow so I didn’t pass out in the middle of the trail. I said it might make it more dramatic. He laughed but made me go home anyways.
Around eight everyone woke up, excited to see me.
“BERNIE!” Maddie squealed, first one up. She’d woken everyone else in the process of running towards me but it was alright. I was excited to see her up and about. Through everything I’d been through she’d been there. No matter how many times she had to run away to the bathroom to throw up because of her chemo or how many times she dizzy because of everything else she was going through she’d been there in my room with me the whole time. Just like Sidney.
“Hi Mads.” I said, hugging her. She’d gotten lighter and more pale but otherwise she looked a lot like her normal self. She was getting better, they’d said. I didn’t believe them though with all my being I’d wanted to.
“Oh My God! Bernie!” Lauren and Steph said in almost unison as they ran over to give me a hug. I smiled and hugged them, laughing as Austin sat in his chair next to Alexa and just cried a little.
“You need to stop scaring us!” Nat said as she hugged me, kissing my head. “We’ve got enough to worry about without not knowing whether or not you’re going to pass out on us.”
“And you just need to stop doing anything to worry me. I don’t know how much more of this I can take before I end up in the Asylum.” Jordan joked, kissing my cheeks and hugging me close to his still warm chest. I laughed a little and hugged him back weakly, still not having nearly as much energy as I knew I’d need for tomorrow. Maybe Sid was right. I needed a day at home.
I made it away from the hospital in a few hours and back home in no time flat. Mischa was there, as always, to greet me at the door, and Jordan followed us in to sit down the things I’d had in Sid’s car. He left us alone, though, after a few minutes and another promise to be there tomorrow. I got more texts from everyone saying they would be there at my trail and more than a few emails from Pensblog readers who promised to be praying for me. The directors of Pensblog had become close friends and I’d often given them information on the inside things happening in the league.
Eventually, in a half asleep stupor, Sidney managed to get me away from my work and my friends long enough to go to sleep. He’d had to carry me to bed but he didn’t mind it.
“Baby you have to get some rest!” he whispered in my ear, kissing my cheek softly as he laid me down in bed, “I know you want to run yourself into the ground but for my sake get some sleep.” And his voice faded away from my conscious mind.
I woke up a few hours later, feeling better than I had in days. I woke up a little more to find that I was cuddled up into Sidney’s chest and he was out cold, apparently just as wiped out as I had been. I smiled and kissed his lips lightly, not trying to wake him up but just to see if he noticed it at all. A smile sleepy smile crossed his face but his eyes remained closed and he pulled me in closer. I felt a pull in my side but moved to free the skin so it didn’t pull, not ready to move and get up yet. Being with Sidney was more a comfort than anything else in the world. I faded in and out of sleep for another three hours until I woke up to find Sidney’s eyes watching me softly. Observantly.
“Hey.” I whispered under my breath, staring up into his eyes.
“Hello beautiful.” he answered back, smiling at me before he kissed my lips. I smiled and chose not to fight with him about it today, letting him call me whatever he wanted to. I stayed cuddled in his chest for a long time, I wasn’t sure just how long, before he moved and looked down into my eyes. “Still tired?”
“Not really,” I started, “My side hurts a little but I’m not tired.”
“What’re you thinking, then?” he asked, seeming a bit confused and curious.
“I just feel……………….. Safe.” I answered thoughtfully, not bothering to look up and see the smile that was surely crossing his face. I knew little things like that made him feel the same butterflies I always felt when I was with him.
“Well I feel amazing after that nap,” he started, a certain predictable sweetness in his voice, “especially after waking up with such a beautiful girl in my arms.”
“You’re so full of it, Sidney.” I whispered under my breath. I knew he’d heard but he stayed quiet, not willing to raise a fight against me. We sat in silence for a minute before I heard Sid’s phone vibrating off the table. It fell onto the floor and I heard Mischa running for cover as it landed next to her head.
“Ughhhh. What do they want with me on the one day I’ve got with my girl?” he whined, rolling away from me reluctantly and making me shiver as the heat from his arms left me. Ever since I’d gotten that blood transfusion I’d been abnormally cold all the time. I heard Sidney clicking into his texts and stared over at Mischa, who had jumped up onto my side table and was staring with sincere interest over at me. I smiled and her tail began to swish back and forth. I could hear her purring even from where I sat.
“Who is it, Siddy?” I asked, half paying attention to what Mischa was doing. He rolled back over to me lightly and slid his arms around me again, pulling me back to where I’d been in his chest. My heart raced a little.
“My parents telling me where they’d be staying when they come in later tonight with Taylor. They said they‘d been in in like an hour, around 8:30.” he answered easily in a half whisper as he kissed my neck. I reveled in the softness of his touch and shivered in the emotions I was having. I hadn’t felt like this since I’d been with him before Christmas. I was feeling…. lustful. For a moment I felt odd, feeling a little silly for the emotions twisting up inside me. I felt almost as though I shouldn’t feel that way. Everything I was thinking stopped the instant Sidney began talking.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” he asked, “I feel like your thinking something.”
I was shocked and tried my hardest to cover the tracks that were already laid deep in the snow. “Nothing, nothing at all really. Just kinda thinking of how nice it’ll be to see your family again. I get to missing them as much as my own family now.” I shot back quickly. Too quickly. Sidney pulled me around and I found myself face to face with those soul searching milk chocolate eyes. I was done. I melted.
“No you’re not. Don’t lie. You’re thinking about something else. Whatever it is you can tell me.” he started, watching me closely, as if he felt nervous about what exactly it was I would say. I considered telling him what was shifting inside me but gave up, unable to correctly articulate myself. Instead, I took a deep breath, preparing myself for what I was going to do. I leaned forward an inch and watched his eyes grow small with mixed emotions. Not a word was said as I sat there for a moment before pressing my lips to his. This kiss was different than any of the ones we’d shared after the hospital. It was full of all the emotions we’d been missing in the last few weeks. All of the passion we’d cooled. It was surely on fire again now.
We stopped a few moments later and Sidney smiled lightly, kissing me again. “Babe…” he started unsurely, unable to stop kissing me now, “I don’t know about this….” he whispered before another kiss, “are you sure you’re ready…?”
I slid my arms around his neck as he managed to pin me under him. My fingers intertwined with his hair as he kept kissing me. I barely had time to breath between, let alone speak. Finally, a small break. I was half breathless. “I’m ready,” I started as he bit my sweet spot, making me squirm, “Being with you will be….. a healing process.” I finished, losing my breath mid sentence as he kissed up my neck. A smile was seeping out of his face but he was flat and emotionless to the best of his ability facially. I could see from his eyes that he really had wanted this, though.
“I don’t want to rush you.” he whispered, “You’re so important to me. I just want to make sure that you really want this before anything happens. I don’t want to rush you into something right now, especially not after….” he finished obviously sounding more nervous and worried. I hushed him with a small smile.
“Sidney you’re not pushing me to do anything I don’t want to do.” I replied softly, earning a toothy grin from him.
“I didn’t think you’d ever want to again….” he admitted, passion quenched for a minute, “And…. it didn’t matter. I just didn’t care. I was willing to never do anything again. I was willing to go on without any more hopeless romps around my room. Crazy what love does to a man.” he said, smiling at me. I giggled.
“Well you’re so hot.” I said, causing him to laugh heartily, “and you’re not forcing me. The best thing you did for me was wait until I was ready. And I am.”
“Well then,” he said, suddenly feeling feisty and feral, “if I’m hot then you are the most sexy woman I’ve ever seen.”
“That’s just the four weeks of no sex talking.” I told him as he kissed my neck, laughing a little under his breath.
“Think whatever you want.” he told me firmly, kissing my lips for a long moment that seemed to sooth his worries. “God I love you.”
The next morning around 6:30, I woke up in Sid’s arms again, severely worn out from the romp we’d had. I suddenly didn’t feel so silly for feeling lustful. I felt normal. Sidney had been feeling the same way. That much was evident to anyone that wasn’t blind. I laid there for a moment, listening to his semi-silent snores and the cat’s wheeze before I closed my eyes again, drifting in and out of sleep until around 7 when Sidney’s alarm went off. He jumped but never let go of me completely, reaching over with one hand and turning it off.
The morning was mostly silent. We drank some coffee, caught Sportscenter and Savran, on which my interview was featured, and had breakfast. I cuddled into him, sliding on his hoodie as I felt my feet get cold. And finally around 8 he managed to come up with something to say. I’d much expected a comment about last night or something to that effect but he came across as business-y and very unpleasant. I didn’t like it too much.
“So, how do you feel today, baby?” he asked, pulling me closer to him and nuzzling his face in the crook of my neck. I listened to him breathing for a minute before answering.
“I feel tired from yesterday,” I started, “but I think because everyone will be there I’ll be alright today. You’ll be there with me won’t you, Sid?” I asked, lacing my fingers with his. He kissed my neck gently and pulled me in tightly to his body.
“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” his voice was firm and sure, “Dany gave the whole team a day off so that we could be there for you. My family’s coming in with Jack. Marc, Geno and Jordan’s parents are coming in. The Staal brothers will be there. Ovie and Nik backstrom. Ilya Kovalchuk. Your family. The staff. Dany Potash. Bob Errey. Staggy. And besides that I’d never leave you alone to face that madman alone.”
I was thoughtfully quiet for a moment, considering all the people he’d just named. Everyone that I sincerely cared for, everyone that mattered to me, they’d all be there. A sudden surge of hope and love. And then it was smashed as I realized, though I’d be with many people, I’d still be alone on that stand. I was quiet for another moment still until realizing that the judge would take my statement before the trial. I wouldn’t have to tell my story, just stand for cross. I could do that.
Sidney suddenly began talking out of the nothingness that was my mind crossing with thought. “Alright?”
“Yeah, yeah. Sounds alright.” I whispered, trying to clear my head. “Come on. I have to be there at nine thirty.”
And with that we dressed, Sid in my favorite suit and myself with some dress pants and a loose blouse on account of my stitches, which were nonexistent now but the place where they‘d been was very sore. It had already been okayed by the judge because of a medical issue. Soon we were ready and we hopped into Sid’s Range Rover and drove towards the courthouse. I saw everyone elses’ cars already there and Jordan waiting outside with Mario, Max, Geno and Troy. Sid parked his car and we sat together for a moment, holding hands with our fingers gently intertwined.
“Come on Sidney. I’m ready.” I whispered, glancing over to see him staring out the window and lost in thought.
“I don’t think I am.” he answered, turning and revealing his slightly misty eyes, “I don’t know if I can face this guy without trying to kill him. He hurt you in ways I’d never even conceived as possible. I want him to die.”
I put my hand on his face and wiped away one tear that had fallen down, staring into his eyes for a minute. “A life in prison with people who’ve done much more terrible things is worse than any death you might be able to conceive now. He’ll rot in hell for what he did to me but let him think long and hard for the rest of his life of what he’s done. He’s only twenty five. That’s seventy five years of dealing with people who are just as insane as he is, just as sadistic.”
Sidney laughed and smiled a little, kissing my lips gently. “You always know the right thing to say, babe. I love it.” he started, watching me, “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I answered as we got out and walked towards the courthouse, meeting up with everyone inside as we took our places at the place where we’d be facing Jeremy soon. I took a deep breath as we rose for the judge.
